AHHHH...RELIEF!!! OMG!

How is everyone pooping these days?

I guess I shouldn't start there. Let's start with background so those of you who are tuning in late will have some kind of context. 

I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, an autoimmune disease that causes your body to attack the thyroid gland causing all kinds of misery. Couple that with MCS and thyroid prescriptions make me incredibly ill with side effects that match if not exceed the symptoms of Hashimoto's. I've spent a good ten years managing this illness with diet and lifestyle only. For the most part, it's worked out really well. However, I've read too often untreated Hashimoto's can cause significant kidney, cardiovascular and vascular problems. I've been expecting death any day now. It's not a good mindset.

So...about four years ago my colon abruptly stopped working. I've always believed a properly working colon is the foundation of good health. I had never in my life had any kind of constipation, let alone what doctors love to call "chronic constipation" so this was shocking. And scary. The pain landed me in the local emergency room and then over the course of the next three months I saw another fifteen different health care providers: conventional MDs, naturopaths, functional medicine doctors, nurse practitioners and one colonic technician as I desperately searched for a solution. Over the next FOUR years I added four more health care providers to the list and I subjected myself to thousands of dollars worth of testing hoping to get answers to why this was happening. And for my time, money, and trouble, I received NO answers, NO solutions, NO help.

I tried every home remedy, dietary remedy, and nearly every over-the-counter remedy with no success. I even tried very expensive colonics every couple days mostly to relief the pain, but I really hoped it would jump start my colon into working again. My colon would not work. I asked a friend, "Where does all the ruffage go if absolutely nothing comes out the other end?? After all, I am eating!" Well, until I started a liquid diet out of desperation. She didn't know.

I did read on a few websites that claimed the colons of some people never work. Nothing works. They end up with a colostomy bag after too much chronic constipation damage. Oh great....

Several people suggested I try Miralax. I had been afraid of Miralax. It says right on the label, "Do not use if you are allergic to polyethylene glycol." 

I had no idea what polyethylene glycol was, but I'm chemically sensitive and "allergic" to every medication known to womankind so this did not give me comfort. (Note: Polyethylene glycol is the reason some have life-threatening anaphylactic reactions to the COVID vaccines.) Still, I was desperate. I threw all caution to the wind and tried it as a last resort. It worked! Besides anaphylactic shock, Miralax is known to cause gastrointestinal problems including stomach ulcers, kidney damage, and OCD, aggression and psychotic/personality changes in children. I was convinced Miralax would kill me, but what choice did I have? Between the Hashimoto's and the Miralax, I was doomed.

Constipation is a common Hashimoto's symptom. After a year of intermittent shutdowns and startups, my colon finally found a schedule of sorts: it would stop working in the fall when the weather cooled (around October) and miraculously start up again in the spring (around March). This is typical of thyroid function anyway...in the winter months during colder weather the thyroid slows down even for people who have no thyroid issues. This is why so many become slightly lethargic, eat too much, pack on the weight, and basically hibernate. Hmmm...so is my non-working colon just another symptom of Hashimoto's? How do I get my thyroid functioning without poisoning myself?

I presented my theories to many of those health care providers. Most just looked at me like deer caught in headlights not knowing what to do with a patient who needs drugs, but can't take them. Some treated me like everything I said was a lie or argued with me insinuating it was all in my head. No, you couldn't possibly have problems with thyroid medications, and no, Miralax is very inert and healthy after all it's given to children as well as quadriplegics and paraplegics who have no colon function. One medical doctor with an office lined with credentials told me he didn't know if constipation was a symptom of thyroid disease. Morons have taken over the medical system yet I am expected to pay these people for an appointment! Orange fucking cones.

Faced with the incompetent American health care system, I realized I had to figure this out myself because no one was going to help me. I went to an acupuncturist. Maybe he can jumpstart the thyroid by poking needles in the nerves? The second treatment made me violently ill for two weeks as if it triggered an autoimmune attack. The fact that it triggered an attack indicated it did something, but it was too much and too much money if I wanted to maintain the treatment and experiment. Besides my colon was not amused. It refused to do any jumping.

