2019: Review and Resolution

Oh, another year flying by. Again. It seems like just yesterday I was writing the post for last year!

GOOD THINGS:

Rock Painting - I discovered rock painting last spring at a special event at my local library. Why haven't I ever thought of painting on a rock? I paint everything else!  Most rock painters are amateurs so I fit right in. We paint, hide, find, share. I visit parks and places I've never seen in hopes of discovering hidden rocks.  I even enjoy searching for the perfect unpainted rock which now gives ocean visits a whole new meaning.  I started my own community trading post, but it was quickly discouraged by all the raiding and thefts. People are horrible.

Nearly every community has their own rock painting group and by joining them online I have gained a whole population of new friends. Some of the groups are very friendly, kind and welcoming; Others not so much which I find a little strange since these rocks are called "kindness rocks". Most of the groups are very rule-oriented and censorship runs rampant. This is good to keep the peace, but art censorship has always been a thorn in my side. However, there are the subversive groups for bad behaving rocks where anything goes: paintings of giant penises, naked women in precarious poses, cartoons with ample bosoms, Snow White smoking her bong, lots of pot references, Santa holding a machine gun, devils and demons, satanic worship, and politics. LOL! I was drawn to this group because other groups banned my political rocks. Instead of calling us "rockies" on this site we are called "stoners". LOL! The membership rule members agree to is if you are offended, keep scrolling. Sometimes I get tired of all the drug references, but the quality of art is worth it. These subversive groups have incredibly talented members and the paintings are jaw-dropping if not very intimidating.

What I really like about rock painting is the paints are cheap so they have less chemicals and are less toxic, and the painting space is small. It's one of those rare non-toxic forms of recreation.

Glass-on-Glass Mosaics - I continued from the beginning of the year through the summer doing mosaics, but moved the enterprise from my living room out into my garage when the weather warmed up. I got really tired of glass shards all over my house. I ran out of small, practice frames and expanded into the big window frames. I love them. Once fall weather made the garage an ice box I stopped. I also ran out of glue and got tired of finger infections. Next summer when the weather improves I may start again. Maybe. I've acquired new (free) frames. I like that it is fairly non-toxic with the exception of the sealants and glues, but I'm not sure I want to dabble in such an expensive and dangerous creative outlet. My closets are filled with mosaics. I either need to figure out how to sell them or stop.

Weight Loss - I've lost fifteen lbs. which in my life experience is a bit of a miracle. All my old clothes once again fit me. As long as I stick to my version of the AIP diet and practice portion control to keep my colon working, I hope to maintain the weight or lose more. We'll see. This may just be wishful thinking.

Garage/Yard Sales and Freebies - I love them. Our local thrift store was putting boxes of freebies outside for anyone to take. That was fun. I got all kinds of excellent junk!  They eventually stopped doing it, unfortunately. There didn't seem to be many yard sales this year. I had one of my own but only to support my neighbor's sale so I didn't have much junk and it wasn't very lucrative.

Blog - I haven't been writing much on the blog, but I still enjoy it as therapy. Sometimes I just read my old posts for entertainment!

DIY Construction - I painted house trim and the garage. Hooray!

Employment - Work has never been more consistent. Money is good. Security is better.

Friends - I appreciate the fragrance-free friends who keep me sane in-person or through email.

Christmas Cards - First time in a LONG TIME I sent Christmas cards. Normally I don't even think about it until a couple days before Christmas and by then it's too late. I was inspired by the generosity of a new friend and in response a portrait I did of her.

I loved the background so much which represented Heaven and I had to do another painting of just the pattern. At the last minute I realized Christmas was around the corner so I added Christmas motifs. Voila! Christmas cards were born! But then I realize I don't have that many friends so I'm not sure if it was a practical idea, but I experienced the pros and cons of printing art so that was an education experience. I feel really proud I was organized enough this year to get cards done! Then I received some! Hooray!

Activism - There haven't been as many protests this year, but they are so enjoyable when like-minded people gather. Painting protest signs and patriotic parasols is incredibly entertaining. Sharing them with others inspires so much joy and laughter it's definitely worth all the energy and effort. My new umbrellas:

Cinnamon-Flavored Dental Floss!!! OMG! I've been using plain, un-waxed, un-flavored dental floss for years. It's non-toxic, but it's painfully sharp and boring. This year I got a free, brand new box of cinnamon-flavored waxed dental floss. OMG! I can't wait to floss my teeth everyday, every meal! It's the little things that make life great....

