2021: Review and Resolution

This year went really fast! Or maybe my failing memory just makes it seem so?

THE GOOD STUFF:

MONEY. I love money. I'm thankful for my job. I would like more money. I like free money. I'm an investor!

PANDEMIC PAINTING. It was so fun to brighten my house up with cheerful colors and patterns!

OUTSIDE BEAUTIFICATION: I started with the driveway. Pressure washing was hellish work. Then I patched all the spaces and cracks in hopes the weeds can't wiggle their way through forcing me to weed this driveway several times a year. It's old, but now so pretty and clean. This has made me a fanatic about my driveway. I don't like leaves falling on it!!

I got some FREE! pavers and put them all over the back area so I can avoid having to replace the gravel. I'm hoping it keeps the weeds down and saves me some work.

FRAGRANCE FREE FRIENDS. I am so thankful for friends who are willing to be fragrance free...and who put up with my weirdness caused by chemical poisoning. I'm sorry if I'm irritable and moody, opinionated and bitchy. Maybe that has less to do with MCS and it's just me, but they put up with it anyway.

COLON. I'm afraid to even say anything here. If you've read my other posts on my colon failing to work, you know what I've been through. And if you've read my Hashimoto's Thyroiditis posts you know about my thyroid issues. I finally found a doctor who would prescribe me a very unconventional compounded prescription for thyroid. After six weeks of drug experimentation, my colon started working! It's been working for the last month, but there are times it seems as if it doesn't want to. Again, I'm hesitant to be happy about this because I don't know how long all this good fortune will last.

LIFE! I'm still alive! The coronavirus and all it's variants hasn't killed me. I haven't even been infected a second time! I managed to avoid getting a vaccination even with all the bullying I received from doctors and strangers. I almost caved, but after reading the side effects and talking with a friend who said, "I have enough health problems, I don't need to give myself more on purpose!" I backed away slowly and decided to chance it. I'm pretty isolated. No one has come to my house for a long time. I don't go out much other than for groceries or supplies and I always wear a mask.

THE MIDDLE STUFF:

RECONNECTIONS. I get really excited when I reconnect with someone I haven't seen for a whole lifetime. Especially if it's a surprise and they contact me out of the blue. We catch up and then it's over. That's a bit disappointing. The last reconnection I contacted someone through Facebook, an old friend I hadn't seen for decades. She took months to respond. She seemed really excited, but she wanted to reconnect via Zoom ONLY. I didn't/don't have Zoom capabilities. Her response, let me know when you get it! She just wasn't interested in writing even a little. It was weird.

COMPUTER. I bought a new computer. My old one was on the blitz. This one is nice and fast. Then my monitor started blacking out. No one could tell me why. The store told me to exchange the computer so I had to get a new computer and re-set it up again. UGH. I spent hours and hours online trying to figure out why the blackouts were happening. Yesterday I spent three hours with yet another computer tech. It's guesswork ... nobody seems to know anything but everyone wants to charge me for their ignorance. So frustrating. New computers are supposed to be wonderful and perfect, not tormenting!

PANDEMIC. It hasn't been that bad. Not so different from MCS seclusion. Then came the inflation. I used to buy this loaf of gluten-free bread for $3.25. It went up to $5.99!!! That is one example and it's shocking to me. Cost of housing has skyrocketed. Prices for houses have tripled. Of course, that is kind of good since now I can sell my house for three times the amount I paid and it will sell in less than a week! These damn masks are driving me nuts, BUT they keep us safe from germs and a lot of stink. Then there is the constant fear-provoking media on how the next variant is coming our way and WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE! Like everyone else, so tired of it.

THE BAD STUFF:

HEALTH CARE. Ugh. I hate doctors. You probably already know that as I complain all the time. Useless waste of money. My current conventional doctor refuses to listen to me, hasn't even diagnosed me correctly, refuses to prescribe thyroid meds I need. He thinks Miralax is wonderful and nontoxic, but my blood labs showing kidney damage say otherwise. So I get a new doctor, a naturopath. She's willing to give me the prescription, but she knows so little it's such a waste of money to have to do all the work for her. 

