fml...

Text messaging drives me nuts. Don't get me wrong! I don't own a brain-cancer-causing cell phone or smartphone or Blackberry thing or whatever. But I do live on email so all of my correspondence is typed which means subversives are typing back at me - in a different language. Most of the time I have no idea what they are saying.

Just before I quit teaching, kids started thinking it was cool to spell everything phonetically. Phat, anotha, shaddup, whatcha, biatch. Even that was easier than initials for each word. At least you could painstakingly sound out the gobbly-gook and still make sense of what someone was writing IF you read it really, really slowly.

Text messaging is a different language. Initials stand for whole words. It's a matter of keeping an urban dictionary at your side, look up each foreign letter combination, then memorize them. Heaven help you if the writer just can't spell. There are few I use myself, like: LOL, but even then I prefer hahaha, hehehehe, or HA!  I know BTW, but I do remember the first few times seeing it and wondering what it meant and then questioning why people were too lazy to spell by the way. It's not that long of a phrase. LMFAO. I know what that means, but again I opt for the ha-ha's. I know as much texting language as I do...Japanese.

It makes me ponder how text messaging will affect the literacy of children in the future? Many, many years ago I worked for an airline who used all kinds of initials for expedient communication. LAX, SFO, JFK...I had every major city in the world memorized, along with all kinds of abbreviations for common airline procedures. PNR, ETA, ETD, STDBY, KML...The longer I worked at that job, the worse my spelling became. A supervisor warned me that was just one of the disadvantages. Long term disadvantages. I never have fully recuperated. So what happens to this generation of children? Is it the start of a new language? Or the disintegration of the old one? It's bad enough the art of letter-writing is dead, but now whole words are disappearing. Forget sentence structure.

My sixteen-year-old niece emailed me a few weeks ago. I haven't had contact with her for a while so I was really excited.  Eager to get to know her teen-self, I emailed her what was literally a FULL page of questions and comments hoping she'd respond with information. Her response:

yeaschool2morowlistentomanypurple spagetti awh!...2cute

It looks like something a spammer would send. She sort of answered two questions from a list of twenty or so. I was disappointed to say the least. I wanted real dialogue. A friend of mine who has a teenager told me to be thankful I could make out whole words and she's meeting me halfway between full-blown proper English and texting.

A day later my niece writes:

freezing buslate fml

fml? fml?  I race to the online urban dictionary...fuck my life

You know, I have to say I like that one. I try to be positive, but that one has just enough cynicism and makes me laugh at the same time. It's reminds me of my best friend when I was a teenager. Every other sentence was Life's a bitch. Or if she was feeling particularly verbose, Life's a bitch and then you die.

At one point my niece ended a sentence with eorl and I raced to my urban dictionary unable to find it. I emailed her apologizing for my old age and my texting-impairment explaining I didn't understand. She must have felt badly for abusing the elderly for then she graced me with whole-ish sentences:

I think I meant something else don't worry I understand

She spelled the word wrong. HAHAHA, oops, I mean LOL.

Surviving the Holidays

 

The holidays are here! Woe to those who are chemically sensitive.  It doesn't matter if you celebrate Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Al Hijra, Hanukkah, Ashura, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, New Year's Eve or New Year's Day, it's human inclination to want to join together in merriment. That means lots of people and lots of stink. Here are my Top Ten Tips for surviving the holidays:

1.) Don't go shopping for gifts. Buy them online and have them sent directly. Or buy gift cards and mail them. Better yet, don't contribute to the materialism of the season. Make mementos or give IOUs for things like massages, house-cleaning projects, car washing, or other helpful acts of kindness. Or donate to charities in the name of your friend or relative to feed the hungry or give basic necessities to the poor. We own too much.

2.) If you plan to murder and waste a living tree, get an organic one that hasn't been sprayed with pesticides or preserved with pine-scented fresheners. Or better find a little fake tree so you can use it every year. No wait, they are usually made from plastics or chemicals. Even better, go outside, pick up one of the many branches that broke off in the last storm and decorate it. The Swiss have a tradition of putting a Christmas tree on top at the apex of a newly constructed house frame as a symbol of happiness to come. It's just a stick with a few decorations, but the meaning is enormous. Do we need a ten foot tall, freshly murdered tree to symbolize our materialism and bad taste? If you need the fresh scent of pine,  gather pine branches from your neighbor's pine tree that's in pieces all over your yard. There are benefits to winter storms! Be grateful. Make a wreath while you are at it!


3.) Christmas lights. Oh, I love Christmas lights. Do you know the plastic used to cover the wires is made with lead? Check the box or packaging the lights came in as there is often a warning. CAUTION: Prop 65 WARNING: Handling the coated electrical wires of this product exposes you to lead, a chemical known to the State of California to cause cancer, birth defects and other reproductive harm. Wash hands after use. Who would have thought? You don't want to eat any fudge with bare, unwashed hands after handling twinkle lights. In addition, when this plastic gets old it starts to disintegrate and the lead flakes off creating a dust all over. I guess most of us should feel lucky only in the State of California is lead hazardous. Does that mean everyone else's lights are safe?

