Guilty Passions and Toxic Risk-Taking

I recently met another MCSer who is passionate about activism. She says activism helps her stay connected to the community as well as make her feel as if she is contributing toward a better future. There is a blog for those who want to be involved, but are limited with disabilities. Occupy at Home features informative articles on accessibility and inclusion for those with participation limitations. If you want to keep up with the latest issues that make people angry and need to know how you can become involved from home, this is the blog to read. There is an index for categories at the right which includes multiple chemical sensitivity.  My new activist friend goes by "Comrade Canary."

As someone who is chemically sensitive, Comrade Canary must mask up to participate in group gatherings such as protests, picket lines, and marches. There is always risk of chemical exposure, but she prioritizes her outings, and I'm sure like the rest of us, must be very selective and cautious when gathering with the smelly unenlightened. When she told me this my first thought, Oh, she's brave! Then, Oh, she's crazy!  Then, Oh, she's passionate! One has to feel very strongly about something to be willing to risk the consequences.

The kitchen counter is a mess!

It got me thinking of guilty pleasures, or rather, guilty passions. Things we do we know are bad for us, but we just can't seem to stop. This also includes things we know we should not do but do them anyway because of our responsibilities. Of course, we don't necessarily feel guilty. I doubt if Comrade Canary feels any guilt trying to make the world a better place, but we are clearly aware they might make us feel sick, or in some cases, they might even kill us, yet we throw caution to the wind and dive right in.

My guilty passion is painting, as I've mentioned before. I can't seem to stop. I paint walls, floors, houses, furniture, canvases, lamps, jars, fabric, pillows...if paint will stick to it, I'll paint it. I know it's toxic and I know it's unnecessary. Prior to making the commitment to start a project I do everything possible to talk myself out of it. Eventually, I lose all willpower and I suddenly find myself covered in paint and wondering what was I thinking? I just can't seem to stop myself. This week I painted signs for my friend's moving sale and signs for the annual ice cream social. All summer I've been working on the project from hell. (Stay tuned!)


In order to do this I must deck myself out in a homemade bio-hazard costume: hat, goggles, mask, apron, gloves, long pants, and old socks. You'd think all this hassle would discourage me from painting. It's very uncomfortable, difficult to breathe in, difficult to see out of, hot and sweaty especially in the summer, and even difficult to paint in, but it doesn't stop me.

Do I feel guilty? Often. I always think I should make more of an effort not to poison myself.

One day I was painting out in the garage and Smelly Neighbor walked by. She asked, "How can you work with paint? Aren't they chemicals?"

I adjusted my mask so I could speak to her, "This can of paint is less toxic than your perfume. In fact, paint and perfume have some of the same cancer-causing chemicals. I wear protection and avoid rubbing it all over my skin. You don't."  She didn't argue, but I saw the look in her eye and smirk on her face that clearly although silently screamed, "BULLSHIT."  I could tell she was wondering if I'd been lying about being chemically sensitive. I have to ask myself, what kind of message is my guilty passion sending to those who don't understand?

Still, it doesn't stop me. I love to paint. Damn.

What is your guilty pleasure, passion, or responsibility? What do you do knowing it's a toxic risk?