INSURANCE. My health insurance company keeps screwing up my claims. My insurance company's new rates have increased to over $3000 a year!! So I cancelled it! I have no insurance. Old people insurance should kick in sometime next year, but for that we are forced to pay through the nose. There is no solution to this very bad health care system. It's in crisis mode. And then there is auto insurance...It has also increased! I was finally told by an insurance agent our state insurance commissioner ruled insurance companies can no longer discriminate against those with bad credit ratings so in retaliation, they raised everyone's rates! Incredible.

NEIGHBORS. Good god they torment me! Entitled, rude, self-centered, thoughtless, perfumed, bad dog owners who persist in making my life stressful. I worry I'll never get the chance to move. I don't even know where I'd move since real estate is now so overpriced and the pandemic rages on.

AGING. This sucks so much. First, the above insurance horror. Once you get to be a certain age you are forced into expensive insurance by the government. What an atrocity for people who are on fixed incomes! Also I'm having the weirdest memory problems. I'm forgetting simple stuff. It's just not there. It comes back in a few minutes, but until then I'm blank. This can't be good. Aging is scaring the hell out of me. Maybe I'm worrying too much about nothing, or maybe I'll die next week. 

HMMMM: Not a bad year. Kind of normal and average. Typical bad stuff I've been dealing with for a long time. Good stuff is just run of the mill. Nothing spectacular. 

New Year's Resolution: Survive, thrive, keep going. 

White Christmas!

 I really love snow! It's so clean. The air is so crisp and fresh. When it falls, the world goes silent. I love it when it's new. 

Unfortunately where I live it rains year round and that makes for some soggy snow. When it does snow it rarely sticks. If it does stick, it turns to slush as soon as it hits the ground. Cars and people start milling around and the landscape is a big cesspool of slippery, cold mud.

But I still love snow. I also love how it stops the world. I personally won't drive in it until the roads are totally clear. I've seen enough cars uncontrollably sliding into each other. Most of the time I won't even go walk in it. I'll watch it from the warmth of my house gazing out the window at the miracle of it all.

This year was different! The snow started falling on Christmas day and by nightfall we were covered! I woke up the next morning to eight inches!

...And it just kept falling!

I thought I'd try to walk in it at my normal walking time around 5am in the dark. I bundled up and added a headlamp to my outfit. OMG! It was powder! Dry, fluffy, powder! The streets were ice packed from the cars, very slippery and dangerous, but as long as I stayed on the grassy sides and sidewalks, it was glorious. No one is out and about at 5am so I had this wonderland to myself. Safe, nontoxic fun! 

It snowed for about four days, stopping on the fifth, but remained dry and powdery. Such wonderful morning walks. At one point I attempted to make a snowman, but powder snow doesn't stick together and I couldn't form a ball.

On the sixth day I woke up hearing drips and drops. Rain. It's not going to last. I still headed out to test the snow. Still walkable. Everything is still covered, but the ice on the roads and sidewalks is starting to melt. Very slick and dangerous.

Toward the end of my walk, traversing through the park it came to me this is perfect snow for a snowman!!! Snowmen are so happy. I love it they will often last long after the snow has disappeared. Can I do this? I love making magical snowmen - the ones that just show up the next morning and people wonder where it came from? It wasn't there yesterday!!??

It's been a few years since I've made a snowman, but like riding a bike, recall is second nature. I rolled and packed the first gigantic ball. Then the second...but the second was too heavy to lift so I left it along side the first. This means I'll have to make two snowmen and I hoped my energy would last long enough.

I finished them then had to search for rocks for eyes. Then branches for arms. Mind you, I'm doing this in the dark!! My headlamp kept falling off my head every time I bent down. Also I was in a rush with time. I didn't want to get caught. I wanted it to be magical.

With two snowmen I thought I'd title it "LOVE" and make their branchy arms go around one another - that's because that second giant ball was left very close to the first. Happiness and love.

I trudged home, exhausted, but then I thought teenagers might destroy my lovers. So I trudged back with camera in hand. Unfortunately, it was dark and I couldn't get the flash to work...and their faces had already fallen off from the rain!! HAHAHAHA Too bad you can't see their arms around one another.

They make me happy. I don't think they last very long.

I went back later to see how my lovers were doing. LOL! THEY ARE MELTING. One is leaning affectionately into the other and both lost their faces. So in love they are faceless. LOL.

I attempted to patch them up and set the one up straight.

They are going to make me smile for a long time.

