The Cyborg

Follow-up appointment day! Oh, thank god for small miracles! The Tylenol I took last night made me sick all night and toxic garbage in my system made me pee all night. Another van pulled in beside me right at dusk at the Penobscot Narrows Bridge Overlook. I love not being parked alone! Woke early as soo as daybreak and drove through the fog to Bangor 30 minutes away.

Got to the hospital early. Park & Ride guys seemed happy to see me and asked if I was run off. I said "Yes!" and one of them said, "Bastards." LOL! My appointment wasn't until 10am so I ate breakfast in the cafeteria, read my book, then headed up there just as they opened at 8am just in case they could get me in early. They did! The physicians assistant, Ethan, was adorable. I wish I could find a doctor in Arizona like him. Maddie cut off the bandages, ripped off the gauze, and tape exposing the horror! I didn't realize I was "glued" rather than stitched. All this time I thought I was getting stitches out.

Damn! It looks like I might have stepped into a meat grinder! Black and blue all over, blood and blood coagulation under the skin, the "seams" where he glued the skin together looks rough and uneven. The surgeon isn't very artistic!

X-ray photos of the hardware:

Look at the hardware on the left -all those screws!!??
Seems a little overkill.

Side view of the cyborg...I hope it gives me superpowers.

They said it looks perfect, no infection, healing lovely. They still are unclear if I'm supposed to be putting weight on it so they suggested to avoid and weight only if needed or if tolerated. Ethan gave me a prescription for incredibly toxic nerve pain killing drugs for the burning sensation, knife jab pains, and bee sting pains as he said that is nerve pain. Had I known this drug had a whole list of nasty side effects including "suicide ideation" I might not have bothered. He suggested I get Dramamine for nausea - the generic that doesn't have microcrystalline cellulose. Both drugs cause fatigue so that doesn't seem like a good idea if I'll be driving. Since they removed the packed gauze and layers of bandages, it actually feels much better, but walking on it does feel a lot more sensitive. Julie came in and taught me how to pump up my cast! I had no idea it could do that! She also showed me how it should fit.

Good to go!!! I am free! I am outta Maine!!

Step by Step (or The Longest Two Weeks of My Life)

Two weeks then to six weeks...I can do this! I do wish I had some books to read or something to do besides write a blog. Few people are emailing me. Maybe I'll get some work? I need some distraction or this will go very slowly!! The countdown begins...

Day 1, Monday: I spent my time hanging out in the van writing this blog, answering emails and messages when they come, listening to music on Spotify, and just sitting with my foot elevated. One friend reminded me my library has eaudiobooks to download and she plans to send me some ebooks in her collection. A client came through and is sending a project my way later in the week. The "Park and Ride" people drive by me all day long. One stopped and asked if I need a ride to the hospital. I said, "Not today. Thanks!"  

Here is my new home for who knows how long:

I'm in the back of the parking lot where it gets shade in the afternoon. That will help me deal with this 90+ degree weather from noon to about 5pm. I feel like I'm melting! Today the high was 92 degrees, but it feels like 120 degrees in the van. I keep sucking down water and running a cold handkerchief over my face, neck and arms. It cools down at night so I tend to watch the time closely. It should get cooler by the weekend so I'm hopeful. See in the photo below, there is actually a porta-potty nearby (little brown hut in the background). There isn't much privacy in a parking lot so going to the bathroom is difficult, more so now that I have to balance on one foot and pray I don't fall over! I drove over to the porta potty later in the day and dumped my pee bucket and poop pail. I wish I knew where to dump my garbage. It amazes me how much garbage one person in a small van can accumulate. I'll take it to Walmart when I go. Baby steps to survival. And I see the light at the end of the tunnel! This sure did put a kink in my Great Adventure plan, but it never stopped being an adventure!

My thought is this hospital is going to charge me a lot of money for surgery, follow-up appointments and all the ins and outs. I intent to save money by camping in their parking lot. I already informed security so hopefully they will spread the awareness and the nurses checked to see if it was OK and they gave me permission. Nurses also said if I run out of food, do Door Dash. Patients staying in the hospital long term always have supplies delivered. I like being close in case I need help. Why not? Van life is just about living rent/mortgage free. The parking lot isn't pretty, but it can be home for now. I checked with a couple more hotels today, but they all use air fresheners. The hotel receptionist I spoke to said it's an industry standard. There is really no other place to go as Maine isn't friendly to van living.

I started reading Kasher in the Rye by Moshe Kasher. It was highly recommended. I couldn't get into it.

Day 2, Tuesday: My hair is so stringy from all the humidity and sweat I decided to try to wash it. The surgeon and nurses told me to get up and move every now and then for circulation so that's what I did. I had to walker my way out to the back of the van, get buckets, water jugs, clothes hanger thing, folding chair, and soap. Not only did I wash my hair, but did some handwashing laundry before the sun starts beating down. I wanted to take advantage of the heat so hopefully everything will dry fast...unless the humidy prevents it! I felt weak, dizzy and slightly nauseated which always worries me because I don't want to fall. I kept humming that song, "I am Woman." Nothing is going to keep me down! HA!

Although it's only the second day in the parking lot, today is the third day since the surgery and hospital stay so the pain should decrease. After my next dose of ibuprofen, I'll start some gentle range of motion stretches to keep the foot and ankle working.

Around noon, the temperature reached 93 degrees. I opened windows, closed the side door since the sun was shining on it, then closed up everything and put the key in the ignition and put the air on full blast. I didn't want to turn it off but I thought if the heat in this van doesn't kill me, I'm pretty sure the carbon monoxide will! I looked at my map of Maine and wondered if I should just drive somewhere, but then I'd have to beg people to pump my gas or I'd be pulled over by police and get a ticket. Instead I called the Park & Ride and asked for a ride to the medical center. The driver was very kind and friendly. I asked if there was a place to sit and he suggested the cafeteria. My clothes are wet with sweat. I probably smell homeless, but it's so cool in here!!!

I want very badly to eat pie! I bet they have a lot of evil foods here. Good thing I can't walk! I am trying not to eat sugar as I want to heal fast. I've been very good so far! I did check the cafeteria...NOTHING gluten-free and everything junk! BLAH! At least it can't tempt me, but this is a hospital! Why fill the cafeteria with substandard junk food when they should be promoting health?

I read We Solve Murders by Richard Osman.

