Step by Step (or The Longest Two Weeks of My Life)

Two weeks then to six weeks...I can do this! I do wish I had some books to read or something to do besides write a blog. Few people are emailing me. Maybe I'll get some work? I need some distraction or this will go very slowly!! The countdown begins...

Day 1, Monday: I spent my time hanging out in the van writing this blog, answering emails and messages when they come, listening to music on Spotify, and just sitting with my foot elevated. One friend reminded me my library has eaudiobooks to download and she plans to send me some ebooks in her collection. A client came through and is sending a project my way later in the week. The "Park and Ride" people drive by me all day long. One stopped and asked if I need a ride to the hospital. I said, "Not today. Thanks!"  

Here is my new home for who knows how long:

I'm in the back of the parking lot where it gets shade in the afternoon. That will help me deal with this 90+ degree weather from noon to about 5pm. I feel like I'm melting! Today the high was 92 degrees, but it feels like 120 degrees in the van. I keep sucking down water and running a cold handkerchief over my face, neck and arms. It cools down at night so I tend to watch the time closely. It should get cooler by the weekend so I'm hopeful. See in the photo below, there is actually a porta-potty nearby (little brown hut in the background). There isn't much privacy in a parking lot so going to the bathroom is difficult, more so now that I have to balance on one foot and pray I don't fall over! I drove over to the porta potty later in the day and dumped my pee bucket and poop pail. I wish I knew where to dump my garbage. It amazes me how much garbage one person in a small van can accumulate. I'll take it to Walmart when I go. Baby steps to survival. And I see the light at the end of the tunnel! This sure did put a kink in my Great Adventure plan, but it never stopped being an adventure!

My thought is this hospital is going to charge me a lot of money for surgery, follow-up appointments and all the ins and outs. I intent to save money by camping in their parking lot. I already informed security so hopefully they will spread the awareness and the nurses checked to see if it was OK and they gave me permission. Nurses also said if I run out of food, do Door Dash. Patients staying in the hospital long term always have supplies delivered. I like being close in case I need help. Why not? Van life is just about living rent/mortgage free. The parking lot isn't pretty, but it can be home for now. I checked with a couple more hotels today, but they all use air fresheners. The hotel receptionist I spoke to said it's an industry standard. There is really no other place to go as Maine isn't friendly to van living.

I started reading Kasher in the Rye by Moshe Kasher. It was highly recommended. I couldn't get into it.

Day 2, Tuesday: My hair is so stringy from all the humidity and sweat I decided to try to wash it. The surgeon and nurses told me to get up and move every now and then for circulation so that's what I did. I had to walker my way out to the back of the van, get buckets, water jugs, clothes hanger thing, folding chair, and soap. Not only did I wash my hair, but did some handwashing laundry before the sun starts beating down. I wanted to take advantage of the heat so hopefully everything will dry fast...unless the humidy prevents it! I felt weak, dizzy and slightly nauseated which always worries me because I don't want to fall. I kept humming that song, "I am Woman." Nothing is going to keep me down! HA!

Although it's only the second day in the parking lot, today is the third day since the surgery and hospital stay so the pain should decrease. After my next dose of ibuprofen, I'll start some gentle range of motion stretches to keep the foot and ankle working.

Around noon, the temperature reached 93 degrees. I opened windows, closed the side door since the sun was shining on it, then closed up everything and put the key in the ignition and put the air on full blast. I didn't want to turn it off but I thought if the heat in this van doesn't kill me, I'm pretty sure the carbon monoxide will! I looked at my map of Maine and wondered if I should just drive somewhere, but then I'd have to beg people to pump my gas or I'd be pulled over by police and get a ticket. Instead I called the Park & Ride and asked for a ride to the medical center. The driver was very kind and friendly. I asked if there was a place to sit and he suggested the cafeteria. My clothes are wet with sweat. I probably smell homeless, but it's so cool in here!!!

I want very badly to eat pie! I bet they have a lot of evil foods here. Good thing I can't walk! I am trying not to eat sugar as I want to heal fast. I've been very good so far! I did check the cafeteria...NOTHING gluten-free and everything junk! BLAH! At least it can't tempt me, but this is a hospital! Why fill the cafeteria with substandard junk food when they should be promoting health?

