February Movie Reviews

*****  Exceptional

****    Great

***      OK

**        So So

*          Blah

Alpha is basically the story of the origins of domesticated dogs. Twenty thousand years ago, a young man goes on his first hunt of the Great Beasts (giant buffalo things) when one of them charges him and throws him off a cliff. His tribal companions leave him for dead and he survives all kinds of harrowing experiences and fends off all manner of wild animals to try to get home. A pack of wolves attacks him, but he wounds one, nurses it back to health, and they continue as companions. Nice story. Great special effects. Great wolves. ***

Blackway is a psycho thriller about this sleazy ex-cop-drug-lord-pimp-all-around-bad-guy (Ray Liotta) who is violent and abusive. He's absolutely crazy in the worse way. He assaults then starts harassing the new woman in town (Julia Stiles), but she refuses to be bullied. The police are useless. She goes to find someone who might help her but everyone is afraid of him...except Anthony Hopkins who thinks he's a low life POS that needs to be taken care of. Great story. Very straight forward with no weird twists. Excellent performances. Liotta was an outstanding psychopath. ****

Bohemian Rhapsody I was number 245 on the library holds list for this movie. I decided to treat myself on my birthday and go rent it. It was outstanding and well-worth the $1.35 rental fee with a half price birthday discount!! LOL! Rami Malek was amazing. He mastered Freddie Mercury perfectly although I think he's better looking.  How did they film the Live Aid concert? Did they have all those extras or did they just have a bit and made it look like a lot? There were no bonus features on how the movie was made, unfortunately. What a loss the death of Freddie Mercury was...is.... This aspect of the movie was very sad. I would have watched it a second time if I didn't have to return it to the video store. *****

Book Club It's Sex and the City with old women only poorly written with the clear message that sex is the only thing that is important to a woman's identity. It features a whole group of great actresses: Jane Fonda, Candice Bergen, Diane Keeton and Mary Steenburgen, but this movie was beneath them. In the movie, these women are in various stages of sexual potential. One is single and loose, incapable of true emotion while the other three haven't had sex for a long time, one is married, another is divorce and the last is widowed . Their book club is reading Fifty Shades of Grey, a book I hated as much as I hated this movie and of course, the sex-starved characters LOVE the book! The dialogue was cheesy and loaded with unimaginative sexual humor written for a teen movie. The clothes were so ugly!! Well, Jane Fonda looked hot and had great clothes, but she was the sex maniac and you know, only sluts dress well. The cliches and stereotypes were pathetic. It was clearly written for stupid people who are incapable of thinking. Performances were horrible. Most of them didn't deliver lines well, but I think they probably had a lot of fun making the movie. Don Johnson was yummy even for an old guy. It was strange they paired him up with someone so much older, but Fonda looks good for her age! *

Breathe is about Robin Cavendish (Andrew Garfield) who shortly after his marriage to his wife (Claire Foy) was paralyzed by polio during a time when severely disabled patients were forced to live in institutions, confined to hospital beds, and didn't have much longevity. He figured out a way to live at home with modified breathing equipment and a very dedicated wife (Claire Foy), then later invented a wheelchair with a breathing machine attached so he could move about and even travel. It was a very inspirational story. ***

Charlie Bartlett was adorable. It's about an incredibly rich but smart kid who has been kicked out of every private school for breaking the rules when all he wants to do is make friends. He ends up in public school and realizes if he gives his psychiatrist a set of symptoms he gets easy drugs he can sell to his fellow classmates. He opens up a pharmacy in the boy's bathroom and kids start coming to him for advice on all their problems since they don't feel comfortable confiding in adults. Robert Downey Jr., who is looking gorgeous these days, is the principal and his daughter is Charlie's love interest. It was great. ****

The Children Act is about a judge (Emma Thompson) who's marriage is falling apart because she's a work-a-holic. She tries cases having to do with children, and one in particular involves a seventeen-year old boy with leukemia who is refusing blood transfusion due to his religion. She rules against him, forcing him to get the transfusion, and he lives. Then he starts stalking her. He doesn't understand why his parents were willing to let him die, he's questioning his religion, and he wants to live but doesn't seem to know how to go about it. Great performances. Strange story. Lofty themes. I think I missed a few points - over my head. ***

The Cobbler was about a fourth generation cobbler who's father left the family without a word. He is  questioning his career and his life and when one of his machines breaks, he uses the family's old, foot-powered shoe repair contraption in the basement. It has magical powers. He discovers if he wears the newly-repaired shoe, he becomes that person. He gets into all kinds of trouble as other people, but is now enjoying his work. "You don't know people until you walk in their shoes". It was cute and thankfully not stupid humor even though Adam Sandler stars. Great all-star cast with Ellen Barkin, Dan Stevens, Dustin Hoffman, Steve Buscemi. ****

The Darkest Minds is a futuristic story about children dying from a mysterious disease. Those who don't die are left with superpowers and are categorized by the government as green, blue, yellow, orange and red depending on their danger levels. The government gathers them into concentration camps, puts the less dangerous to work and exterminates those deemed dangerous: the orange and red. The story follows Ruby who is an orange but has the capability of not only reading people's thoughts but changing them so she survives. Eventually she is rescued by a group that doesn't seem any safer than the government, escapes from them, and meets up with three other children who are trying to find the mysterious camp where kids are going to be safe. Excellent story! Love it. Except the story didn't end. I guess it's based on a book series that goes on for a long, long time so I expect there may be sequels. ****