 

 

4.) Don't buy Christmas cards or stand in line at the post office with smelly people for stamps and mailings. Instead, there are many websites for ecard deliveries or make your own Christmas letter with embedded photos. Email doesn't involve licking scented adhesives on stamps or envelopes.




5.) Don't go to people's houses for holiday dinners or you risk being poisoned and disappointed. Invite them to come to your house scent-free for a fragrance-free gathering. Buy an organic, free-range turkey and other organic trimmings for your holiday dinner. If you can't get friends and family to be fragrance-free, eat it yourself.


6.) If you choose to drink wine or champagne, get the kind without the sulfites and uses organic grapes. I know someone who makes their own wine from all kinds of berries. It's pretty potent. Or drink Sparkling Cider. You can even find sugar-free Sparkling Cider. Or make your own.


7.) Don't eat junky foods like cookies, cakes, pies, divinity, candy canes, fudge, peppermint milkshakes, eggnog mocha lattes. Yeah, I know. Easier said than done. Stuff the stockings with nuts, fruits, and paperback books. If you can tolerate the smell of essential oils, use peppermint oil to scent your house.


8.) If you order and buy Christmas music CDs, be aware they might come scented. Instead download music or listen to radio stations that specialize in Christmas music. We have one in my area that starts playing Christmas music the day after Thanksgiving and doesn't stop until the day after Christmas. What a variety of music there is! Traditional, country, rock, hiphop, jazz, children's, religious, movie and television show soundtracks, medieval Gregorian chants....


9.) Use electric candles instead of those normally made from paraffin or beeswax that can negatively affect your air quality. Cough...cough...choke.


10.) Create your own traditions for the holidays that are scent-free and non-toxic. I start playing Christmas music on Thanksgiving and don't stop until Christmas day. I also watch the movie White Christmas with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye on Thanksgiving Day every year. I think I've been watching this every year since I was eight years old. It never fails to bring in the holiday spirit!

Be happy. Have fun. Stay safe. Feel grateful.

 

Happy Holidays!

Winter Project: Meatballs

The second recipe for making paper beads involves using mushed up newspaper. After nearly slicing my thumb off with the exacto knife while cutting the paper strips for the paper beads, I was hoping this recipe might be less dangerous and as non-toxic as the paper beads.

Directions:

First, take some sheets of old newspapers, not glossing advertising pages, but regular newsprint newspaper. The glossy pages have an added coating that makes the fibers hard to break down.

 

 

Tear the sheets into small pieces or if you have a paper shredder, use that. If you do it by hand, wear some latex or vinyl gloves. As you can see above, the ink gets all over your skin which is fairly gross and somewhat toxic.

Place the pieces in a crock pot and add enough boiling water to cover. Let sit for at least an hour stirring occasionally which helps break down the fibers. When the fibers are completely broken down, it will look mushy without defined pieces.

This is much messier than the other paper recipe. Also, the ink on the paper makes it a little more toxic as the hot water will make it smell.

 

Once the paper is mush, drain and squeeze out the excess water. Again, wear gloves or the ink will get all over your hands. You can see the ring of ink in the above photo.

Add some Elmer's glue so the paper will stick together. If you've ever done papier mache this is the same concept. Traditional papier mache recipes call for flour as the adhesive, but since we'll be making beads (balls) using this mixture thickly, I'd be afraid the flour would rot before it dried completely.

Then start rolling...and rolling...and rolling. As you begin each bead, determine how big you want it, squeeze out excess water, press together, then roll in the palms of your hands for an even spherical shape. Try to smooth out any rough edges which will save you sanding time later. Again, if you don't wear gloves, the ink will end up all over your hands.

 

Set on a non-stick surface to dry. I used plates. Make sure the bead-balls don't touch.

Over the next few days as they dry, reposition each ball so it dries evenly and not just on the top or bottom.

It takes about four days for the beads to dry, but give it a few extra days so you are certain the centers are also dry and not just the surface. They turn almost white when completely dry. Little white meatballs.

Once they are dry, if there are any rough edges, sand them down for a smooth surface. This is a hassle. I'm not sure how one is to hold a tiny little meatball and keep it still while sanding.

Then using a small drill bit, drill a hole into each bead. This is also a hassle. Not sure how one holds a tiny very hard little meatball while trying to drill a hole in it. I nearly drilled a hole through my hand a few times.

 

Paint each bead. I thought painting them bright colors would make them look less like meatballs, but I was wrong. They look like meatballs that have been painted. They are, however, very lightweight which might be advantageous for something. This process might be fun for a three-dimensional sculpture project of some kind.