I read We Solve Murders by Richard Osman.

Day 3, Wednesday: It's 8am and already 77 degrees of mugginess! UGH! I got up early, dumped my pee bucket in the porta potty and garbage at the Walmart. At 6am I hobbled into Walmart to stock up on food, but they were out of my yogurt. Damn. I need yogurt in order to take these pain killers or I get so queasy the head spinning makes it difficult to move around. I headed to Grosvenor's Bakery and Restaurant for breakfast. They have one of those dream bakeries - the most beautiful desserts! Their cakes are about a foot tall! Nothing gluten-free, but I bought six huge cookies for the Park & Ride guys. Although they don't take tips, I figured I'd better get in their good graces in some way because I'll be using them to get to the hospital so I can hang out in air conditioning. I'm sitting at the deserted far end of the air-conditioned cafeteria now, using the hospital's free wi-fi. I hope to be here all day until the temperatures start decreasing.

I really hate this. I fear someone will eventually tell me I need to leave. I feel like an interloper. I see the end, but it's all happening in slow motion. I need a real adventure. I have been scanning the Zillow ads to buy a house, but maybe I want a house in Greece or Spain or France? Or maybe that sounds like too much hassle? I'm getting to old for all this shenanigans.

I read The Life Impossible by Matt Haig.

Day 4, Thursday: It was supposed to rain today. It didn't, but the weather keeps postponing it so until then we get "suspended rain." Yep, I made that up. The horrid mugginess and air quality is so thick it's hard to breathe and it feels like rain hanging in the air. EEEEWWW! Get me outta here! I can sense the mold growing in my van.

The pain killers are taking a toll, too. After nearly two weeks of daily drugs, I feel dizzy and sick to my stomach constantly. Walmart seems to be out of my yogurt which I think might help. I spoke to the pharmacist in the hospital and he said it's a trade off: which is worse: pain or nausea. This is not a choice. He is an idiot.

Worked all day in the air conditioned cafeteria. I took breaks and carefully stretched my foot. I peaked under the bandage and my whole shin looks black and blue! WTH?? Lots of warnings about blood clots, but nothing about being black and blue. I'm in a constant state of ignorance. Should I be worried? Then I think, Oh, what do I care if I die? This is miserable. Living in a van is miserable. I don't have a home. I'm fucking hungry for real food. It might be a relief for it to all be over. Yeah, I'm not having a good day. I want to leave, but even that seems scary. So I get to spend my days watching health care personnel inhale junk food in the cafeteria.

Instead of the hassle of a wheelchair, the hospital also trusts patients with electric carts. I love the basket. I can stuff all my office stuff, computer, notebooks, lunch, purse and walker in it and prowl the hospital halls. HA! What I don't like it is when one goes backwards the warning bell is LOUD! Try it in a bathroom and it feels like it's some kind of weapon of destruction.

I have friends who are not really friends. I think sometimes I pretend people are more than they really are. They are currently in New Brunswick right next door to Nova Scotia. I had planned to cross paths with them and possibly meet up, but then this happened so I told them just so they know our meeting might not happen. Their response, "Good luck with that." Then silence. Two weeks later she is asking how I am. Really? Sorry, it seems so disingenuine. Granted, these are the same people who invited me to visit in San Diego and she went to a conference that was fifteen minutes away. She never once dropped in to say hi. So weird. At least she doesn't feel obligated to share how wonderful her Thai dinner was, but she did share she saw a moose. Does she think I'm in a place where I care? It makes me question what I expect from people: friends, aquaintenances, strangers. The strangers seem far more concerned about me than my own friends and they keep checking in to see how I am. I don't even know what to do with that.

I'm tired....of everything. Including my Arizona doctor. She's useless. I had another (second) telehealth appointment. The video never works and they have no idea why not can't give me instructions so we end up talking on a phone. She has an accent that is really hard to understand and she's just not helpful. I don't need the stress. What was I thinking? But if I didn't have her as a doctor, how would I have ever gotten a surgery referral. It's such a game.