Recalling All Toxic Poisons!

I used Secret deodorant in both aerosol and roll-on forms for most of my life. In fact, as a teenager, I collected deodorant cans. Yeah, that's weird, but I wanted a collection no one else had and empty deodorant cans were accumulating all around me and free. I think if I would have saved them they might be worth money. Maybe? Yeah, I doubt it.

It's been years since I've used a toxic, smelly deodorant and instead I now use vinegar and baking soda. I try to live by the rule, if I can't eat it, I don't put it on my body. I have tried some of the so-called non-toxic versions, but I find vinegar and baking soda works much better. I am hoping my chemical-free practices save me from any number of diseases caused by these chemicals, but who knows how much damage I did before I became enlightened?

Proctor & Gamble is recalling their Secret and Old Spice products because they contain a cancer-causing ingredient called benzene. For anyone who is somewhat enlightened, any word with ene on the end of it is a toxin: styrene, pentene, butene, ethylene, propylene....most plastics are made with enes. I often forget that most of the population is conveniently unaware. It seems benzene specifically causes leukemia. I wonder, Are they just now figuring this out? This ene warning has been around for a long time.

Of course, the company immediately followed up the recall with a statement, "Daily exposure to benzene in the recalled products at the levels detected in our testing would not be expected to cause adverse health consequences." So are they saying cancer isn't an "adverse health consequence"? If daily exposure isn't a problem, then why recall at all? Are they trying to mitigate the influx of lawsuits? Sounds like legal double-talk to me.

What about all the other products filled with cancer-causing enes, for instance, those with fragrances? All fragrances have toluene, but no one is recalling products with this ingredient. It's time they should. Can you imagine? HABA shelves would be emptied! Unfortunately, it would greatly affect the bottom line of not only the companies that manufacture products using these ingredients but the chemical companies would take a huge hit. Profits are far more important than people!

Click HERE for the article and the list of recall products. Link:

https://www.yahoo.com/finance/news/p-g-recalls-old-spice-121628737.html

Being Thankful

Chemically sensitive people have a difficult time with holidays. These are traditions that demand family time and friendship connections never advantageous to anyone who can't be around the toxic bad habits of stupid humans. Around this time of year I read so many websites for MCSers and EMF sensitive people featuring comments and posts on how sad people are they can't participate or worse, how their family or friends criticize them for faking it or just being a general pain in their backsides.

I don't do holidays anymore. Even before I was chemically sensitive, holidays were contentious. Most of my family not only had toxic hygiene, but smoked incessantly forcing me to stand outside in the rain for most of the day. I'd have to suffer their smart ass questions about my latest diet or comments about weight gain and their jokes about why I was standing outside were insensitive and exhausting. Holidays were always filled with disappointment.

As a young adult I spent many holidays with friends. Sometimes this involved sharing their families. I always appreciated their hospitality, but I always felt like an outsider, an intruder. It was uncomfortable. I had one friend reprimand me for a homemade apple pie I brought as a contribution. Really? It wasn't her family's tradition. REALLY?

My favorite memories are the Friendsgivings when a group of single friends would get together for a potluck celebration. Those were often really fun and sometimes wild. When I became chemically sensitive the parties became difficult with people forgetting not to wear perfume or essential oils. Many times I'd have to leave before the meal was even served.

I've gotten used to my solitude. It's taken years to get to this point as initially all this isolation was soul sucking. Now I rather enjoy not being harassed for who I am by thoughtless relatives. I enjoy a day where I can do what I want without the stress and worry of who will poison me, who will insult me, who will disappoint me, or who will treat me like a second-class citizen. I don't have to worry what I should bring for a potluck dish or hostess gift and I won't feel slighted when my potluck dish stays and I have to leave.

I am thankful.

New Growth Green

I've been on a remodeling kick which started during the pandemic lockdown. Well, really it's an excuse to paint the rooms in my house happy, bright, cheerful, inspiring colors. Besides being stuck inside all winter or during a pandemic, I wanted to be surrounded by happiness. No dulls or pastels for me. I want vibrant visuals to keep my mood up and my disposition playful. Joy is in the little things.

For the kitchen I needed a bright color that was different from the turquoise living room and purple office. I decided green, the color of lettuce, celery, Granny Smith apples and spinach. FOOD! Oh, wait, I have a lime green staircase that ends in the kitchen so the color needed to be a different shade. 

