March Movie Reviews

*****  Exceptional

****    Great

***      OK

**        So So

*          Blah

And So It Goes is about a widow (Diane Keaton) and widower (Michael Douglas) who live next to each other in a little apartment four-plex. He's a real estate agent trying to make his last great sale (his own house) and she's a singer. They have one of those love-hate relationships and end up falling in love. Very Hollywood and not very interesting, but the birthing scene is hilarious. **

Captive is based on a true story about Ashley, a meth addict, who lost custody of her daughter and is trying to stay clean although not doing a very good job of it. A man accused of rape about to stand trial escapes, kills a bunch of people, steals a bunch of cars, and ends up in Ashley's apartment parking lot just as she goes out to her car to get something. He forces her back into her apartment where he hides from the police and holds her captive. It was good with good performances.  ***

Coldwater is about a teenager who is kidnapped from his home by the guards from a juvenile "rehabilitation" center at the request of his mother. I'm never sure why parents are so stupid to subject their children to torture thinking this will make them better, but I think in this case the mom's new boyfriend was influential in the decision making process. The boys at this center are abused and tortured and even when our star escapes, the police return him because he doesn't have any evidence. Lots of stories in history about the horrifying conditions of reform schools for boys. Nasty business. Great story. Excellent performances. ****

Desierto begins with a truck load of smuggled Mexicans that breaks down in the middle of the desert. They all get out and start hiking to America, land of the free, across the badlands, an aptly named area most smugglers try to avoid. There are about fifteen Mexicans with two smugglers leading the way. One of the Mexicans is overweight, slow, and not doing too well so he lags behind accompanied by our handsome, compassionate star (Gael Garcia Bernal), a young woman, and a very creepy guy who was paid to accompany the woman. It is vaguely implied the creep had been taking advantage of her throughout the trip and since I just read a book on rape trees, I was glad they addressed this illegal immigration issue although briefly.  As they watch the rest of the group cross a valley far ahead, they also see a truck pull up, the driver get out, climb an elevation, and shoot them all dead with his high-powered rifle. The lagging group hide but then in a panic make a dash for the hills...bad move. The man has a dog. A big German Shepherd with excellent hearing. A big RELENTLESS, energetic, well-trained tracking German Shepherd that pursues them, catches the slowest, and rips his throat out. I kept screaming YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE IN HELL UNTIL YOU GET RID OF THE DOG! THROW ROCKS!! BASH ITS BRAIN IN!!  What a horror story. Very suspenseful and very sad. I love Jeffrey Dean Morgan. He's usually really gorgeous and sexy when he's not playing the part of a psycho redneck white trailer trash American POS who is a hateful, angry alcoholic who blames all his woes on someone else. The quintessential Trumptard. ****

The Disappointments Room is a ghost story about a couple and their five year old son who move into a big mansion in the country to start a new life after their baby daughter dies. The wife (Kate Beckinsale) is a little mental, had some kind of breakdown so when she starts seeing things we never really know if it's just her or the house. Well, we know it's the house because we know this is a ghost story.... The house is haunted by an evil man and his evil black German Shepherd who in the old days locked his disfigured daughter in the "disappointments room" a secret room in the attic to live in seclusion and in secret to avoid embarrassing the family. It's a creepy story. House is creepy but really beautiful. It would be fun to own something like that (sans ghosts).  Some of the performances weren't that good, but it was a good story. I was curious if there was a such thing as real disappointments rooms. Whether or not they were really called that, I'm sure people did all kinds of horrible things to their disfigured or disabled children. I was reading just the other day on people in Ethiopia throw their children out on the streets and leave them to fend for themselves if they are mental or physically disabled and call them "witch children" thinking they are possessed. So many bad things in the world. ***

Drunk Stoned Brilliant Dead is the story of the magazine National Lampoon and how it morphed into a radio show, comedy theater, Saturday Night Live, and movies. It was fascinating. I was never into National Lampoon mostly because I was too young to understand any of it, it featured way too many naked ladies, raunchy themes (that are still raunchy even by today's standards), and the layout made my head hurt. But I remember the popularity of Animal House. I did not even realize Kevin Bacon was in Animal House. He looks like he's about 15 years old. ***

Genius is the story about the relationship between writer Thomas Wolfe and his editor Maxwell Perkins. That's pretty much what it said on the DVD cover and I didn't have much hope for it but the cast: Colin Firth, Jude Law, Nicole Kidman and Laura Linney gave me much more hope and didn't disappoint. Outstanding performances especially from Jude Law who was amazing. Outstanding costumes, sets and photography. ****

