Success!

Well, the pinwheels are spinning madly, some so violently that they have ripped or mangled. I'm trying to find stronger materials for winter but it's been fruitless. I haven't seen one new mole hill for the last month so I've been thinking these pinwheels are working.

My former neighbors have a very expansive, perfectly landscaped lawn of about three acres. When they lived there they cut the grass at least once a week alternating with a weekly poisoning of herbicides and pesticides. I now have a new neighbor who owns an ORGANIC landscaping company and thinks spraying toxic chemicals when we live so close to a river is asinine. Needless to say, I enjoy living next to smart people and he is now my new favorite neighbor.

This morning I look over at my neighbor's well-manicured lawn with never a blemish. Although it's a little yellow right now because of the heat and he lets the weeds grow, it's still well cared for:

Wait a minute? What is that? Did someone drop something? I went over for a closer look:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

The pinwheels chased the moles to my neighbor's house! LMFAO! Every time I look out my kitchen window I laugh. I kind of feel bad since I like this new neighbor. Too bad my ex-neighbors still don't live there or they'd be freaking out right now.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

So I peered over my fence to check the other neighbor's lawn, the bad neighbor...no moles, but what a dump:

I would think the moles would like all that mess and I would like them to take over the bad neighbor's lawn! Awesome bad neighbor revenge!

So pinwheels work. I confess I also used fox pee, but I ran out fast. I don't know if it contributed to the mole exodus, but the chipmunk is still living in my yard and I saw two raccoons last night so they don't care about fox pee either.

Stink Eye

I'm surrounded by dogs. My block has ten houses on it and seven of them have dogs. Some have multiple dogs. They all bark. Usually one at a time so all day long I have dog barking. Sometimes they bark all at once when one sets the others off like a domino effect. Some of the dogs bark exactly at the same time every day so I always know what time it is without looking at the clock. You'd think this might be a daily convenience, but it's not. It's obnoxious, rude, self-centered and entitled. It amazes me people are so incredibly sociopathic that they are oblivious or apathetic toward the people around them.

My second year in this house my closest neighbors moved in with three dogs ten feet away from me. They barked from six in the morning until one in the morning. All day long and into the night. Their ignorant owners left them home to lay around the yard with nothing to do. To entertain themselves they'd bark at the neighbors, the mail lady, the internet guy, the electric meter reader, the water guys, the religious people, other dogs, cats, birds, falling leaves, and wind. All day long. When they weren't barking, they were whining or howling. That year I lost $10,000 in income suffering the terrorism of barking dogs.

First, I approached the nasty dog woman and told her about the barking for hours at a time. I assumed she just didn't know and if she did she would want to be the good neighbor. She laughed and bragged about how energetic they were. The second time she bragged about how devoted they were and how they missed her when she was gone. The third time I wrote her a letter. The fourth time I wrote her a letter. The fifth time she came over to my house told me I was stalking her, her dogs have a right to bark, and I no longer get a quiet neighborhood so get used to it.

I called the police. They would come to my house and ask me what I would like them to do as if they had no idea how to do their job. Useless. The police chief told me to keep a DOG LOG so every time I'd hear barking I was supposed to stop what I was doing and log it. This went on for a year with absolutely no resolution. What a waste of my time. This is called revictimizing the victim. I learned a lot about law that year. Laws are in place to protect the perpetrators, not the victims. Several people in law enforcement repeated this to me. The barking continued. I wrote letters to the newspaper, the city council,  the city attorney and even the governor. The other neighbors empathized with me, but most said they didn't want to get involved. One told me it was a mistake to call the police as he would have "taken care of the dogs" for me. I asked him how long was I supposed to wait? Two years? Three years? What a arrogant, idiotic liar. I wish someone would "take care of his dogs". The neighbor on the other side of me said too cheerfully, "The barking doesn't bother me!" None of them were ten feet away from barking dogs.

Eventually all this went to court. The sociopathic dog owning neighbors were told to remove the dogs from the city limits and not return for a year. They still own the house. Although it's been seven years, I figure they could move back in any time with their nasty hell hounds. Yet another reason from a list of a hundred why I need to move. All my work did eventually pay off as I had the ordinances changed so barking dogs can now be impounded rather than be allowed to bark constantly while the city government decides what to do. I have no confidence in the police and I can't imagine they'd do anything other than ask with stupidity written all over their faces what they should do.

