Wednesday, May 30, 2018

I'm a Groupie

In my quest for connection, I have started joining groups in hopes of meeting new people and getting involved with various communities of like-minded individuals. Besides chemical exposures, another risk is I'd be exposed to is stupidity which could raise my irritability to new heights.

My first foray was the local resistance group, a politically-motivated community who's goals are to change the world. A friend of mine suggested this group because they are so liberal, and liberals are often more aware of the world in which they live so they might be fragrance-free.  About thirty people convened. Many I had met in various situations around the area. Most seemed really nice. Some were intolerable.

My first encounter was a woman demanding my phone number. When I told her I didn't have one she exclaimed loudly and rudely, "Well then how do you expect anyone to be able to contact you in an emergency?" Whoa. She sounded exasperated at my non-compliance. An emergency? A little demanding for not knowing me at all. I volunteered my email and later discovered without my permission she added it to an email list. My email started getting flooded with political discussions. I was NOT happy.

In another conversation a social-butterflying name-dropping busy-body asked why I was there and I said I'm hoping to meet like-minded people and get involved. She asked where I lived. She started naming off names in hopes we had mutual friends. I didn't have the heart to tell her I am a reclusive people-hater who has no friends, but after the fifth name, she became indignant looking at me like I was a psychopath. Maybe she's right, but I still hadn't become irritable so I think her judgment was a little premature.

The sitting arrangement was around tables and as I sat facing the speakers, those on the opposite sides of the tables were facing me. I watched people roll their eyes during talks. It was very rude. Some talked incessantly to their friends across the table rather than graciously and respectfully listen. It was all I could do not to scream. One of the meeting facilitators is a retired teacher and he eventually got in front of everyone and told them to shut the fuck up while others are speaking. Ex-teachers hate talkers.

The final straw for me was the anti-gun protest school walkout. There were some rumors students in our area were thinking about walking out, but no one knew for sure. I suggested we need to be at the schools to support any student who walks out. Several people said, no, instead we should wear orange that day for support and if you want to walkout, then walk off your own job. Well, that's it for me. I realized this wasn't a resistance group but a senior citizen social.

The next group I joined was the new art association. The organizers spent the whole meeting demanding membership payment while emphasizing all the money they were spending that they didn't have. Hmmm...I gently tried to suggest NOT spending money and finding alternative ways to finance activities or finding freebies. They weren't having it. In between their money demands the women in charge kept excusing their lack of organization on how "absent-minded" "scatter-brained" "ditzy" and "confused" they were. It just seemed like a bad investment. Several of the women stunk to high heaven. Unfortunately, I came to the conclusion they were not my people.


I took a break from in-person group attempts and in my quest for health care information I started joining online support groups. I haven't had much luck in the past with support groups. My irritability gets the best of me and I have to un-join to survive the anger. I just don't do well with rude people. Unfortunately, these are groups centered around health conditions that cause irritability so other people aren't always in control. I have survived a month now without any online altercations. That's a record for me.

One new member the other day sent a post demanding to know if the group is "pushy" claiming other groups she has joined she has encountered pushy people. Well, OK. After a month I have not at all encountered pushy people on any of the groups. In fact quite the opposite. Most members are very helpful and supportive with loads of experiential information. On occasion someone will complain someone else is judging her lifestyle or diet ("her" is the operative word here), but for the most part everyone is well behaved. However, it's only been a month....

I'm still a member.

UPDATE: A week later I un-joined all the groups. No need to temp fate.






Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Sapient House

Rebecca E. Webber is starting a fragrance-free community in Seattle for MCSers called Sapient House. You can read about it on her website HERE and apply to become a resident. We need more housing options such as this. I'm not sure how well it'll work in the city as I think finding areas with less pollution might be more promising, but it's definitely a start! Kudos to Rebecca!


Friday, May 25, 2018

Have It All


This song is so sweet.




