The County Fair

I love old-fashioned county fairs. Ours is tiny with no fancy commercially-scented buildings or toxic anything. Lots of natural air mixed with the farm-fresh scent of cow shit. If one takes their time, seeing the whole thing every booth and barn takes about thirty minutes. It's definitely small.

The art building is often nearly empty every year which is disturbing. I have in the past entered artworks, but truthfully, I don't like being judged as if I'm in grade school. This year I dabbled in two new art forms: glass-on-glass mosaics and painted rocks. I like displaying them for fun. I didn't realize one could enter the fair under a Q category and not get judged.

Due to my ignorance of the process, I thought I'd get clever and volunteer at the fair. I offered to be an art judge. This way I could enter and not be judged! Then I discovered painted rocks aren't considered art, they are "hobbies" so I ended up being judged anyway. My one mosaic I entered was a challenge to hang, but it did end up in the art building and not judged.

Judging was fairly non-toxic since it takes place the day before the fair. I checked to see if the building superintendent wore perfumes or if there was another judge. I realized they had no idea what I was talking about so I prepared myself with an escape route just in case.

No one is supposed to be in the building while the judge is judging, but people were milling about, looking, talking. At one point I kept passing a table and smelling something not-so-good. Finally I took a closer look and someone laid an opened bag of moth balls on it. Eeeww! I definitely have a keen nose for chemicals! I threw it in the garbage and placed plastic over it. Near the end of my tenure, the superintendent invited a herd of children to help her post the ribbons and the stench of toxic stink permeated the air. I couldn't wait to get out of there and survived with only migraines and nausea.

Still, it was a very interesting learning experience. I'd like to do it again only next time I'll request the building is closed during judging.

And I also won blue and purple ribbons for my painted rocks!

Service Project 2015

I've been looking for a new service project since discovering the wetlands trail doesn't seem to have much garbage lately. I found one! I plan to single-handedly clean up the beach!  I realize with the houses falling into the ocean, I might get discouraged or overwhelmed. I'm pretty sure ten large semi-trucks could be filled with garbage and still not make a dent. My plan is for every visit to the ocean I will take a small grocery bag, fill it with beach garbage, and bring it home to be deposited in my garbage can. It'll be a little at a time. I can't stand looking at the garbage on the beach so in my own small way I'll do something about it.

Yesterday I went to the beach and there was so much garbage floating along the water line, more than I've ever seen before. Even boat floats! Big, black floats. At first I was afraid to mess with them. Then I thought maybe a boat sunk!?

I stopped a man who I'd seen often walking on the beach and asked him. He said that was common. He looked at my garbage bag, smiled and said, "That's a lost cause." I told him my plan. He said, "Just throw it back in the ocean. The waves will take it away and it'll all end up down there." He pointed to where all the fallen houses are. He did say once a year there is a community beach clean up day.

 

I am not discouraged. One bag every visit. It's quiet, peaceful, and no one is going to poison me. It's the perfect volunteer project for me.

Clam Digging Day!

Bad, Bad, Bad, and Very Bad...

I volunteered at the co-op today. They had an Ice Cream Social...free ice cream/frozen yogurt/gelato/goat milk ice cream/dairy-free ice cream/sorbet samples of every flavor the store carries. What was I thinking? Well, I was thinking I was being helpful.

Before it even started all the volunteers were eating the ice cream and laughing it was a job requirement to taste all of the various flavors so they would be informed. People kept handing me samples and saying, "Try this one. It's wonderful!" I kept asking to see the containers to check the labels. I read the labels very carefully although I was lax on the sugar (BAD) and the dairy (BAD) knowing there aren't many ice creamy-type desserts that don't have these ingredients. There were a few selections that were dairy and sugar-free, but most of those had chocolate.