Day 5, Friday: I have this urge to shave my head. The muggy heat makes my hair stringy, sweaty, and gross. I always have this fear with no hair, no make up, old wrinkly face I'll look like an old man, but do I really care? Who sees me? It's not like I do selfies five times a day. Besides I AM old and feeling it. So what if people get the gender wrong. Heck, maybe if people think I'm an old man I'll get more respect? I wish I still had my shaver. I sold it in the purge.

I have been sick all day. Called the surgeon's office and they want me to get some meprazole, Pepsid or Prilosec. I checked with the pharmacy and the name brands are loaded with cellulose. I went looking for yogurt and found some. It didn't help. I think I just have to quit the ibuprofen. This worries me. I don't want my leg to swell, get infected or be in pain, but I don't know what to do.

I spent the day in the cafeteria working. I went to a health store but their electric cart didn't work and it was so exhausting using the walker. There were about five employees, 4 men and a young woman. The woman offered help. The men were assholes. I've been having too many asshole encounters lately.

Temperature this morning at 8am was 63 degrees! Unlike the other day when it was 77 degrees! Hooray! It still hasn't rained. I wish it would.

The hospital security approached me. Wanted to know who I was and why I was parked in the parking lot. Really? After a WEEK? I gave them my name, phone number, license plate and then a lecture on how I am patiently waiting for my post-surgical follow-up appointment to make sure nothing is infected, everything is healing properly and to get stitches out. I assured him I do not want to be here. I'm not "camping". This is not recreation. I have no where else to go until the appointment which is next week. I also told him nurses told me I could stay the night and the security I encountered the morning of the surgery didn't seem to care when I told them. Even the superviser who gave me a ride back to the van that afternoon didn't seem to care. I think this guy was taking his job too seriously, BUT now I'm paranoid at any moment someone will tell me to leave. Just six more days...

Day 6, Saturday: I had weird dreams last night probably from Walmart chicken. Clearly it's toxic. I dreamt my brother died just as I was emptying the van into a new place to live. I don't remember if I was renting or if I bought the house. So strange.

The parking lot is fairly empty on the weekends, unlike the weekdays where it is nearly full. I spent the day working, eating, lounging, reading, and not going anywhere. I am tired of trying to drive to the store and I am tired of taking another drug because the nurses can't seem to manage the pain effectively. It was hard to sleep all night from the discomfort.

I want to shave my head.

Finished The Life Impossible. I loved it. About a woman in her seventies who has lost all enthusiasm for life. Both her young son and husband are dead leaving her alone. I always worried about not getting married and not having kids and whether I'd regret ending up alone in my senior years, but this woman still ended up alone. There are no guarantees. I like she went to a Spanish island and found a life. I like she acquired superpowers. I need some superpowers! I want that kind of adventure! Maybe I need to expand my house search and go international? I don't even know how. It all seems so difficult.

Five more days...

I awoke to cool temperatures in the 50s and the high today was 82 degrees. Not bad. I look forward when it is 70 degrees.

Day 7, Sunday: It's SO MUGGY. 91% humidity and 83 degrees. It's supposed to rain this afternoon, but it's been threatening rain all week and nothing.

I ran errands all day. Got some Zegerid which is a fancy brand for Omeprazole with Sodium Bicarbonate in hopes of controlling the nausea from the ibuprofen. Went to Walmart for a garbage dump and to buy more yogurt. I then tackled the health food store in hopes of finding salmon and other meats. I'm thinking meat and good protein will help heal bones (along with a lot of yogurt!). 

There was a charming man who hobbled up beside me and suggested we start a club. He had a cast on his foot, but he said he had surgery long ago and has had nothing but problems. His wife shared with me stories of people she knows who broke an ankle simply slipping. She also asked where I had the surgery done. When I told her she just "hmmmm" but said nothing. I think if it was the same place they've had problems with she might have added a warning. I'm really happy I picked such a good facility. I hope. Four days until the follow-up appointment.

Then I came back to the parking lot and vegetated for most of the afternoon.

