Rental Roulette

OK. I've been building my courage back up since last spring and I'm ready to jump back in and start looking at rentals again.

I desperately need to get out of Rathole and away from its psychopathic inhabitants.

Living here is making me crazy.

It's difficult to find a place that fits my requirements:

Small: studio or one bedroom, two bedrooms if I must.

No carpeting.

No laminate or linoleum flooring, hardwood  or tile preferred.

No propane.

Electrical appliances: stove, oven, heaters, refrigerator, washer and dryer.

No close neighbors.

No dog neighbors.

No noise.

No pets allowed.

No smoking allowed.

Not too expensive rent.

Not too expensive utilities.

Internet available.

No mold.

Good foundation.

No particle board.

No stink.

Clean and well-maintained.

Organic groceries nearby.

Nice landlords, preferably not living on the property. I like privacy.


Is my wish list even attainable? I can compromise on some of it.

I found a cabin to rent! It is a one bedroom with a huge porch facing the water. WATERFRONT property! Clams and oysters twenty feet from my backdoor! Most of the neighbors are weekenders so they are rarely around. The closest neighbor is about 100 feet away, a house owned and rented by the same landlord who doesn't allow pets. New appliances. Electric heat. Hardwood floors. Washer and dryer in the cabin. Lots of windows. Lots of trees. Lots of privacy. Low rent. Internet.

Perfect.

I went for a visit with my handy safety checklist clutched tightly in my sweaty palms. So quiet. The wind through the trees sounded beautiful. Waves lapping on the shore. This is paradise. The neighborhood was upper middle class in the woods with houses far apart. There is a creek running down to the water between my cabin and the house next door. I can barely see the neighbor's house through the trees. The door wasn't locked so I went in. Perfect. There was a very faint "new" smell. Was it the paint, floor, or appliances? Hmmm... I walked over to the other rental, a huge house right on the water, and knocked. No barking dogs! So rare! I asked the man what he knew about the rental and the neighborhood. He seemed really nice and had nothing but good things to say. He also likes quiet. Too perfect.


I call the landlord and talk to her husband. They live out of state. How perfect! He gives me more perfect information about the perfect neighbors, the perfect town, the perfect area, and then he says, "The reason we don't allow animals is because there is a rabbit on the property that runs free."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY? RABBIT? DID YOU SAY RABBIT?"  It's a sign!!! Peter has sent me a sign that this is my new, perfect home! I'm sure the landlord's husband thought I was crazy. I start gushing, "I LOVE BUNNIES!" After several more minutes of more perfect information, I hung up determined to live in that perfect little cabin on the water come hell or high water...

Hell? Did I say Hell? Hell is a reminder of how bad it can be. What am I missing? I was determined not to make the same mistake as last time, but I am so desperate for something to work that all rational thinking disappears and I stop seeing the reality. What am I missing? Time to turn on my brain. Flip the switch. Maybe if I actually look at my checklist I'll come back down to earth.

After I hung up with the landlord's husband I fought the urge to jump in my car for home so I can fill out the application and GIVE them my deposit. I am far too free with giving deposits! It's like I'm convinced if I give the deposit, then all will work out.  I've learned with experience, it doesn't work that way. I hesitated. I sat in my van pondering. I decide to stall. Slow down.

I called my friend who lives nearby. I needed some counseling and a reason to sit there and gain some insight. I needed a reality check. I can always count on her for a reality check. I know I'm talking a mile a minute and I know I'm blind to anything I'm missing. As I'm babbling about how perfect it all is, I go back into the house to give her the "phone" tour. "It's perfect," I exclaim over and over as I describe the details.

I start noticing things...why are the floors buckling in places? I keep telling her, "There are bubbles on the floors."  The ad said the floors were hardwood, but they don't look like hardwood. They look plastic. Cheap, glossy plastic. And the longer I'm in the space, the stronger the smell is getting. I'm not sure if it's paint I'm smelling, but I don't think so. I know paint. This smells like my neighbor's new laminate flooring. As I talk to my friend and she walks me through a good reality check, I wait and stand in the space breathing and thinking, Oh, I can do this! It's just a little smell. As soon as I turn the heat on and warm the place up it'll go away. My friend tells me to turn the heat on. After 15 minutes I start clearing my throat. Repeatedly. I know this isn't a good sign, No, no, it'll be fine. I really want to live in this perfect place! It's perfect! No, this isn't happening.  After 25 minutes, my head starts spinning. For a moment I thought I would fall over from the dizziness. The floors can't be hardwood. They have to be laminate. This is how I react to laminate. The spinning head is my body screaming, WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! but I'm so determined to make it work I do everything possible to ignore it. Finally I can't anymore. Disappointed, but with still a thread of hope, I head back home and email the landlady to ask about the floors. She confirms the floors are hardwood, bamboo.

BAMBOO 

 

 

BAMBOO??? Bamboo is supposed to be one of the best flooring options available. It's supposed to be non-toxic, natural, and healthy. The landlady confirms, "Yes, bamboo is supposed to be the "greenist" flooring available." I don't get it.

 

Wrong. I got online and searched bamboo flooring smell and up pops...

 

 

FORMALDEHYDE

 

Sorry to say, bamboo flooring is made with formaldehyde. There are lots of people online questioning the strong, acidic smell and wondering why their new expensive floors are making them incredibly sick. Just to open the packing box makes their eyes water. Some say after ten months the stink is still there and they are unable to live in their newly built or remodeled homes. And these people aren't even chemically sensitive! Some articles claim the "premium bamboo" (not so cheap stuff) is less toxic because it uses less formaldehyde (3% rather than 20%), but the fact remains someone thought it best to contaminate a perfectly non-toxic piece of expensive wood by adding chemicals to it.

 

I AM SO DISAPPOINTED.

 

You can't imagine how disappointed I am. Depressed. I want to cry. At least I didn't mindlessly and idealistically fill out an application and hand over a deposit before I came to my senses, or rather, before my head started spinning so hard my senses finally flew out.

 

 

Thank you, URFA, for helping me be rational, kicking and screaming all the way.

 

My desperation makes me dangerously brainless and irrational. I am so not good at this rental search.

 

It's so disappointing....Bamboo. Who would have thought?