May you have auspiciousness and causes of success
May you have the confidence to always do your best
May you take no effort in your being generous
Sharing what you can, nothing more nothing less
May you know the meaning of the word happiness
May you always lead from the beating in your chest
May you be treated like an esteemed guest
May you get to rest, may you catch your breath
And may the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows
And may the road less paved be the road that you follow
Well here's to the hearts that you're gonna break
Here's to the lives that you're gonna change
Here's to the infinite possible ways to love you
I want you to have it
Here's to the good times we're gonna have
You don’t need money, you got a free pass
Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you
I want you to have it all
Oh! I want you to have it all
I want you to have it
I want you to have it all
May you be as fascinating as a slap bracelet
May you keep the chaos and the clutter off your desk
May you have unquestionable health and less stress
Having no possessions though immeasurable wealth
May you get a gold star on your next test
May your educated guesses always be correct
And may you win prizes shining like diamonds
May you really own it each moment to the next
And may the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows
And may the road less paved be the road that you follow
Well here's to the hearts that you're gonna break
Here's to the lives that you're gonna change
Here's to the infinite possible ways to love you
I want you to have it
Here's to the good times we're gonna have
You don’t need money, you got a free pass
Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you
I want you to have it all
Oh, I want you to have it all
I want you to have it
I want you to have it all
Oh, I want you to have it all
All you can imagine
All, no matter what your path is
If you believe it then anything can happen
Go, go, go raise your glasses
Go, go, go you can have it all
I toast you
Here's to the hearts that you're gonna break
Here's to the lives that you're gonna change
Here's to the infinite possible ways to love you
I want you to have it
Here's to the good times we're gonna have
You don’t need money, you got a free pass
Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you
I want you to have it all
Oh, I want you to have it all
I want you to have it
I want you to have it all
Here's to the good times we're gonna have
Here's to you always making me laugh
Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you
I want you to have it all
Songwriters: Becky Gebhardt / Mai Bloomfield / Mona Tavakoli / Chaska Potter / Jacob Kasher / David Hodges / Jason Mraz

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

I'm a SIBO Killing Machine!

My latest diet sucks. My colon still isn't working and my new doctor thinks it's SIBO. I'm resistant. Don't get me wrong, I actually think I like this new doctor. First, she speaks my language and uses words like "leaky gut", "genetic mutations", "organic foods" and "coconut oil". Second, she sees patients on Saturday! Third, she's a real doctor who's gone holistic. And fourth, she actually emailed me out of the blue to find out how my colonoscopy went. That's above and beyond what anyone expects of a doctor these days. She seems very knowledgeable, but I'm not convinced about the SIBO idea.

SIBO stands for Small Intestine Bacteria Overgrowth which means bad bugs are in my small intestine supposedly causing all kinds of havoc. Symptoms are: bloating, gas, diarrhea, irritable bowel syndrome, inflammatory bowel disease, food intolerances, chronic diseases, vitamin B-12 deficiency, heartburn, leaky gut, nausea, fat malabsorption, abdominal pain and cramping, and, wait for it...constipation although not as common as diarrhea.

So...what I don't have are the classic symptoms of bloating, gas and diarrhea. I also don't have irritable bowel syndrome, inflammatory bowel disease, heartburn, nutrient malabsorption, or nausea. My vitamin B-12 levels are excellent and I've been on the leaky gut diet several times in the last few years with the most recent in December. I don't have the food intolerances the websites list (gluten, casein, lactose, and fructose), but my latest food allergy test showed some sensitivities to...vegetables. My new doctor didn't seem to care about this because she said those tests are just a reflection of the moment and next week the list would be different. I agree. I think the list is a reflection of the current state of my colon. It doesn't like fiber.

What I do have is what appears to be a non-working colon rather than typical constipation. A year ago I had fat malabsorption, I have had some intermittent abdominal pain, and I do have a chronic disease known for constipation - Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. SIBO bugs are known to cause constipation through the methane they produce. The other bugs commonly associated with SIBO are hydrogen-dominant and those are the bugs that create the diarrhea.

My cynicism is also grounded in the fact five years ago it was as if everyone I knew was all of a sudden diagnosed with SIBO. I found this unrealistic. Is this the latest holistic fad? Now, years later, none of them are "cured". They suffered through all the expensive treatment options and many now have a standing prescription for antibiotics every six months with repeat testing. So if there is no working treatment, what is the point of all this medical expense?

