My Remedy for Depression

I've heard depression is classified as self-anger. OK, I can accept that. I am angry at myself for wasting $700 plus $500 in multiple attempts to escape my circumstances and I am angry at myself for moving to these circumstances in the first place and getting stuck here. Understanding why I'm angry and depressed doesn't make it feel better. What does make it feel better is DEMOLITION. Or...I need a project! Something physically and mentally exhausting.



 

Remember my three-quarter antique spool bed I found free off Freecycle? The same bed I stripped and painted twice? It needs a mattress. Three-quarter size mattresses aren't common so this means I'd either have to special order one which is impossible since they soak them in formaldehyde and fire-resistant treatments OR make one. Making one involves finding organic mattress pads, stacking them, sewing them together, covering them, and hoping the plywood I place underneath as support doesn't stink to high heaven. I read I might need up to seven pads and at nearly $100 each, that's $700. Well, you know I already spent that money unwisely when it would have gone to better use toward a new mattress! Damn, that makes me angry.

The bed frame has been sitting mattress-less for the last six months. It depresses me to look at it. I need something to destroy, or rather, repurpose, so I decided to take it apart and make a bench out of it. This was my original plan for this bed as I didn't think it would be in such great shape. I figure the bench can serve as my new couch. The plan is to use the existing hardware so I can take it apart and move it easily. Currently my upholstered antique couch weighs nearly 2,000 pounds. It's hell to move. I'd love to sell it. I want something smaller and lighter weight. Can I do it?

The first challenge was figuring out how to cut the foot board in two parts without screwing it up. I looked forward to this as the foot board makes me angry. I thought the bed was in its original condition until my woodworking friend came over and pointed out the foot board decoration had been removed. Damn. Besides watching this bed sit for six months, looking at the foot board reminds me it's damaged. I want it to be pretty. It's not and that makes me angry. I need to annihilate it. (Expressing emotions is good....)

See the middle of the foot board where it's straight?
There used to be pretty woodcarving there probably
repeating the design of the head board.

Unfortunately, all I have is a hand saw. I bought it many years ago for one dollar and it has assisted me through all kinds of construction projects. I don't trust myself to be able to cut through twelve inches of wood by hand in a straight line. My woodworking friend suggested using a chop saw in order to get a straight, clean line and offered to let me use his. Bonus! Once I completed this very important step, I studied and contemplated the remaining steps and then continued to hand-saw all other wood pieces: the front board (made from the original bed rails) and the supporting seat boards. Physical labor makes a person forget about anger or depression. Especially if it hurts and hand-sawing hurts!

Check it out:

 

I have yet to make a cushion for it so I used my quilts and folded them up for some temporary padding.

Here is the view of the hardware so you can see how it all attaches. It was tricky.

I'll wait to touch up the paint this summer. I made all kinds of
mistakes in the name of demolition like drilling right
through the wood. HA!

 

If I were to attach everything permanently with screws, it would be the weight of a whole bed and too heavy for me to lift let alone move gracefully. That would make me angry.

There is a problem, however. When I picked up this bed from the Freecycle giver she told me, "It's a wonderful bed. Just don't have any monkey sex and it'll be fine." Now, I didn't ask for details. I thought it was really weird and little creepy a stranger would talk to me about monkey sex. I visualized this woman having monkey sex for a horrible instant and promptly ignored the comment pretending she never said it. Ah ha! Now I know what she meant...

It falls apart. Any little movement and the hardware attachments come undone. I would think a heavy mattress would hold it down and stabilize it, but according to the woman, I guess not. With much trepidation, I've test-sat on my new bench. It's not a relaxing piece of furniture nor something I would want to curl up on and watch some T.V. It wiggles. The first time I tried to move it from my guest bedroom to another bedroom, it leaned slightly, and the whole thing fell apart. SPLAT! If it wasn't so comical, it might have made me angry, but I had just finished hand-sawing six 2 x 4 pieces of wood so I was rather relaxed. Still, the splat did not give me great confidence...a bench sitter could get hurt. Not sure how to remedy the situation. I'll think on it.

Thinking and planning, besides physical labor, is also a remedy for depression. It occupies one's mind.

I feel better.