Most paint samples in hardware stores are dull and gray-toned. I wanted bright. I created a color using acrylic paint. I think I bought no less than seven samples to get just the right tone. Initially I called it "Lettuce Green" before I realized lettuce is more yellow-green. I renamed it New Growth Green, the green that appears in early spring as the new shoots push through the ground giving new life to the world. Beginnings. I love it.

After painting the walls I decided the cupboards were too dark. Originally this room was a "Harbor Blue". Great color, but I was determined to go bright. I did not realize the work involved! These cupboards are as old as the house (1922) and I was stripping up to four layers of paint plus a shelf liner that was used for decoration and painted over! This was a nightmare. I did attempt to strip and paint one of the inside cupboards. That was way too much work! I admit I got tired and lazy. I decided to do white because if one day I sell, no one is going to want crazy colored cabinets and white might be a more neutral option. I also stripped and repainted the knobs white. I used a really smelly, toxic Urethan Alkyd Semi-Gloss Enamel paint for cabinetry by Behr. Glossy is easier to wash. It was all done out in the garage a little at a time and offgassed/cured for a month.

The first set of cupboards completed were really...WHITE. That's what I wanted, but I had no idea what a whole wall of white would look like. I questioned my decision. I kept working as the second set of cupboards would be around the sink and window so the white would break up. I got used to it and it definitely brightened the room.

I decided the kitchen table didn't match. I had painted it years ago and now it needed some green. I decided on a whimsical leaf pattern. I had no idea what I was about to do and just jumped in and went with it. I LOVED IT!

I looked around and decided I needed more of it although worried if I did all the cupboards, it would darken the room. I started with one mini-wall where I hang my towels. (See above photo with sink.) The last set of cupboards were screaming for some pattern and I obliged. I figured it would balance the white, give the room accents. Now I want to redo all the cupboards this pattern! Thankfully I was too exhausted. Maybe next year?

As I was stripping the floor I moved the refrigerator from the alcove. Drats. It was boring white so I patterned the alcove! The refrigerator is slid back into this space so it's hardly noticeable.

 

Then stripped and resealed the floor grout!  So gorgeous!

I started experimenting with pastel drawing and began a series of fruits and vegetables as a theme. I painted the frames bright colors. I admit I'm not that great at pastels, but it sure adds some color. I hope to fill the room with colorful frames and drawings.

Granted, paint is toxic. Even the low-VOC paint is. I've been using Behr Marque which is a high quality paint that supposedly takes only one coat so it's quick. I also wear a mask, gloves, glasses and jumpsuit and have lots of ventilation and fans pointing out the windows.

AHHHH...RELIEF!!! OMG!

How is everyone pooping these days?

I guess I shouldn't start there. Let's start with background so those of you who are tuning in late will have some kind of context. 

I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, an autoimmune disease that causes your body to attack the thyroid gland causing all kinds of misery. Couple that with MCS and thyroid prescriptions make me incredibly ill with side effects that match if not exceed the symptoms of Hashimoto's. I've spent a good ten years managing this illness with diet and lifestyle only. For the most part, it's worked out really well. However, I've read too often untreated Hashimoto's can cause significant kidney, cardiovascular and vascular problems. I've been expecting death any day now. It's not a good mindset.

So...about four years ago my colon abruptly stopped working. I've always believed a properly working colon is the foundation of good health. I had never in my life had any kind of constipation, let alone what doctors love to call "chronic constipation" so this was shocking. And scary. The pain landed me in the local emergency room and then over the course of the next three months I saw another fifteen different health care providers: conventional MDs, naturopaths, functional medicine doctors, nurse practitioners and one colonic technician as I desperately searched for a solution. Over the next FOUR years I added four more health care providers to the list and I subjected myself to thousands of dollars worth of testing hoping to get answers to why this was happening. And for my time, money, and trouble, I received NO answers, NO solutions, NO help.

I tried every home remedy, dietary remedy, and nearly every over-the-counter remedy with no success. I even tried very expensive colonics every couple days mostly to relief the pain, but I really hoped it would jump start my colon into working again. My colon would not work. I asked a friend, "Where does all the ruffage go if absolutely nothing comes out the other end?? After all, I am eating!" Well, until I started a liquid diet out of desperation. She didn't know.