MIDDLE GROUND STUFF:

Health Care - The oxymoron. I managed to avoid most health care for the last year and a half with the exception of a bad acupuncture experience and one more horrible new practitioner to add to my very lengthy list of useless providers. Such a huge savings in money and peace of mind to avoid health non-care. That's not to say my body isn't falling apart. Body parts are still not working, pain still happens, and chemical sensitivity still persists. I'm just trying not to waste so much energy on the worry since health care is such a failure anyway. The amount of money and time I've expended in hopes of finding answers is offensive. It's my goal to avoid future waste.

The Date - First date in about fifteen years. He was nice, but he was a man's man: controlling, incapable of listening, and had Trumptard leanings. The date was adequate and it was fun to babble non-stop as I get out so infrequently. He told me I was a good conversationalist and getting out made me feel like a "normal" person again. Being reclusive and isolated takes a toll on one's soul, but dating is just toxic and dangerous. He suggested another date so I don't think I screwed it up too badly, but then after our post-date email exchanges of political disagreements, he never contacted me again. Although I might have enjoyed continuing the debate just for the fun of it, I got the impression he didn't like that I disagreed with him on any level for any reason. I was thankful he disappeared and I did not attempt to contact him again. Dating is too much hassle. I like being "self-partnered."

Art Judging - Not sure how I feel about this. I was the art judge for our local fair. It was fun to look at art; to cognitively use my brain to assess the level of quality. There was a wide variety of artists from professional to amateur. It was definitely interesting. They requested I write lots of comments, but I don't know if they realized comments take time. I had no idea it would take so long. The building superintendent drove me insane with her incessant cackle while I was trying to think. She failed to close the building so there were people wandering in and out, looking and asking questions which was inappropriate, distracting, and SMELLY. She also expected me to give blue ribbons regardless of quality but as a form of therapy. Fair management treated their volunteers like garbage. On the time sheet there is a choice of being paid or donating your pay to the fair. I had planned to volunteer, but I got so pissed off on how I was treated I marked on my time sheet to be paid. They never paid me.

Fair Entries - I entered some painted rocks and a mosaic in our country fair. It was fun, but since I was the judge I couldn't compete in many of the categories. Oh well.

Art Sales - I courageously (!) attempted to sell some of my painted rocks. They were displayed in two art galleries for the holiday season and at a Christmas bazaar for one day. Then I got really brave and joined a painted rock auction site where ten of my rocks were posted online for people to look at and bid on for a week. That was frightening. It was painful. I received a lot of compliments, but no sales. I was happy for it to be over after a stressful week of hyperventilating. Although it was interesting and educational, it made me question why I was wasting so much time and money creating the rocks if no one thinks they are good enough to buy. It was discouraging. Granted, my prices were really high to compensate for the gallery commissions. Then I reminded myself painting rocks is my entertainment. It keeps me sane with little else to do living in the middle of no where.

Thanksgiving Turkey - It was the first time in twenty years I cooked and ate a turkey. It was fine. Nothing exciting. Very expensive, but those leftover turkey sandwiches were outstanding.

BAD THINGS:

The Presidunce Trump - The creepy, corrupt, illiterate, immature, unprofessional, incredibly ignorant, sexist, misogynistic, racist rapist who is still in the White House inciting division and violence among Americans. He doesn't belong there. I pray 2020 brings us more hope and a leader who children can once again see as a role model, but I'm not holding my breath. A majority of Americans are stupid. Most of them don't understand politics. Even some of my friends who don't vote will get glassy-eyed when I try to talk to them. "I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ANY OF IT!" That's hard to argue with especially when they aren't capable of understanding and not interested in trying. Or "I like Trump because he says stupid things." Oh for god's sake...it's not the job of a president to entertain the ignorant! Stupidity is an epidemic. That's a fact. And the presidunce has rallied the brain dead to his side...like zombies they follow him without any regard for the state of the country.

Aging and Health - Aging is a bitch. For anyone out there who doesn't know this, I am confirming it. I keep complaining, Why was I never warned?, but the truth is I was. How does one respond to an elderly aunt who says, "Oh, you don't want to get old. It's horrible." I remember my young, immortal self thinking, Well! What's my choice? I don't want to die young either! So I persist in life and often wonder why I'm bothering. My new life resolution is to avoid health care and if I die, I die. We'll see. I still don't want to die...but it's inevitable.

People - They are so constantly disappointing. My New Year's Resolution to find new friends is over. Thank god. I tried! I really did. In the past year the people I thought had friendship potential consisted of someone who constantly badgered me in hopes of getting free rocks, someone who tried to blackmail me for free rocks, someone who decided because I didn't knit I wasn't worth her time, someone who thinks understanding politics is a waste of time, someone who hoards pets, and someone who talks to Jesus and plans to marry him. That last person I actually like. She is teaching me patience and challenges my tolerance when she lectures me on bogus claims of her misinterpretations of Christianity or on how NOT chosen I am because Jesus doesn't talk to me. Sometimes I have to take a step back. People are strange and I'm sure they think I'm just as strange.