I was in charge of giving samples of non-fat frozen yogurt: peach mango, honey, berry, and blueberry. Sounds pretty safe so I stuck to sampling those. I studied the labels and sampled the berry. Oh, so delicious!  The woman next to me had the full-fledged ice cream with a variety of chocolate flavors: Double Chocolate, Banana-Chocolate Swirl, and Chocolate Chip Mint. Oh, they looked tempting and evil! Then the manager brought her another called Sea Salt Caramel. After studying the label, I deemed it safe and had a taste. Oh, my, heavenly. I scooped up another little spoonful and in the scoop there was a dark bit. I asked her, "What is that? A nut?" She read the label. Cocoa. COCOA? (BAD) Am I blind? How did I miss that? I must have been looking for the word "chocolate" and glossed right over "cocoa". I threw that spoonful away as if it were poison.

Then a few minutes later a customer came over and started reading the labels on my frozen yogurt containers. Out loud she said, "Natural flavors....hmmm...nope." She explained she can't have anything with "natural flavors" because that often means "corn" and she's allergic to corn. NATURAL FLAVORS!!! How did I miss that? That's often what they call gluten, too. GLUTEN??? (BAD) Oh, my god. I might have eaten gluten today. I was in shock.

I can only blame the heat. It was in the 90s today. This sort of heat is unusual in my neck of the woods even during the summer. There were a few times I thought I'd keel over from heat exhaust. I heard from others eating ice cream is a very effective way to cool down. I know that's not true but we as humans can rationalize anything. I guess I didn't eat enough sugar, dairy, chocolate and gluten to stay cool. Brain dead, for sure.

Still, I think I had a total of three tablespoons of frozen yogurt and ice cream combined so I don't expect a problem, but I'm kinda disappointed in myself. Other than my banana cream recipe, I hadn't had anything resembling ice cream for a long time. And it was GOOD!

I knew better. No willpower. I should have stayed away.

Accommodating Situations

Every time a chemically-sensitive person asks for accommodation they are affecting change by sharing information and creating awareness of this environmental health issue. In most situations when I have requested accommodation, people have been eager to understand and do what they can to assist. Usually the accommodation is out of the ordinary as well as above and beyond the call of duty. Other times it is minimal due to policy constraints, yet heartfelt. At all times, it's appreciated.

My requests for accommodation always involve trying to avoid the stinky habits of others. Usually I'm begging for a fragrance-free environment either by requesting that others are fragrance-free or brainstorming options so I don't have to be in the same vicinity as the stinkers. The following are some of my more positive experiences requesting accommodation:

Employment I worked for a major retail grocery chain in the customer service department of the corporate office. We were in the basement with no windows and since we were in charge of employee bonuses, our office was top secret and restricted. The doors were never allowed to be unlocked, let alone left open. I worked with twelve fragrance-addicted women. My third week on the job I couldn't figure out why I was getting horribly sick with some strange flu that would go away on the weekends. Finally one Monday as I gasped for air I finally realized was reacting to the overabundance of stink everyone freshly bathed in that morning. Since it was a new job, I was really afraid to say something, but I didn't have a choice. I couldn't breathe and I couldn't open a window. I told my boss, who told her boss, who came charging out of her office, called an impromptu meeting on the spot. She demanded right then and there that everyone stop wearing perfume and made it really clear this was an issue of productivity and teamwork and not personal preference. She even tried to keep the identity of the troublemaker out of it, but that was a little hard to do in a small office. Awesome.

Much later, I was promoted with this job and moved to another state to run my own customer service office. I inherited an assistant who smelled like a French whore. I requested she not wear fragrances to work and she continuously ignored me. I eventually asked my supervisor what to do. I had no idea we had a legal department in the corporate office! I went in for an appointment and the attorney for the company was very clear: If the employee was asked to be fragrance-free by her supervisor, she really doesn't have a choice. They don't want me suing them for lack of accommodation. This was in the early days when my chemical sensitivity was just getting started and it gave me an excellent view of my legal rights from the corporate perspective.

