Women's March 2018

On January 20, 2018 was the second annual Women's March across the nation. It rained. Did I care?

HELL NO!!

I made myself a protest umbrella!

I bought an old yet large and sturdy umbrella at the Goodwill, selected some of my favorite sayings, and painted like a mad woman trying to get it finished by Saturday. I knew it would rain. It poured. Here it is in action:

My new protest umbrella got a lot of attention. Many people stopped me to ask if I painted it, wanted to know what kind of paint I used, how long it took, and if they could take a photo. I think in the future we might see a whole lot of painted umbrellas at protests! I admit, it wasn't my idea. There was an umbrella with painted slogans last year and I was incredibly inspired then. There were a few umbrellas with designs on them this year, too. I was also asked if I sold them but between the cost of paint and the time it takes to complete one, I can't imagine anyone would want to spend enough money to make it worth while. I had a lot of fun and if I can find another cheap umbrella, I might make another.

Protesters stood in the rain for a couple hours listening to speakers, many of them Native American, African American, women politicians, and choral groups. I was frozen and numb, but DRY, by the time we were ready to move, and so desperate to move and put circulation back in my body.

The organizers were far more prepared this year and instead of the two block loop that was way too short for 10,000 participants, we traversed down a hill of switchbacks:

Then around the lake located at the base of the capitol building culminating at a park filled with non-profit organizations and charity group tents. Lots of room to march and not be bottle-necked and crowded too close to stinky people. My umbrella helped with personal space - if anyone got too close they got stabbed by the umbrella points. HAHAHA!

Loved the variety of creative signs and the energy. Lots of motivation and cheerfulness even in the pouring rain!

Hawaii Snafu

Hawaii had some kind of emergency meltdown a few days ago broadcasting the warning of an incoming missile.

I can't imagine what people over there were thinking. It must have been a horrible feeling of doom. Unfortunately in our Trumpist climate with war literally on our doorstep due to that buffoon's unpresidential and unprofessional behavior, nothing is a surprise. The Stephen Colbert Late Show had the best response that had me literally LOL. You can see it HERE. (Although I don't think Hawaiians are laughing...maybe someday they'll see the humor in it.)

Still, if it were my last moments on earth, I'd like them to be in Hawaii.

CT and MCS

Something is wrong with my colon. It stopped working on November 6th. I've had two different health care providers order a CT scan. This count does not include the monstrosity of a doctor at the hospital who said a CT scan would be the preferred diagnostic tool, but their machine wasn't in working order, of course. Instead, the Temple of Death and Doom did everything but the CT scan: x-ray, ultrasound and way too many blood labs. All showed nothing, of course. The CT is preferred because it is so precise taking minute slices of x-ray imagery details. It also uses an enormous amount of cancer-causing radiation, much more than any other x-ray procedure.

The formerly-fired-rehired-but-useless Nurse Lady ordered an abdominal scan without contrast. She believes my gall bladder is causing all the problems and needs to be surgically removed immediately. With little thought whatsoever, that was her diagnosis after five minutes. This may be right as something is causing my colon not to work, but she's proven to be untrustworthy in the past so I can't rely on her shoot-from-the-hip diagnosis. Besides no one is going to remove an organ from my body without a fight. However, if it is my colon and only the abdomen is scanned, will someone expect me to get another CT scan? One is enough.

The second doctor, a GI Specialist, ordered an abdominal-pelvis scan WITH oral contrast. She believes there might be an issue with my colon. Contrast is required for colon imagery because it moves around too much for a clear image. She's a very expensive specialist so I have to trust she might know more, but she also gives her children Miralax for their constipation so I don't have much faith in her since she obviously doesn't even know how to feed her kids.

POISON. Panic. There are two types of contrast: oral and IV with two main choices of contrasting ingredients: iodine and barium. None of that sounds healthy. The oral contrast is barium. That can't be good. I have to drink poison? I tried to tell the doctor and her nurse I don't do well with chemicals, but of course, this is a conventional medicine doctor and they just think I'm crazy. Chemicals don't cause problems! They disrespectfully dismissed my concerns with a wave of a hand and persisted in treating me like I'm stupid. I asked about ingredients because I know it's the fillers and additives that will make me miserable if the barium doesn't kill me first. The nurse condescendingly argued with me. When I didn't give up she sneered then searched online. Artificial flavor, benzoic acid, citric acid, natural flavor, potassium sorbate, purified water, saccharin sodium, simethicone emulsion, sodium benzoate, sodium citrate, sorbitol and xanthan gum.