Instead of jumping into spending $180 for the test, I asked my doctor for the SIBO diet and she gave me a copy of Dr. Allison Siebecker's protocol which you can view HERE. Everything I've read states the diet should help make the patient feel better within days. Of course, most are suffering from bloating which I am not. My thought process is if SIBO is what I have and the diet the treatment, I should have some improvement. Doesn't that make sense? Even a tiny indication I'm on the right track would give me hope.

This diet restricts sugars and starches since that is what the SIBO bugs eat. If you can starve them out, they will die and go away. OK! I can live off meat for two weeks! I am allowed a few choice fruits, vegetables, some oils, some nuts. Just to be safe I'll stop eating all my food allergens as well. Who needs vegetables! And on top of that continue with the Paleo Diet with a Hashimoto's Twist. This doesn't leave me with many food options, but after five months of a non-working colon, I really don't care. I just want a sign that SIBO is at fault for all my misery.

The diet was horrid. My intestines screamed in burning discomfort, my stomach cramped, and I started crashing with bouts of exhaustion and fatigue. My thyroid hates the diet. And on top of that, the constipation got worse. No laxatives of any kind would work. At first I thought this was what everyone calls "die-off" or the bugs starving and dying which releases their toxins as they exit your system, but I didn't have the typical die-off symptoms and stayed on the diet for two weeks. I just felt worse and then more worse. And then my hair started falling. Call me vain, but that was the last straw. At two and a half weeks, I ate some rice and everything felt wonderful.

So now what? I'm paralyzed with indecision. Do I listen to my instincts and refuse the test or do I cave, pay for the test, and then get really irate when it comes back negative as I expect? Even if it came back positive, how can I possible treat SIBO? Antibiotics or herbs might cause me far too much misery. Then what? Ponder...ponder.

So I ordered the test. My doctor said two weeks on the diet wouldn't do anything. I'm still not convinced, but I got tired of doing nothing paralyzed with indecision. At least this moves me forward. The test has a preparation plan and diet. I have to be OFF laxatives for four days!? HOW? My colon stops working without laxatives!

Does that deter me? Nope. On to a liquid diet of fruit and vegetable juices and meat broths. I confirmed this plan with the lab as I was afraid too restrictive a diet might produce a false negative. They said as long as one adheres to the 24 hour preparation diet, no problem.

The first, second, and third days of the liquid diet my colon screamed in burning pain and cramps.  Then it gurgled for hours alternating with moments of feeling really good if it wasn't for the excruciating hunger, then the hunger would go away. The sweet fruit juices helped alleviate weakness, but then the pain and cramps would return and the cycle would continue. This feels more like an infection and I was surprised to get the same pain with an empty gut as I did with a fully packed intestinal tract.

The fourth day, however, was a diet of only chicken broth. I thought the feelings of hunger would kill me. Weakness and brain fog took over and by 1pm I was done thinking for the day. By four o'clock I was sick of chicken broth and this is good because one needs to start fasting twelve hours before the start of the test. I tend to get up early and knowing I'd be famished by the next morning, I planned this in advance.

I drug myself out of my weakened state out of bed at 3am, one hour before the test. I could hardly function. Sitting in a chair took a great amount of effort. My joints burned and I was sweating profusely. I began the test. The lactulose solution was fine. It tasted like weak orange-flavored Kool-aid. I was hoping it would give me some energy to survive the next three hours. It ever so slightly took away the some of the weakness without bad side effects. The test involves breathing into a little funnel with a test tube inserted every twenty minutes ten times. I turned up the online jazz station and began. Three hours later done...over. You can get instruction details and watch informative videos for this test from www.sibocenter.com

Waiting, waiting, waiting for the results....still waiting. Waiting longer...

Waiting some more.

NEGATIVE. Duh. What a waste of money! But I am absolutely relieved and overjoyed the results are negative. Maybe the new doctor will start taking me seriously now?

