December Movie Reviews

***** Exceptional
****   Great
***     OK
**       Tolerable
*         Horrible



Aloft with Jennifer Connelly was about illness and death and healing and trauma and...snow. Lots of snow. Too much snow. It was very abstract and slow. I kept hoping it was going to make some profound statement, but one never came amidst the spacey, over dramatization of events. **

Blind Date with Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson, both actors I adore. This movie was exceptionally slow and boring about a married couple who role play blind dates. I lasted about 20 minutes before turning it off. I just didn't see where it was going. *

The Duff is a high school comedy about being a DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend). Now, I totally relate because I was a DUFF in junior high. Boys were always buzzing around my cute, skinny friends and I was on the outside looking in OR used by those boys to get the skinny (pun intended) on the girls. I was usually invisible while they were getting dates or making out less than five feet away from me as I sat there pretending I didn't exist. Being a DUFF is a sad situation, I know, but this movie was honest, sweet, with a good lesson on how to survive bullying. I liked it and I thought the [unknown] actors had exceptional comedic timing which made it not stupid and not boring. ***

The Elephant King is about two brothers who are fairly messed up in their own individual ways. One is living in Thailand on some kind of grant although the university is suing him for fraud. He drinks all night, sleeps all day, cavorts with prostitutes, and when he runs out of money, he boxes for some cash. The younger brother just got out of a mental hospital where he was under observation after attempting suicide. He goes to Thailand to visit and falls in love with a prostitute. It's all pretty messed up about family dynamics. The younger brother is played by Tate Ellington who I like. ****

Friends with Benefits with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis is a sweet love story about two people who are tired of the games of love and they just want sex without all the drama. Their relationship is honest and awesome. Why do we play so many games which only screws everything up? ***

The Homesman is about an unmarried pioneer woman (Hilary Swank) who sets out in a jail wagon to take three women back east to their families who have gone insane due to the hardships of westward life. She comes across a man (Tommy Lee Jones) who was left lynched to a tree and agrees to cut him down if he will accompany her. The cast includes other notables like Meryl Streep, James Spader, John Lithgow and Hailee Steinfeld. A really great movie. Outstanding photography. So beautiful. Excellent performances. I'm surprised I've never heard of this movie before I saw previews on another DVD. It has a weird, unexpected shift in the plot which was a little discombobulating, but that shake-up made it that much more interesting as it didn't follow the typical Hollywood formula we expect. Great story. *****

Insurgent is the second installment of the Divergent trilogy featuring Tris Prior [Shailene Woodley] who rebels against the evil Jeanine [Kate Winslet] in an action-packed drama about a futuristic, walled civilization where people are separated into factions according to personality in order to assure peace in the society. It would be cool to be a divergent. Lots of action, lots of superhero-ness, cute boys, and a little romance. Loved it and Woodley's new short do. ****

Jimmy's Hall based on a true story about an Irish rebel newly returned from American after a ten year hiatus after being forced to leave due to nonconformist behavior in 1922. He re-opens his community hall so the people can come to dance, sing, box, read literature, and learn. The church hates it claiming Jazz is the Devil and education (even community recreation classes) must be preapproved to maintain the sanctity of the people. The priest claims they are all going to hell. LOL. The powers-that-be (church and nobility) band against Jimmy and the people fight back. Beautiful Irish scenery, lovely photography and they ride around on horse-drawn hay wagons. The thick Irish accents were a little difficult to understand. I would have preferred a better ending. It just kind of leaves one hanging without any closure. ***

Lambert and Stamp is a documentary about the rock band the Who and the two guys who managed them. Lots of archival film footage which is fun. The reason there is so much footage is Lambert and Stamp's initial idea was to find a rock band, make a film about them, and that film would be their break into the movie industry. They had no idea the band would cause such a sensation. I've never really known much about the Who so this was fascinating. ****

Last Love is a movie about grieving. I love movies about death. Michael Caine plays a widower living in Paris who meets a sweet young dance teacher who befriends him. He reminds her of her father who died and she reminds him of his dead wife when she was young. The views of Paris and the countryside are spectacular. It's always fascinating to me how films can hide all the dirt of a city and make it look like the cleanest, most unpolluted urban paradise on the face of the earth. Great movie. ****

Love and Mercy is about Brian Wilson, genius of the Beach Boys. It flips back and forth between those middle years of the Beach Boys success when he was just plain crazy and later years when he was over medicated and kept prisoner by his greedy, controlling therapist. Paul Giamatti plays the scary therapist and John Cusack plays the older Wilson. Both are brilliant. Great music. ***