Eighth Grade is about Kayla, an incredibly shy, awkward, insecure girl who tries so hard at being confident and liked by others. It's horribly uncomfortable and reminds me of my own horrible years when everything seemed to go wrong at every turn. EXCEPT she has all that technology at her disposal and has her nose in her phone 24/7. How obnoxious. I'm not sure if that would have made my eighth grade better or worse. After getting the courage to approach the boy she has a crush on, pretending she has dirty pictures of herself, and he asking her if she gives blow jobs, she goes home looks it up on the internet and attempts to practice on a banana. Knowing how naive and easily manipulated teenage girls are, it was horrifying. I'm glad she had sense enough to stop when she knew she was getting in too deep with the high school boy. Her father adores her and tries so hard to connect, but he's is so shockingly inept at knowing how to communicate with her it's frightening. This is a common theme in movies about kids these days. I'm unclear how parents fail so miserably at parenting. ***

Hot Summer Nights takes place in 1991 about a kid (Timothee Chalamet) who is sent away for the summer after his father dies to stay with a relative in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. Feeling isolated, out of place and bored, he becomes a drug dealer, falls in love, loses his virginity, and then gets on the wrong side of his drug supplier. Chalamet reeks sexuality. Every movie I see him in he's vulnerable and sweet, but dangerously enticing. Watching him is very intriguing and mesmerizing which is probably why he's been in a lot of movies lately. Great actor. Interesting story. ***

I am Elizabeth Smart is the story of the kidnapping of Elizabeth Smart told by Elizabeth Smart. What a nightmare. It shocks me the woman who helped keep her captive was released from prison recently. Justice fails once again. They both should have gotten the electric chair. What I found sad about this film, besides the story itself, is throughout her commentary she feels the need to justify continuously why she didn't take more opportunities to escape. She was fourteen years old and her captor kept threatening to kill her and her family. Granted, there were many scenes when I kept thinking, JUST RUN, SCREAM especially when she's in public and law enforcement are coming right up to them to ask questions so I guess I'm a perfect example of her naysayers. Still, she had to be in constant fear of his wrath. ****

I Kill Giants is like that other movie I saw not too long ago with the boy and his make-believe world of giants to avoid dealing with the stress in his life. This one was about a girl  who has this elaborate fantasy world of giants and her need to protect the town she lives in. She also has bullies. I think bullies are a common theme in kid's movies these days. Near the end of the movie we find out what she's dealing with. Great special effects. ***

I Still See You is about an apocalyptic-type explosion that wiped out a large chunk of the population. The survivors can see the "remnants" of these dead people, just walking around, hanging around their house, walking down the street. In order to make the public feels safe as they are surrounded by these ghosts, science (or the government) has promoted theories regarding the "rems" laws on their behavior...they don't change, they don't communicate or interact with the living. But that isn't really true or so Roni, a high school student, finds out when she is confronted with one in her own home who leaves her messages and acts confrontational. It was a really compelling ghost story. Not gross or frightening although some weird scenes and some of it didn't make sense. ***

Jungle is based on a true story about Yossi Ghinsberg (Daniel Radcliffe) who traveled through South American in 1981. He met two other backpackers and they naively trust a German who offers them a backpacking adventure into the uncharted parts of the jungle. When one of the hiker's feet get so blistered and painful he is slowing their progress, they decide to cut the trip short, build a raft and take the river. Their guide disagrees and he along with the one with the bad feet continues hiking. (I'm confused here...if they were taking the river to cut the trip short because this guy wasn't able to hike, why does he decide to keep hiking? I must have missed something.) The two on the river hit some bad rapids, get thrown into the river, separated, and the story follows Yossi's survival alone through the jungle. Fascinating. I especially loved the part where he digs a long worm out of the swelling in his forehead. Lovely. Outstanding performances, especially from Radcliffe who is always good and has the most gorgeous blue eyes. I think I say that every time I see one of his movies. ****

Kin This was a sci-fi-ish movie with a whole lot of heart which makes it my kind of sci-fi. It's about an adopted boy, Eli, who's adopted mother has died. His adopted father (Dennis Quaid) is raising him to be a good person and punishes him for stealing. His older adopted brother gets out of prison and gets into a whole lot of mess which gets the father killed. In the meantime, Eli who has been scrapping to make some extra money is searching in an old warehouse and comes across a bunch of dead alien soldiers (or something) with a high powered weapon that gets dumped down a shaft. When he goes back to look for it, everything has been cleaned up except they missed the weapon. The brother takes off with Eli knowing the bad guys are after him. When things get scary, Eli pulls the weapon out and annihilates the side of a building. It was good. The kid was outstanding. Loved the ending. I'm pretty sure I just watched the prequel to Black Panther... ****

The Last King of Scotland is about a Scottish doctor who goes to Uganda to help people and is befriended by the psychopathic leader Idi Amin. It was scary. Outstanding performances. Did Forest Whitaker win any awards for that role? He was amazing. ****