Day 3, Wednesday: It's 8am and already 77 degrees of mugginess! UGH! I got up early, dumped my pee bucket in the porta potty and garbage at the Walmart. At 6am I hobbled into Walmart to stock up on food, but they were out of my yogurt. Damn. I need yogurt in order to take these pain killers or I get so queasy the head spinning makes it difficult to move around. I headed to Grosvenor's Bakery and Restaurant for breakfast. They have one of those dream bakeries - the most beautiful desserts! Their cakes are about a foot tall! Nothing gluten-free, but I bought six huge cookies for the Park & Ride guys. Although they don't take tips, I figured I'd better get in their good graces in some way because I'll be using them to get to the hospital so I can hang out in air conditioning. I'm sitting at the deserted far end of the air-conditioned cafeteria now, using the hospital's free wi-fi. I hope to be here all day until the temperatures start decreasing.

I really hate this. I fear someone will eventually tell me I need to leave. I feel like an interloper. I see the end, but it's all happening in slow motion. I need a real adventure. I have been scanning the Zillow ads to buy a house, but maybe I want a house in Greece or Spain or France? Or maybe that sounds like too much hassle? I'm getting to old for all this shenanigans.

I read The Life Impossible by Matt Haig.

Day 4, Thursday: It was supposed to rain today. It didn't, but the weather keeps postponing it so until then we get "suspended rain." Yep, I made that up. The horrid mugginess and air quality is so thick it's hard to breathe and it feels like rain hanging in the air. EEEEWWW! Get me outta here! I can sense the mold growing in my van.

The pain killers are taking a toll, too. After nearly two weeks of daily drugs, I feel dizzy and sick to my stomach constantly. Walmart seems to be out of my yogurt which I think might help. I spoke to the pharmacist in the hospital and he said it's a trade off: which is worse: pain or nausea. This is not a choice. He is an idiot.

Worked all day in the air conditioned cafeteria. I took breaks and carefully stretched my foot. I peaked under the bandage and my whole shin looks black and blue! WTH?? Lots of warnings about blood clots, but nothing about being black and blue. I'm in a constant state of ignorance. Should I be worried? Then I think, Oh, what do I care if I die? This is miserable. Living in a van is miserable. I don't have a home. I'm fucking hungry for real food. It might be a relief for it to all be over. Yeah, I'm not having a good day. I want to leave, but even that seems scary. So I get to spend my days watching health care personnel inhale junk food in the cafeteria.

Instead of the hassle of a wheelchair, the hospital also trusts patients with electric carts. I love the basket. I can stuff all my office stuff, computer, notebooks, lunch, purse and walker in it and prowl the hospital halls. HA! What I don't like it is when one goes backwards the warning bell is LOUD! Try it in a bathroom and it feels like it's some kind of weapon of destruction.

I have friends who are not really friends. I think sometimes I pretend people are more than they really are. They are currently in New Brunswick right next door to Nova Scotia. I had planned to cross paths with them and possibly meet up, but then this happened so I told them just so they know our meeting might not happen. Their response, "Good luck with that." Then silence. Two weeks later she is asking how I am. Really? Sorry, it seems so disingenuine. Granted, these are the same people who invited me to visit in San Diego and she went to a conference that was fifteen minutes away. She never once dropped in to say hi. So weird. At least she doesn't feel obligated to share how wonderful her Thai dinner was, but she did share she saw a moose. Does she think I'm in a place where I care? It makes me question what I expect from people: friends, aquaintenances, strangers. The strangers seem far more concerned about me than my own friends and they keep checking in to see how I am. I don't even know what to do with that.

I'm tired....of everything. Including my Arizona doctor. She's useless. I had another (second) telehealth appointment. The video never works and they have no idea why not can't give me instructions so we end up talking on a phone. She has an accent that is really hard to understand and she's just not helpful. I don't need the stress. What was I thinking? But if I didn't have her as a doctor, how would I have ever gotten a surgery referral. It's such a game.

Day 5, Friday: I have this urge to shave my head. The muggy heat makes my hair stringy, sweaty, and gross. I always have this fear with no hair, no make up, old wrinkly face I'll look like an old man, but do I really care? Who sees me? It's not like I do selfies five times a day. Besides I AM old and feeling it. So what if people get the gender wrong. Heck, maybe if people think I'm an old man I'll get more respect? I wish I still had my shaver. I sold it in the purge.

I have been sick all day. Called the surgeon's office and they want me to get some meprazole, Pepsid or Prilosec. I checked with the pharmacy and the name brands are loaded with cellulose. I went looking for yogurt and found some. It didn't help. I think I just have to quit the ibuprofen. This worries me. I don't want my leg to swell, get infected or be in pain, but I don't know what to do.

I spent the day in the cafeteria working. I went to a health store but their electric cart didn't work and it was so exhausting using the walker. There were about five employees, 4 men and a young woman. The woman offered help. The men were assholes. I've been having too many asshole encounters lately.

Temperature this morning at 8am was 63 degrees! Unlike the other day when it was 77 degrees! Hooray! It still hasn't rained. I wish it would.

The hospital security approached me. Wanted to know who I was and why I was parked in the parking lot. Really? After a WEEK? I gave them my name, phone number, license plate and then a lecture on how I am patiently waiting for my post-surgical follow-up appointment to make sure nothing is infected, everything is healing properly and to get stitches out. I assured him I do not want to be here. I'm not "camping". This is not recreation. I have no where else to go until the appointment which is next week. I also told him nurses told me I could stay the night and the security I encountered the morning of the surgery didn't seem to care when I told them. Even the superviser who gave me a ride back to the van that afternoon didn't seem to care. I think this guy was taking his job too seriously, BUT now I'm paranoid at any moment someone will tell me to leave. Just six more days...

Day 6, Saturday: I had weird dreams last night probably from Walmart chicken. Clearly it's toxic. I dreamt my brother died just as I was emptying the van into a new place to live. I don't remember if I was renting or if I bought the house. So strange.

The parking lot is fairly empty on the weekends, unlike the weekdays where it is nearly full. I spent the day working, eating, lounging, reading, and not going anywhere. I am tired of trying to drive to the store and I am tired of taking another drug because the nurses can't seem to manage the pain effectively. It was hard to sleep all night from the discomfort.

I want to shave my head.