Mommie Dearest with Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford is based on the autobiography by Ms. Crawford's adopted daughter. Lots of child abuse which was really disturbing, but beautiful costumes and a great story. I saw this movie when it came out in 1981 and it was just as disturbing then. Now it's a cult movie, viewed as a comedy. As I was watching it I kept thinking Boy, Faye Dunaway is really over acting, but in reality she was being Joan Crawford who was notoriously flamboyant. It's no wonder it ended up being a cult film, but it's still a great story. ****

Nicholas Nickleby is a novel by Charles Dickens featuring a very young and dashing Charlie Hunnam (of Fifty Shades of Gray fame) (I didn't even recognize him) (not that I saw Fifty Shades of Gray) (not to say I won't see Fifty Shades of Gray) (but I thought the book was horrid), Anne Hathaway, Christopher Plummer and a cast of well-known actors. There is an advantage to senility...this movie looks really familiar so I have a feeling I've seen it, but because I hardly remembered it, it was a pleasure to watch again! Love the language and the horror and the humor of Dickens' classics. I can only imagine how loved they must have been when first published and they continue to be timeless delights in any media. Good stories are difficult to screw up. *****

The Physician is a wonderful movie about early medieval medicine. The gorgeous Tom Payne plays the kid turned barber's assistant after his mother dies from an incurable "side sickness" (appendicitis?). He grows into a strapping young man then travels to Persia to learn "real" medicine from a Jewish master. It was an outstanding movie. I love historical fiction and this didn't disappoint. A little drama, a little wartime violence, a little romance, and lots of great sets and costumes. It almost makes one appreciate modern-day medicine. At least doctors don't take saws and cut off appendages without anesthesia or feed scared and helpless patients dog vomit as a cure. ****

Ride stars Helen Hunt playing a very protective mother who follows her college-drop-out son to Los Angeles and learns to surf. The story was OK, nothing spectacular. I think Hunt had too much make-up on or maybe she's just too skinny, but her face seemed very angular, weathered, and pinched. Her voice was unnaturally monotone, but maybe it's always like that and I've never noticed. Usually I like her in movies, but this time it just didn't feel very believable. ***

Santa Clause 2  Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas. It's the sequel to The Santa Clause with Tim Allen. In this one Santa has to find a wife by Christmas Eve or he stops being Santa. It's cute. The elves are adorable as is Lucy. Reindeer fart if they eat too much sugar. Kids would love it. ***

Testament of Youth is about World War I, based on the memoirs and book of the same name by Vera Brittain. Beautiful English countryside scenes, ugly war scenes, great acting. It's very melodramatic and romantic like WWI movies usually are. Jon Snow from Game of Thrones plays the heartthrob although I have to say I think he's sexier all wrapped in animals skins with a scruffy beard, long curly hair and a wolf at his heels. I hardly recognized him clean shaven and smiling. It was a little disturbing. ****

What If  features Daniel Radcliffe and the adorable Zoe Kazan as friends. He's given up on love due to his cheating ex-girlfriend and she's in a relationship. Their friendship becomes very close. It's that popular theme where the relationship develops naturally, honestly and comfortably instead of everyone pretending to be someone they aren't causing all kinds of drama. She's an animator so there are little cartoons around her when she is thinking? dreaming? I'm not sure the point of the cartoons. I would have liked them to be more than a random after thought of decoration, but maybe that's because I thought they were so awesome. The dialogue is delightfully witty and the story is charming. The only thing I didn't like about it was the title. ****

Where I Am is a documentary film about Robert Drake, a gay writer who was brutally beaten and left for dead while living in Ireland. He suffered brain damage which contributes to mobility and speech impairments. It's an atrocity the two young men who nearly killed him received only eight years in prison. They destroyed his life and career and they are walking around free enjoying their lives. It's so wrong. I would prefer "an eye for an eye" justice. On his visit back to Ireland ten years later, he tried to meet with the men, but they refused. Cowards. ****

The Pregnant Pause

Pregnant women stink. They smell like rancid milk. So I certainly understand their ignorant desire to bathe in perfume without any consideration for the health of their unborn child. People are stupid and pregnancy doesn't make them smarter.

Pregnancy can make some women very sensitive to fragrances and smells of any kind and they become temporarily chemically sensitive. Their bodies are working properly attempting to protect their unborn child from danger. Unfortunately, my latest encounter with a pregnant stinker was of the stupid variety, not the protective variety.