In the meantime, my stomach was ripping with pain, my back hurt right around the kidney area, and my blood labs showed I was at stage three kidney disease...in March. In September after six months not taking Miralax, my kidneys went back to looking fine. Miralax was killing me. I was desperate now. I was depressed and anxious. I was afraid. If nothing works, this was definitely going to kill me!

I decided to try one more idea for a thyroid prescription. If I could control the amount of drug I take, maybe I could tolerate a little at a time. All I need is enough to make up for thyroid drop during the cold winter months. Maybe that would do the trick? I'll need a compounded prescription with no fillers, no additives, no flavors, no scents. Topical drops for my skin. Then I had to find a health care provider who would prescribe compounded drugs. This was nearly impossible. Most of them argued with me saying I wouldn't get enough absorption and ignored me when I said, "That's the point [ORANGE CONE!]." (See my post on orange cones.) Even one of the compounding pharmacists argued this point! Orange cones are everywhere.

I finally found a naturopath who claimed she had compounding pharmaceutical experience. Bottom line, she was willing to prescribe my idea, or so I thought. First, it took six weeks to get an appointment with her. Second, it took her seven more weeks to call it in to the pharmacy. She doesn't understand I'm on a timeline and need the drug before the weather cools. Third, she failed miserably at listening to me and prescribed it incorrectly because although she might have minor experience with compounding drugs, she has absolutely no experience with MCS. Fourth, the pharmacy mixes it wrong adding fillers I can't tolerate and even using the wrong dosage!! Really? After a dozen conversations they still get it wrong???!! Finally, after four months of struggling at every turn, I get the correct prescription. I mark on my calendar six weeks because that's how long it takes for thyroid drugs to affect one's thyroid levels. 

I started with one drop of Levothyroxine under the arm every three days because it's usually the second and third day when I get sick. The first week I start taking it, my colon STOPPED working! Fall is here! The weather cooled. UGH! I was disappointed it took too long to get the prescription, but I hoped continued dosing would still my raise my thyroid levels. I was praying for a miracle. 

In the meantime I unfortunately read more on Miralax about the lawsuits against Bayer Corporation attempting to get Miralax banned in the US or at least labeled correctly. "Do not use if you have kidney disease..." Yes, they boldfaced those words on the container. Great.  Miralax is killing me. This experiment has to work. I am hoping the thyroid hormone supports my already stressed kidneys caused by hypothyroidism and makes my colon miraculously start working so I can stop poisoning myself with this so-called "inert" over-the-counter medication that activist groups are trying to get banned in the US. I can dream can't I?

I also considered if it doesn't work, I think my only option left is to move to Mexico....near the equator. Warm weather year round. My thyroid would love it, but can I get good, organic, wholesome food in Mexico? I hope so. Hasta la vista, baby!

The one drop dosage every third day seemed fine, but I was eager and impatient to get more assimilated in my system. How to increase the dose and still avoid side effects?  I tried two drops every third day and I was hit with severe nausea, dizziness, back and neck pain, headaches, fatigue and depression. I tried one drop every other day, but on the "off" day I was hit with debilitating fatigue causing me to sleep all day. I pulled back and went back to one drop every three days and let my body recover. Then raised it again to 1/2 drop every other day and decided, well hell with the fatigue, take it at night and get tired while sleeping. This seemed to work. Common practice is to take the medication in the morning before one eats as it won't assimilate correctly if food is in the stomach. I wasn't digesting it anyway. I just needed to somehow get it in my system while avoiding the side effects that are debilitating.

At five and a half weeks, MY COLON STARTED WORKING! OMG! 

At first I was in disbelief. Could this be true? I didn't trust it. After four years of hell, have I really discovered the secret? The cure? The remedy no idiotic health care orange cone's brain could comprehend? I very carefully weaned myself off Miralax and waited. My colon kept working. OMG! The more thyroid I take the more motility I get, but it comes with the risk of overdosing side effects. The key is balance!

I AM SO HAPPY AND RELIEVED!! (Pun intended.) 

A week later it stopped. I started doing some cleanses to mitigate the kidney damage (back pain) and that will often slow down a colon. This was probably done too early as I should have waited for the colon to regain a happy normal. I persisted and hoped for a rebalance. I also worked up to two drops every night (10mg.) and after a few days my colon started working.

HOORAY!