Finished The Life Impossible. I loved it. About a woman in her seventies who has lost all enthusiasm for life. Both her young son and husband are dead leaving her alone. I always worried about not getting married and not having kids and whether I'd regret ending up alone in my senior years, but this woman still ended up alone. There are no guarantees. I like she went to a Spanish island and found a life. I like she acquired superpowers. I need some superpowers! I want that kind of adventure! Maybe I need to expand my house search and go international? I don't even know how. It all seems so difficult.

Five more days...

I awoke to cool temperatures in the 50s and the high today was 82 degrees. Not bad. I look forward when it is 70 degrees.

Day 7, Sunday: It's SO MUGGY. 91% humidity and 83 degrees. It's supposed to rain this afternoon, but it's been threatening rain all week and nothing.

I ran errands all day. Got some Zegerid which is a fancy brand for Omeprazole with Sodium Bicarbonate in hopes of controlling the nausea from the ibuprofen. Went to Walmart for a garbage dump and to buy more yogurt. I then tackled the health food store in hopes of finding salmon and other meats. I'm thinking meat and good protein will help heal bones (along with a lot of yogurt!). 

There was a charming man who hobbled up beside me and suggested we start a club. He had a cast on his foot, but he said he had surgery long ago and has had nothing but problems. His wife shared with me stories of people she knows who broke an ankle simply slipping. She also asked where I had the surgery done. When I told her she just "hmmmm" but said nothing. I think if it was the same place they've had problems with she might have added a warning. I'm really happy I picked such a good facility. I hope. Four days until the follow-up appointment.

Then I came back to the parking lot and vegetated for most of the afternoon.

I saw a young man the other day up by the street, and again he was up there today. He walked down the steep embankment to ask if I was OK. He said he saw my van yesterday and then sees I am back so he wanted to check on me. I told him I had been there all week waiting for an appointment that is scheduled for next week (showed him my cast). He said he wanted to check to be kind. Later when the storm was about to hit he came back down to let me know it was about to thunderstorm. Very nice. We need more nice people in the world. If this experience has taught me anything, people are assholes and most of them don't care about anyone but themselves. Even as I sit in a HOSPITAL parking lot in a cast, this young man was the one rare person who stopped to ask if I needed help. If I saw someone in a van in a cast sitting in a parking lot, I would ask if they needed anything. Even in most of the stores I enter, as I'm struggling to get in the door, no one offers help.

Ten minutes before 3pm the dark clouds start rolling in...

Of course, I had been staring at the weather reports all morning waiting for the storm, praying it would actually happen this time. Right on schedule...big, black clouds rolled in and it started to pour. OMG! It smelled so good!

Shazam! Right on schedule!

Day 8, Monday: I didn't take any ibuprofen last night because I felt pretty good. In fact just before falling asleep I forgot I had a broken ankle! I didn't think I needed more drugs. Woke up in the middle of the night in horrible pain and a lot of it in my back. With no solar power in the morning (fans on all night), I got a ride to the hospital for cafeteria breakfast in order to eat pills of all kinds in hopes of no nausea reprocussions. Still slightly nauseated.

Sat in the cafeteria and researched comment sections for hotels in Flagstaff. Most negative comments mentioning mold, cleaning products, or pet stink. I doubt if I'll be able to find a clean hotel anywhere! Researched orthopedic surgeons in Flagstaff.

This is the longest two weeks of my life....

Beautiful day today!! The high was 70 degrees with a cool breeze and sunshine. I made an appointment with an orthopedic ankle specialist in Flagstaff in September for the six weeks follow up and maybe physical therapy. Flagstaff right now has 32% humidity. It's in the 80s but by the time I get there it might be in the 70s. It's Arizona so BLM land is all over, good food, free grocery bags and most importantly, out of Maine!

Day 9, Tuesday: Damn, this countdown makes me feel good! Getting closer! Two more days and I'm outta here! I want Maine in my rear view!!

I admit I've lost my nerve. Traveling alone feels dangerous now. Camping alone in the woods feels risky. I don't feel safe anymore. You wouldn't think shattering an ankle, having to be carried off a beach, into an ambulance, faced with substandard Canadian public health, driving to another country for much needed surgery, then living in a hospital parking lot for two weeks would be that traumatic, but is was and it is. I'm sure I'll get over it, but I'm now afraid of the unknown. Driving several days across country alone with really no plan frightens me. I think being handicapped in some way, even in a minor way, adds to the vulnerablity. Interesting how our outlook can change at the drop of a hat, or in this case, a slip of the foot. If anything this experience reminded me I have no one in my life to rely on for help.

But do I have a choice? One of my friends commented on how "adventurous" I am with this injury and how admirable this is. It has nothing to do with being adventurous. It has everything to do with being alone in the world. I don't have a choice. If I don't get it done, it won't get done. If I wasn't willing to drive with my left foot, I'd still be in Nova Scotia listening to everyone lecture me on how I can't drive with my left foot, forfeiting surgery, and never walking again. If I don't drive across the country, I'd be in Maine the rest of my life. <shiver>

At eleven days since surgery, my ankle feels better. I don't have to elevated it to keep the pain and swelling at bay. I'm still using the walker, but I can walk with the weight-bearing cast although I try not to put full weight on it yet although I did slide out of the driver's seat at a gas station and walk freely pumping my own gas! Felt fine. I'm not so dizzy or nauseated since I'm taking less pain meds, but in the morning when it's cold, my ankle aches and the incisions burn at night if rubbing on the cast. It's getting better. I have every confidence it'll continue to heal as so many others have assured. I haven't had sugar for nineteen days in hopes that will assist the healing process. Well, other than the sugar that is in the yogurt. I'll make sacrifices to get this done and over as fast as possible, but damn, I want something bad to eat!!

It's cloudy this morning, but it should get up to 72 degrees this afternoon. Lovely weather finally! Friday is back up to 85 degrees, but I hope to be driving away Thursday afternoon!

OOPS! A different security guy drove up in his car and again, asked me why I was parked. I told him I'm waiting for an appointment on Thursday and there is no where else to be. I explained as soon as this appointment is over, I am gone. He very nicely said I couldn't park in the hospital parking lot and to take my time, but MOVE. He seems to think I can park at the local park (no) or a Walmart (no). I checked with the Walmarts and they are tired of RVers moving in for a week or two. How rude to take advantage of the generosity of these businesses and ruin it for the rest of us. I thanked the security guard for the time I was able to park and I drove 50 miles north to find a friendly Walmart. Here I am! TWO MORE DAYS!! I cannot wait to leave this fucking state!