I was at the food co-op. A safe place filled with wholesome foods and health-conscientious employees. I've been shopping there for over ten years with very few exposure problems. I could smell her twenty feet away. It took me about one second to realize I was about to be poisoned, another second to turn and identify from where it was attacking, and another second to get the hell out of the air space. Three seconds too long and one too many whiffs of her toxicity. I headed to the other side of the store, watched the aisles closely all the while adjusting my proximity waiting impatiently for her to leave.

One of the volunteer-workers was watching me, came up behind me, and asked sweetly if I needed any help. I'm sure with the panic all over my face I LOOKED like I needed help.

"No, I'm just waiting for one of your customers who is bathed in perfume to leave the store." Clearly I was pissed off.

"Oh, I can't stand the smell of perfume. It makes me sick." she replied.

"It's toxic and deadly. And she's pregnant. Why would anyone subject their unborn child to such poisons?"

WHY indeed? Why does she bother buying and eating healthy, organic food if she is dousing herself on the outside with poison? It defies logic. If I could have gotten close to her, I might have asked her. I asked this question when actress Halle Berry was pregnant and promoting her perfume on talk shows. Are these women really that stupid?

The pregnant stinker wandered the aisles pausing too often to fill her shopping basket totally unaware of the effect she has on everyone's air quality and totally oblivious to the shopper glaring at her from a distance. The one whiff of her poison made my head spin uncomfortably and stomach lurch with nausea. It took her about fifteen minutes to leave the store and another fifteen minutes for the ventilation to clear the stink. It took me three days to heal from the subsequent migraines, nausea, and fatigue.

There should be laws against the stupidity.

Celebration!

My winter project is finished, and it's barely even winter!

The table has a very interesting history. I have no idea how old it is although the hardware indicates it's at least forty to fifty years old. It was painted a lovely 1970s lime green and orange by the mother of my best friend from childhood. When my best friend moved out of state, her parents couldn't afford to pay the rent they owed and left the table along with other furniture. My family moved into her rental house, inherited the furniture, and eventually bought the house. We had this little table in our bathroom for at least twenty years. I always referred to it as "Lori's Table." *

When I moved out, I needed a kitchen table. "Why don't you take that crappy, old table in the bathroom?" OK! Nineteen-seventies color schemes were not popular in the 1990s so I had it stripped and it has been sitting bare for all these years waiting for inspiration. For too long it was the only furniture in the house not painted, taunting me, begging for some cheerfulness. I was also afraid I wouldn't be able to repair it properly (it had cracks, gouges, holes, and missing hardware) and I worried if I painted it, it would become unusable like my other kitchen table. That might happen, but after painting the polka-dot chair, I just couldn't resist a polka-dot table to match.

It's called Celebration!

This photo distorts the color, but you can see how the top fold out.

The panels are actually blue, teal, and purple, not purple, teal and pink.
The color in the photo below is accurate.

With Confetti the chair

I love living like it's a party!

Oh! And Merry Christmas to everyone...ho! ho! ho!

* I sent Lori photo of the newly painted Celebrate table and she said it used to be in her brother's room which was decorated lime-green and orange.

Apple Crisp Poisoning

Nearly a year ago right at Christmas I discovered several dessert recipes almost compliant with the Paleo Diet with a Hashimoto's Twist. One of them was a glorious apple crisp recipe that maybe found under "apple crisp" in the index to the right.  It was healthy yet deliciously spiced with cardamom, cinnamon, nutmeg and allspice. Around the same time I read that cinnamon lowers blood sugar. Well! As any proud American will tell you, if a little is good for you then a lot must be spectacular! This mindset is part of our capitalistic worldview. I began overindulging on this delectable and piling on the spices in lieu of sugar. What's not perfect about a sugar-free dessert filled with goodness as well as medicinal spices?  I thought I died and went to heaven.

Apple Crisp with Spices

A month later I began experiencing a sharp pain in my upper left abdominal area. The one stab pain every two weeks or so was tolerable...until a few months later when it didn't go away. For two hours the pain remained accompanied by a burning sensation through my chest area and excruciating back pain. I panicked.

Subsequently, I spent too much money on doctors who wanted me to spend more money on labs. Fear always makes one stupid. The stool test showed microscopic bleeding and my pancreas was not digesting fats. The blood labs showed kidney failure. The gastroenterologist ordered $3,000 worth of more tests. Not one doctor asked about my diet. Were these lab results connected to the abdominal pain and were they indicative of something serious?