For the past seven years anytime anyone has a neighbor with a nuisance dog, they come to me to complain. I suffer their whining until I finally say, "Have you told the dog owner?" Oh, no, they can't do that. They'd rather gossip to everyone in the area rather than be honest with the person causing the problem. I'm pretty sure they expect me to be the responsible one. I tell them, "How fun for you. Tough luck." And then I laugh and walk away.

Recently one of my neighbors came running to me to complain about the new dog right next to them barking for hours late at night outside their bedroom window. I repeated what she said to me years before, "The barking doesn't bother me." I smiled cheerfully and added, "Now you know how I felt." She stomped away in frustration. Revenge is sweet. What people don't understand is if you don't work together in a neighborhood to combat nuisance behavior, no one will support you when you are the victim. Lesson learned, assholes.

People come, people go, and now the neighborhood is filled with dogs owned by trailer trash and sociopaths. This is the ghetto. The people living in the house next to me just got a new dog, an ugly little Chihuahua that they let out to bark at midnight, four in the morning and maybe once or twice during the day. The dog is small enough the barking doesn't stop me from what I am doing nor affect my income. It's just irritating. The other dogs are far enough away to be irritating, but they don't yet affect my quality of life.  It's all about proximity, a concept the law doesn't get when it comes to barking dogs.

A couple weeks ago one of my neighbors started giving me the stink eye every time I drove by her house, glaring at me like she's a thirteen year old bully attempting to express herself but she's too immature to communicate with words. She's lived next to me for three years with her barking dogs. Recently the loudest barking dog died and Stink Eye quickly replaced it with another one more energetic and louder. It barks throughout the day starting at 5:30 in the morning when I walk. As I pass by the house, it starts frantically barking at me in the window then it's allowed to run outside and torment the whole neighborhood as the noise reverberates through the darkness. Irritating as hell especially at close range, but again, the dog is far enough away so it doesn't disrupt my day when I'm in my house. I can't imagine how people live with a loud, barking dog right in their own home, but studies show the lower the person's IQ, the less barking noise is bothersome.

I don't care that she's giving me the stink eye although I'm baffled. She's rude, self-centered, entitled, obnoxious, and mentally ill as most dog owners are, but we've always pretended to be respectful of each other. Well, that's relative. I've secretly nicknamed her "The Nazi" because she's German and because Nazis used to torment people with their dogs as well. Still, why the stink eye, Stink Eye? (New nickname.) I have no idea. I've been pondering this for the last week.

Then I realized...her dog doesn't bark at 5:30 in the morning any more! In fact I haven't heard it during the day either. I've seen it out in the yard, but no barking. Did someone finally call the police? And she thinks it's me? Other neighborhood gossips might have whispered over the fence and blamed me as the police-caller. I have a history of that sort of behavior, you know.

I love it. I don't care if she thinks it's me as long as the dogs shut up. In fact, if someone called the police, a second call from a different house holds weight so I might as well call myself since she already might be thinking it's me. I wonder who it was?

One neighbor works graveyard and I know she hates barking dogs. She doesn't get along with Stink Eye because one of Stink Eye's dogs has attacked her dog more than once. She also used to work at the police dispatch so she has some clout. When I am walking and listening this dog barking she is just coming home and crawling into bed. Did she call? Maybe. The barker is much closer to her than me so it must make her crazy. Which is ridiculous since her dog barks all night when she's gone.

Or maybe Stink Eye is just on vacation and she removed her devil dogs from the property. Even that is good news although temporary and I get to look forward to noise returning soon. I'd be happier if someone called the police on her.

I do my best to avoid these people and the games they play, but they can't seem to stay away from me and persist in infecting my life with their stink and noise. I refuse to play their gossip games and I resent their intrusion in my life.

Can I move now?