I also worked at a bookstore along with a large staff of silly, minimum-wage grunts, several who wore perfume. One stupid little girl bathed in cologne and laughed like a maniac every time I'd start having a reaction. Management gave me not only my shift of preference, 6am to 10am before the store opened and smelly customers arrived, but also allowed me to do special projects from home. In addition, if for some reason I had any problem in the store, I could leave immediately. Eventually my tolerance petered out and my hours started getting cut back. This was mostly my choice. A few months later I applied for unemployment and I got it! Management didn't even contest it although I did find out later I should never have qualified for unemployment since I had a health condition that prevented me from most employment positions. This experience was an example of management going above and beyond the call of managerial duty. I was a very ineffective employee every time I walked off the job and should have never stayed so long. They still accommodated me to the best of their ability. I'm pretty sure they collectively sighed with relief when I finally quit.

School  One of the colleges I went to has a fragrance-free policy. When I was a student, I wasn't chemically sensitive, but years later I appreciated the forward-thinking atmosphere of their educational environment. This school has been on the cutting edge of everything so it's not surprising. I'm not aware of the steps they take if a student or faculty member wears fragrances to school. I think every public educational institution needs to follow their example.

Jury Duty  At some point you may be summoned to serve your citizenship responsibilities and sit on a jury during a courtroom trial with eleven other possibly stinky people. They send you a notice of when and where your presence is requested with a statement that reads "If you are not able to serve on the day of a scheduled trial, you must contact the Court before trial begins to see if you will be excused from jury duty for that day."  If you need to be excused, you must write why on the line provided. I actually have a form letter I've been using for the past ten years as I get a jury duty summons about once a year from the county and every now and then from the city. I list chemicals and scents I cannot be around, claim disability according to law, and offer accommodation options. I attach the letter of accommodation from my doctor which supports my claims and anxiously await their response. Some courts tell you they will notify you if you are excused; other courts tell you if you are not excused they will contact you. I always sweat this out although I have no idea how they could accommodate me in a room full of people. In my letter I have suggested modern-day options like close-circuit television or online streaming which I think sounds very technologically plausible, BUT according to the law the criminal has the legal right to see the jury, or some such nonsense, so a juror's presence is mandatory. I've always wanted to be on a jury, but missed my opportunity.  I have yet to be required to show. If they ever do require my attendance, they'll have to provide suitable accommodation and, truthfully, with my letter spouting off disability laws, I doubt if they want anything to do with me.

Volunteering I volunteer at my local food co-op doing grunt grocery work: face shelves, stock produce, participate in membership meetings, etc. One of the reasons I got involved is because it affords me the luxury of human contact which is rare in my daily life. The co-op's philosophy is all about health so most employees and customers don't wear perfume and other scents. The shoppers are a little smarter than the average conventional grocery store shopper, but every now and then one comes in reeking and I move to the other side of the store. Management also claims they have a fragrance-free policy, although they can't control shoppers and before I came they didn't attempt to control the employees either. There have been some employees who use smelly hand lotions, etc., but as a member of their volunteer staff I have casually made comments about the stink and how it affects the chemically sensitive. I have become their chemically sensitive disabled person representative. I know they talk to employees because formerly-stinky people are now no longer stinky. Hooray for affecting change, even in small increments! Not all volunteer opportunities will be so accommodating, but I selected an environment that was already health-oriented with inclusivity as one of their mission statements. It's best to pick your battle wisely.

Conferences and Meetings I belong to a professional association that posts their fragrance-free policy for every meeting and conference. I was the one who requested this years ago when I first joined, but at the time many other members thanked me because they, also, had issues with perfumes and other fragrances. Unfortunately, all they can do is post it. Because this is considered an extra-curricular activity that doesn't not affect my livelihood and is not mandatory for existence, they can't enforce it. Although I know they have turned smelly people away, I think if the person wanted to make a stink (pun intended) about it, he or she could probably sue for discrimination. Most attendees have no idea what fragrance-free means. At one conference I had a smelly woman sit right next to me. I asked her if she read the fragrance-free policy and she said she had. I asked her, then why did she stink. She claimed she used Ivory soap and according to the commercials it's safe for babies so it must be fragrance free.  Another person with the crazed look of a drug addict in need of a fix came up to me and demanded to use my hand lotion because she couldn't use hers and it was my fault. I don't use hand lotion so she was out of luck. There have been many instances where I have had to move my seat closer to a door or leave. Most often I just get so fed up with the ignorant people I opt not to attend. Attendance is always a risk. Still, the organizers have tried to make it fragrance-free and all-inclusive regardless of whether I attend or not. I appreciate the effort.