I am reading How to Stop Time by Matt Haig. Love it.

Day 10, Wednesday: I drove to Portland. Three hours. I've never been to the "other" Portland! I didn't have anything else to do today! They have the only Whole Foods in Maine and I am so tired of not finding good food. Of course, Whole Foods is what it is. Rude employees, substandard health food pretending to be more than it is, BUT it's still better than anything out there. And it's comfortable. I know Whole Foods even with all it's faults. Five hours of driving. I can do it! I also bought stuff to freeze since I will be driving through the mid-west where I doubt there is any organic or gluten-free food at all.

Then to find a place to park for the night. I checked iOverlander. Every listing no longer accepts overnight parking! I drove to two rest stops and the fishing access. They have "no overnight parking signs" now along with all the Walmarts in or near Bangor refusing any kind of nomad hospitality. There is a truck stop, but I hate truck stops. The trucks idle all night creating noise and stink and it's just a creepy place filled with creepy men. I hate Maine. Seriously. I finally found the Penobscot Narrows Bridge Overlook. A little parking lot that overlooks the bridge. Many have said they parked overnight and there are no "no overnight parking" signs. I hate these "iffy" places, but I was so tired and my leg hurt so bad after five hours of driving, I couldn't go any further. If a police officers tells me to leave, I can always head to the truck stop.

This is it! Tomorrow is the follow-up! I hope everything is healing as expected.

Surgery!

The night before my surgery I was searching the internet for my doctor as I laid around the health care parking lot in the middle of the night. It was then I realized there are about five different facilities for this health care center! OMG! I don't know which one I'm supposed to be at tomorrow morning at the crack of dawn! They never gave me the address! Jeez!!

I called the number I had for them praying someone would answer a phone. They did and I am not at the right facility. Good god! It's only 12 minutes away but I'd hate to show up late and they say, "Too bad for you!" Then I'm in a panic because I don't even know if my new doctor takes my insurance! It was a stressful night!

At 4am I get up. prepare and head out to find this hospital in the dark of dawn. Beautiful complex! I get registered (I wasn't even registered...I was an add on). The nurses are all wonderful, friendly and kind. I was really stressing over the stink they might be wearing, but I think most health facilities have scent-free policies. It's a new world. Thank god! Other than a few mildly scented hand sterilizers, everything smelled clean and not fragranced!

The surgeon also didn't stink...on a scale of 1-10 for bedside manner he was a negative 5. When he left I asked the nurses and they said, "Yeah, that's normal." He seemed put out by my questions, but I kept asking them anyway because fuck if I care if I'm inconveniencing this young, arrogant, piece of shit. Do I care if he has a bad attitude? Maybe that makes him a better doctor...I just want someone who knows what he's doing.

New Weight-Bearing Cast!

I'm out like a light after breathing brain-numbing anesthesia and wake up hours later in EXCRUCIATING pain! They give me a block. Great sleep though. Doctor informs me everything went very well. I finally come out the other end and I'm sick, dizzy, and miserable. They keep feeding me drug after drug for pain and nausea but nothing seems to work on the nausea. Even oxycodone didn't work on the pain. I've never vomitted so much in my life. Finally I say, "Maybe it's the drugs causing the nausea?" So I argue with them at two in the morning.

How many times was I asked, "On a scale of 1 to 10?"

Of course, I have not admitted to anyone I'm chemically sensitive. Conventional medicine just doesn't understand what that might mean. She finally gives me one last drug for nausea and sleep and I finally get some relief.

The next morning, I see a physical therapist so he can assess if I can be released into a VAN! By the time he left he said, "That will be the easiest thing I do all day!" I pulled off being ready and confident!

The nurse told me it's illegal to drive with a cast on your foot!! Shit. She said, "Don't get pulled over or you'll be fined!" I wonder what they'd do? Impound my van? Throw me to the street? Hmmm...I looked it up online and it said it's not recommended, but it's not illegal. Maybe in the lovely state of Maine? I don't know. I don't have a choice. I'm just not sure where or when I'll be leaving.

My plan is to stick around Bangor and park at the hospital for the next two weeks until the follow up appointment, get the stitches out, find out progress and next step. Then we'll see!

One step at a time and this will all be over. In the meantime, I'm searching Zillow for a real place to live!

Hell in a Hand Basket or Get Me the Hell Outta Here!

 

I spent six restful, but stressful days in Noel, Nova Scotia convalescing in Minou's driveway. I definitely needed it if anything for a little healing, but without a plan or even knowing how to proceed I was a basket case. Frazzled. My foot is detached from my leg being held together by a very heavy plaster cast. I'm frantically emailing, messaging, and posting of my situation praying someone can come up with an idea. Do I high-tail it back to the states? Do I stay here? How to get back to the states? How to survive in a van in very hot Maine? What kind of doctor will fix my ankle? Where do I find him/her? HOW DO I DO THIS???!!

I had a few offers of help. One very generous woman was willing to drive the van with me in it where I wanted to go as long as I paid for her airfare. I did worry if she'd be fragrance-free or not. Another friend volunteered to let me stay with her after the surgery for physical therapy, but I had no idea where to store the van. Yet another friend contacted her church's Halifax congregation to see if they had any ideas on travel. The pastor asked if I needed food. I thought that was so thoughtful and kind! Food in Canada is abysmal. Trying to get organic or gluten-free is difficult. I doubt very much if that's what he was offering, but I know there are so many people without access to any food so his offer was very compassionate and truly Christian.

Most support from people I know sounded like this, and I quote, "Oh, too bad for you, but let me tell you about the Thai food I had last night!" Minou says I need to ask for help, but I told her I am a non-entity in most people's lives. I'm not in anyway a priority even to the people I consider good friends. Point-blank asking for help sounds like disappointment and I prioritize my requests. For instance, dumping my pee bucket and my human waste is a priority. I avoided asking her for much more! I do appreciate the people in my life sending me well wishes and constantly checking in with me as I know most can't do much else especially since I'm on the other side of the country and not in the country!! My philosophy is if people want to help and can help, they will offer. And, more importantly, too many people stink! So proximity is always a challenge.