I saw a young man the other day up by the street, and again he was up there today. He walked down the steep embankment to ask if I was OK. He said he saw my van yesterday and then sees I am back so he wanted to check on me. I told him I had been there all week waiting for an appointment that is scheduled for next week (showed him my cast). He said he wanted to check to be kind. Later when the storm was about to hit he came back down to let me know it was about to thunderstorm. Very nice. We need more nice people in the world. If this experience has taught me anything, people are assholes and most of them don't care about anyone but themselves. Even as I sit in a HOSPITAL parking lot in a cast, this young man was the one rare person who stopped to ask if I needed help. If I saw someone in a van in a cast sitting in a parking lot, I would ask if they needed anything. Even in most of the stores I enter, as I'm struggling to get in the door, no one offers help.

Ten minutes before 3pm the dark clouds start rolling in...

Of course, I had been staring at the weather reports all morning waiting for the storm, praying it would actually happen this time. Right on schedule...big, black clouds rolled in and it started to pour. OMG! It smelled so good!

Shazam! Right on schedule!

Day 8, Monday: I didn't take any ibuprofen last night because I felt pretty good. In fact just before falling asleep I forgot I had a broken ankle! I didn't think I needed more drugs. Woke up in the middle of the night in horrible pain and a lot of it in my back. With no solar power in the morning (fans on all night), I got a ride to the hospital for cafeteria breakfast in order to eat pills of all kinds in hopes of no nausea reprocussions. Still slightly nauseated.

Sat in the cafeteria and researched comment sections for hotels in Flagstaff. Most negative comments mentioning mold, cleaning products, or pet stink. I doubt if I'll be able to find a clean hotel anywhere! Researched orthopedic surgeons in Flagstaff.

This is the longest two weeks of my life....

Beautiful day today!! The high was 70 degrees with a cool breeze and sunshine. I made an appointment with an orthopedic ankle specialist in Flagstaff in September for the six weeks follow up and maybe physical therapy. Flagstaff right now has 32% humidity. It's in the 80s but by the time I get there it might be in the 70s. It's Arizona so BLM land is all over, good food, free grocery bags and most importantly, out of Maine!

Day 9, Tuesday: Damn, this countdown makes me feel good! Getting closer! Two more days and I'm outta here! I want Maine in my rear view!!

I admit I've lost my nerve. Traveling alone feels dangerous now. Camping alone in the woods feels risky. I don't feel safe anymore. You wouldn't think shattering an ankle, having to be carried off a beach, into an ambulance, faced with substandard Canadian public health, driving to another country for much needed surgery, then living in a hospital parking lot for two weeks would be that traumatic, but is was and it is. I'm sure I'll get over it, but I'm now afraid of the unknown. Driving several days across country alone with really no plan frightens me. I think being handicapped in some way, even in a minor way, adds to the vulnerablity. Interesting how our outlook can change at the drop of a hat, or in this case, a slip of the foot. If anything this experience reminded me I have no one in my life to rely on for help.

But do I have a choice? One of my friends commented on how "adventurous" I am with this injury and how admirable this is. It has nothing to do with being adventurous. It has everything to do with being alone in the world. I don't have a choice. If I don't get it done, it won't get done. If I wasn't willing to drive with my left foot, I'd still be in Nova Scotia listening to everyone lecture me on how I can't drive with my left foot, forfeiting surgery, and never walking again. If I don't drive across the country, I'd be in Maine the rest of my life. <shiver>

At eleven days since surgery, my ankle feels better. I don't have to elevated it to keep the pain and swelling at bay. I'm still using the walker, but I can walk with the weight-bearing cast although I try not to put full weight on it yet although I did slide out of the driver's seat at a gas station and walk freely pumping my own gas! Felt fine. I'm not so dizzy or nauseated since I'm taking less pain meds, but in the morning when it's cold, my ankle aches and the incisions burn at night if rubbing on the cast. It's getting better. I have every confidence it'll continue to heal as so many others have assured. I haven't had sugar for nineteen days in hopes that will assist the healing process. Well, other than the sugar that is in the yogurt. I'll make sacrifices to get this done and over as fast as possible, but damn, I want something bad to eat!!

It's cloudy this morning, but it should get up to 72 degrees this afternoon. Lovely weather finally! Friday is back up to 85 degrees, but I hope to be driving away Thursday afternoon!