XANTHAN GUM? Didn't I just write a post on the evilness of xanthan gum? This is the stuff they put in gluten-free baking that causes all kinds of intestinal problems including constipation, intestinal blockage, and abdominal pain. So what I have is going to be made worse? Great. Let's not forget about the exploding flatulence I experienced with the xanthan gum-laced gluten-free gingerbread cookies.

The nurse gave me two bottles flavored vanilla and banana. I'm clearly freaking out, but she ignores me. I start hyperventilating. I ask if there is another flavor besides banana as I know I can't get that down. She's treating me like I'm a pain in the ass, but she finds a berry-flavored container of poison. They are calling them "smoothies". That's not reassuring.

I'm in a panic. They refuse to give me any information on the side effects and I know from past experience if there is a side effect to be had, I will have it. When I get home I get online. Hives are the most common side effect followed by constipation, intestinal blockage, and abdominal pain probably due to the xanthan gum. This doesn't even make sense - why have me drink something that will make my symptoms worse? GirlAlive tells me she went into anaphylactic shock with her first and last contrast poisoning and there it is online...some experience anaphylactic reactions...and some die. If the patient has any allergies this is a red flag.

Oh. My. God. I am doomed. I will die and no one is listening to me! What really concerns me is I am to drink one of these bottles the night before. I live out in the middle of no where. What do I do if I have a reaction and can't get help fast enough?

I contact the two different radiology offices, both have my referrals. The one for the non-contrast referral located in a different city gives me all kinds of information. Benadryl is used for side effects and works well. They seem very knowledgeable and prepared, but they haven't bothered to get a pre-approval through my insurance. Am I approved or not? They cost $200 more than the other office and they are three hours away. Can I even get another referral through my new GI specialist for this office? I doubt it. And how long would I have to wait?

The other radiology office acts just like my doctor waving off my concerns as if I'm stupid and as if zero information alleviates my stress. They've never heard of anyone having a reaction. No side effects. It's right online you morons! Ignorance is an epidemic in a small town. I guess you get what you pay for. I also looked for another radiologist in every town within two hours of my location: nothing. I don't have much of a choice so I'm at the point where I guess I should just feel thankful I have any option. This radiology office is the only one within 150 miles of me.

Online I find a thread posted by a MCSer also concerned about her CT scan appointment. About ten people responded to her, all have had CT scans, sometimes multiple CT scans, and only one had minor side effects of hives. This was reassuring.

The "natural flavor" ingredient in the smoothies also gives me pause as well, but I was told by the flunky at the second radiology office this concoction IS gluten-free. Is she lying or stupid? According to a www.celiac.com thread based on information from the Readi-Cat company the vanilla flavor is NOT GLUTEN-FREE, but all other flavors are. It never ceases to amaze me how stupid medical people are and it's advised never to trust anything that comes out of their mouths.

SURRENDER. I made an appointment only because I've been dealing with abdominal pain for two years without anyone being able to tell me what it is and all my symptoms have escalated. Pain, desperation and fear makes one throw caution to the wind. (As I write this the pain in my side is flaring up...it will no longer let me ignore it.) I changed the appointment three times in three days because I can't decide if I should get it over with or wait giving myself time to reconsider as I get more and more stressed out with each passing day.

During third call I confess I'm scared shitless and the scheduler says, "Due to a number of people also worried about side-effects and living out in the middle of no where, we just recently changed our procedures. If you can come in 1 1/2 hour before your appointment, we will have you drink both bottles right here. That way we will monitor you and the hospital is right across the street if there is a problem." Maybe they killed a few people before getting a clue?? I'm not excited about the possibility of another expensive emergency visit to the hospital (what am I thinking?), but just slightly relieved it'll be just around the corner if it all goes wrong.

So...tomorrow morning bright and early against ALL common sense with every fiber in my body screaming at me not to do it, I will voluntarily poison myself and get radiated. The technicians are going to regret it once that xanthan gum kicks into action. LOL. If I don't live through it, this will be my last post. If I live through it, I will add an update here:

I SURVIVED! Good lord, I don't know if I've ever been so stressed in my life! I was awake most of the night practicing my confrontation so I would be assertive, not bitchy, for results rather than release. LOL.

I started driving at five am on an empty stomach arrived just before they opened or two hours before my scheduled procedure. I stopped along the way three times to go to the restroom. Nervousness is definitely a cure for constipation!