Monday I called every podiatric and orthopedic surgeon in Bangor, Maine, and nearby. Only one office actually answered their phones or returned my pleas for help. They also gave me all kinds of wonderful advice knowing I wasn't even a patient yet! I was impressed. When I was a medical assistant I learned if the staff are happy and helpful, that is usually a sign the doctors are good.

Tuesday came and went with no communication from the Canadian surgeon. I thought I'd give him until Tuesday night. I was hoping at least to get a recommendation and a referral. Nothing. The hospital said they didn't have a surgeon on the staff and check another hospital. Wow. Zero help from them although they will be the ones sending me a bill.

Wednesday I call the orthopedic surgeon's office who was helpful on Monday. They need a referral sent from the ER doctor. I call the hospital. Hmmm...no, that is not their procedure. The surgeon needs to request a referral via fax. HOLY FUCK! This went back and forth with neither office budging on policy so I could get fixed. I was in tears.

The surgeon's office suggested I could make a run for the border and at the first American hospital I find get everything done again (and pay for it again!!) and have them send their referral. She said Canadians are notoriously slow and waiting might be a problem as this is time sensitive...if the wait is to long I can't have surgery. I'm in a panic.

Then she suggested maybe I could have my primary care do the referral? I said, "But she really isn't in the loop?" I did message her to ask her advice on how to find a doctor earlier. The surgeon's office said, "Get her in the loop. You should send her the documents, x-rays and labs for your chart anyway." I call primary care doctor and she's not in the office. So I message her with an "urgent". She responds and says she'll have her medical assistant send it! Oh, thank God!!

How can getting health care be so damn hard? If I were laying on the floor dying, they'd all either ignore me or argue about policy!

In the meantime, I practiced driving with my left foot! I did a run to the grocery store thirty minutes away. No one was on the country highways so I alternated slowing down and accelerating to get used to the left foot action. On the way back I had to emergency brake for a few bad drivers and it was automatic which gave me lots of confidence! Having my leg stretched out to the right totally messed with my sense of space. I kept thinking I was driving too close to the side of the road! LOL!

I decided to leave for the states the next day. I can't risk falling off these crutches and ending up back in a Canadian ER. Also, when the Maine surgeon's office wants me there for an appointment, I want to be available immediately. I left the next morning. Beautiful drive through the Nova Scotian countryside. I am so sad and disappointed I didn't get to stay for the whole month seeing the whole province.

On the route, the Maine surgeon's office called! They do want me there immediately and planned to make the appointment the next day, but had to check with the surgeon's schedule first. Later they called me back again...forget the appointment, surgery is scheduled for Saturday (it's Thursday). I have a feeling they just squished me into a non-existent schedule as an emergency. Thank you!! The surgeon I thought I'd be seeing who I researched isn't available, but another is...he got out of medical school last year. Does this give me confidence? Hell no. But I don't have a choice and I'm just thankful I can be seen at all. By anyone. I just hope when this is all over, I can walk again!

I also had to stop twice for gas. The first I asked a customer to go back in the store and ask if there was an employee who could pump it for me. This darling young woman with curly red hair who I had the pleasure of getting gas from on the way to Nova Scotia came out cheerfully and sympathetically took my money then she sent a customer to pump it. At the next gas station there was a woman pumping gas next to me and I asked her. She happily abliged and come to find out she was there on business from California. See, Minou! I can ask for help! LOL!

Got to Bangor. Beautiful town with gorgeous old homes. I found a health food store, but they didn't have electric carts. Thankfully they were willing to shop for me and bring it out to the parking lot. I needed to stock up on food as I'm not sure if I'll be able to get around at all after the surgery. I asked for the cheapest dozen eggs they have...$7.99!! Really? Beggars can't be chosers! They did not charge me for the private shopping so there is a trade off.

I searched for hotels. I risked bodily injury and slowly crutched my way into two of them. Both use air fresheners in the rooms and all rooms smelled of mold. I think it's just too damp here. One hotel receptionist said all of the hotels use air fresheners. Rather than waste my time visiting and smelling them myself (I was so sick after the first one!), I started calling and all cheerfully said, "Oh, yes, we spray the rooms with air fresheners!" I am so thankful I had enough cognitive ability to know I would need my van with me. If I left it in Nova Scotia, I'd be screwed right now. I'll be staying in the van while I recover. I'm not looking forward to the 85 degree weather in a metal roasting oven nor crapping in a bucket when I have only one foot for support, but desperate times...I have no choice.

So I am permanently parked at the orthopedic surgeon's health center with a view of everyone's comings and goings. I hope they don't ask where I'll be staying because they might not approve. I guess lying is in my future. LOL!

And Everything Goes to Hell...

Burncoat Head Park - view from lighthouse

Here I am in Nova Scotia finally having a great time in a beautiful location, with glorious weather, and friendly people. I've been looking forward to August this whole trip knowing I'd be in Nova Scotia maybe for the month to avoid the hot weather of the states. August 1st I left the Kingston Walmart parking lot and head east visiting Wolfville which is a cute little university town, then turned south and then north around a loop to get to Burntcoat Head Park. I was told at the Peggy's Cove visitors center this is the highest/lowest tide in the world! You can walk out for a long ways looking at all kinds of sea creatures on the exposed ocean floor! I love beach walking! Bonus: it's a beautiful day!

Burntcoat Head Park view of parking lot from lighthouse
A game: Where's Big Blue?

They had a little lighthouse. Unlike lighthouses in the states that look like cylindrical towers, these in Nova Scotia are like little houses. This one was the center for the park so I was able to go in and all the way to the top to take photos of the scenery.

Burntcoat Head Park - view of "island"

The woman was very nice and welcoming. I found out later her name is Anita. I asked her about the tide and she said it's not out all the way, but still out quite a ways. She said it's quite muddy, but if I stay along cliff it's drier. I thought she said go to the right of the island, don't go to the left of the island. She said the mud is not deep in most cases, just a thin layer. OK.

I hike down the hill on the very nice trail, then down some cement steps that are wet with high tide ocean water. When I get down to the beach, I watch others and followed suit, walking along the cliff and then onto the ocean floor. It was muddy, but not deep just like Anita explained. 

As I'm watching very carefully where I'm going, the little girl who was about ten feet away started screaming at the top of her lungs because she hated the mud on her shoes. It's caking the bottom of her shoes as it is with mine.The mother kept assuring her it'll wash off, but she's having none of it. I considered at that point turning back, but I also thought, Oh! It'll wash off! I want to see things! Be adventurous! I get to the right of the island. I feel thankful my shoes aren't that dirty. This is the route others are taking. There are about thirty people on the beach at this point. I take a photo of the island wall and then...

