Christmas Cookies Make Me Fart

So, my Christmas spirit is rampant and I was eager to try out a new gluten-free recipe for gingerbread cookies. To be clear I wasn't making them for myself, but for my library as I think I need to show gratitude for all the help those women give me all year long.

The challenge with this recipe is one needs to mix the dough and place it in the refrigerator overnight so it's easier to roll. That's just too much dough at my fingertips (literally) for some snacking. Initially, though, I thought I should try the cookies before I gave them to people to make sure the gluten-free option was edible.

I took a tiny bit of dough and rolled it out, baked, ate. Wonderful! How nice it is after five years to be able to make Christmas cookies. Later that night with weakened willpower I tip-toed back into the kitchen, unwrapped the refrigerated cookie dough, and extracted some more. Yum.

All hell broke loose at bedtime. My colon was rumbling loudly as if I had some alien trying to break free. And then large bursts of untethered flatulence expelled from my body so violently the walls of my bedroom vibrated. This continued until 6am. Around 2 am I got up, checked ingredients, and looked online.

Xanthan gum is evil. I seemed to remember someone telling me this once, but failed miserably at information recall as I blindly and single mindedly planned my Christmas cookie baking indulgence. Xanthan gum is commonly used in gluten-free products as a thickening agent and that's exactly what it does in the colon...it thickens everything.

From www.webmd.com:

People who are exposed to xanthan gum powder might experience flu-like symptoms, nose and throat irritation, and lung problems.  It can cause some side effects such as intestinal gas (flatulence) and bloating. Nausea, vomiting, appendicitis, hard stools that are difficult to expel (fecal impaction), narrowing or blockage of the intestine, or undiagnosed stomach pain: Do not use xanthan gum if you have any of these conditions. It is a bulk-forming laxative that could be harmful in these situations.

All night bouts of uncontrollable farting tend to deflate one's Christmas spirit. Can you imagine if the library ladies would have eaten them??? I'd be on their shit list for sure.

I'm ready for Christmas to be over....

Forget BAKING my own cookies! I'll buy them:

THEY SMELL SO GOOD!!!
Especially the chocolate chip ones.
Oh! The green striped ones smell like peppermint!
I have been told the green stripped ones have a gooey chocolaty middle. ARGH!
FML.