The receptionist was lovely, friendly, and accommodating. I asked right away, "I would really love to talk to someone to address my concerns. I came in and spoke to a woman last week, but received little information and the information I did receive was incorrect. This would help alleviate my stress." Nice, uh?

THE INQUISITION. She had one of the technicians talk with me. He proceeded to tell me like the others there were no side effects, oh, but if there are any, maybe some diarrhea, but rarely. Hmmm...the woman from last week told me there is no diarrhea as the contrast doesn't have a laxative effect. They still don't understand people with celiac disease will get diarrhea from drinking gluten-laced contrast.

He continued to babble about no side effects until I just got tired of it, interrupted him and listed all the side effects I read about online, told him about those side effects being the same symptoms I have now and how I have no desire to compound my misery. I told him about my friend and her anaphylactic experience. I wanted to scream DON'T TELL ME THERE ARE NO SIDE EFFECTS! but I was cool. I explained I just need to know someone here understands there are side effects and there are protocols in place. I've received little quality, consistent information which does not give me confidence. He seemed a little miffed that I knew this information, but he was doing his darnedest to remain professional. 

I also asked about alternatives and after pushing back with no, no, no, only then he started coughing up the alternatives: water-based iodine (no way) and finally just water! Yeah, you can do this test with just water, but you have to drink enough water to expand your colon enough to make it photogenic. Funny they always wait until they know you won't give up to give you reasonable alternatives. But...the results aren't as good. I actually had read about salt-water used for this very purpose, but he was unaware of this option.

I also asked him about the gluten-free flavors. He had no clue and became a little sarcastic thinking I was saying they all had gluten not understanding why I was willing to drink the berry flavor. Then I asked if I should have drank one container last night so it would be deposited in the far reaches of my colon, can I only drink one container right now since there isn't enough time for it to get through my colon anyway? He said no. This doesn't make sense to me, but I assume he's like a trained monkey just following protocol. He instructed me to drink what I could and the more the better.

My issue has always been I NEED this test and I don't want the doctor to say the imagery isn't clear enough and demand I have it redone. SO I traded the gluten-laced vanilla smoothie in for another berry smoothie and proceeded to guzzle both down...on an empty stomach. I didn't vomit as so many have. It wasn't as bad as I thought, but YES the colder it is the easier it goes down as I was able to compare the container I brought with me on ice and the replacement he gave me which wasn't as cold. After guzzling, I didn't feel good and walking made the gunk slosh around in my empty stomach making me feel worse, but it stayed down and I didn't erupt vomit in the waiting room. (Note: I don't vomit. Even if I stuck my whole arm down my throat, I wouldn't vomit. Rarely in my life have I up-chucked anything so if you vomit easily, it might not stay down. Be prepared.)

The receptionist gave me encouragement and asked about the contrast. I told her they aren't all gluten-free. She exclaimed, "Good to know!" It's an atrocity they don't know about the products they use when the information can be found through the company. They should know, but instead they give their patients false information which puts people at risk.

My personal technician was kind, friendly, and lovely. All that stress and worry for a whole week and the procedure didn't take more than ten minutes. Good lord.

Immediately after I drank apple juice, then water, then ate fruit, then more water, then a dose of Miralax just for good measure. I felt a little intestinal cramping all day long. Some nausea. The exploding flatulence started five hours later (in the privacy of my own home). Then came the headache from hell that lasted all night.

I read you'll know when the poison is out of your system when your poop stops coming out white. What? Eewwwy! I wasn't seeing white. Hmmm.... I kept thinking maybe the radioactive toxins got sucked into my body and adhered themselves to my fat cells? And then it happened...skip this next paragraph if you don't want to be grossed out as I'm sharing way too much!

THE DUMP, NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH TRUMP BUT VERY SIMILAR... The next day I expelled the biggest, fattest, dump of my life...only it was ALL WHITE. Pasty. Eeeww. It looked like some alien creature just extracted itself from my body. I stared in horror for a moment trying to see if it had an orange-tinted comb-over. Fearful it might jump out of the toilet and suck my face, I flushed fast and down the toilet it went taking the headache with it. I wish getting rid of Trump were that easy. All is good! Life is wonderful!