I did read on a few websites that claimed the colons of some people never work. Nothing works. They end up with a colostomy bag after too much chronic constipation damage. Oh great....

Several people suggested I try Miralax. I had been afraid of Miralax. It says right on the label, "Do not use if you are allergic to polyethylene glycol." 

I had no idea what polyethylene glycol was, but I'm chemically sensitive and "allergic" to every medication known to womankind so this did not give me comfort. (Note: Polyethylene glycol is the reason some have life-threatening anaphylactic reactions to the COVID vaccines.) Still, I was desperate. I threw all caution to the wind and tried it as a last resort. It worked! Besides anaphylactic shock, Miralax is known to cause gastrointestinal problems including stomach ulcers, kidney damage, and OCD, aggression and psychotic/personality changes in children. I was convinced Miralax would kill me, but what choice did I have? Between the Hashimoto's and the Miralax, I was doomed.

Constipation is a common Hashimoto's symptom. After a year of intermittent shutdowns and startups, my colon finally found a schedule of sorts: it would stop working in the fall when the weather cooled (around October) and miraculously start up again in the spring (around March). This is typical of thyroid function anyway...in the winter months during colder weather the thyroid slows down even for people who have no thyroid issues. This is why so many become slightly lethargic, eat too much, pack on the weight, and basically hibernate. Hmmm...so is my non-working colon just another symptom of Hashimoto's? How do I get my thyroid functioning without poisoning myself?

I presented my theories to many of those health care providers. Most just looked at me like deer caught in headlights not knowing what to do with a patient who needs drugs, but can't take them. Some treated me like everything I said was a lie or argued with me insinuating it was all in my head. No, you couldn't possibly have problems with thyroid medications, and no, Miralax is very inert and healthy after all it's given to children as well as quadriplegics and paraplegics who have no colon function. One medical doctor with an office lined with credentials told me he didn't know if constipation was a symptom of thyroid disease. Morons have taken over the medical system yet I am expected to pay these people for an appointment! Orange fucking cones.

Faced with the incompetent American health care system, I realized I had to figure this out myself because no one was going to help me. I went to an acupuncturist. Maybe he can jumpstart the thyroid by poking needles in the nerves? The second treatment made me violently ill for two weeks as if it triggered an autoimmune attack. The fact that it triggered an attack indicated it did something, but it was too much and too much money if I wanted to maintain the treatment and experiment. Besides my colon was not amused. It refused to do any jumping.

In the meantime, my stomach was ripping with pain, my back hurt right around the kidney area, and my blood labs showed I was at stage three kidney disease...in March. In September after six months not taking Miralax, my kidneys went back to looking fine. Miralax was killing me. I was desperate now. I was depressed and anxious. I was afraid. If nothing works, this was definitely going to kill me!

I decided to try one more idea for a thyroid prescription. If I could control the amount of drug I take, maybe I could tolerate a little at a time. All I need is enough to make up for thyroid drop during the cold winter months. Maybe that would do the trick? I'll need a compounded prescription with no fillers, no additives, no flavors, no scents. Topical drops for my skin. Then I had to find a health care provider who would prescribe compounded drugs. This was nearly impossible. Most of them argued with me saying I wouldn't get enough absorption and ignored me when I said, "That's the point [ORANGE CONE!]." (See my post on orange cones.) Even one of the compounding pharmacists argued this point! Orange cones are everywhere.

I finally found a naturopath who claimed she had compounding pharmaceutical experience. Bottom line, she was willing to prescribe my idea, or so I thought. First, it took six weeks to get an appointment with her. Second, it took her seven more weeks to call it in to the pharmacy. She doesn't understand I'm on a timeline and need the drug before the weather cools. Third, she failed miserably at listening to me and prescribed it incorrectly because although she might have minor experience with compounding drugs, she has absolutely no experience with MCS. Fourth, the pharmacy mixes it wrong adding fillers I can't tolerate and even using the wrong dosage!! Really? After a dozen conversations they still get it wrong???!! Finally, after four months of struggling at every turn, I get the correct prescription. I mark on my calendar six weeks because that's how long it takes for thyroid drugs to affect one's thyroid levels. 