Humanity Overload



The day before yesterday my neighbors, the only ones I like, emailed me to tell me they were going to have a moving sale and invited me to come. Yes, my favorite neighbors are moving OUT, AWAY, BACK TO CIVILIZATION. Yes, I see it as a betrayal, although I'm more envious and understanding than offended. Naturally, being the queen of garage/yard/estate/moving sales I immediately volunteered the use of my signs and tables. They said, "Bring some stuff to sell and join us!" How could I pass that up?? I had been planning a garage sale all summer, but never got around to it. Maybe I can sell a few things and lighten my materialistic load.

I have to say it was the most stressful garage sale I have ever encountered. First, they just wanted to get rid of stuff so everything was cheap. Before we even opened, people were grabbing things and bundling them for a better price...the few things I brought just started disappearing!

"So how much did you get for my silk scarf?"

"What silk scarf?"

"The one that woman is carrying away with her?"

My friend began screaming at the woman who is about ten feet away and heading to her car, "Did you buy that? Come back here! How much did you buy it for???"

I frantically whisper to her, "Don't worry about it! Not important! We'll figure it out later."

The Hispanic woman returned with her whole family in tow, embarrassed beyond belief and with fear in her eyes tried to explain in broken English she bought all of it for $32.00.

At one point my friend told Woman Number One she would save the living room set so she could run home across the street to get money, then sold it to Woman Number Two as Woman Number One was racing back up the walkway. Woman Number One yelled "You are so rude!" to my friend and stomped away. Woman Number Two returned to get more of the cushions and my friend tried to give her back her money so she could sell it to Woman Number One, but Woman Number Two said she already paid for it and most of it is in her truck, HELL NO! It's MINE!

In addition to the interesting customer service style, I tried to give my friends tips like don't use a money box, well, OK, if you must, but don't leave it unattended. Where is the money box? Are you sure you want to leave it on the table on the other side of the yard unattended? or Since there is nothing for sale in the house, don't let people in to wander around freely or you might lose your cell phone, iPod, Kindle or anything left on the counters or tables, uh, hmm...do you know those people who just walked into your living room? They were too hyperactive to listen. After a while I felt like I was babysitting grown-ups and being obnoxiously bossy so I just shut up and tried to keep an eye on everything including the merchandise which was impossible.

Good GOD! I was about to tear my hair out, but I should have expected it. As delightful as my friends are, they weren't very organized and this sale was just a means to an end. I think they might have been as happy to throw it all in the garbage. It was chaotic. I should have known. Lesson learned.

And then there were all the neighbors. A yard sale is cause for celebration in our little town so all the people I work very hard to avoid most of the year are now in my face. By 3pm nearly everything was sold and I was exhausted.  More mentally and emotionally than physically.

After the sale, I headed to the hardware store and who do I run into but the Rapist of Rathole, formerly known as the Sleazeball Construction Scammer. What a way to end the day. No, I didn't confront him. It was difficult to hold my tongue and every time I see him I feel uncontrollable rage, but I walked away without saying a word. I'm working on forgiving him and letting the universe take care of it. Still, the need to unload the stress forced me to scream what I wanted to say to him in the confines of my van. I berated and humiliated him all the way home.

By that time all I wanted to do was drag myself to safety, lock the gate behind me, lock the door behind me, and seclude myself in the isolation of my fortress. I did not want to see another living soul for at least a week and I wished I was living in the middle of forty acres...surrounded by a moat...filled with crocodiles.

Why am I telling you this story? It got me thinking if I can't handled one day of neighbors, how on earth would I be able to live in a eco-village with chemically-sensitive neighbors in close proximity? We as MCSers deal with all kinds of illness symptoms that often make us not-so-sociable and down-right-difficult a lot of the time. We are compatibility-impaired in general. Is my eco-village dream even rational for most chemically-sensitive people? Neighborly encounters on a daily basis and unable to get away from people...that sounds like my personal hell. I like my option of isolation and I'm not sure I'm willing to give it up for a fantasy.

Hmmmm....?

I'm re-thinking my MCS eco-village fantasy. After it gets built and started, I'll step away and go live on my own acreage next door!

 

By the way, the working name for my fantasy is Canary Haven Eco-Village. What do you think?

Home Invasions

If you are anything like me, my home is my sanctuary and safe place. I've worked hard to make it a scent-free environment and I'm comforted by its own homey, familiar smells. 