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

April Movie Reviews


*****  Exceptional
****    Great
***      OK
**        So So
*          Blah

Ballet 422 is about the production of the 422nd ballet of the New York City Ballet choreographed by one of the dancers who is only 25 years old. I don't know how they remember all the steps and the tiny details that go into a dance let alone how complex it must be to choreograph one. Then to add the music, lighting, costumes. They even showed how they dyed the fabric and designed the costumes which I found fascinating. one never sees that kind of thing in these dance documentaries. I kept thinking about all the energy those dancers need to have to do what they do. Amazing. ***

Being Charlie is about a kid who's a drug addict. He's in and out of rehab, and doesn't care much about anything until he falls in love with another addict who proves to be his undoing. It was an interesting story about drug addiction.  A little depressing. Good performances. The lead kid, Nick Robinson, was good. **

Ben & Ara is about two PhD philosophy students finishing their dissertations who embark on a relationship. She is a Muslim from Cameroon and he is a white atheist who grew up with lesbian mothers after his abusive father left. She's very traditional and religious, and he drinks, goes to parties, is a procrastinator, and believes in open relationships because he doesn't believe in love. It's a messy, yet interesting story.  The performances were good but the script was a little stiff. ***

Call Me By Your Name is about first love and this incredibly sensuous dance that takes place between a virginal, sexually frustrated American-Italian teenage boy and a young (gorgeous) male American scholar. The scholar is yet another summer visitor staying at the family summer home in Italy studying with the boy's father who is a college professor in archeology digging up sexy Greek statues of young, naked bronze men. The whole movie was a sexual tease. Even the sex scenes weren't shown - the camera would pan off to a view of the trees or show only half of their bodies. So odd. It was like coitus interruptus ...It just felt unfinished in a very frustrating, unfulfilling kind of way although I think that was the point. But I don't know how it was nominated for Best Picture at the Academy Awards. Some of the photography was poorly done and it had the style of long-drawn out, time-wasting panning one normally sees in a foreign film, the kind I hate. It gets an A for Italian countryside, sexuality and the performances were great. ***

The Circle was a sci-fi type movie about a young woman (Emma Watson) who gets a job at "The Circle" a high tech company that promotes transparency and community. Tom Hanks is the CEO. The plot was fairly predictable, but took way too long getting to the point which was cessation of privacy as technology takes over our lives. In this company's world, privacy is forbidden. Unfortunately, I found it boring.  I've never known Watson to be more than boring in her post-Harry Potter performances. It's as if she doesn't quite understand the character. Once the "crisis" presented itself, it was so uninteresting I didn't see the point in continuing. *

The Diary of a Whimpy Kid is about surviving seventh grade and figuring out where you fit in. Great kids' movie. Well done. Excellent writing. Loved the art. ***

The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby  When I first saw this title I thought it would be some clever story on the Beatles' song. Not sure the point of the name other than maybe it's trying to force a connection between the plot of the movie and the song. It's about a happy couple until the next scene then she rides her bike over a bridge, stops in the middle, and jumps off. She lives, but leaves her husband and he's distraught not sure what to do or why she's behaving the way she is. It goes on for too long leaving the viewers in the dark before finally revealing the purpose of her melancholy. ***

Don't Breathe  I avoided ordering this movie from the library when I saw previews because it just looked too scary. It sounded like a horror movie. It was sitting on the shelf and with nothing else to watch, I checked it out. It's not horror, it's psychological thriller. It's about three burglars, one sleazy guy, one misguided, desperate, abused girl trying to get enough money to escape her life, and the cute kid (Dylan Minnette from Thirteen Reasons Why - so adorable and sweet) whose father is a security officer with house keys for all his clients. Sleazy guy hears about this man who lives in a trashy, deserted Detroit neighborhood who won a legal settlement when his daughter was killed in a car accident caused by a rich girl with a very rich family. They assume since he's reclusive and blind, he has his money hidden in his big old house.  The guy has a humongous Rottweiler, too. I would have declined...too much dog for me but more importantly the guy is an Army veteran so you know that's risky. Cute kid says it sounds too risky, but he's in love with the girl and caves in to her dreams of escape. It all goes wrong and hell breaks loose. It was incredibly tense and emotionally exhausting, but exceptional. I love the sensuousness of the movie focusing on sight, sound, and smell, but I am surprised the blind guy couldn't smell them before he could hear them. ****