Recreation Find fragrance-free friends who are empathetic and willing to be safe. You can try to change your smelly friends' bad habits, but as I've discussed in previous posts, don't count on it. Instead of the stress and health risks, change your recreational activities and find new friends.

Does anyone have any accommodation experiences they'd like to share?

Strategies for Despair

It's not easy when it feels like the world is attacking us. We feel lousy, we wonder how we will ever survive, and we question whether we really want to live a life when we feel so physically miserable, depressed, alone, and hopeless. Most of us have felt this way at some point in our chemical sensitivity journey. If we share some of the strategies that have gotten us through tough times, it may help those who are currently struggling. What do you do to keep your spirits up, your attitudes positive, and your hope alive?

Here are some things I have done:

Reduce the Load Depression is a symptom of chemical poisoning. The chemicals imbalance our brains making us feel irrational and hopeless. I did everything possible to reduce the chemical load in my system by avoiding chemicals and detoxing poisons. In reducing the load, I began to feel better.

Check Food Allergies Food allergies can do a number on your brain. When I gave up wheat and tomatoes, within a week I had this very bizarre feeling of contentment wash over me. It was astounding. The most common food allergies are: wheat, dairy, rice, soy, shellfish, peanuts, strawberries, and nightshades. Some of these allergens have delayed reactions so if you do an elimination test to determine your response, be sure to give each food at least a two-day reaction time. As I've mentioned before, caffeine is a mood killer for me: chocolate, coffee, tea.

Live in the Moment I tend to be a global thinker. This means I can take a moment in time expand it to include the world and visualize this moment extending far into future. I could see the horror of the rest of my life, never to improve, misery compounded, and getting worse for the next fifty years. Doom. Gloom. It helped to step back from all the negativity and ask every now and then, "How do I feel right now at this very moment?" Ninety-nine percent of the time, I felt fine and that made me feel better. I would relax. Even if I wasn't feeling physically great there were good things happening: food in the fridge, roof over my head, car still running, able to walk. Life changes. How many of us knew even ten years ago our lives would be like this? Who is to say they will be like this in the next twenty years? Ten years? Five years? What is that saying? The only thing constant is change. So the only thing that counts is right this second. Heck, a plane could hit my house in the next minute. Why worry too much about the future?

Find Perspective Global thinking has its advantages. Life is bigger than my meager existence.

The transition from living a normal life to accepting chemical sensitivity is the most difficult phase. We watch our neighbors doing things we wish we could do; we listen to our friends talk about their lives and we feel cheated. Envy is debilitating and creates a cycle of self-pity and despair. As our isolation grows, we become self-absorbed, seeing only our situation and forgetting there is a whole world full of suffering. Chemically sensitive people always compare themselves to their former lives, when in fact, they really should be comparing their situation within the bigger picture.  There are far more situations way worse than being chemically sensitive.

I read Holocaust survivor books. Compared to their stories, my life is exceptionally wonderful. I've never been tortured, starved, used for medical experiments, or watched my children slaughtered. I've never been forced to remove all my clothes and lay on top of a mountain of dead people waiting for my turn to be executed. So many of these Jewish people survived against all odds. When I read these stories I think what am I whining about? I've got it easy! Warning: Holocaust survivor stories will give you nightmares and imprint on your brain images you wish you could unread.

I just read a book on the Hatfield-McCoy Feud. I can't imagine living in constant fear that my neighbors are going to kill me or my children. I don't live in a country at war either, and I am not living with domestic violence.