Any foreign stink invader is usually readily identified as an intruder and cause for high alert.  Other than online shopping deliveries with perfume samples, here are other common home invasions I've experienced:

Visitors  Naturally, anyone wearing scented products is a problem. Friends, relatives, neighbors, salespeople, politicians, fair princesses, religious fanatics and trick-or-treaters. I have a sign on my porch that reads, "Fragrance-Free Zone. Poisons Not Allowed." Does anyone read it? NO. So I added another sign on my door window that went into great detail what fragrance-free means if they manage to by-pass the porch sign. Still, I'd get people knocking on the door.  I'd answer the door and they would move to the bottom of the porch steps, apologizing profusely but still managing to try to sell me whatever they felt I needed to buy.

Enemy Combatants

Finally, I put a sign on my gate that read, "NO TRESPASSING. KEEP OUT." Does that stop anyone? NO. Mormon boys march right through as if on a mission. Finally, I just locked the gate. Does that stop them? NO. I watched my neighbor slither her skinny little fingers through the fence posts trying to trigger the latch. In frustration I ran out there and yelled, "CAN'T ANYONE IN THIS TOWN READ?" Now when visitors can't figure out how to trigger the latch they knock on my kitchen window. There is no stopping them.  It's like a war zone.

Defensive Measures

Construction Workers, Repair People, Utility Workers, etc.  It's difficult when you need someone to come to your home to fix something. I always warn the person with whom I make the appointment that whoever shows up better not be wearing any kind of scented products or they won't be allowed on the property. This usually works. Sometimes it doesn't and they are asked to leave. Fragrance-free is a requirement if they want my money!

Construction Supplies  Paints, caulking, sealers, paint thinners, plywood, etc.  . If you can determine in advance what might stink and if there are green alternatives, this may help. If not, seal off the area, open a window, put the air purifier on high.

Call the bomb squad!

Gifts Friends used to mail me gifts saturated with their own perfume. I had one friend with whom I exchanged Christmas and birthday gifts for twenty-five years. As hard as I try, I could not get it through her head the reason her smelly gifts would end up out in the garage or in the garbage. She ended up refusing to talk to me, whining, "You don't like my perfume."



Magazine Subscriptions  Sorry! No more Vogue, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, O Magazine. Fashion magazines and most women's journals are OUT. I can't stand the perfume samples in them. Sometimes there are air freshener samples, too.  I miss them. Curling up with a fashion magazine was great entertainment. Even those in the library never offgas enough to be usable.



Library Materials This is a sneaky one. Perfumed people wipe their stinky, sweaty hands all over the books they read and then you check them out. Or the librarians putting lotion all over their hands and wiping it all over the books and videos. I might not notice the stink until it's in my car or at the very latest until I sit down on my couch with the book. It's then sealed it in a plastic bag and returned.



New Clothes If you shop department stores, new clothes will almost always have perfume on them from other shoppers or salespeople touching them and/or the fabric treatments used in manufacturing for fire retardation and mold inhibition. Straight from the shopping bag and into the washer!



Photocopies  Someone once sent me photocopies of documents bathed in perfume. Their temporary office girl did the copying. Didn't see that coming.

Neighbor Stink  If you are lucky enough to own property, there might be enough space between you and your neighbor to avoid toxic exposures. Unfortunately, my neighbors are too close and too stupid to be safe. During the spring and summer I watch all of them strap on those sprayer packs and spray down their lawns, walkways, and driveways with herbicides. We live right next to a river. I even wrote a brochure called "Save the Bees" on the ramifications of using toxic lawn chemicals and mailed it to everyone on my block. No one cared. Their lack of insight is jaw-dropping. Then there is laundry detergent, fabric sheets or dryer exhaust polluting the fresh air. Car exhaust is another issue. One morning both my neighbors warmed up their  gas-guzzling trucks at the same time for about an hour. It was like living on a freeway meridian. I lock myself in the house and pray for a good strong wind blowing in the opposite direction.

Of course, if you've ever been on the website www.neighborsfromhell.com you'll realize smell could be the least of your worries. Gun fire, homemade bombs, barking dogs, barking attack dogs, loud music, insane parties, drugs, theft and personal threats are cause for all kinds of worry. The world is full of ignorant sociopaths with entitlement issues.

Home, Sweet, Home....