The Last Word is about a writer who writes suicide notes for people. He meets the sister of one of his clients (Winona Ryder) and maintains a relationship with her built on lies until she finds out and goes ballistic. It was interesting. It's supposed to be a romantic comedy but the themes were so dark I didn't see any comedy in it. I loved the ending. **

The Last Word is about a bossy, impatient, elderly woman (Shirley MacLaine) who is lonely and bored as she bounces off the walls in her huge house all alone. She's alienated everyone in her life with her obnoxious behavior, constant insults, and demanding, controlling personality. She kind of reminds me of...ME! After seeing an obituary written about one of her acquaintances, a woman who was also not well liked, she decides she needs to take control of her legacy and hires the obituary writer (Amanda Seyfried) to write an obituary for her. Unfortunately, the list of names she gives to the writer are not helpful because everyone hates her, so she goes about having to create a legacy so she has something to show for her life. It was cute, great story. At times it was a little overacted, but in the end heartwarming. ***

Lean on Pete is a heartbreaking film about Charlie, a fifteen-year old boy, who is moved from Spokane, WA  to Portland, Oregon living with his loser dad who can't even afford food. He gets a job at a racetrack working with a guy (Steve Buscemi) who races his horses into the ground, cheats, electrocutes them and follows the fair circuit. Charlie grows attached to an aging racehorse, Lean on Pete. Then his philandering father gets beat up by some woman's husband, ends up in the hospital, dies, and Charlie has nowhere to live. Pete loses too many races and his owner decides to sell him to a slaughter house in Mexico. Charlie steal Pete with plans to drive to Wyoming to find an aunt he remembers from his childhood. Then the truck with horse trailer breaks down in the middle of the desert. He ends up hiking across the desert, homeless, with no money or food. It gets very sad. This is the second movie I've recently seen on homeless children who are abandoned after the death of their guardian. Heartbreaking with an unexpected twist. Excellent performances, outstanding story. I love a good horse story. ****

The Little Stranger is a British movie set after WWII about a doctor who becomes involved with an aristocratic family who's house is in ruins and seems to be haunted. The doctor is very...weird. He has had a fascination with the house since he was a small boy, he wiggles his way into their lives, then he starts bullying the woman who lives at the mansion to marry him even going as far as having her wedding dress made for her.  I felt really confused. I had no idea what was really going on and chalked it up to my own lack of brain function. Is the house haunted or is the doctor diabolical? Then I watched the bonus where the director says right away, "The challenge of making a movie like this is to never completely answer the questions." Good god! If you don't answer any questions then the viewers are CONFUSED! I love the old mansion with all that period furniture, loved the British countryside, great costumes, good performances, interesting, but by the end of the movie I just felt frustrated and lost in confusion and that is not a good way to be. I still have no idea what was going on. In conclusion, I want a movie with at least some answers to ground it! **

Madame is about rich people living in Paris who have a dinner party with an extra guest making thirteen. The lady of the house, "Madame" (Toni Collette) thinks it's bad luck to have thirteen and has the maid sit in. She tells her to just keep her mouth shut but she does just the opposite. Unfortunately one of her other guests falls for the maid and begins dating her thinking she's royalty from another country. Madame become very jealous and sabotages it. It was interesting. Makes me want to move to Paris and be rich. Totally not the typical Hollywood ending which was weird and sad. ***

Mary Shelley was about the author of Frankenstein. Beautiful sets, costumes, performances and excellent story. ****

Namesake is great movie about Indian culture and a man who survives a trauma, gets married, has a son and names him after the author of the book he was reading when the trauma occurred. The son grows up being teased for his name (Gogol) and ends up changing it back to his other name (they get two names when they are born), Nikolai, then later finds out the real origins of his name. Great story. Lots of culture. ****

Notes on a Scandal is about a woman (Judy Dench) who has been teaching too long. She's cynical, critical, impatient, clearly hates everyone around her and teaches history at a low-income type public school. The contempt she has for everyone around her is borderline evil. She seems very reclusive and lonely which contribute to her negativity and she narrates the story so you know what she's thinking which is delightfully wicked. In comes the new art teacher (Cate Blanchett), pure as the driven snow, naive, energetic, beautiful, and incapable of classroom management. The older teacher becomes oddly obsessed with her new, young, bohemian friend and come to find out she has a history of obsession with young women. Then she catches her having sex with one of her fifteen-year old students and devises ways to manipulating her into being her best friend. The soundtrack is like a murder-mystery . Outstanding performances. ****

Searching The whole movie is filmed on a computer screen! It's absolutely amazing. It's about a family and we see the evolution of this family with photos, videos, emails, social networking. The mother dies and we watch how utterly incapable the father and daughter are at relating to each other in order to grieve. Then the seventeen year old daughter goes missing leaving her laptop behind for the father to search her every move in hopes of tracing her. He has to figure out how to reset passwords to get into accounts and figure out how to work some of the accounts. I'm not sure if I could have done that. He realizes he doesn't know her at all.  He discovers she doesn't have any friends even though her Facebook shows hundreds. Everyone confesses they don't really know her and she usually sits alone for lunch. Parents don't know their kids anymore, who they are, what they are doing, and who their real friends are. Sad. The story gets a little twisted with the detective (Debra Messing). When it's announced the girl is dead, with a sex pervert who confesses to her murder with an online video (of course), EVERYONE, except the father, buys into it as fact without even questioning whether it's true or not. So typical! They don't even have a body and they are holding online vigils and memorials! All her non-friends are posting videos crying about how she was their best friend and how much they will miss her. It's a cautionary tale about the internet and how it is screwing up the way we think, the way we related to each other, and the way we live in general. ****