Another option is to read about all the other health conditions far worse than ours and there are many.  I don't know how many times I've said I am thankful I don't have that.

OK, maybe I read too much, but it gives me perspective. I don't live alone in this world and all my experiences are relative to everyone else's. Even those who are experiencing situations you might consider way worse than yours, they are still coping and many of them continue to live with hope.  Be grateful for what you have. Count your blessings.

Practice The Secret If you don't know what this is, find a copy of the video in your local library. The book is by Rhonda Byrne and she narrates the video. I preferred the video for inspiration. It's all about being grateful for what you have, asking for what you want, and maintaining a positive attitude. It is said as soon as you know about it, suddenly you start meeting people or hearing about others who are doing it. It's true. All that gratitude is a bit overwhelming at first. It feels like you are lying. But the more you do it, the better it feels. (This is a rare case when more is better!)

Live in a Fantasy World  This is very much related to the Secret, a mix of meditation and visualization. Lie, lie, lie to your brain. Be positive. Imagine another life. Visualize wonderful things. This isn't "I wish I could..., I wish I was..." or you'll just start feeling sorry for yourself.  Immerse yourself in another life and dream.

Be an Activist When I first became chemically sensitive, I wanted to understand, then I wanted to share my understanding because I was convinced if people were educated, the world would change and the newly enlightened would stop poisoning me. Being busy made me feel like I was doing something positive for myself. A way to move forward. I researched, followed blogs, wrote articles, wrote letters to politicians, wrote letters to Oprah (HA! I did!), joined support groups, talked with anyone who would listen, and searched for people who shared my experiences. I became a home-bound activist. Some people start their own MCS blogs or websites so they can share all the information they've been gathering. Having a blog or website is very time consuming, but it does just that - it consumes you. Being busy made me feel productive. If you aren't part of the solution, you are part of the problem. I was determined to be part of the solution. Being bored gave me too much time to think about how miserable I felt.

Exercise in Fresh Air  This is really hard if you feel lousy, but if you have just a little energy exercise raises your endorphins and makes you feel good. I used to go to a deserted beach and walk barefoot in sand while breathing in the fresh air. I collected shells and looked at sea life. Other times I'd take myself to a large, deserted park during the week. Too tired to walk, I'd just sit in nature admiring the beauty of it all. I always made sure to find some place with the cleanest air possible so I could breathe deeply. This year I plan to have an ocean adventure at least once a month. Acknowledging the beauty in nature makes you appreciative of life.

Find Laughter  Make a point to watch television sitcoms, romantic comedy movies, and comedy routines. Read hilarious fiction, joke books, poetry, and short stories. Anything that will make you laugh out loud and feel good.  For instance, here is a comedian and her troupe of women I just discovered: Katie Goodman and Broad Comedy. I laughed so hard! Check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CQg9f7z9eg

Sing  Find yourself a theme song and sing it all the time. Singing is incredibly therapeutic. I don't mean you need to be able to carry a tune or perform in front of people. Just sing. If you aren't ready to sing, hum or whistle and move up to singing when you're ready. Pick a song with a good, positive message that will lift your spirits and sing it whenever you need a lift. Or in the shower, in the garage, while laying in bed or while walking. My favorite theme song: Sunny Side to Every Situation, from the musical 42nd Street. (Stay tuned for lyrics.)

Plan an Adventure  Planning a trip is always a mental consumption and computers make planning easy. Information at our fingertips. I don't mean a safe little vacation that takes no preparation. I'm talking about an adventure! Hitchhike across the USA, safari in Africa, backpacking through jungles, cycle around the world, sail across an ocean. The planning alone would take your mind off everyday life. Pre-MCS, I traveled a lot. I know I can no longer get on a plane and if I think about it too much I feel pathetically sorry for myself.  But I think I figured out a way to get to Europe by driving! This gives me hope and makes me very excited!