The pain accompanied by burning and slight nausea became more frequent. I tried to track it with the foods I was eating, but few foods produced immediate side effects. The more frequent the symptoms, the more apparent it might be the apple crisp. Was something in the apple crisp causing the pain?  I decided to stop eating it to see if it would make a difference and after a few days all pain went away leaving a slight pressure reminding me it wasn't totally gone yet.

At the same time I started searching the internet for clues. Pancreatic insufficiency creating a lack of digestive enzymes can be caused by lifestyle habits such as junk food, sugar, alcohol, coffee or smoking. Hmmm...I don't do any of those. It can also be caused by gallstones blocking the bile ducts. I've never had a gallstone in my life, but I wouldn't rule it out. It can also be caused by pancreatic cancer. I hope not, but my blood labs aren't indicative of cancer. Pancreatic support involves taking pancreatic enzymes, or drugs, something I cannot do. Food sources for lipase, the enzyme I need, is avocados. I eat avocados daily so this didn't make sense.

It took me too long to connect the possible health issues with the spices. How can these simple, everyday cooking ingredients cause health problems? I guess that's like asking how can everyday products with fragrances cause health problems. I came across several articles warning readers of the side effects of common spices.

For instance, cardamom can create gallstones because our bodies do not absorb cardamom so easily. Whoa! Cinnamon does lower blood sugar which is the medicinal benefit, but too much cinnamon can cause LIVER and KIDNEY DAMAGE! One particular article stated one should never eat more than one teaspoon of cinnamon a day. As I said before, I was piling on the cinnamon, at least a tablespoon per recipe! Overdoses of nutmeg can not only cause sluggishness and miscarriages, but hallucinations! There are lots of documented cases of nutmeg overdoses and as a inexpensive high, drug-experimenting teenagers often end up in hospital emergency rooms. Allspice can cause not only allergic reactions, but gastrointestinal conditions like acid reflux, ulcers, and diverticulitis. It also poses a risk for promoting cancer!

Who would have thought these innocent, everyday dessert spices could reek so much havoc on your digestive system?? But you see, they are not just food flavorings. They are drugs. Since I am the one in a million who does not detox drugs due to weird-ass genetic mutations, I concluded aside from the known toxic side effects, they must be storing in my body rather than flushing out.

After a few days of no apple crisp and improved health, I thoughtlessly made a recipe which is also loaded with cinnamon, allspice and nutmeg. I must have been in denial. Immediately the pain, nausea and burning returned. Hmmm...

I decided to do a liver-gallbladder-pancreas cleansing remedy. This involved drinking beet-apple-lemon juice mixed with olive oil every morning for several days. It sounds worse than it is (hold your breath and drink it down fast!!), but as a high-fructose concentrate, it can create some fatigue. After a few days, this seem to help.

Then I did the kidney/gallbladder stone remedy drinking 2 ounces of olive oil mixed with 2 ounces of lemon juice (double eeeewww). I have read all that oil enables the stones to just slide right out of the ducts and into the colon and I have heard if one is in the middle of a painful kidney stone or gallstone attack, this remedy will save you from an unnecessary surgery on the butcher's table. I didn't see any evidence this helped, but it couldn't have hurt.

A friend of mine said, "You know, you don't have to add spices to apple crisp." At first I thought, But then what would be the point? That would be like making chocolate cake without the chocolate. Who needs chocolate? Who needs spices? So I tried it. Apple crisp with no spices actually tastes better! I'm trying not to over do it on the new-and-improved Spiceless Crisp.

Spiceless Crisp - looks the same

Spiceless Crisp - yum!

My spice days are over and I'm learning too much of a good thing is never good. My diet is becoming more boring with each passing day, but...

NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS FEELING GOOD DOES!