Six Below is about an ex-hockey star/drug addict Eric LeMarque who snorts a bunch of cocaine and heads up the mountain to snowboard. With no brain function, he decides to take the unsanctioned route during a snow storm, gets lost and spends the next eight days in 6 below weather, harassed by wolves, braving the elements, and both his legs freeze off. It was a really COLD movie. I love it when the ice cracks and he falls into the lake, and while struggling to get out loses his baggie of cocaine  while underwater. Instead of thinking "I better get out of this water fast" he desperately dives deeper in order to retrieve it. Wow. Pretty crazy. But the real highlight of the movie is when he eats his own scabs. I can't imagine there is much nutritional value in infected, rotting flesh. Maybe eating tree bark would have served him better, but this is a lesson on the evils of drugs and how stupid they make you so there is some educational value in scab-eating. I also don't get these movies where the star swims in freezing cold water and is able to get out, crawl around in the snow and they don't die from hypothermia? Hmmm... ***

Sweet Country is about an Aboriginal man, Sam, in the 1800s Australia, who takes his family and goes to work for a couple days for a mean, crazy white guy who rapes his wife then kicks them off his property. The white guy finds other Aboriginals to mistreat. He chains one to a rock who picks the lock and runs away to hide in the outhouse at the house where Sam is staying. Crazy white guy is drunk, screaming, shooting into the house where Sam and his wife are hiding. Sam takes the gun off the mantle and when crazy white guy knocks the door down, he shoots the white guy before the white guy shoots him. This is a problem in a racist country and Sam runs. He finds out his wife is pregnant with the dead rapist's child and gives himself up hoping his friend's God will protect him. The racism was disturbing. Weird flash forwards and flash backs that were confusing although I think they were supposed to be creative. **

Voice from the Stone is a beautiful movie set in the 1950s at an Italian countryside estate. It stars Kalisi from Game of Thrones as a nanny who comes to take care of a boy who hasn't spoken for seven months since the death of his mother. I lost interest about half way through but she has an affair with the father and then believes, as the boy does, that she can hear the dead woman's voice in the stone telling her to take her place. Hmmm...not sure about that. Performances were a little overacted and melodramatic. **

Woman Walks Ahead is about Catherine Weldon (Jessica Chastain) who traveled to North Dakota in the 1890s to paint Sitting Bull's portrait at a time when the US government was trying to get the tribes to sign another treaty to give up their land. Yet another reminder of how the USA has annihilated and destroyed the Native American culture. So disgusting and sad. Great movie. ****

Tater Tots!, or I Ate a Whole Cauliflower

Oh, how I miss tater tots! I used to buy a whole bag and eat them for a meal. For those of you who might not know what a tater tot is (horrors!), they are grated potatoes, spiced with chemicals, formed into little squarish rolls, deep-fried in saturated fats, and then frozen to last for eternity. Crispy on the outside, warm and toasty on the inside. Yum.

Or rather yuck. They haven't been on my diet for a long, long time. I guess they should be renamed "Toxic Tots."

My favorite Christmas card of all time was a cartoon of a tater tot with eyes. The inside read, "Tater tots with their eyes all a glow." HAHAHA It still makes me LOL!

Here is a recipe for something that resembles a tater tot:

Pepperoni Pizza Tots

Of course, I tweaked it just a little. It called for "Italian seasoning" which is some kind of processed mix and I used herbs. And garlic powder. I suppose garlic powder could be healthy, but I don't trust any pre-processed powder since so many use gluten as an anti-caking agent. I used real, grated garlic. The recipe said to use parchment paper on your baking sheet. First, I don't have parchment paper, but more importantly, why would anyone want to eat tater tots that haven't been fried in oil? I don't know if these would hold up to deep-frying, which I'd never do anyway, but I oiled the baking sheet with olive oil. The original recipe was created by Kelly Bejelly@A Girl Worth Saving.

Ingredients:

2 lb. cauliflower (one head), cut into florets
1/2 teaspoon each: oregano, marjoram, basil, thyme, cayenne, salt, pepper
1/2 teaspoon minced fresh garlic
1/3 cup coconut flour
2 large eggs
8 slices Applegate pepperoni, diced
olive oil

Boil cauliflower in a pot of water for four minutes. Remove, drain, cool completely.

Finely dice cauliflower. Don't food process it or it'll turn to puree and won't work for this recipe.

Add coconut flower, spices, and pepperoni to diced cauliflower. Mix.

Add eggs. Mix.

Scoop out large spoonful and shape tightly into oval. Place on baking sheet covered with olive oil.

Bake 350 degrees for 45-50 minutes. Eat.

Yum. I ate the whole pan! Yeah, this is another recipe that is far to good for anyone to remain in control.

I did worry about the pepperoni although the brand is very reputable. No reactions at all.