I started with one drop of Levothyroxine under the arm every three days because it's usually the second and third day when I get sick. The first week I start taking it, my colon STOPPED working! Fall is here! The weather cooled. UGH! I was disappointed it took too long to get the prescription, but I hoped continued dosing would still my raise my thyroid levels. I was praying for a miracle. 

In the meantime I unfortunately read more on Miralax about the lawsuits against Bayer Corporation attempting to get Miralax banned in the US or at least labeled correctly. "Do not use if you have kidney disease..." Yes, they boldfaced those words on the container. Great.  Miralax is killing me. This experiment has to work. I am hoping the thyroid hormone supports my already stressed kidneys caused by hypothyroidism and makes my colon miraculously start working so I can stop poisoning myself with this so-called "inert" over-the-counter medication that activist groups are trying to get banned in the US. I can dream can't I?

I also considered if it doesn't work, I think my only option left is to move to Mexico....near the equator. Warm weather year round. My thyroid would love it, but can I get good, organic, wholesome food in Mexico? I hope so. Hasta la vista, baby!

The one drop dosage every third day seemed fine, but I was eager and impatient to get more assimilated in my system. How to increase the dose and still avoid side effects?  I tried two drops every third day and I was hit with severe nausea, dizziness, back and neck pain, headaches, fatigue and depression. I tried one drop every other day, but on the "off" day I was hit with debilitating fatigue causing me to sleep all day. I pulled back and went back to one drop every three days and let my body recover. Then raised it again to 1/2 drop every other day and decided, well hell with the fatigue, take it at night and get tired while sleeping. This seemed to work. Common practice is to take the medication in the morning before one eats as it won't assimilate correctly if food is in the stomach. I wasn't digesting it anyway. I just needed to somehow get it in my system while avoiding the side effects that are debilitating.

At five and a half weeks, MY COLON STARTED WORKING! OMG! 

At first I was in disbelief. Could this be true? I didn't trust it. After four years of hell, have I really discovered the secret? The cure? The remedy no idiotic health care orange cone's brain could comprehend? I very carefully weaned myself off Miralax and waited. My colon kept working. OMG! The more thyroid I take the more motility I get, but it comes with the risk of overdosing side effects. The key is balance!

I AM SO HAPPY AND RELIEVED!! (Pun intended.) 

A week later it stopped. I started doing some cleanses to mitigate the kidney damage (back pain) and that will often slow down a colon. This was probably done too early as I should have waited for the colon to regain a happy normal. I persisted and hoped for a rebalance. I also worked up to two drops every night (10mg.) and after a few days my colon started working.

HOORAY!

EMFing

Every now and then if I've been on the computer for more than one hour, I become exhausted. It hits me like a ton of bricks. I become so exhausted I can't sit up and the weakness compels me to lay down. However, I have found if I don't lay down and instead get away from my computer and move around, I recover in about twenty minutes especially if I go outside. This exhaustion doesn't happen all the time, but I can't figure out the pattern or reason what might be causing it. It seems to be all about the computer.

EMFs?

I asked my new naturopath about this and I got the deer-in-the-headlights look which forced me to say quickly, "Never mind."

I just watched a new film called Surrounded by Sam Weider. Sam and his wife, Jacqueline, began having off and on unexplained health issues that became worse over time. Eventually Jacqueline was diagnosed with cancer and died. He discovered a book in her office called Zapped by Ann Louise Gittleman about EMF sensitivity. Then he contacted a EMF specialist or "building biologist" who tested his house. Sam features both the author and the biologist in his film.

It was fascinating and scary to watch the radiation tester beep like crazy around cordless phones, metal lamps, and air purifiers. Sam used to have tables with metal legs and it seems this caused his whole office to electrify like a giant microwave! His wife used to sit in the middle of this EMF shit storm. The building biologist also tested all the electronics in the bedroom: three lamps, an air purifier, television with DVD player, alarm clocks, cellphone chargers and, wait for it, the BED MATTRESS with METAL SPRINGS! With all these things plugged in, regardless of whether they are turned on or off, it electrifies the bed springs! Wow. How can one sleep well if one is wired?

Tips to reduce EMF exposure in your home:

Get all electrical devices out of the bedroom. Move your bed at least six inches away from a wall with electrical wiring and outlets. Sam actually had an electrician modify the electrical wiring and install a kill switch so everything even in the walls can be turned off at night. It doesn't matter if appliances or fixtures are turned on, the electrical current is still sending signals.