OOPS! A different security guy drove up in his car and again, asked me why I was parked. I told him I'm waiting for an appointment on Thursday and there is no where else to be. I explained as soon as this appointment is over, I am gone. He very nicely said I couldn't park in the hospital parking lot and to take my time, but MOVE. He seems to think I can park at the local park (no) or a Walmart (no). I checked with the Walmarts and they are tired of RVers moving in for a week or two. How rude to take advantage of the generosity of these businesses and ruin it for the rest of us. I thanked the security guard for the time I was able to park and I drove 50 miles north to find a friendly Walmart. Here I am! TWO MORE DAYS!! I cannot wait to leave this fucking state!

I am reading How to Stop Time by Matt Haig. Love it.

Day 10, Wednesday: I drove to Portland. Three hours. I've never been to the "other" Portland! I didn't have anything else to do today! They have the only Whole Foods in Maine and I am so tired of not finding good food. Of course, Whole Foods is what it is. Rude employees, substandard health food pretending to be more than it is, BUT it's still better than anything out there. And it's comfortable. I know Whole Foods even with all it's faults. Five hours of driving. I can do it! I also bought stuff to freeze since I will be driving through the mid-west where I doubt there is any organic or gluten-free food at all.

Maine charges for grocery bags. Not only do they charge for grocery bags, but every kind of container imaginable. Every item you scan it asks what kind of container you selected...and charges you for it.

The east coast has toll booths. What a pain in the ass! Of course, I had no idea what I was doing since the west doesn't. In the middle of the freeway we are all expected to get in line so I headed for the lane with a green light that I thought said "cash". It was only ONE DOLLAR. I must have gone to the wrong lane because there was no one at the booth! So I sit there holding my ONE DOLLAR bill up not knowing what I'm supposed to do. The light changed to red and I don't move. Then the guy behind me started honking like a maniac! WTF? So I drive off, looking around, and wondering if the toll police will chase me down and fine me $100 for not paying a $1. I've always seen on movies and television shows about toll booth runners. I'm all of a sudden a criminal. FOR ONE DOLLAR! There is a sign on the freeway that says, "If you didn't pay your toll, call..." What am I supposed to do? Stop in the middle of the freeway to write the number down? Way to much goddamn stress for $1! Later I found the number online and yeah, they want their dollar. My license isn't in the system for another 24 hours so call back which I did and they took my credit card for ONE DOLLAR!! Just think of all the people they have to employ, all the time it takes just to get my ONE DOLLAR. You'd think they would have figured out a more efficient way to get money for roads...like taxes?? How behind the times are they?

Then to find a place to park for the night. I checked iOverlander. Every listing no longer accepts overnight parking! I drove to two rest stops and the fishing access. They have "no overnight parking signs" now along with all the Walmarts in or near Bangor refusing any kind of nomad hospitality. There is a truck stop, but I hate truck stops. The trucks idle all night creating noise and stink and it's just a creepy place filled with creepy men. I hate Maine. Seriously. I finally found the Penobscot Narrows Bridge Overlook. A little parking lot that overlooks the bridge. Many have said they parked overnight and there are no "no overnight parking" signs. I hate these "iffy" places, but I was so tired and my leg hurt so bad after five hours of driving, I couldn't go any further. If a police officers tells me to leave, I can always head to the truck stop.

This is it! Tomorrow is the follow-up! I hope everything is healing as expected.

Surgery!

The night before my surgery I was searching the internet for my doctor as I laid around the health care parking lot in the middle of the night. It was then I realized there are about five different facilities for this health care center! OMG! I don't know which one I'm supposed to be at tomorrow morning at the crack of dawn! They never gave me the address! Jeez!!

I called the number I had for them praying someone would answer a phone. They did and I am not at the right facility. Good god! It's only 12 minutes away but I'd hate to show up late and they say, "Too bad for you!" Then I'm in a panic because I don't even know if my new doctor takes my insurance! It was a stressful night!

At 4am I get up. prepare and head out to find this hospital in the dark of dawn. Beautiful complex! I get registered (I wasn't even registered...I was an add on). The nurses are all wonderful, friendly and kind. I was really stressing over the stink they might be wearing, but I think most health facilities have scent-free policies. It's a new world. Thank god! Other than a few mildly scented hand sterilizers, everything smelled clean and not fragranced!