BOTTOM LINE. First, ask questions. Then, question the answers. The internet is wonderful for information on products, other people's experiences, and all manner of details so difficult to get from real people anymore. Knowledge is power. Knowledge is survival. I also think it's typical behavior for doctors not to tell you everything that can go wrong. I don't know how many times I've been the 1 in 12, 1 in 25, 1 in 100...and only informed of this after I've had a bad reaction. It's very difficult to trust a health care provider who doesn't recognize chemical sensitivity. These naysayers have no protocols in place for people who are chemically sensitive and no compassion either. I think I am lucky I survived the experience with so little side effects.

2017: Review and Resolution

Wow, the years are flying by! 

Life still happens even in the fast lane...good and bad.

GOOD STUFF:

House Painting - You can't imagine how proud I am to know I am so self-sufficient I can get on a fifteen foot ladder and paint a two-story house all by myself. I decided I would take it slowly, using the whole summer if necessary to get ONE side done. I didn't want to overdo it in terms of physical work and toxic exposure. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how one looks at it), I couldn't stop at one side when that one side looked SO MAGNIFICENT. Three sides later, my fingers, hands, wrists, and arms were in horrible pain, and my short term memory faulty. Only now after four months the pain is finally gone. Still worth it! I love to paint...even a house!

Protests and Protest Posters - I had a hell of a good time marching in protests and making protest signs. The walls of my garage are covered in colorful, cheerful, passionately-written signage. I also printed a set of cards! I love to paint and this gives me great joy. It was a wonderful feeling of solidarity to march shoulder-to-shoulder with like-minded people for worthy causes. Even with the toxic exposure of being shoulder-to-shoulder with stinky people, it was fun!

Movies - What would I do without movies? Number one form of exile entertainment.

Yard, Garage, Estate Sales and Freecyle - I went to a lot of spectacular sales this year finding all kinds of cheap, used, but outstanding items. Linens, furniture, clothes. Quality, hardly-worn clothes in my size are difficult to find, but this year I scored on more than one occasion. Freecycle freebies are such a gift! One woman's junk is another woman's treasure!

Furniture Painting - Find some freebie furniture and go crazy! I have progressed from dots to leaves! Well, dots are my addiction and they can still be found in the background. Excellent creative outlet. This year I painted a dresser and a shelf:

Fragrance-Free Online Friends - What would I do without a computer? Online people are always fragrance-free!! LOL. I have excellent friends in Malaysia, Canada, and Europe as well as the United States. Most of them are even chemically sensitive and are empathetic to my challenges. Even this limited human contact is comforting.

Blog - This is my social life. I can write/talk to myself to my heart's content and it's a gift when my readers comment and participate in the conversation. It makes me feel connected to humans. Love my blog.


GOOD/BAD TOSS-UP:

Garden - My garden was great. Carrots, Italian prunes, flower, herbs, and most of the lettuce was spectacular.

This was the first time in twelve years I had fungal issues with my apple and cherry trees so the fruit was tainted. Damn. What a waste. This was my fault. In past years I've used manure tea for fertilizer and grew beautiful, giant fruits. I found out this year if you start using it too early in the season it creates fungus growth. I think that was the problem. Damn. Some of the lettuce wilted before it was ready for harvest. This was unprecedented. Not sure why. I've been working all fall and winter downsizing, dismantling some of the beds and planters, transplanting, and spraying everything with organic-approved fungus killer.

House - I love my house, but if you've been reading my posts I have been desperate to move back to civilization for years. I came very close to buying a house last summer, then backed out during negotiations when the owner couldn't for legal reasons accept my low offer. Even with the low offer I could barely afford a loan and my common sense kept screaming DON'T DO IT! I couldn't raise my offer and finally I realized buying a house would financially destroy me. Besides the stress. The owner finally did sell the house to someone who had cash - and paid $20,000 LOWER than what I offered. I think the house was in such bad shape no one could get a loan and he was forced to come down. Although I was disappointed and sad, in many ways I feel like I dodged a bullet. Oh hum. SO...I can't move. Maybe never. It's a traumatic realization, but at the same time I've come to accept it and there is a certain contentment that comes with acceptance.

