I hate my neighbors. The bad dog owners who's dogs bark all day while they are at work or on vacation, the backstabbing betrayals, the gossips, the adults acting like teenage deliquents, the fruit thieves, the entitled. I do everyting in my power to avoid them, nevermind most them are scented with stink. I live as if I'm on a deserted island visiting far away places when I need a friendship fix.
My new neighbor moved in last year. I was so thrilled when the old neighbor moved away and took her barking dogs and sky rats with her I would have embraced anyone who replaced her. I watched my new neighbor. She has a dog. I waited to see what kind of dog owner she was. The dog never barked. That says a lot! She hung art OUTSIDE her house. OMG! She must be my people!
On Valentine's Day I sent her and her husband a Valentine's Day card and welcomed them to the neighborhood. We began communicating via email using the pandemic as a reason not to meet in person. Her first comment was I am the nicest person in the neighborhood. I told her the whole rest of the neighborhood would probably disagree. I started running into her at the park while she walked her dog. I couldn't help myself and with the instructions we wear masks and social distance, I invited her over for tea. I did explain I was chemically sensitive so no fragrances are allowed. She said she would comply.
Tea was lovely. I showed her around my house, my art, and gave her a watercolor that she loved. Yes, we failed miserably at social distancing, but I had covid and she was vaccinated so I threw all caution to the wind. We took our masks off to drink tea, but then replaced them immediately. I am still worried if I can get the latest covid variant so I'm being very cautious.
After she left, I removed my maks and went back into the house. It reeked strongly of laundry detergent. I got out all my fans and air purifiers and cussed at my stupidity. Severe migraines lasted for three days. Mental note: she's not allowed in my house again. I talked myself into thinking wearing masks outside might shield me from future misery, but I had a bad feeling this friendship might be short-lived. We'll take one day at a time and I will enjoy her company until the end.
We emailed constantly sharing our art and our daily existence. I volunteered to feed her cat one weekend when she went out of town. While in the house my mask slipped down and I realized after one inhale her house reeked of toxic perfume. I made a note never to go into her house.
She got a new, hyperactive, adorable puppy and I began to help her walk her dogs. After our walks we would visit six feet apart in her backyard soaking in the sun and talking about everything. She kept saying she was replacing her scented products with unscented, and she wasn't wearing perfume very often. It was SO FUN to have a friend and I had hoped with time and enough education she would eventually be totally fragrance-free. Her husband has a debilitating autoimmune disease. I carefully mention her perfume and scented products could be making him worse.
The back pain started in March, but I didn't associate it with chemicals. My lungs would feel painful. Breathing was sometimes difficult. These symptoms I associated with covid long-hauler side effects, but they went away for a while returning in...the summer? Really? It still didn't register. What about the constant, but minor coughing? Then my throat started feeling inflammed. For a month. It got so bad my doctor thought it was strep throat. WHAT? Strep throat doesn't last a month...does it? I start going down the rabbit hole testing my thyroid and my lungs.
My chest x-ray showed scarring and my doctor says, "Have you had any lung diseases in your past?" Oh, for god's sake! We are in the middle of a pandemic! She actually has never asked me if I had covid and I don't see the point in sharing since the medical community is incapable of knowing what to do with covid. But what about the "borderline hyperinflation"? Normally that would be caused by asthma or COPD. Hmmmm...
So my new neighbor-friend and I are on a dog walk, I share my test results and tell her lung hyperinflation is probably caused by chemical sensitivity since chemicals impact my lungs. I mention she's really the only person I've been seeing lately because of the pandemic. She off-hand says that she's still using perfume, but I'm wearing a mask so how could I be exposed? I tell her about the migraines I had after she left my house one day. She said, "No way!" (I hate being discounted.) I also tell her humans inhale through their eyes and skin. She laughed and replied, "I guess I'll have to stop using Dove soap." I stared at her dumbfounded. OMG.
I pondered all the facts overnight and became angrier with each minute as I realized how much in denial I have been in just to keep my new friend. She's been poisoning me little at a time over the past few months and I blamed it on anything but her stink. Soap, laundry detergent, lotions, and perfume. She also said she wears the same clothes over and over again before washing them. She's killing me.
I resisted the next step. I hate losing friend over chemical sensitivity. I eventually told her I can no longer be around her if she isn't fragrance-free. As I assumed, she didn't understand "fragrance-free" means FRAGRANCE-FREE. And as usual, she's not willing to give up her scented products. Fragrances are more important than friendship.
I'm trying not to be utterly disappointed and depressed. I knew it would come to this. People who use fragrances don't have a clue. There is no hope. It's useless to donate a box of unscented products in hopes of converting them. I know. I've wasted money before doing just this. They are addicted. I think she'd actually have to go through rehab in order to be my friend and then of course, wait six months to get it all washed out of her clothes and her house de-perfumed.
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