OMG. People Die.

Facebook is really good for cyberstalking. Maybe it's not cyberstalking if you are just searching for people? For years I've had a difficult time finding childhood friends mostly because my old girlfriends had gotten married, changed their names, and didn't seem to want to connect their maiden name with their married names. Yes, I said names. It's really problematic when they've been married more than once. Facebook has made that somewhat easier.

Due to life transitions, like most people, I spent my childhood in different locations so my friends are scattered and as children we lost touch over the years. Some of them I managed to maintain connection through letters, but even that fizzled once high school and then adulthood happened.

Lately through Facebook, I'm finding names...and finding them dead. It's strange to think childhood friends and acquaintances, people my age, have died. They sometimes died young. Unfortunately, it is not customary to advertise how people die. I guess it is some kind of etiquette rule? You can say where they died, the dates, how old they were, the relatives they left behind, and sometimes a short history. But no mention of HOW. Young people dying is discombobulating. I want to know how.

The first childhood friend I found was through the obituary of her brother. Her brother was only two years older than we were and rather cute, but not friendly. I remember he always glared at me every time I was at their house as if I were disrupting the peaceful existence of his teenage years. At age 35 he was married with two small children. He went hiking, broke his ankle, had to have surgery, and while convalescing, had what he thought were minor complications. He called the doctor who told him to come in the office. He didn't think it was a big deal so he didn't. He died. It was a blood clot that migrated to his lungs. Jeez. I only know these details due to news articles on the subsequent lawsuit.

The second childhood friend was the daughter of my parents' friends. They were rich. She had her own horse and swimming pool and I thought I'd hit the jackpot when I was invited to stay with them one summer while my step-mother was preoccupied birthing devil spawn. I was so excited! This girl was so resentful that I didn't want to do exactly what she wanted all the time. I wanted lounge at the pool like a movie star. She wanted to hang out with her snooty friends smoking and she expected me to ride on the sweaty back of her horse in shorts...which gave me a rash. After a few weeks of my noncompliance and her manipulation, we grew to hate each other. My parents would always invite her to my teenage birthday parties and she'd sit in the corner and scowl as if it was so beneath her to have fun. I found her obituary. It seems she had changed her name. Last I heard, which was years ago, she had moved to Los Angeles right out of high school and was either a stripper or porn star. I can't remember the details now. Every time I saw her parents they always tried to hide their disappointment. I have no clue how she died.

The last childhood friend I found through an online real estate transaction that brought up her married name as well as the name of her brother. I found her brother on Facebook. He only lives about an hour away from me! I continued searching and found their father's obituary from a couple years ago. "Charles is proceeded in death by his eldest daughter...." OMG. I continued to search and found the obituary of my friend's older sister who was only two years older than me. She died when she was only 33 years old. HOW? I searched all over. Who, besides my mother, dies that young? But HOW? I went through old photographs and found pictures of my friend and her older sister at all my birthday parties. I also found her mother's obituary. She died six months later.

Some of these people I didn't know very well, but with each discovery I feel the pain of that loss. My childhood is dying. I'm not a stranger to death by any means, but other than my parents and grandparents, I really have no experience with deaths of friends or relatives my own age. It's one of those discombobulating reminders of mortality.

Facebook is death.