Rat Infestation - Rathole was invested with rats this year. The local hardware store had to rip out all its ceilings. Every business had bait stations lining the outside of their buildings. AND...The rats moved into my crawlspace. Nothing would kill them. Everyone complained. Then I found super-duper rat poison called "Just One Bite" and it kills them the first night they snack. Dead in three days. Most poisons don't take effect for 10-14 days. Not this one. Dead. And horribly expensive! I had to travel to a distant location to get it and when I bought it I had to give them my name and address. Hmmm...Why? I asked. In case my neighbors or neighbor's pets start dying, they'll know who to suspect. Scary. But supposed the neighbors' cats eat some poisoned rats? That wouldn't be my fault. My idiot neighbors have told me they want their cats wandering the neighborhood hunting for recreation [and crapping in my garden]. Stupid, irresponsible, bad pet owners. I worried, but seriously, I didn't have a choice. Rats are noisy and destructive. Better dead than not dead. It was quiet for two weeks and then I had new rats move in! Dead, again, in three days! The winter war has been horrible this year, but I am armed!

Vampire Rat Painted Rock Talisman to Keep Rats Away
(I find inspiration in strange places. LOL!)

Davenport Death - This was so horrible I don't even like talking about it. I had my couch my whole adult life. It was part of my history, my soul, and it moved with me no less than fifteen times. It was in immaculate condition, however, it was creating dust probably due to cheap foam that was used the last time I had it reupholstered so I knew it was time to have it redone. That's not possible with the treatments on fabrics so I opted to give it away. No one wanted it. There is no way I could take it to the dump and throw it in a garbage bin. That would give me a nervous breakdown - like killing a loved one. So I donated it to the local thrift store which supports a Christian church. They sold it the first day and I was so thrilled it would get new owners who would love it. The new owners waited too long to pick it up, a homeless guy slept on it and set it on fire! I saw it the next day smoldering and gutted. I was horrified and angry. My life couch deserved a better end.

Traffic Ticket - First one in, oh, thirty years! It wasn't a reflection of my bad driving but a clear indication of how OLD I'm getting...I didn't pay my license tabs. I thought I did. I wrote down I did, but somehow messed up the online payment process (probably) or just forgot to get it done after I wrote "Paid" on my accounting ledger. As I say below under "BAD THINGS", aging is a bitch and this is evidence. But then I had the opportunity to mitigate the ticket by writing a letter to the judge. Oh good lord! I wrote a whole manuscript begging for mercy. What was my defense? Aging is a bitch. After I submitted it I thought, Oh god! The judge will probably charge me more for taking up so much of his time. I was given two options: 1) pay only $100 of the $231 fine and have it on my record which will increase my insurance costs OR 2) pay the whole $231 fine and have it deferred off my record if I can avoid doing anything stupid for the next six months. It seems like bribery if I have to pay more to have it removed off my record and my brother did the same thing not too long ago and he was only charged $30.00...bribery and sexism with a whole lot of classism thrown in for good measure. Hmmm...Our justice system is crap.

SUMMARY: It's been a busy year. It was a good year entertained with awesome art projects. I think the fewer doctor's appointments I have, the happier I am, and the fewer weird people encounters, the more content I am. I'll keep that in mind going forward.

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS:

To be more kind and generous. Write more blog posts. Stay away from doctors. Downsize. VOTE 2020!

Super Size Me 2 - Holy Chicken!

I recently watched Super Size Me 2 - Holy Chicken!, the latest documentary by filmmaker Morgan Spurlock. If you haven't seen the first Super Size Me, you are missing out on one of the best movies about the king of junk food: McDonald's. This latest movie is about the ever-popular and grossly overestimated health claims of fast food chicken, highest seller of all fast food meals.

Spurlock goes through the steps of opening a fast-food chicken restaurant. Yeah, I know. Right there I was contemplatively suspicious. Would it be a restaurant promoting optimal healthy options? Or is there a catch? There has to be a catch. He exposes just what happens during the process, total transparency of the system, the sleaze of the "Big Chicken" industry, and the ramifications of all this control over American farmers. Spurlock isn't addressing what we already know as evils of factory farming, he's challenging the claims that chicken is the healthier option and the lies of the food industry as it sells and manipulates us.

