I Blame Hallucinogenic Drugs!

A friend of mine was over at my house, grasped the handrail for my back porch and broke it. Now, this handrail was garbage. It was made with found wood and hastily nailed in place to comply with insurance company demands. It was just for show, but over the years the rain has pummeled it into oblivion and it hangs precariously. Every now and then I hammer it back into place, but mostly I just ignore it.

I was in the house when it happened and heard him swear loudly. When I came out the door I asked, "What's wrong?" Then I noticed he was holding pieces of my handrail in his hand. I know he has a bad habit, like all construction workers, of grabbing and shaking things just to test their construction worthiness. He knows my construction efforts are questionable. I'm always hollering at him to not touch things. He knows it's a risk, but he ignores me.

"YOU BROKE MY HANDRAIL!!!"

He argued it was a piece of junk, and as he's frantically trying to point out the dry rot, I exclaim repeatedly,

"YOU BROKE MY HANDRAIL!!!" 

"But, but, it didn't work, I hardly touched it, I..."

"YOU BROKE MY HANDRAIL!!!" "OH MY GOD! YOU BROKE MY HANDRAIL."

I had fun harassing him.

The next morning I hear an unexpected knock. My friend is there with tools and supplies in hand and he plans to build me a new handrail! SCORE! It took him about fifteen minutes to finish. It would have taken me a whole day.

New handrail newly primed.

 

New anything is cause for celebration, especially if it's construction-related and free. After he finished, I practiced walking up and down the stairs testing my wonderful new handrail - one that actually worked and didn't wiggle. I think the insurance company would be very happy with it.

And this inspired a new painting project! The porch was pathetic and had not been painted for ten years, but it was low on my list of project priorities. Most of the paint had worn off the stairs, but I had always hoped I could replace it all with a new porch. And the handrail I just ignored. New handrails just inspire creativity.

I didn't want to repaint the brown lattice so I had to use brown in the design...I'm not fond of brown. I also knew I wanted to use dark teal and off white to match the house, and maybe an orange color to match the newly stained cedar fence. Orange is not one of my favorite design colors either, but I went with the idea. Also, this is the porch that gets the most use and is often dirty and muddy due to gardening so I needed a design that might camouflage that. Lots of visual.

Don't asked me what happened. I blame it on the weird colors I adopted. I planned one design, started painting, and hated it so I painted over that design. I was possessed, just free flow painting...it just came out. I admit it is one of my favorite flower motifs based on one of my favorite flowers, calendula, although it hardly looks like calendula. Giant floral motifs. Hmmm...

VOILA!

 

I have found people either love it, or hate it. One friend looked at it and accused me of taking too many hallucinogenic drugs. Every time he walks by it, he says that. I can tell he HATES it. LOL! I like it's weird. No one else in the world has a porch like this, although I admit if I were to do it over, it would definitely be different. Different colors. Live and learn!

 

 

I planned to put coats of polyurethane over it, but decided it might make the surface slippery and I don't want more sprained ankles in my future. Also, with all the layers of colors it might look really cool when it wears. And I can re-paint it if I get too tired of it. With polyurethane, I'd have to strip it.

The friend who made the hand railing approved. We now have an ongoing joke, if you break it, you fix it. He grabbed my nearly-rotted, newly-stained fence the other day and began to do his construction-expert inspection. Instead of hollering at him to not touch it, I told him to lean on it a little, because I need a new fence. LOL! He backed away. I said,

"Oh, no don't stop! Go ahead and grab it. Shake it vigorously!"

He backed away more. He's learning. I keep trying to get him to use my toilet too, so I can accuse him of breaking it. It needs to be fixed. Of course, I was at his house the other day using a tarp and it tore...I owe him a new tarp. Oops.