Foster Care Training - Well, if I'm stuck in my house I decided I needed to make my life and house more meaningful. I'm tired of reading about child abuse and neglect or bad parents killing their babies. I took basic training, CPR, and some continuing education classes learning about trauma, behavior disorders, multicultural awareness, learning disorders, adoption, and the foster system in general. Most of it I already knew from years I spent teaching, but it was a fascinating refresher and a fun extra-curricular activity nevertheless. All trainers and fellow students were fragrance free although in most classes I was either the only participant or the class was a webinar online. I researched to find ways to deal with chemical sensitivity while working the system. I gathered loads of supplies: beds, cribs, strollers, high chairs, toys, clothes, emergency equipment, medical supplies, and a brand new washer and dryer. I even completed and submitted a thirty page application packet. It was very exciting and motivating. The final blow: I don't have any support. I have no family. No friends. Some even told me I was crazy for wanting to be a foster parent while others told me they wouldn't give me a reference. I felt continuously discouraged but viewed this as a challenge to overcome. I thought I could work around lack of support by going to the training sessions and meeting other area foster parents, but my local representative refused to issue a fragrance-free request and she stinks like a French whore making my attempts difficult. The logistics of caring for children while working full time is also a deterrent so this might work better when I'm retired. I have lots of time to get it all worked out IF it can be worked out. I need to somehow create a support system. I have been chemically sensitive for fifteen years and have not found a support system so this might all be some silly dream. Oh well. So much for trying to make a difference in the world.

Work - Lots of steady work this year. I love the security money brings. However, this year I was working so much without a break my eyes became compromised. Dry, sandy, painful. How do I read with blurry eyes? It was frightening. My eye doctor's office was scented with toxic air fresheners. They remodeled which created ventilation issues and rather than fix the problem so they don't get mold, they'd rather cover it all up with stink. Not smart. I complained. Then he tried to tell me my eye problems were allergies. He refused to listen to me. Was this revenge for complaining about the air fresheners? Or just a narrow-minded assumption because he doesn't understand MCS is not an allergy? His advice and prescriptions did nothing to help. I hate it when doctors don't listen. The second eye doctor agreed with me without question: dry eyes caused by too much computer work. He said the preservatives in the eye drops the first doctor gave me were toxic. No one should have to go to multiple doctors to get quality medical care. Substandard practitioners need to have their licenses revoked...but if standards were higher there might not be any doctors left!

Drawing Group - I started going to this drawing group in hopes of finding friends and it's now been just over a year of unwavering dedication. Sometimes it's fun to go and draw. Other times I feel like a fraud pretending I can draw and it's overwhelmingly discouraging. The people are nice, but not friendly. They come to the meeting, draw in silence, share, then leave. Not many want to converse or share in recreational activities. Most are married. More often than not I find married people to be very insular and not interested in additional friendships. Some of them stink and force me to leave early. I'm losing interest, but it does give me an opportunity to get out of the house twice a month. And, it is fun to go to places I might otherwise not visit. These collage sketches were done at a maritime museum:

BAD STUFF:

Hospital Emergency - Besides the pain-induced fear of not knowing what was wrong with me, besides the shitty, incompetent 400 lb. pig of a doctor and his dismissive, apathetic hospital staff, and besides the outrageous expense, the worst part of this experience was the realization I had absolutely no one I could rely on for assistance or support. Absolutely no one. It's very depressing. Aging scares the shit out of me. I withdrew my foster care application the following day.

Health Care - Doctors are crap. There is just no redeeming value in any of them. Since the hospital visit I've seen three who were pathetically useless. The first decided my vital organs needed to be surgically removed. Just for the fun of it, I think. HA! Like that is ever going to happen! She also started scenting her "fragrance-free" office with essential oils and persists in using my appointment time to try to sell me on her new money-making project: scented homemade soaps. Does she not understand she's wasting my time? I don't give a fuck about her recreational activities. The second also failed at prioritizing my symptoms and prescribed something with contraindications that made me worse. I tried getting into a new doctor, but the office requires records from the old doctor, but the old doctor is incompetent which is why I need a new doctor and it's taken her weeks to send the records. Health care is a joke with profits a higher priority than the patient.

The Dotard Dump - The worst president in modern history. So incredibly embarrassing. He can't speak well, he can't spell, he can't think, he's a sexist, racist, egotistical, sociopathic fat man who lives on twelve cans of Coke and McDonald's junk food. Such a pig of a man. He's running the country into the ground in every way possible. We are an international laughing stock. Not sure what all those Russian-influenced Trumptards were thinking. Well, they weren't. What a bunch of gullible, stupid people. And RUSSIA is still looking at my blog more than any other country according to my blog's statistics!

CONCLUSION: It's been a very discouraging, depressing, expensive year.

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION:

Volunteering - I am determine to make my life more meaningful...somehow.

Support - I need to find friends. What a challenge! How? Most people stink. And in my area where so many voted for the Dump? I've met many of my neighbors...do I really want to know these people close and upfront? Hmmm.... We'll see what 2018 brings.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!