Harold and Maude is about a young man who is obsessed with death and constantly stages his own suicide, goes to funerals, and drives a hearse. My kind of guy. Then he meets Maude who is turning 80 years old in a week. She also goes to funerals for entertainment as well as steals cars, collects bizarre memorabilia, loves to play music, dance and sing. She teaches him how to live. Great movie. I can't believe I've never seen it. I would like to be just like Maude when I'm old. ****

Henry Gamble's Birthday Party is about the birthday party of a seventeen-year old Christian boy. His father is a pastor of their church so many guests are from the church along with his secular friends from school.  The theme was the hypocrisy of church teachings especially regarding intolerance and ignorance. The diversity included holy rollers who think modern bathing suits are evil vs. the oversexed teenagers who keep yelling "forgive me Lord" when they are having sex. Do boys really masturbate together? I remember hearing once how they will have ejaculation contests or comparatively measure their erections, but I never really considered they masturbate in unison. So strange. I was worried this was a Christian-based movie and would be poorly done and Bible thumping. Nope, it was interestingly anti-Christian showing diverse frames of mind. ***

Ithaca is about a 14-year old boy living in Ithaca during World War II. His father has just died and his older brother goes off to war. He gets a job at the telegraph office delivering death notices from the State Department. It's very depressing. All-star cast. Meg Ryan is way, way, way too skinny. It's not a good look. ***

Lazy Eye is about a graphic designer who gets an email from an old boyfriend who broke his heart and disappeared on him fifteen years prior without any explanation. They meet out in the desert and get to know each other again. It was a really interesting expose on relationships. I would like that house in the desert with the pool minus the rats. I know those rats had some kind of thematic symbolism. It drives me nuts I don't know what they meant. ***

Learning to Drive is about an Indian man (Ben Kingsley) who drives a taxi at night and teaches driving during the day and a woman (Patricia Clarkson) whose husband of twenty-one years leaves her for a younger woman. She doesn't drive and has always depended on her husband for transportation so she takes driving lessons. Driving is a metaphor for life and the relationship between driver and teacher addresses various gender relationships. He learns from her how to treat his new wife, an arranged marriage relationship, and she learns from him there still are good and honorable men in the world. I've always loved Clarkson. She's one of the unsung actresses with lots of memorable roles but doesn't get a lot of publicity. ****

The Longest Ride I thought this would be some silly, mushy love story as only Nicholas Sparks could write, and it was, but it had a surprising theme - ART! Who would have thought a love story about a bull rider would have anything to do with art? It features the Black Mountain College which was this very well-known, avant-garde art college in North Carolina in the 1940s-50s. Most famous American Modern artists were students there when they were young and many famous artists were guest teachers.  That was fun. Granted, the story was still silly, mushy, and predictable. ***

National Treasure with Nicholas Cage is about a family legend of the Knights of the Templar treasure with lots of American history. It was fun and adventurous. I think it would be fascinating to be a treasure hunter or archaeologist. ****

National Treasure: Book of Secrets is very much like the first movie with a treasure hunting theme only a little more far-fetched with more car chases, goofy romantic plot, less intrigue and less human interest. Not as good. *

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest I hadn't seen this movie for years. I didn't realize a very young Danny DeVito was in it along with Christopher Lloyd. The Special Feature about how it was made was fascinating. I didn't realize Kirk Douglas bought the rights and created the play and his son, Michael, produced the movie. Great story. Jack Nicholson was awesome. *****

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End This is number three. Jack Sparrow is dead and in Davy Jones's locker. Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom with Geoffrey Rush rescue him so they can meet up with the rest of the pirate brethren and save the world. Or something like that. It does amaze me they can have all that violence, but they leave out all the blood and gore. Disneyization. I bet it was a fun movie to be in. ***

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides Number 4. It's a race to find the Fountain of Youth. Lots of stars in this one: Judy Dench has a cameo, Ian McShane is an awesome Blackbeard, Penelope Cruz makes a great pirate, love the mermaids, handsome religious boys. It was fun. (Obviously I'm behind in my pirate movies...)***