It's brilliant, hilarious, educational, and disturbing. Excellent documentary. Since chicken is one of the few food options I still have left, I'm not ready to give it up...like everyone else in the movie! His restaurant had lines out and around the block and investors wanted to make it into a chain. No one is ready to give up chicken. However, I know which chicken brands create misery for me so I stick with the brands that don't and hope to God they aren't poisoning me too badly nor creating unacceptable guilt. I am now aware of how bought I am by labeling and packaging as my choices are determined by how well they can bullshit me into believing their lies. I ALWAYS opt for the free-range, organic -fed, no-hormones-added, cage-free, NATURAL chicken. The more build-up on the label, the happier I am. What a sap I am! This movie sure does remind one how little control we have over our food.

Here is the trailer:

Reconnection

Rock painting has provided so much entertainment in the past few months. It's an activity that keeps on giving...

Case in point: I'm lurking on one of the rock groups from a neighboring town and I see a familiar yet unusual name. Is that my friend from elementary school? The one who moved out of state at the same time I moved far away after my mother died and we lost contact with each other? IT WAS! Wow.

We met at a park for some rock searching/hiding and shared memories we had of our childhood together. It always amazes me the memories others have of my past, most of which I have forgotten, and the things I remember for which they have no recall. This is someone from my previous life which is rare. We didn't go to the same school, but our mothers were friends which makes it even more special. It felt like finding a long lost sister. What amazed me is we went through life with much of the same experiences, we have similar hobbies, and we both drive tiny cars! So fun to reconnect. This is how kindness rocks work!

I did request she be fragrance free, and of course, she forgot. However, right away she was cognizant of it. She quickly apologized and warned she put lotion on earlier that morning. I think it had dissipated by afternoon and couldn't smell it, but I don't need to smell it to react. We were outside in the fresh air so although my throat became dry and scratchy, it was tolerable. I appreciated her awareness.

'Tis the Season

The mother of a friend of mine just died a couple months ago. She is beside herself with grief. Another friend lost her mother a couple years ago. They constantly make references to their losses. It's Christmas, the favorite holiday of one of the mothers. My friend is displaying her mother's Christmas decorations which causes her to mourn the holidays. My other friend dwells on the fact that her mother is not here to share it with her. Same with a third friend who's mother died a few years ago. It's a family holiday, after all. It must be hard to have a mother all your life and then to lose her.  My generation is at that age when parents are dying. This is a fact of life. No human is immortal.

I keep wondering about this...I lost my mother a life time ago and never a day goes by when I don't think about her. I wonder which is worse? Not growing up with a mother, a role model, a person who you know loves you unconditionally and their absence leaves a big hole in your life so you feel insecure and scared all the time? Mothers are usually the cornerstone of holiday celebrations. Mine was never there which could be why I have never put so much emphasis on Christmas. Or Easter. Or Thanksgiving. Or Mother's Day. MCS doesn't help, of course, as family gatherings mean stinky people, but even when I did participate in holiday celebrations, the most important person was always missing. But I wonder about this... is it worse to spend your whole life with a mother and then lose her, lose her constant support, lose her steadfast presence?  This is the person who always knows just what to get you for Christmas.

When I was young, death happened and then it was quickly swept under the rug. No one talked about it. It was taboo to share feelings, display emotions, or talk about the deceased. If the subject inappropriately came up in conversation, the dead was placed on a pedestal and honored with fictional perfection. If they aren't real, grief was unwarranted. Grief was shameful and hidden.

It's hard for me to understand all this grief my friends feel and freely express. I wonder if they think I might understand because of my loss. They have no concept I think it's weird and I keep wondering why they can't get over it. They were so lucky to have mothers for every life milestone always there for advice and support. Their mourning feels like bragging and at times their self-centered, inconsiderate constant wallowing makes me feel irate. I don't know why they aren't focusing on celebrating this wonderful relationship they once had.  They were so lucky. It was such a gift. Of course, if they constantly talked about how lucky they were, that would drive me INSANE. I'm just not good with mother talk of any kind. 

I'd like to think empathetic listening is what friends are for which is why I smile, nod, email supportive anecdotes and encouraging suggestions. There is no way I can say anything as these friendships are tenuous at best. I'm expected to be the good friend although rarely do I get support or understanding from any of these women. As I'm writing this I get ANOTHER email from ANOTHER friend whining about her dead mother's Christmas tree. It's constant between November and January. I find during the holidays I appreciate and prefer the company of women who didn't like their mothers.

Yes, I know this makes me sound bizarrely sociopathic. Perhaps sociopathy is a product of childhood grief? I know grief contributes to genetic mutations that cause chemical sensitivity, so I can safely assume it's probably caused some personality disorders. I know they are grieving and, based on my experience, it'll last them a lifetime. It definitely changes the concept of Christmas.

MERRY CHRISTMAS...anyway.

Well, that was in the holiday spirit, eh? I am trying to write more blog posts as my New Year's Resolution. I'm thinking now maybe I shouldn't. LOL!