Conventionally-Grown Pesticide-Saturated

The Guardian published the article, "What the Pesticides in Our Urine Tell Us About Organic Food" by Kendra Klein and Anna Lappe. It was posted on the Organic Consumers Association website.

In summary, a study was done on how eating organic food affects the pesticide levels in a person's body. They had four families eat a non-organic diet then switched to an organic diet. Fourteen common pesticide chemicals were tested.

Malathion was created during World War II as a nerve agent and is one of the more toxic chemicals still commonly used in the United States. It contributes to autism, learning disabilities, reduced IQs in children, or general brain development issues and dysfunction. There was a plan to ban malathion, but the Trump administration circumvented it. (What a surprise, eh?) This study showed after switching to an organic diet, the levels of malathion dropped significantly...95%! Wow.

Pesticide chemicals are linked to hormone disruption, infertility, Parkinson's, depression, Alzheimer's, cancer, and many other health issues. I ate pesticides for years. Did it contribute to my chemical sensitivity. Probably.

I wonder how an organic diet has impacted my health. I know at the very least I don't get sunburned and I do contribute that to my non-chemical lifestyle which includes eating only organic food. This might seem a minor point, but as a redhead, I should fry in the sun in a very short time. Not anymore!

Some people have claimed (in a whiny voice, mind you) that organic food doesn't taste any different so what is the point. I understand - they are unenlightened and have no concept of chemicals or health. I know if I eat non-organic food I have symptoms that range from headaches to intestinal cramping to exhaustion to nausea or all of the above. How many people experience headaches and just chalk it up to stress or any number of plausible excuses? Fatigue is a common problem for most of society. Unfortunately, people just aren't making the connection.

Chemicals are killing us. If you're still eating a non-organic, conventionally-grown, pesticide-saturated diet, at the very least your brain is SCREWED! I know people who take supplements or do brain exercises in anticipation of age-related brain function problems as a desperate attempt to control memory issues or dementia. As I've said many times, supplements are snake oil. Maybe they counteract the impact of chemicals, but I doubt since so many of them use chemicals for processing. The best solution: GO ORGANIC!

You can read the full article HERE (If it's still accessible.)

Shepherd's Pie (recipe)

I found this recipe online, but I did a LOT of tweaking. I used fresh, organic produce and grass-fed, organic beef and butter. Coconut milk instead of milk. I eliminated all ingredients that are on my food sensitivities list, but listed them as options. No way am I going to use processed gravy mix on anything.

Preheat oven 350 degrees.

Ingredients:

2 potatoes or sweet potatoes, peeled, diced, boiled (I used one of each.)
2 tablespoons butter
1/4 cup coconut milk

1 lb. hamburger
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 clove garlic, minced
1/2 cup red pepper
1 cup green beans
1 cup peas
1 teaspoon thyme
salt and pepper
2 cup corn kernels (optional)
2 carrots, peeled and chopped (optional)
1 tablespoon tomato paste (optional)
gravy mix (optional...yuck...no way)

Boil the potatoes until soft.

While the potatoes are boiling, sauteed the hamburger and all the ingredients listed under "hamburger". When cooked, place in baking dish.

When potatoes are done, place in bowl with butter and milk. Whip on high until mashed and fluffy. Frost the mashed potatoes on top of the hamburger. Add salt and pepper.

Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.

Yum. Unfortunately. In order to keep my colon working I can't overeat. This is way, way, way too tempting especially with my weakness for anything with mashed potatoes. Tastes great!

The High-Maintenance Chemically Sensitive Control Freak

The thought of dating makes me sick to my stomach. Why would I want the stress and responsibility of training someone to know how to be around me? Controlling every step of the date is not normally attractive to anyone let alone a potential love interest. So why did I agree to go out with this man?

He was the brother of a friend and I had met him twice in the past. I'd even been to his house and sniffed around. How embarrassing is that? He's really clean and non-toxic, friendly and conversational. I had vague memories of how my friend had described him so I remembered him as being interesting. When he emailed to find out if I wanted to go to lunch sometime, I hesitated for a minute, then remembered the last time I saw him when I thought to myself, He's a nice guy. I bet he'd be good company. And then the self-harassment kicked in, Don't forget your New Year's resolution to find new friends! That resolution has created a whole lot of misery so far and is going to be the death of me.

I gave it a second thought. And then another second thought, and then wrote my reply opting for transparency and a whole lot of honesty knowing it might scare him away. I told him I don't do well with dating, but I'd be interested in a friendship. I'm chemically sensitive so public places are difficult which makes the lunch idea a challenge. I suggested alternative activities - the beach, the park, the docks, a cafe I know is nontoxic - trying to convince him of something easy, short, and safe so as not to embarrass myself with, oh, being carried out on a hospital gurney. I explained lunch might be an option if it's a small, informal restaurant with a take-out option, gluten-free meals, and unpopulated: way before or way after the lunch rush hour. I ignored the fact I can't eat non-organic food. I figured for one meal it couldn't hurt too much.

Good god. How many rules can a man actually fit in his brain? I thought for sure he'd respond immediately and say, Oops! Never mind. I think I emailed the wrong person. What was I thinking? I don't know you and I'm convinced I don't want to.