Puncture is about two small-time personal injury lawyers who attempt to go after the giant hospital supply group that monopolizes and controls all hospital purchases. They refused to allow one-time-use retractable safety needles to replace the not-so-safe needles thought to exacerbate the Hepatitis C and HIV epidemic. Too many medical staff accidental needle sticks.  It was a commentary on the corporate-controlled health industry that would rather support disease than health. So incredibly irritating was the lawyer who had all the passion and fight but was a functioning drug addict. Watching him constantly snorting and shooting drugs, missing meetings, and failing every step of the way was frustrating. What a contradiction. **

The Reflecting Skin was insanely weird! It starts out with these three boys sticking a reed up a frog's butt, blowing it up, and then popping it! It continues along these lines with vampire neighbors and dead children. I can tolerate a lot of weirdness if it has a message or some kind of meaningful symbolism, but when it got to the point where the implied homosexual father of one of the boy's douses himself in gasoline and lights a match in front of his son, I decided it was too random and meaningless even for me. *

Romy and Michele's High School Reunion with Lisa Kudrow and Mira Sorvino is about two incredibly brain dead girls who do nothing with their lives after high school. When their high school reunion comes around they decide to lie about their success. So incredibly stupid, but I watched the whole thing thinking it might redeem itself at some point. Nope. Never did. It included Janeane Garofalo, Camryn Manheim, and Alan Cumming which is amazing because they all made names for themselves beyond this pathetic movie. *

State of Play is about people being murdered, sleazy politics with sleazy privatized military mercenaries, and newspaper reporters who get the truth. Great performances by Russell Crowe, Rachel McAdams, Helen Mirren, and especially Ben Affleck. Very complex yet intriguing story. ***

Sunset Boulevard with William Holden and Gloria Swanson. I think I read the story once, definitely listened to the musical soundtrack, but I've never seen the original movie. It's about a formerly famous silent screen actress, filthy rich, but discarded and ignored as a has-been. A young screenwriter accidentally ends up at her house and she hires him to write her memoirs as a movie. She becomes infatuated with him, possessive, and downright mental as she buys his attention with gifts and money while throwing temper tantrums when she can't control him. But more than that, it's a sad commentary on the vulnerability of aging and feeling disposable. She's only fifty years old, beautiful, but already "washed-up". Great role for Ms. Swanson who was a silent screen actress...love those eyes. One of the bonus features talks about all the actresses who turned down the role because they were offended and afraid of being seen as washed-up. Outstanding black and white photography, excellent music, very melodramatic, perfect plot, and amazingly precise writing.  Lovely.****

Sunshine Superman is a documentary about Carl Boenish and the BASE jumping movement. BASE stands for Building, Antenna, Span (bridges), Earth (cliffs) and in order to be an official member of the club, you have to jump off of one of each. This is illegal to do in national parks and I had just read a book about someone who died BASE jumping. Crazy people. Or maybe just adventurous. No, this is not something I would ever do! I think I'd have a heart attack until the parachute opened. Not that I didn't think I would do some skydiving once. I came close to skydiving but the weather didn't cooperate so they cancelled the dive. Oh well. ***

Trust is the story about a fourteen-year old girl who meets a sixteen-year old boy online from California in a chat room. They trade emails for a while becoming very intimate, and well, sexually explicit. He is the only one in the world who understands her. When it comes to trading photos he confesses he's not sixteen, he's twenty and in college. She doesn't like he lied to her, but accepts his excuse. They continue their online relationship then he confesses he's twenty-five and in graduate school. Then he gets her to meet him and he's, oh, forty years old. She's mortified and cries, but hey, she gets in car and goes to a hotel room with him anyway. God, kids are dumb. Or maybe parents are the dumb ones. Heck, a lot of people are dumb, and you don't have to be a kid to fall for bullshit or trust that people are honest and good. I don't know how many times I've been guilty of trusting people I shouldn't. Good movie. Even the FBI screws up a few times and  while watching I kept thinking that wasn't smart I quickly followed it with but so realistic. The FBI would definitely screw up an investigation every step of the way. You'd think they could catch more of these pedophiles by posing as young girls online. Performances were great, but I was hoping for more revenge in the end rather than just a frightful reminder of how normal perverts can seem. ****

Valentine Road is a documentary about the murder of biracial fourteen-year old Larry King an abused transgender/gay student who was sexually harassing fourteen-year old white supremacist Brandon McInerney who brought a gun to school and shot Larry in the back of the head. So many of the adults did absolutely nothing to prevent this and many handled the aftermath of this tragedy so badly. The trial was incredibly complex and lots of victim blaming. Ex-jurors started wearing wrist bands to support the shooter because "he was so young". Really? Like one man said, if he had killed their son would they be so eager to support him? Very sad on so many levels. ****