Help Others This isn't always easy when we can't be around other people who might poison us.  Do things within your limits. Volunteer from home, contribute to support groups and blogs, make gifts for people, cook for people who can't cook for themselves, sew clothes for foster children or children in third world countries. Whatever your strengths or hobbies are, volunteer them. I used to do all kinds of things for my full-time working, fragrance-free friends. Once I cut a friend's squares for quilting; another I wrapped all her Christmas gifts for her, and another I packed her whole house for moving. I've always thought about volunteering for a help line. Many help lines you can do from your own phone. Helping others gives life a feeling of satisfaction and purpose.

Find Support Do you have family and/or friends who are understanding? Not everyone has support at home or at their jobs. Find people who will support you. Surround yourself with positive spirits. At least 15-17% of the population have multiple chemical sensitivity. That's a whole lot of us with a whole lot of understanding. Can't find support? Start your own support group online or in your own area.  Or become your own pen pal. Write letters to an imaginary friend and imagine how they would counsel you. Write back to yourself and send it in the mail. Send yourself some cards and flowers while you're at it! I always thought it would be fun to start a letter writing support group. Letter writing is a lost art. Wouldn't it be fun to get cards and letters in the mail telling us to keep up the fight?

These ideas won't work for everyone, but hopefully they will inspire you to find what motivates and makes you happy. 

Make a list of all the things that make you happy.

Brainstorm a list of all the activities you can do to stay positive.

Do you have strategies for despair you'd like to share?

Service Day

A few years ago President Obama declared Martin Luther King Day as Service Day. As someone who is chemically sensitive, I am limited in my service options so I considered in what ways would I be able to volunteer and still avoid exposure to chemicals. Volunteering with people and feeling that solidarity and camaraderie would be lovely, but OUT. People stink.

As I pondered my options that day, I went for a walk at the park located down by the river and a block away from my home. At the far end of the park is very short wetlands trail. If I look up at the cliff, I can see my house. The rusty cans, toilet paper, cigarette butts, candy bar wrappers and used condoms littering the area called to me. (Yes! I said used condoms! Litterbugs are sex fiends.) My service project was born. I adopted the wetlands trail.

The Wetlands Trail

I try to go down at least once a year and do a little clean up. Sporting two layers of rubber gloves and carrying  a long weapon-stick in one hand and a large garbage bag in the other, I trudge through the thicket. Litterbugs are shifty. They do their damnest to hide their garbage by throwing it in the bushes, blackberry stickers,  marsh grasses, and in the water. I wear my indestructible rubber rain boots so I can go nearly anywhere. During the winter is the best time for service work because the foliage has died back and you can see the garbage better. Unfortunately, if surrounded by a prison of thick blackberry vines, the trash can be impossible to retrieve even with my weapon-stick. All I can do is stare and feel frustrated.

Garbage in Prison

The first year I took a small plastic grocery bag and had to come back for more. I ended up filling four of them with lots of old cans, large pieces of plastic, candy wrappers, cigarette butts, used condoms and a deflated soccer ball. I rolled an old tire out of the swamp and up the hill. Before I left I stopped to visit with the litterbugs fishing at the dock and gave them a piece of my mind about using the trash can right next to them instead of throwing it in the bushes. I should have lectured them on using the bushes for a toilet, too. I draw the line at picking up used toilet paper.


This year's adventure was strangely different. The wetlands sign had been removed and the trail was overgrown suggesting the city is no longer maintaining it. They also removed the garbage can at the dock. No one used it anyway. I think the overgrowth discourages litterbugs and sex fiends. I filled only a half of a large garbage bag, and no used condoms. I did find a huge piece of old plastic to drag out. SCORE!

River view from the trail.

It amazes me people respect nature so little they don't care where they throw their garbage. It pollutes the river, kills the fish, injures wildlife, and I can't even imagine the damage those used condoms do to the environment!

I do have a confession - I always forget about Service Day until President's Day. I get confused and think MLK Day is in February maybe because February is Black History Month. Oh well, better late than never. Besides it's difficult to pick up garbage in the snow.

What do you do for service?