It happened in a split second. I slip, lose my balance, twisted my foot, fell onto my foot, and I heard my ankle SNAP. OMG! The pain. I straightened out my foot slightly since it's curled at a grotesque angle in hopes of alleviating pain or maybe hoping just to put it back into place. When I went down I screamed. A very nice couple nearby walking back from the beach asked if I was OK, I said, "No. Something snapped and I can't move my foot!"

I'm sitting in the mud. My camera is covered in mud because I was holding it in my hand. I keep saying, "No, no, no, this can't happen!" I'm trying not to cry. They say there must be someone around and I tell her there is a woman who seems like a park official or information person in the lighthouse. Her husband says he will go get her. She asks if I'm here with anyone and I say, "No." She stays with me. I'm in a panic mostly worried about emergency hospital costs. Are they going to have to airlift me? Oh god. I'm shaking, not because I'm cold but because of the unbearable pain.

Anita comes down to assess my condition. My foot is swelling. She calls for paramedics and anyone who is in the area to assist. I said I could try to scoot closer to the park and off the beach, but she said not to move. It was all I could do to hold my leg to try to alleviate the excruciating pain at my ankle. The hour long wait felt like forever. Many first responders, emergency workers and then paramedics showed up. They discussed the procedures of how best to get me off the beach. That took another hour. The tide was not coming in so there was no danger present, but OMG! THE PAIN! Too many of the rescue people said, "Sorry, I am new at this!" (I heard that a lot during the day which did not give me any confidence.) They assessed if I was injured anywhere else and thank god, I was not. I was able to help hoist myself into a better position and then onto the evacuation board. (OMG THE PAIN!) They tried to support my foot/ankle because it felt like it was separated and floating. (OMG THE PAIN!) They strapped me onto the board and then maybe eight people carried me through the mud, off the beach, then UP the hill, through the park, in the parking lot where the ambulance was waiting. I was so afraid they'd slip in the mud and drop me!

Look at that mud! What was I thinking? Look at me looking like I'm dead.

Anita took my camera, my glasses and then my shoes to hold them for me. One of the first responders, Minou said with Anita's help they would move my van to her house so it would be safe. OMG! Thank you! At least I had enough brain left to tell them I would need my purse and my phone as I'm sure someone will need my ID, etc. 

The paramedics again assessed my condition, removed my shoe, cut my sock off, wrapped a pillow around my foot, shifted me onto the gurney and then into the ambulance. In the ambulance I was hooked me up to the machines to monitor my blood pressure, respiratory, pusle, checked my heart, etc. Everything was fine, although my blood pressure was high from the pain. I then got multiple pills of Tylenol and Ibuprofen which reduced the pain level from a 10 to a 9. They said the good drugs will be here soon. Before I leave Minou comes to the ambulance and tells me to call when I am discharged and she will pick me up and bring me to her house. I had done a good job controlling my crying, but at that point I started sobbing. I was so relieved, so thankful and so scared!

After about twenty minutes of driving over potholes (OMG THE PAIN!) we pulled over and another paramedic joined us. I said, "You must be the drug dealer." YEP! I got a dose of MORPHINE! First, my whole body tense up. It was not comfortable. Then I felt loopy and very relaxed. Most of the pain went away, down to a 1, but the tightness of the swelling was still there. I asked about cost. One of them said the ambulance is not covered by anything so it will probably be around $2000. OUCH. The drug dealer offered another hit of morphine. I said I can't afford it. He said the drugs probably won't cost anything. The "probably" gave me pause. I doubt if they know and this is going to be expensive. Very nice paramedics, conversational and funny. 

It was forty-five minutes to the hospital in Truro. I was sent in for x-rays. I fractured my ankle in two places, breaking three bones. The doctor said it was a clean break which was a little encouraging. I think sitting in the mud and not moving probably prevented more damage. He then sent my information to a surgeon. While we waited for the prognosis, they cast my foot up to my knee. The surgeon said I would need surgery or the foot would not reattach and it would constantly break. They told me to call Medicare to find out what is covered.

Of course, Medicare is useless. They can only read from the manual what the rules are. Foreign travel is covered under three different scenarios only and none of them fit my situation. I'm in a panic. Holy mackerel. I start sobbing again.

They sent me for another x-ray to make sure the foot was aligned correctly after the cast. I called both Anita and Minou to inform them I'm still waiting in the hospital. Then I had to wait some more. My first doctor left and it was hours before another doctor arrived. I'm worried Minou won't want to drive an HOUR to pick me up and drive me back an HOUR to her house in the dark. But I didn't have a choice. I need to get to my van and where else would I stay? How would I even get anywhere? People have lectured me that I should have requested social services. I repeatedly asked for anyone at the hospital who could give me advice or assistance of any kind and they said there was no one like that in the facility.

While I waited, I called Visa to see if there were any international travel insurance benefits on my card. NO. I posted requests for information and help on the Facebook women van groups. Some told me to call the U.S. Embassy. Others said somehow to get back to the states to do the surgery. Others said Canada is cheaper, just stay there. Most people just lectured me on not having travel insurance. Not helpful.

Dr. Marshall shows up and he is another who tells me he's new. Hearing this all day does NOT give me confidence. I'm not sure why I had to wait for him. I tell him insurance isn't covering anything and I might need to go to the states for surgery. He gives me the copy of the blood labs and diagnostic reports they did planning I would have surgery there. I did not get another EKG since if I go to the states I'd have to go through all that again which is just more cost.

He offers me pain drugs and I tell him in the states they charge a patient $25 just to write a prescription so no. He assured me the prescription writing would not cost. I still don't believe it, but I took it. I worried I don't have an address and the one I have on my drivers' license is just for show. I won't get mail until I get back to Tucson. I offered my email for billing. He said, "I doubt very much if they will be sending a bill to Tucson and how will they find you if you live in a van?" I said, "I don't want collections destroying my credit or coming after me because I didn't pay a bill."

I tell him I don't know if this stranger who might pick me up will want to drive in the dark. He said they could discharge me and then I can just wait until morning for the ride. I didn't trust it and worried they'd charge me for being admitted to the hospital or if they charge me for the hours I am there.