But he didn't. Instead he said, "SURE! Sounds like a date." I got the impression he only read half of my email.

Although I offered some restaurants that I knew from personal experience, he offered other names. I looked them up online to see if they had gluten-free options and stressed again, before the lunch rush hour or after not right at lunch when everyone is competing for air space. He made a reservation at the biggest, fanciest sit-down restaurant in town right at the lunch rush hour. He's not listening. He doesn't get it. The stress and thought of having to educate someone and hope for some sliver of enlightenment already exhausts me.

I panicked until the next day. Suppose I have an anaphylactic reaction? Suppose I get so sick I can't function for a week? Do I really want to embarrass myself on a first date with someone I hardly know? Maybe I can just wait outside and he can go in and get the food? Maybe I should cancel and stop being such an idiot because most people don't want this kind of crazed drama in their lives. Instead I emailed and asked if we could just go for a short, simple walk on the beach and not do lunch.

"Sure!" He's very compliant which is a good thing.

"And I'll meet you in the parking lot on the entrance to town and I will drive."

Hmmm...what is it about men and the need to drive? I panicked again. Suppose his car is new and stinks of offgassed formaldehyde? Supposed he's a serial killer? Suppose he has air fresheners in his car? As a rule I don't ride in strange cars. Granted I live an hour away from him so I couldn't expect him to pick me up so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he was just wanting to be nice and treat me like a date. A date was not what I agreed to.

I email him and ask about air fresheners.

"Oh, no, never, I'm very organic myself." OK.

I wasn't comfortable with the set up but I got really tired of being so damn controlling. I also know I tend to be a super-empath and that makes me very compliant. I will ignore if I'm having a reaction in order to not embarrass myself or my companion. I will pretend everything will be fine if confronted with a clear risk. I don't want to be a problem. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I want to be a "normal".

I show up at the appointed parking lot and jump into his car. It's fine. No stink. He tells me the beach is rather far. What? The beach is ten minutes west. Oh, he wants to go to a beach fifty miles away. Shit. I comply because I don't want to be the crazed control freak. In hindsight, I should have taken more control over exactly where we would go but I just thought we'd go to the local beach.

We get to the parking lot of the beach and it's packed with people. He tells me we will be hiking. HIKING? What the fuck? I didn't bring hiking boots! I didn't even bring hiking shoes! He said we'll be fine. I'm learning he can't be trusted, but I comply. I don't want to seem controlling or paranoid.

As we are putting on coats and preparing for a HIKE, he comes up beside me and asks if he can use "this" and shoves a tube of sunscreen in my face. Shit.

"NO. Absolutely not." I picture his skin bubbling up in blisters and I resist giving him a lecture on how chemicals, including sunscreens, cause sunburns, not sunshine. At least he asked first! What would I have done if he just put it on and then asked?

The trail is beautiful, however, it's packed with smelly people as is the beach. My throat starts getting dry and scratchy. I start losing my voice. The fresh air helps and it's beautiful. Sunshine on a winter day. So unusual.

We get back to his truck and he asks if I'm hungry. I am. It's two o'clock and past the lunch hour. He suggests one of the restaurants on his list and claims it's often empty at this time.

It's not. There are lots of people. We find a table up in the mezzanine far from everyone. I wonder if the stink will float up and this is not a good idea, but I just don't want to seem like a crazed, paranoid control freak. The waiters are not obviously scented and I don't smell anything but food.

It takes about twenty minutes before I start getting quiet. Prior to this I was babbling non-stop as I tend to do after days without human contact. I'm clearing my throat more than is natural, but I stare across the room chanting, You are fine. Just remain calm.

The waiter approaches and tells us the restaurant is packed and asks if he can bring a family of six to sit right next to us. Ever the compliant one I smile, nod and agree. My date looks at me a little concerned, but I'm smiling so it must be fine!

I couldn't smell anything on this family, but my head starts spinning and the throat clearing intensifies. My lung starts hurting and my spine burns. I stare off into space for another five minutes. He's looking uncomfortable. I've become almost catatonic and it's our first date. He ran out of things to say long ago! (Later he apologized for being quiet and told me I am a good conversationalist. HA!)

"OK," I say, "I have to leave."

"Where is it coming from?"

"I have no idea."

How the HELL would I know? I don't even smell anything toxic! I start feeling uncontrollable irritable, but I remained calm and collected. Just get me outta here. I head outside and breathe fresh air. My lungs start feeling better. He gets the food to-go and we head to the park. Good food! God, I miss restaurant food. My head and neck are killing me.

For the next twenty four hours my head, neck and spine were in pain. I was irritable and impatient. These relatively minor symptoms are from the chemicals in the air: perfumes, lotions, hair products, deodorants. And for the next week I was exhausted forcing me to sleep through most of the day. These are symptoms from the chemicals in the food OR gluten, but they professed my meal to be gluten-free so I don't know for sure.

He emails later and says, "I'm fine with taking food to a park." He still doesn't get it, but I do appreciate his flexibility.

Don't get me wrong. Aside from the stress, paranoia, and subsequent misery, I had a really good time although the dating part was uncomfortable. Although through my account I have described how I was feeling, I was never rude, demanding, or disrespectful at any time. He asked for a second date.