Disable cordless phones.

Disable WiFi.

Around the computer desk, use cable shields on the electrical cables.

Do not use fluorescent lighting of any kind including compact fluorescent light bulbs.

Don't use your cellphone in enclosed spaces, such as a car.

One of the most interesting facts was that cancerous tumors start appearing after ten years of cellphone use especially in those who use their phones continuously. Over the years I've read a lot of articles on how cellphone use causes cancer. It's shocking to me how the general public so addicted to their phones have discounted and ignored the warnings. I have a neighbor who is constantly on her phone. Even when she is walking her dog or riding a bike. No one seems to care.

Several years ago I visited the MCS/EMF sensitive community in Snowflake, Arizona and learned a lot from the residents there. 

I used to have a cordless phone, but now I avoid telephone use, especially cellphones, as they give me migraines. My Tracfone is rarely on and only if I must make a phone call. 

I have very little electrical devices in my bedroom, just my alarm clock as I can't stand the sound of ticking so little wind up clocks won't work for me. I have NEVER watched a television in my bedroom. The thought of destroying my sleeping area with radiation has always repulsed me. I only sleep in my bedroom. I don't even dress in this room.

I junked my microwave years ago. 

After this movie, I went around my whole house and unplugged all the lamps! I also realized in the fifteen plus years I've lived her, most of the room's light bulbs have never been changed. I'm very conscientious about turning off lights when not in a room

 So why do I become exhausted when on the computer? 

I have not one but TWO computers with screens and external speakers. I actually have three but the laptop is rarely turned on let alone used. In this same room, my office, I also have a router, a printer, two lamps, and a television with DVD player besides all the cables and electrical outlets. I'm surrounded by these devices. It's not clear why the exhaustion isn't all the time when I spend most of my time in this room.

It's such a mystery.

Walls of Words

Entertainment is limited for people who are chemically sensitive. We must isolate from people, either unenlightened individuals who have no clue how to be fragrance free or masses of humanity who group for social events such as restaurant dining, concerts, theater, movies, sports, family functions, and the like. We find ourselves exiled and isolated from others. 

Although I've gotten used to being alone and have found ways to entertain myself in my isolation, I often tell people I am "socially starved." The unenlightened don't normally understand this concept. They have zero empathy because for the most part it is unfathomable to them. The pandemic shed some light on the lifestyle of many chemically sensitive when so many people were forced in lockdown to stay at home, stay away from people to stay safe, and find ways to self-entertain. The unenlightened complained of gaining too much weight. Yep, it comes with isolated self-entertainment. We eat to self-medicate. 

I've discussed forms of isolated entertainment in other posts: creative projects, gardening, walking, television and movies, music. These are great to keep one's mind occupied, but "social starvation", a total lack of human contact and communication, is a whole other form of torture. I crave communication. I am not necessary lonely or in need of company...I just want to communicate. This blog is a great outlet. Email is a god-sent. How did we ever survive without computers? I can't imagine being chemically sensitive at a time when there were no computers or online connection. Thankfully the world wide web keeps us connected to the world, perhaps indirectly, but it's still a connection.

I have been bestowed with the gift of gab. I can talk or write non-stop if given the chance. As an extreme introvert, I never used to be like this, but I have evolved through isolation to seek out strategies of connection and communication. 

My last real "date" with a man was not supposed to be a date. Under normal dating circumstances, I would have conversed like a normal person, discussed topics, answered and asked questions. Because I viewed it as a non-date, I didn't care about conversation etiquette and proceeded to talk non-stop about anything. It was like uncontrollable vomit, purging all the words I'd kept inside for too long. He was fragrance-free and kind of quiet so I was having a good time. At the end of our "non-date" he said, "You sure are a great communicator!" I think a normal first date would not have been so verbose in an attempt to look rationale. He actually wanted to go out again, but since it was a non-date, I declined. This also made me realize my past dating behaviors might have been self-sabotaging. I should have just let loose and talked non-stop. I might have been considered more interesting!