Elle was a bizarre French movie about a video game producer who is violently raped in the first scene by a masked man dressed all in black. She takes it in stride, not wanting the police involved due to her childhood traumatic experience of being the daughter of a mass murderer who has been in prison for the last 39 (?) years. She keeps getting text messages from the rapist, and he breaks into her house and masturbates on her bed...and then she starts getting game videos of the protagonist getting raped so she's on a quest to identify the rapist thinking he's one of her employees. Still all this doesn't faze her which I thought odd.  I would have been walking around well armed and paranoid. At one point we find out she left her husband because he hit her. Then the rapist breaks into her house again, assaults her, but she fights back, stabbing his hand with some scissors and ripping off his mask. I shouldn't tell you who the rapist is...don't want to spoil it. I was kind of confused - why leave her husband for one hit and then agree to be beat up by a rapist? Hmmm... The story was very complex with all kinds of subplots, but it was an interesting movie with lots of interesting turns and characters. Excellent performances. Just strange.***

The Family Fang is about performance artists who used their kids (Jason Bateman and Nicole Kidman) as part of their act damaging them psychologically in the process. When the parents' car is found with blood all over it, their daughter is convinced it's just another performance and begins her own investigation to expose the ruse. ***

The Glass Castle is the story of Jeannette Walls, New York journalist, who grew up with an erratic, tormented, alcoholic but imaginative father who moved his family from homeless dump to hillbilly hovel, drinking away the family money while constantly promising to build them a house made out of glass. The kids took care of each other while planning their escape. Good story. Woody Harrelson was outstanding. ***

Into the Wild is the adventure of an entitled college graduate who is haunted by his family dysfunction. Although destined for Harvard law school, he takes off after graduation in search of truth, hitchhiking across the United States with goal of reaching Alaska and living off the land. He meets a variety of good people along the way. Once in Alaska he finds an abandoned bus and lives there for nine weeks. Uplifting and life affirming until the end. Hated the ending...but it's a true story so there's not much to be done with a biographical story. All-star cast and great performances. "Happiness is only real when shared." Very true, but it only depresses me. I thought about this movie for days. ****

Iris is a documentary about Iris Apfel, a 90 year old woman (now 96) who has been a New York interior designer, fabric designer, and stylist for the last 75 years.  She has a personal collection of couture jewelry and clothing that fills multiple rooms in her multiple apartments which are piled high with toys, memorabilia and curiosities as well as a warehouse full of junk she's collected from all over the world. She's a collector pack rat. She now loans these items out for museum exhibitions or department store displays. What a life and personality! Amazing. She's my new post-menopausal idol and inspiration. ****

Just Let Go is the true story of Chris Williams (played by Henry Ian Cusick) who lost two of his four children, his wife and unborn child in a car crash caused by a drunk-driving teenager. It's about the power of forgiveness. It had less God-talk than I thought it would. It was interesting how everyone around him constantly volunteered their opinions on how he should act and how he should think. I like the twist near the end which lent a little more credibility to the story. ****

Land of Mine This movie was outstanding, but very nerve wracking and tense. Based on real life history, it takes place in Denmark at the end of WWII after five years of Nazi occupation. The Danish are incredibly hostile toward the German POWs and use them to defuse and clear the millions of mines the Germans placed all over the west coast of their country. This is the story of one group of German soldiers and their Danish commander. None of these boys are over 18 years old. They are just children. It was disturbing. I've read at the end of the war when the Nazis were running out of soldiers they began recruiting from the Hitler Youth Group. Excellent performances. The information at the end of the movie stated half of the POWs died while trying to clear mines. So sad. War is ugly. It brings out the worst in humans. Great title - my land, land OF mines. ****

Life itself is about the life of Roger Ebert, film critic. Exceptionally fascinating, but what was really amazing was his strength of character and constant cheerfulness with all those health issues. Jeez. I know I'd never be that strong. Even the smallest of health issues and I'm whining. Pretty amazing life he had. ****