How do I get crutches? I have to go somewhere and buy them...it's almost midnight. The hospital doesn't provide any assistance.

Anyway, Minou arrived and took me back to the van. She's a retired teacher, artist, first responder volunteer, and hosts international students in her house! She's my angel! She brought me out some chicken she had for dinner. Oh god, it was so good especially since I hadn't eaten all day. Maneuvering around without crutches was difficult especially since the cast takes 48 hours to dry. Trying to hoist myself up into my very high bed in my van was such a challenge! I was worried all night about blood clots. I took two ibuprofen for pain, but I was really uncomfortable all night. Going to the bathroom was really difficult.

We'll see what happens. The ambulance may cost $2,000 and the form I signed had the amount of around $5,000 for ER. Who knows about the two different sets of x-rays or the blood lab. Medicare did tell me to submit a "foreign health care claim" anyway, but I'm certain that will be a waste of time. But surgery scares me...$$$$$

On top of all of this, I was told the Canadian surgeon will call me Tuesday (he didn't). It seems there is a long Canadian holiday weekend! The Embassy is also closed until Tuesday, but they had no valuable suggestions. My best bet is to find a surgeon in Bangor, Maine. It is 6 hours to Bangor. We'll see if I can drive with my left foot...

So now I'm on hold, worried sick about the logistics of everything and in pain.

Chilling, crying, elevated, and view from van at my angel's house.

Oh Canada! Nova Scotia

Northern Maine is nice and cool! Maybe a little too cool or damp as there was condensation on my windshield in the morning. That is not good! I worked for a few hours then made a run for the border at Calais. No line which was surprising! It pays to pick your border crossing carefully. Canadian border agents are so nice! Unlike the American agents, I've never met a mean or snarky Canadian border agent.

I headed through New Brunswick. Not much to see from the freeway so I dipped south along a little highway to Fundy National Park, but only to drive right through going to Alda which is right on the coast. If you don't stop in the park, they don't charge you, BUT Canada has some kind of national park promotion going on and the national parks are free this summer until September 2nd. I stopped at The Lobster Shop and ate lobster roll and seafood chowder all gluten-free! So good!

I so rarely eat at restaurants I had to take photos. I have never had a lobster roll (above). It's just a lobster sandwich. Normally they are on rolls, but they only had gluten-free bread. They are expensive ($29 for lobster roll, $19 for chowder, CAD) which is probably why.

Arrived in Halifax around 7pm or about nine hours behind the wheel. Another butt-numbing driving marathon. It's really windy which means there are few mosquitoes. Perfect weather...low 70s and sunny. I stayed in the Cabela's parking lot. There were two RVs and another van. I like not being alone even if we don't ever speak to each other.

Nova Scotia Provincial Flag

The next morning I drove in circles trying to figure out where Siri wanted me to go. She took me down closed streets and a closed freeway entrance and gave me a street name that was no where to be found. UGH! I finally made it to the Ford dealership in Halifax. The charming young man at the counter got me an appointment IMMEDIATELY! Wow! The mechanic did a diagnostic check (besides the oil and filter change) and his assessment...all my problems are because the OVERSIZED TIRES! Along with a lower gas mileage and the speedometer is off, in other words if it shows I'm driving 60 mph I'm really going 65 mph. Why didn't the Nelson Ford people know this? Why did they sell me these tires? It seems the transmission is trying to compensate for the oversized tires which is why it struggles so much. So he adjusted the transmission to match the tires. Didn't even cost anything, well, other than the extra diagnostic charge. Such a relief!!! I just hope it works because the tires are still on the van.

I attempted to find parking in downtown Halifax so I could visit the visitors center. Yeah right. I gave up. Instead I left for the Fairview Cemetery where the Titanic victims who were pulled from the sea are buried. I drove all over Halifax and then found the cemetery was right across the street from the Ford dealership! Heck, I could have walked over while they were working on the van!! I find I am NOT good with online instructions, Google Maps, and verbal directions. I want a map to hold in my hand so I am visually oriented to where I am. 

The story about one of the few identified buried victims, Michel Navratil, was fascinating. He was from France, and it seems he kidnapped his two young children and was taking them to America. He was a second class passenger and a man so was unable to board one of the few lifeboats, but got his kids on one. His oldest son realized much later in life that his father was buried in Nova Scotia.

I searched for other Nova Scotia visitors centers in the area and drove to the coast to Peggy's Cove on the southern coast:

Peggy's Cove has a wonderful visitors center that gave me all kinds of information. When I asked where to find free camping/parking, she said, "You can park in our parking lot!" What? There are signs that say "No Overnight Parking". She said they put those up because too many people were parking and burning campfires right on the parking lot! They didn't want it to be a free-for-all campground for a bunch of stupid people. So here I am. There is one other van. It's a perfect 67 degrees and sunny.

Ants on a hill...there is no getting away from the tourists.

I love turquoise houses! Other popular colors are bright blue, dusty light blue, and aqua! Yum!

Great hike to the water's edge...

The water is so clear!

I got up the next morning early and went for my walk in the fog. This is the time to see anything with no tourists lurking about! Just me and the professional photographers hiding in the rocks. LOL!

There is a little women's artists' co-op in town called "Hags on the Hill". Outside it has an elderly mermaid carved in wood. I love her:

Then I headed east on the coast. The great thing about Nova Scotia is these little roads are right on the water, unlike Maine where there were no views of the water as I drove. With the mild temperature, the windows were rolled down and the ocean air smelled so good.

My first stop was the Swissair 111 Memorial. The passenger jet with 229 victims crashed in the water off Peggy's Cove and fishermen in the area helped to bring in bodies. It seems the entertainment center wiring caught on fire and filled the plane with fire disabling the flight controls. I can't imagine the horror those people went through in their last moments of life. I can't imagine having to be the ones to search for bodies. There was a bunch of diamonds and a Picasso onboard worth millions of dollars.

I continued down the Lighthouse Route through gorgeous villages like Chester and Mahone Bay.

Love this porch!

I felt really relaxed and less stressed now that I know Big Blue is fine and just doesn't like her tires. I'm trying to slow down and take my time since I hope to stay here through August to stay cool. On the drive I passed this beautiful church and needed a butt break so I couldn't help but take a photo...

.