A Walk in the Woods is based on Bill Bryson's book about hiking the Appalachian Trail. Bryson (Robert Redford) is a retired writer who seems bored or maybe irritated with life and needs something more. Later in the movie he expresses how all anyone thinks and talks about at his age is health and death. He decides to hike the trail but his wife (Emma Thompson...love her) thinks he's crazy and insists he finds a hiking partner while pointing out all the ways this adventure could go wrong. He calls all his friends and they all laugh at him, "I'd rather get a colonoscopy." However, one old friend (Nick Nolte) who he had a falling out with many years ago hears from another friend about his adventure and volunteers to go. For lack of other options, Bryson invites him. He shows up overweight, with knee problems, has seizures if he doesn't eat every hour and is an alcoholic. It was pretty funny. Great commentary on aging. I hope I'm as sprite as Robert Redford when I get to be his age. ****

Wyatt Earp starring Kevin Costner (Wyatt Earp), Dennis Quaid (Doc Holliday) and a bunch of other well-known actors retelling the story of the Wild West and the shoot out at the OK Corral. Dennis Quaid was so skinny and sickly looking I almost didn't recognize him. He must have lost weight to play Doc Holliday. Great movie. I enjoy stories about the historical West and these characters in particular. ****

Ides of Trump

Today, March 15th, is the designated "Ides of Trump" postcard protest.  It is based on the Ides of March when it was foretold that Julius Caesar would die a horrible death...which he did. Everyone who opposes the Dump and his sexist, racist, xenophobic policies was to send a 4 x 6 postcard to the White House voicing their opinion on whatever topic they want to address.

I sent five postcards. I thought it would be important to voice my displeasure at his anti-environment policies. Poor air quality means I can't function let alone breathe.  I thought five was a lot until I read someone in San Francisco sent 800! That's a lot of stamps! I made mine out of some old manila file folders and felt pens. It was a fun.

Then I realized it might not be a good idea to send them from a Trumptard infested county. Ratholian trailer trash are untrustworthy liars anyway, but Trumptard Ratholians are deplorably untrustworthy. I mean, look at their leader. He can't stop lying for a minute. So I drove an hour and a half to get out of Rathole in hopes the postal workers in the neighboring county were honest liberals who would do their jobs and send my cards.

JOIN THE REBELLION!

Cadet Heaters...Round Two

So it's been almost three years since I replaced my rat-infested, formaldehyde-soaked, fiberglass-constructed furnace with electric Cadet wall heaters. I wrote a post on the effects of those brand new heaters: nausea, neck and back pain, and dizziness that lasted for about two weeks. After a frustrating two weeks, I washed the heaters' innards with vinegar and that seemed to do the trick. I haven't had a problem since and they gloriously heated my house very efficiently and relatively safely. I dust them every few months and don't put anything flammable in front of them so my house hasn't burned to the ground. My electric bills were much lower than when the furnace was running, even when it was brand new.

The Cadets have a two-year warranty although many have told me they last much longer. Perhaps others are using them only every now and then, to heat a bathroom or other small space. My three heaters are running about twelve hours a day and sometimes all night if temperatures hit freezing levels or under 25 degrees. Kitchen, living room, and office all winter long. I never use heaters in the spring, summer, and most of the fall when the temperatures are tolerable.

The Cadet in the kitchen stopped blowing heat. It still blows so I know it's not the motor or fan perhaps just the heating element. I thought for sure the cheap, plastic fan would be the first thing to break, but I guess not. This is the only heater attached to a separate temperature control knob. I don't know if that would have anything to do with it going out sooner than the other two. I called a few places then talked to a few more hardware store employees and they all said replacing just a part would cost as much as a new heater. So I bought a new heater. Very easy to install. Before installing I wiped the surfaces down the best I could before flipping it on.

BLAH. Immediately I could smell it. My head started spinning, my stomach lurching, and my spine tightening like an over stretched rubber band. I quickly sealed off the kitchen, brought in the fans, opened the kitchen window, and let the heater air itself out.

The discomfort only lasted for about an hour then I was able to remove the fans and close the window. I think washing down with vinegar is the secret. Even with the toxic offgassing these electric wall heaters are better than the furnace and far less expensive than that $5,000 split duct heatless piece of garbage salesmen were trying to sell me. We'll see if the other two heaters kick the bucket.