The Light Between Oceans was about a man living in isolation in a lighthouse in the nineteenth century. That's all I read on the DVD cover since I didn't have my glasses with me so I didn't know what this was about. Anyway...he meets this woman who lives on the mainland, the fall in love, get married and she goes to live on the island with him. At this point I thought it was really boring and waited for something exciting to happen...he was a WWI veteran so I figured something is bound to go wrong. BUT she gets pregnant, has a miscarriage, gets pregnant again, has another miscarriage, is very depressed, starts hearing crying babies in the wind...but she's not imagining it. A small row boat is adrift offshore and in it is a dead man and a little baby. Her husband says he needs to report it, she says no, we are keeping this kid so it doesn't end up in an orphanage. During the christening the man sees a woman crying at a gravestone, goes to look and she's crying for her husband and baby who were lost at sea...he feels guilty...and of course, it's all wrong from there as they rip the child away from the only parents the little girl has ever known. Good story. Somewhat unrealistic plot - doesn't make sense why the man and little baby were out on the ocean in a row boat. ***

Our Little Sister was a Japanese film with English subtitles about three sisters who live together in a big, old, very cool Japanese house with sliding doors. Their father had an affair fifteen years prior, left the family, married his mistress and they had a child. Then I think the mistress died and he remarried again. The sisters' mother left them fourteen years ago. It wasn't clear who raised them (maybe the great aunt?), but now it's been fifteen years since they have seen  their father and he's dead. They go to his funeral and meet their fifteen year old half sister who is now an orphan. The three sisters invite her to live with them. The oldest sister hates her father but the other two don't have much memory of him. The new little sister has many memories. Sweet story about family ties. The little sister is so adorable. I wish I had a whole bunch of sisters I liked. ***

The Shape of Water is about the military in possession of an aquatic creature from South America. One of the maids at the research lab is dumb (can't speak) falls in love with the creature, teaches it sign language, feeds it eggs, and plays music. She finds out they plan to kill the creature and dissect it. She sets out to save him. It was a fairytale that wasn't quite sure if it was a fairytale. I think they should have made it more obvious. Sally Hawkins was outstanding. Great sets and 1950s aesthetics. ***

Suburbicon is a very bizarre commentary on the American Dream. It's about a family in the 1950s who lives in a state-of-the-arts modern residential neighborhood called "Suburbicon" where life is perfect and white. The new neighbors move in, and OH MY GOD! they are black. All those white people are beside themselves with horror and set about harassing them in hopes of driving them out. Meanwhile, back in the perfect white house next door, the husband (Matt Damon), hired some men to kill his wife (Julianne Moore), because he wants to run away with her sister (Julianne Moore). It all starts to unravel when the insurance claim guy shows up and tries to blackmail him and, of course, he's behind on his Mafia loan payback so they come for him. His young son is watching all this unfold. So weird, very dark, disturbing humor.  Matt Damon is really good at playing quirky characters. **

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri You know those seven stages of grief? This movie is about the third stage: anger.  It wasn't anything like I expected which was a typical Hollywood plot about a murdered girl and her grieving mother. I expected to cry all the way through it. No crying at all! Unfortunately, all that expectation was distracting. Initially I was a little disappointed and wondered what I just saw. I thought about it for days. Then I (finally) figured it out: all the main characters were dealing with death in some way and not necessarily the obvious in-your-face-death of the murdered girl.  This lingering infestation of death bubbled up through their personalities as irritability, anger, rage, and violence. Ahhhh ha!  I wondered how I missed it especially being such a fan of death. So I watched it again. Anger that makes one blind and brain dead, not caring about anyone around them. One line summed it up: "Anger begets more anger."  It reminded me of that movie Crash with people crashing into each other only this one was how our anger is contagious. Also, notice the red accents in the movie. Interesting. Even one of the characters is named "Red."  Great performances and it deserved all those Academy Award nominations and awards. Sam Rockwell was hilarious and Frances McDormand brilliant. Beautifully filmed with outstanding photography. Although I don't know if it warrants five stars, anytime I feel that compelled to watch a second time, five stars is what it gets! *****

The Wrecking Crew is about the sessions musicians who played on all the great hits through the 1960s and into the 1970s. It features interviews of famous singers, producers, songwriters and musicians discussing how some of the early rock 'n' roll hits came to be and how so few of the bands played their own music because this group of musicians were so great. I can't get that bass from Sonny and Cher's "The Beat Goes On" out of my head now! ****