The surgeon also didn't stink...on a scale of 1-10 for bedside manner he was a negative 5. When he left I asked the nurses and they said, "Yeah, that's normal." He seemed put out by my questions, but I kept asking them anyway because fuck if I care if I'm inconveniencing this young, arrogant, piece of shit. Do I care if he has a bad attitude? Maybe that makes him a better doctor...I just want someone who knows what he's doing.

New Weight-Bearing Cast!

I'm out like a light after breathing brain-numbing anesthesia and wake up hours later in EXCRUCIATING pain! They give me a block. Great sleep though. Doctor informs me everything went very well. I finally come out the other end and I'm sick, dizzy, and miserable. They keep feeding me drug after drug for pain and nausea but nothing seems to work on the nausea. Even oxycodone didn't work on the pain. I've never vomitted so much in my life. Finally I say, "Maybe it's the drugs causing the nausea?" So I argue with them at two in the morning.

How many times was I asked, "On a scale of 1 to 10?"

Of course, I have not admitted to anyone I'm chemically sensitive. Conventional medicine just doesn't understand what that might mean. She finally gives me one last drug for nausea and sleep and I finally get some relief.

The next morning, I see a physical therapist so he can assess if I can be released into a VAN! By the time he left he said, "That will be the easiest thing I do all day!" I pulled off being ready and confident!

The nurse told me it's illegal to drive with a cast on your foot!! Shit. She said, "Don't get pulled over or you'll be fined!" I wonder what they'd do? Impound my van? Throw me to the street? Hmmm...I looked it up online and it said it's not recommended, but it's not illegal. Maybe in the lovely state of Maine? I don't know. I don't have a choice. I'm just not sure where or when I'll be leaving.

My plan is to stick around Bangor and park at the hospital for the next two weeks until the follow up appointment, get the stitches out, find out progress and next step. Then we'll see!

One step at a time and this will all be over. In the meantime, I'm searching Zillow for a real place to live!

Hell in a Hand Basket or Get Me the Hell Outta Here!

 

I spent six restful, but stressful days in Noel, Nova Scotia convalescing in Minou's driveway. I definitely needed it if anything for a little healing, but without a plan or even knowing how to proceed I was a basket case. Frazzled. My foot is detached from my leg being held together by a very heavy plaster cast. I'm frantically emailing, messaging, and posting of my situation praying someone can come up with an idea. Do I high-tail it back to the states? Do I stay here? How to get back to the states? How to survive in a van in very hot Maine? What kind of doctor will fix my ankle? Where do I find him/her? HOW DO I DO THIS???!!

I had a few offers of help. One very generous woman was willing to drive the van with me in it where I wanted to go as long as I paid for her airfare. I did worry if she'd be fragrance-free or not. Another friend volunteered to let me stay with her after the surgery for physical therapy, but I had no idea where to store the van. Yet another friend contacted her church's Halifax congregation to see if they had any ideas on travel. The pastor asked if I needed food. I thought that was so thoughtful and kind! Food in Canada is abysmal. Trying to get organic or gluten-free is difficult. I doubt very much if that's what he was offering, but I know there are so many people without access to any food so his offer was very compassionate and truly Christian.

Most support from people I know sounded like this, and I quote, "Oh, too bad for you, but let me tell you about the Thai food I had last night!" Minou says I need to ask for help, but I told her I am a non-entity in most people's lives. I'm not in anyway a priority even to the people I consider good friends. Point-blank asking for help sounds like disappointment and I prioritize my requests. For instance, dumping my pee bucket and my human waste is a priority. I avoided asking her for much more! I do appreciate the people in my life sending me well wishes and constantly checking in with me as I know most can't do much else especially since I'm on the other side of the country and not in the country!! My philosophy is if people want to help and can help, they will offer. And, more importantly, too many people stink! So proximity is always a challenge.

Monday I called every podiatric and orthopedic surgeon in Bangor, Maine, and nearby. Only one office actually answered their phones or returned my pleas for help. They also gave me all kinds of wonderful advice knowing I wasn't even a patient yet! I was impressed. When I was a medical assistant I learned if the staff are happy and helpful, that is usually a sign the doctors are good.