My emailing addiction can become out of control. Every now and then I meet someone new or reconnect with someone old and we begin to correspond. For reconnections, the reminiscing is grand and the updates and sharing what we've done with our lives is phenomenal. It can go on for quite a while, but we eventually run out of things to say, the emails slow down and then stops except for an update every few months. That is normal and expected. I know I can write them under the table. I've had people finally tell me, "OK! Too much! I can't keep up!" One friend told me I was exhausting her. At first I thought, It's email! Just don't read! It's not like a phone that is ringing and demanding attention." I think, however, that etiquette demands emails to be read and answered and this overwhelmed them.

So I started monitoring my emails, managing their length and frequency. My rule was I could only write as much and as long as the other person. I thought I was the queen of compromise, but nevertheless, I still had people scream, "TOO MUCH!" This was confusing. Too much? You are writing just as much if not more than I am!? Case in point, on the day one friend told me it was too much she sent me four emails. Then a week later sent me two letters! Last week she spent one day emailing me eleven times!!!!!!???? Confusion is an understatement. I think it's more about CONTROL. Regardless of mental state or reasoning, writing was still taking up too much time, time the unenlightened don't have because as people who are not chemically sensitive, the world called to them. They had things to do, places to go, and sane people to see, people who weren't locked in their houses at the computer writing 24/7. They don't understand the isolation of chemical sensitivity nor the lack of entertainment or communication options. I tried to apologize and explain how socially starved I am. They don't care.

I've always searched for MCSers who want to correspond. Some do, but most are very negative and it's very draining. I do understand. It's difficult being chemically sensitive, sick, resentful and angry at the world for this forced reclusion. I try to control my posts on this blog so I don't get too negative, but it oozes through like a festering wound especially during times of uncontrollable frustration. I just want to vent to get it all out.

I recently met another MCSer who was uncommonly cheerful. We started responding to each other's posts on a MCS site. She was hilarious. Her writing style is joyful and upbeat. I figured maybe she was on some good drugs. She told me we were "twinsies". HA! She constantly made me laugh. We began messaging each other outside the group and she warned me, "I can write WALLS OF WORDS!" LOL! Oh, my god, I think I found my people!

That joy lasted about a day before she began ranting non-stop about how horrible her life is, how horrible her childhood was, how horrible her family is, how horrible her ex-boyfriend from forty years ago was and my super empath sucked all that toxicity in and I became irritable and stressed out. She explained she doesn't want to converse because she's so passive it makes her feel judged. She just wants to talk about herself. I wanted to scream "DO A BLOG!" LOL. I just can't do MCS people. I'm sure they can't do me either.

Stupid is as Stupid Does

When I first met my neighbor she told me she was fragrance-free. She told me she was taught by her mother never to wear perfume in public so for that reason she rarely wears it. As I explained in my previous post, I finally figured out the hard way none of this was true and our continued conversations exposed that, yes, she does wear perfume and she doesn't wash her clothes often so the perfume is all over her clothing all the time. I foolishly believed her lies and started getting sicker with each exposure.

I explained ad nauseaum how her stink affects me, why the stink on her clothes would take a minimum of twenty washings to get it out (if it ever would), how the stinky laundry detergent she wears is toxic, or her hand soap and body wash or deodorant makes me sick, and how we could no longer be around each other because she's killing me. I've explained how her husband who has some serious autoimmune diseases is probably affected by her stink. Here is her latest email:

Fragrance has always been sort of my thing.  Many of my fondest memories are triggered by fragrance.  I can remember my Grandmother wearing White Shoulders, so I wear that fragrance when I am going to spend time with my granddaughter.  My Mom wore Shalimar, and my husband buys me Chanel that I wear for special occasions. 

So, if I wear perfume on a Tuesday, take a fragrance free shower on Wednesday, can we visit with masks on?

I do have a question. Does fragrance free include things like laundry soap, shampoo, body wash, hand soap, air freshener, etc? 

I don't even know how to respond to this without screaming in full caps. Is she braindead because of the perfume and that is why all previous conversations we've had went in one ear and out the other? Why does she think I give a shit about her memories as if it justifies her need to poison me and everyone around her? What do I say about her self-centeredness? Her stupidity? Her dishonesty? Her life-threatening disregard for me? Her shallowness that makes her think choosing fragrances over friendship is somehow admirable? But she wants to be friends? Really?

I need to remember if anyone mentions they wear perfume to walk away and not believe a thing that comes out of their mouths! People are so disappointing and exhausting to me!