The photos I've seen online of these beads painted in earthy colors and varnished are beautiful, but I realized I don't have the patience for this project. Besides the rolling, sanding, and drilling, with the ink smell, paint and varnish it's not  non-toxic at all which was the point.

I still like the paper beads better. I just need to be more watchful when using an exacto knife! I've been making about twenty paper beads a night. They are adding up!

Obamacare

Hooray Obama! He gets four more years to fight the Republicans. I still have no idea why anyone would have voted for Romney. I read one article about Romney bullying kids at his prep school. There was one incident where he cornered a boy, held him down, and cut off his hair just because he didn't like his hair style. That was just the tip of the iceberg. I've never heard anything like that about Obama, true or not. The best the Republicans could come up with was he wasn't an American citizen.

But mandatory health insurance...hmmmm. Not so excited about that, but at least it's SOMETHING. At least someone is attempting the change the incredibly bad health care system we have in the United States. Although I'm not excited about being forced to pay money to a sleazy corporation for my health care, I am hopeful the system will evolve into something better. I am hopeful this may eventually move toward universal health care so everyone can be covered without paying a corporation.

As it is I don't have health insurance. At times it worries me. What happens if I get in an accident? I spent a lot of time on my roof this summer. Suppose I would have fallen off? I had a friend break his ankle a few years ago. He had that catastrophic insurance coverage so it cost him $5,000 to have it fixed at the hospital. Without that insurance, he said it would have been about $40,000. The cost of health care in this country is an atrocity.

What happens if I get sick? Illness tends to happen the older you get. It's just a matter of time before one of my body parts decides to give out. I'm relying on my healthy dietary practices, exercise, good habits, and lack of bad habits to get me through. Crossing my fingers. Without health insurance, one bad accident or one catastrophic illness could render me bankrupt. I'd lose everything. It's a worry.

I am looking forward to some of the changes we might see with the mandatory insurance starting in 2014. For instance, the insurance companies won't be able to deny health coverage due to pre-existing conditions.  The pre-existing condition clauses in the health insurance contracts always worry me. Michael Moore's movie Sicko addresses the problem of sleazy insurance corporations working hard to find loop holes so if you do need care, they will find ways to deny your claims.

The best election joke I heard was David Letterman asking President Obama what he would tell people who were suffering from Romnesia.

He replied, "Obamacare covers pre-existing conditions."

HAHAHAHAHA!!

But insurance companies not covering pre-existing conditions irritates me to no end and it's my number one reason for not getting insurance. I find it really difficult to pay money into a very bad system.

Other reasons I don't have insurance:

I like my money. Insurance is expensive.

I don't like doctors. I can't find a doctor in my area that doesn't stink of chemicals. I've had doctors tell me to go away because they wear perfume and will continue to do so. The stupidity astounds me. Doctors are disappointing. With regard to chemical sensitivity, most of them don't have a clue so what would I be paying for? I don't see the point.

I know with our system the way it is it's not smart to not have insurance. I'm taking a risk.

Oh well, I've always been a risk-taker.

Here's an hilarious take on Romney's concession speech:

http://therealnews.com/t2/component/hwdvideoshare/?task=viewvideo&video_id=74959

Midnight Snacking

After forty straight days and nights of rain, the garden is drenched. Floating. So many of my tomatoes needed just one more month of sun and they would have been perfect. Instead, they are mushy, splitting and rotting right on the vine.

At three o'clock this morning, I awoke with a start. Rats. For some odd reason, I panicked at the thought of rats out in the garden in the middle of the night snacking on my soggy tomatoes. I even got a flashlight and peered out the window. Didn't see anything but rain. Rats scare me. Allowing them to snack is an invitation to move into my house. Come on in where it's nice and warm. I'll have more treats OR you can eat my walls. Shiver. Rats can burn down a house by gnawing on the electrical wiring. Shiver.

I know with fruit trees it's important to keep the windfalls off the ground to keep the rats away, but for some reason I spaced on the tomatoes. I kept thinking I could wait until the weather got colder and less wet to do fall garden clean up. I was up at 3:30am ready to work as soon as I could see into the yard.

One full wheelbarrow

 

Thousands of wasted tomatoes. Literally, thousands. I cleaned out both tomato beds and hauled four wheelbarrows full of vines and fruit.

Looks like more dirt than tomato, but everything was so muddy.

 

Plus two more buckets of rotten or still-green tomatoes. Some I had to search in the herbs and bushes as they had fallen and rolled. Others I had to dig in the very wet dirt to find them.

When the tomato plants were cleaned out and gone, I started on the squash vines. My last little zucchini had nibble marks. I don't know if rats like zucchini. Then the rain got so heavy I had to quit.

This is the part where I wondered why I grew tomatoes...so much work. I think in my area it would be better to grow things in a green house.