Tuesday came and went with no communication from the Canadian surgeon. I thought I'd give him until Tuesday night. I was hoping at least to get a recommendation and a referral. Nothing. The hospital said they didn't have a surgeon on the staff and check another hospital. Wow. Zero help from them although they will be the ones sending me a bill.

Wednesday I call the orthopedic surgeon's office who was helpful on Monday. They need a referral sent from the ER doctor. I call the hospital. Hmmm...no, that is not their procedure. The surgeon needs to request a referral via fax. HOLY FUCK! This went back and forth with neither office budging on policy so I could get fixed. I was in tears.

The surgeon's office suggested I could make a run for the border and at the first American hospital I find get everything done again (and pay for it again!!) and have them send their referral. She said Canadians are notoriously slow and waiting might be a problem as this is time sensitive...if the wait is to long I can't have surgery. I'm in a panic.

Then she suggested maybe I could have my primary care do the referral? I said, "But she really isn't in the loop?" I did message her to ask her advice on how to find a doctor earlier. The surgeon's office said, "Get her in the loop. You should send her the documents, x-rays and labs for your chart anyway." I call primary care doctor and she's not in the office. So I message her with an "urgent". She responds and says she'll have her medical assistant send it! Oh, thank God!!

How can getting health care be so damn hard? If I were laying on the floor dying, they'd all either ignore me or argue about policy!

In the meantime, I practiced driving with my left foot! I did a run to the grocery store thirty minutes away. No one was on the country highways so I alternated slowing down and accelerating to get used to the left foot action. On the way back I had to emergency brake for a few bad drivers and it was automatic which gave me lots of confidence! Having my leg stretched out to the right totally messed with my sense of space. I kept thinking I was driving too close to the side of the road! LOL!

I decided to leave for the states the next day. I can't risk falling off these crutches and ending up back in a Canadian ER. Also, when the Maine surgeon's office wants me there for an appointment, I want to be available immediately. I left the next morning. Beautiful drive through the Nova Scotian countryside. I am so sad and disappointed I didn't get to stay for the whole month seeing the whole province.

On the route, the Maine surgeon's office called! They do want me there immediately and planned to make the appointment the next day, but had to check with the surgeon's schedule first. Later they called me back again...forget the appointment, surgery is scheduled for Saturday (it's Thursday). I have a feeling they just squished me into a non-existent schedule as an emergency. Thank you!! The surgeon I thought I'd be seeing who I researched isn't available, but another is...he got out of medical school last year. Does this give me confidence? Hell no. But I don't have a choice and I'm just thankful I can be seen at all. By anyone. I just hope when this is all over, I can walk again!

I also had to stop twice for gas. The first I asked a customer to go back in the store and ask if there was an employee who could pump it for me. This darling young woman with curly red hair who I had the pleasure of getting gas from on the way to Nova Scotia came out cheerfully and sympathetically took my money then she sent a customer to pump it. At the next gas station there was a woman pumping gas next to me and I asked her. She happily abliged and come to find out she was there on business from California. See, Minou! I can ask for help! LOL!

Got to Bangor. Beautiful town with gorgeous old homes. I found a health food store, but they didn't have electric carts. Thankfully they were willing to shop for me and bring it out to the parking lot. I needed to stock up on food as I'm not sure if I'll be able to get around at all after the surgery. I asked for the cheapest dozen eggs they have...$7.99!! Really? Beggars can't be chosers! They did not charge me for the private shopping so there is a trade off.

I searched for hotels. I risked bodily injury and slowly crutched my way into two of them. Both use air fresheners in the rooms and all rooms smelled of mold. I think it's just too damp here. One hotel receptionist said all of the hotels use air fresheners. Rather than waste my time visiting and smelling them myself (I was so sick after the first one!), I started calling and all cheerfully said, "Oh, yes, we spray the rooms with air fresheners!" I am so thankful I had enough cognitive ability to know I would need my van with me. If I left it in Nova Scotia, I'd be screwed right now. I'll be staying in the van while I recover. I'm not looking forward to the 85 degree weather in a metal roasting oven nor crapping in a bucket when I have only one foot for support, but desperate times...I have no choice.

So I am permanently parked at the orthopedic surgeon's health center with a view of everyone's comings and goings. I hope they don't ask where I'll be staying because they might not approve. I guess lying is in my future. LOL!