Then the fatal flaw reared it's ugly head, the deal breaker...he's a Trumptard. During the date I asked who he voted for president, but unfortunately I asked him this after I shared my activist proclivities so he already knew where I stood.

He hesitated, looked away, and said, "Hmmm....I vote democrat."

I'm writing it that small because that's how he said it. Who answers in a baby voice? Most Democrats right now would scream, "CLINTON. DON'T EVER CONFUSE ME WITH SOMEONE WHO IS STUPID!" Maybe it was difficult to lie and he thought if it did it quietly it wouldn't count? I ignored the body language and decided I needed to believe his words. For the time being.

Because he remained so incredibly unenlightened even after all my health condition disclosures, instead of asking how I was feeling after the date, he decided to email me some of his writings on his political positions. Either he lied or he's confused to what it means to "vote Democrat". I debated his points to which he replied my views were inconsequential since they are based on emotion rather than facts and statistics as his are. Really? If that isn't a Trumptard defense I don't know what is. I defended my positions by telling him he's erroneously manipulating statistics to fit his agenda and his so-called truths are, in the words of one of his idiot idols, alternative facts. He ended his last email with, "I still like you." I replied, "If you start wearing a MAGA hat, you're on my shit list." I never heard from him again. I think he lied which is a common characteristic of all Republicans. The real truths eventually reveal themselves. Good riddance. This let's me off the hook. I wasn't interested in dating, only friendship, but never with a Trumptard. As tolerant as everyone is supposed to be, I cannot deal with bottom-of-the-barrel ignorance from anyone.

Never again. Dating is too stressful and risky. It's not worth it. Heck, even attempting friendship is a pain in the ass.

This New Year's resolution that harasses me to take risks has proven to be too dangerous. I quit.

Weeds and Seeds (mosaic)

This is my latest mosaic. I've moved to the big formats which is scary. I have four antique window frames I was given years ago that had been stored in my garage doing nothing for too long. There are two at this size, 22" x 22" and two at 22" x 40", one horizontal and the other vertical.

They were a mess when I got them, layers of multi-colored paints from years of living. I stripped them. This also involved trying to remove the old window glazing that cemented into place. I worked on them for months although one of the windows I cracked and the glaze still remains. I also attempted to remove the rusty hardware to no avail. Stuck for eternity, but it has character...and history. How many people used those handles to open and shut the windows over the years? So I tried removing the rust off the hardware with every product imaginable. I can clean the metal well, but the rusty color remains. OK. I can work with that.

They have definitely tried my patience, but I love the frames' personalities. I love how they are so darn stubborn refusing to be modernized. So instead of painting them with unnaturally cheerful and youthful colors which I think would look hideous with the old metal hardware, I polyurethaned them so they are shiny, but retain their age-old wisdom.

Due to the old, antique, worn wood look I decided to use it as a theme in design and color, hence, the title Weeds and Seeds. It features what is supposed to be a (my) garden after its summer prime, in the throes of autumn death: brown, blacks, yellows, oranges and whites with seeds spilling all over.

The composition went crazy with a mind of its own. I'm not sure what happened but it definitely got away from me and by the time I realized it, I was too tired to give up or change it. It's interesting for sure. Not colors I'd normally use. If you look closely you can see dandelion poofs, poppy pods, thistle pods, rose hips, brown stalks, nigella pods, calendula seeds, borage pods, hollyhock seeds, Lily of the Nile skeletons, and a few grass stalks. Weird, but I love it. I like a tribute to my dead garden because there is so much life even when all that remains are bones.

In the "surface" photo below you can see a better view of the antique frame. I used white grout only because I was afraid something dark would shade the dark browns too much. You can see some of the remnants of the old turquoise paint on the frame...which is why there are splashes of turquoise in the design.

I plan to mosaic the matching frame with the same theme although hopefully less crazy and different plants.

SO FUN!

OBESITY

I just watched the television series My 600 lb. Life which is about the four most obese people in the United States. They are all located in Texas which doesn't surprise me as every thing I've read states the southern United States has the heaviest people on the planet. I think Texas and West Virginia are the top contenders for this honor, however, honor is not what I'd call it.

The stories are about four people who are all over 600 lbs., and in one case over 700 lbs. They opt to have gastric by-pass surgery to save their lives and the narrative follows the procedure, recuperation, and weight loss progress. Each case starts with the people complaining how all this extra weight impedes their ability to function. Walking or standing is painful. Moving is painful. Employment is impossible. Recreational activities are non-existent or challenging. Some of them spend their day sleeping or sitting in front of a television. And, of course, eating non stop in great quantities. They are told if they continue being overweight there is a good chance they will die.

This program had to be the most horrifying I've ever seen and has haunted me now for two weeks. I've had appetite control issues all my life and have struggled with weight control for just as long so seeing the worst of what can happen is my ultimate nightmare. I feel really sorry for these people, but I am horrified anyone would allow this to happen to themselves. I know we aren't supposed to victim blame or "fat shame." It's not politically correct. We are supposed to accept people as they are and celebrate diversity. I guess we are supposed to celebrate drug addicts and alcoholics, too. It's a confusing world. But really who is to blame if not themselves? If you've read my previous posts I also blame drug addicts and alcoholics for their choices. There is a difference between diversity and indulgence. How can anyone let themselves go to such extreme and accept such an unhealthy, miserable life?