And then horror struck and I did the inevitable....I ran over a living, innocent if not stupid, critter. Damn! My record was so clean even after driving through Alaska, Montana, Wyoming and the Yukon where wildlife warning signs were posted all over, the critters were all over the roads and too many of them kept jumping out onto the road. This little guy, a chipmunk, I think...let's call him Alvin...just came out of no where and ran in front of my van.

I've read when this happens don't swerve in front of oncoming traffic, don't slam on your brakes so the guy behind hits you, just coast and hope (pray) for the best. This has worked for me until now. I felt a little squish and he was gone. I felt so bad! For hours I kept second guessing myself, Maybe if I would have swerved just a little? Or braked slightly? I've driven 40,000 miles in the last eight months so it was bound to happen, I just hoped it wouldn't. There are too any chipmunks in Nova Scotia racing across the highway...some not so alive now. A few days later a shrew ran across the highway and I did a slight swerve. No squish this time.

I stayed overnight in Port Medlow's lighthouse parking lot. Sunny, 74 degrees, breezy, and beautiful. Very quiet. I was going to stay in the parking lot of another lighthouse, but I read when the fog rolls in the fog horn goes off every five minutes. LOL! No fog horns here.

I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning the refrigerator. I decided not to freeze anything and use the whole space as a refrigerator this way more salad fixings can fit and maybe I'll eat more salads! It also takes less energy.

I visited the local historic cemetery and learned about "death head" imagery on tombstones. The winged skull symbolizes life on earth is short-lived and death will always win.

It is on the oldest tombstone in the cemetery dated 1783:

I also went to a community history tour which was just an exhibition of old photos in two different buildings. The first building was the "The Warehouse: A Community Event Center". It was basically an old mechanics garage. It had  bit of a musty smell, but tolerable. The other building looked to be from the 1700s, maybe an old community meeting house? The windows looked like arched church windows. I walked in and I was immediately suffocating by the mold so I left.

The next morning I did my early walk in the fog and from a distance I saw what I thought was a dog in the road staring at me. But no barking. Not wishing to wake the neighbors so early, I stopped. I noticed said dog had a bushy tail and two others frolicking nearby. They were FOX! Mama fox watched me closely while the teenagers ignored me completely. I kept walking toward them and I heard her give a little yelp and all three disappeared in the bushes.

The weather here on the coast during the day is fantastic: low 70s, sunny, beautiful. At night the fog rolls in along with the dampness that makes everything outside and inside the van feel wet. I keep the ventilation fan on all night for condensation anyway, damp or not. I was putting my windshield cover up for privacy, but I discovered that creates condensation so now I just hang a towel from the van's headliner. This makes me wonder if most buildings in Nova Scotia or just on the coast are filled with mold. I used to live on the coast of Washington State and I know it's common there. The fog burns off around 10am.

Tried to drive the Lighthouse Route, but I kept ending up on Hwy 103 which is boring until I started ignoring Siri and just went the route I wanted through Liverpool, Sable River, Lockport and Shelburne. Stopped in Shelburne to walk the historic Dock Street right on the water. It reminded me of England. 

Next I visited Hawk Beach near Clark's Harbour. The beaches here are a little "wild" - out in the middle of nowhere. I envisioned jumping in the water for a nice swim. The temperature was only 70 degrees and I think the water must have been about 40 degrees.  I strolled down the beach in the water instead. No jumping. No freezing. The ocean air smelled heavenly.

Love this purple house!

I want this Sundae Bench in my future backyard!

Even the porta potties are pretty!

Once one gets to the west coast the choice of routes changes from Route 1 more along the waterfronts which is called The Evangeline Trail and the highway is 101 which is the boring in the bushes option.

Yarmouth was nothing special. Lots of stores. Walmart doesn't want overnight parking. Blah. Situated just a little bit off the coast, Yarmouth was hot and muggy! I high-tailed it back to the coast, but there were so few camping options! I ended up driving a lot further than I expected and parked on a road between Belliveaus Cove and St. Bernard that dead-ended at the beach. I'm always worried in these little communities if the locals might get nervous with strangers, but I was left in peace. I met two lovely women the next morning out for a beach stroll and they said many people park here for a night. They don't care.

This is in the Clare District that is predominantly French so there are Canadian and French flags all over. There are several massive churches in the area. This first one is Sainte Marie Church in Church Point. It is the tallest wooden church in North America. I had to take a photo through a chain-linked fence so it's not good.

This one is Sacred Heart in Saulnierville:

The coolest one was this Romanesque looking monstrosity, but by the time I took these two photos I was thinking, I am taking too many photos of churches AGAIN! So I stopped.

Next I headed to Digby. Someone told me it was cute. I wasn't impressed. 

I headed to Bear River because info lady said it's on stilts. It is, but it's so small. The tide was out so the stilts are easily seen, but when the tide comes in everything is deep in water. Very quiet little town. They do have some great art galleries.

Then Annapolis Royal. This was a cute town with a nice waterfront promenade with historical displays so you can read and learn about the history. It had a nice health food store.

They also have Fort Anne National Historical Site. Not only are the national parks free this summer, but also the national historical sites. I timed my travels perfectly. Very nice museum in the Officers' Quarters with a Powder Magazine, a "Black Hole" and a Cemetery. There were lots of placards with history...and grass moats.

Then I headed to Kejimkujik National Park & National Historic Site. I did the Mill Falls hike because it was short and it was already afternoon. 

What I didn't realize is you can swim!! See the kids in the background? So I did the hike and I was so sweaty from all the forest mugginess I didn't even bother to put on my swimsuit, I just took off my hiking boots and socks, and got right in with my clothes! OH! It was so wonderful after too many days with muggy sweat clinging to my skin. The water was deep and cool, but not cold.  I smelled a bit like pond scum after since the river has a lot of algae that looks like brown, grassy seaweed. It also gives the water a brown haze so I tried to sponge bathed it off and washed my hair. It felt so good to be sort of clean!

I drove the loop up to Kingston and camped behind the Walmart. I had to seek out mall management but no one was there so I asked security and he escorted me to his boss. She was hesitant although I told her a lot of people have said they were given permission just instructed not to park in directly front of the store. She had me park BEHIND the store. I was alone and I felt isolated in a creepy way. Didn't look like there were any lights until it was dark and then the whole place was lit up like an airport runway with bright lights all along the walls of the stores!

The next morning headed east along the northern coast of Nova Scotia...and then my trip went to hell.

To be continued...