November Movie Reviews

***** Outstanding, Loved It, Will Watch Again
****   Great
***     So So
**       Blah, and Barely Tolerable
*         I Want To Poke My Eyes Out


Bang Bang Baby is a very strange spoof on 1960s musicals mixed with a Rocky Horror Picture Show strangeness. It's about a girl who wants to be a singer, but the local chemical company has a spill and everyone is infected with toxic chemicals that create mutations and fantasies. Yeah. There is no way to make that sound rational. So bizarre, but I DID watch the whole thing! *

Eight Days is about human sex trafficking and a sixteen-year old girl who is kidnapped through an acquaintance at school and sold to traffickers. It opens with scenes of children being sold by their drug-addict parents or kidnapped, young boys and girls, to be used in the sex industry. Very sad. Then it follows with the story of the sixteen-year old which is based on true events. I think. Not quite sure. It was made for public education. I think. Again, not quite sure. The story is valuable, but the script and acting were REALLY, REALLY BAD. OUTSTANDINGLY, SHOCKINGLY BAD. **

The Falling was weird, slow, pointless, but it did have lovely scenery of English lakes, oak trees, and autumn leaves. I turned it off right about the time the main character (Ariel from Game of Thrones) was getting felt up by her brother. I wasn't sure where they were going with that and it wasn't going anywhere before that. *

NOTE: I did discover Hoopla through my library system, an online service that has a limited selection of free movie downloads along with music and audiobooks. I like free services. I hope they add more titles to their collection. They are currently lacking.

Spider-Man 2 has a rating description called Stylized Action Violence. That means there are lots of long, drawn out action scenes...that are violent...and stylized. In other words the computer digitalization of the characters turns humans into cartoons and cartoons can do a whole lot of stuff real humans can't. Maybe they needed those long, drawn out digital sequences since the bad guy is much uglier in this movie than in the first. I prefer less sci-fi action and more humanness. I like it when Tobey McGuire cries, but I'd like him to cry more. All the same characters and actors have returned which is a bit unusual for a sequel. Usually someone bails.  ***

Spider-Man 3 ...lots of Stylized Action Violence in this one, too, but I have to admit I liked it a little more. Really cool air maneuvers on skateboard/surf board contraptions, flips, and close calls.. I'm still unclear how humans can live after falling from 20 stories and hit pavement or being slammed against a brick wall, but that's part of the fantasy. Tobey McGuire cries at least five times so I liked that and he plays a slightly evil Spider-Man which was delicious. I like a hero who takes a walk on the dark side. ****

The Amazing Spider-Man.   This movie was made about five years after Spider-Man 3. Totally different cast including Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Sally Field, Martin Sheen among other heavy hitter celebrities. I'm not sure why a studio would create the exact same storyline as the previous Spider-Man series nor why the studio would justify the financing for it. I wonder if they made any money on it? Garfield is a passible Spider-Man, a little too skinny and tall for the part and his hair is wildly unmanageable. He did cry a few times, but Tobey cries better. The action wasn't quite as stylized, more realistic yet less graceful. The people still fall from 20 stories and are able to get up and walk away from it. Different villain, not as realistic as the stylized ones. It looked more like an actor in a Godzilla suit and lacked good special effects especially when he spoke. There are a few scenes that are really cool showing Spider-Man's perspective as he's swinging through the streets and this movie addresses WHY this spider bite made the kid part arachnid. Still, I prefer the Tobey MacGuire movies. Something about him just fits the character. Tobey maintains an innocent geekiness throughout the series that is consistent and charming. Andrew's Spider-Man is uncomfortable in his own body, less geeky, more misfit that makes the viewer not trust him and worry if he'll snap and shoot up a school or movie theater. Tobey's movies have a humor style that is more comic book and there is less blood since everyone just bounces and never really gets too hurt. **

It was a superhero kind of month...

Welcome to Me was kind of mesmerizing in the same way an auto accident on the freeway makes you want to slow down an gawk. Kristen Wiig plays this seriously bipolar woman who never turns off her TV, watches Oprah talk show videos to the point of memorizing Oprah's self-help monologues, and goes off her meds. If she expects any kind of confrontation she is ready with a "prepared statement" that she pulls out of her fanny pack. That fanny pack alone is pretty funny. Then she wins $86 million dollars in the California Lottery! Her "prepared statement" for accepting the money includes, "I have been using masturbation as a form of relaxation since 1991." LOL. She uses the money to buy her own talk show so she can talk about herself and do reenactments of her life's worst moments. You'd think those reenactments would include traumatizing events like child abuse or serious injuries, but instead focus on girls stealing her make-up at camp or girls spreading rumors about her. The producers let her do whatever she wants because the studio desperately needs the money until the subjects of her reenactments start suing the production company. Lots of well-known supporting actors which is always fun, but it's really a great movie because it's so mesmerizing. You never know what she's going to do next and the anticipation is delightful. I hate stupid humor and I expected that's what I'd get with this, but it was more like a drama with smart comedy. ****

I'm starting on the fourth season of ER.