There were only two vague theories for their obesity. One woman said it was all because she was molested as a child. She believes she purposefully gained weight in order to be unattractive to men. I've heard this before. I don't buy it. First, this woman is married so clearly she wasn't opposed to attracting all men. Second, if sexual abuse is the cause of her obesity, what's the excuse for the rest of her family? They are all obese. The excuse doesn't fly.

The other so-called "cause" for this extreme obesity is a "food addiction". That's what the doctor kept calling it as he instructed them to learn to control it as a life-long affliction. Maybe. But no one ever asks what is the mechanism for the addiction? WHY are they addicted. WHY will they be addicted all their lives? WHY are others not addicted? It's shocking to me obesity is such a common problem in our society, but doctors don't know why or what to do about it other than to cut them open.

So here are my theories:

I used to buy into the excuse that I overeat because of emotional issues. When a doctor informs you as-a-matter-of-fact this is it, the whole reason, you take a pause and consider it. Yeah, OK, maybe I have some childhood trauma I'm holding onto. Maybe self-esteem issues? The problem with this easy theory is everyone in the world has emotional issues so it never made sense because not everyone is fat. I think this is the easy explanation for doctors because it's so universal. Doctors know we can't contest it so it makes the perfect diagnosis for health care providers who are so incompetent they have no other idea. However, a lot of people I know have far more emotional baggage than I could ever imagine and they still manage to stay skinny. Maybe it's gene mutations that affect some and not others?

I had an epiphany when I attempted to poison myself with thyroid medications. I switched from an overeating tendency to ravenous, non-stop, out of control starvation eating. I would make large pots of stews or casseroles and inhale the whole pot in one sitting. I didn't feel good after and I thought I would vomit from the fullness, BUT I was STILL hungry! If there were two pots I probably would have continued eating. I read the medications might have caused "hypopituitarism" which caused my pituitary gland which controls appetite satiety to go wonky. Not one doctor knew what the hell I was talking about. In fact one of them decided I needed dieting advice. She obviously wasn't listening and didn't have the medical experience or cognitive function to understand something called hypopituitarism. As soon as I stopped the medication, it all went away. This was an eye-opener. Doctors are bullshit.

This makes me wonder about the chemicals in our foods, water, and personal health products not to mention the polluted air we breathe. Are they causing our appetite control organs to go haywire? Are they making us addicted to foods that are grown and manufactured with these chemicals. It's a researched fact that gluten makes people hungry. This is why the food industry has added it to nearly every product on the market. It makes us eat more and they make more money. Are people allergic to these chemicals and/or food additives and it makes them ravenous unable to control their appetites creating a "food addiction"?

My first observation was their diets. Everyone of them ate nothing but processed, junk food loaded with chemicals. The worst kind of garbage. Their methods of cooking were anything but healthy with lots of deep-fried saturated fats and sugar-laced sweeteners. I don't think I saw one vegetable or fresh fruit in the entire program. When the doctor stresses they need to eat "healthy", he's not giving healthy dietary advice. They need to eat protein. Protein for these people is going to the refrigerator and snacking on processed cheese or luncheon meats. From the moment they get out of gastric-bypass surgery they are fed JELLO. Eeewww! I wanted to vomit. There was one story where the patient lost a lot of weight and his mother says, "Well, he only eats junk food now but he's lost weight so I don't think it matters. He loves sour cream!" No one in the whole program including the doctors had any concept of nutrition. There was never not a moment I wasn't disgusted knowing how junk food affects one's health. Unless they change to a more nutritious diet, I don't see how they can be successful and this made a quick-fix surgery the only option.

My second observation is the amount of food they eat. Food piled high and so densely the plate surface is not to be seen. Even after they go through the surgery and become used to their small stomachs their portions are still larger than normal. What was really sad is watching them suffer with smaller portions while be forced to watch their inconsiderate family members shovel in bucket loads of junk food right in front of them. That was just cruel. How could these people control their appetites and take charge of their lives when the people they live with are bad influences and lacking in support? One of the mothers kept babbling about how disgusted and angry she was at her daughter's weight gain. First, the mother was incredibly fat, at least 400 pounds, and second, watching her make jokes and humiliate her daughter's effort showed exactly how difficult it would be to successfully overcome a weight problem with that horrible woman for a parent.

My third observation. One of the patients showed the TV audience her purse, or rather large suitcase of emergency supplies for when she leaves the house. She pulls out a bottle of perfume and says she must have it handy at all times because as large as she is, she smells all the time. If you've spent any time on this blog site, you know how perfumes are made with toxic, addictive chemicals that are hazardous to everyone's health. Are they contributing to the obesity epidemic? It wouldn't surprise me.

My final observation was on the incompetence of health care. One of the patients loses a large amount of weight and decides to celebrate with some crystal meth. He begins to lose all muscular movement in his body, then becomes paralyzed, then ends up in a coma. No one knows what's wrong with him until later when someone finally reveals he was using recreational drugs. So on top of all the chemicals in his food, he poisons himself with meth, and pays the price with his health. He ends up in the hospital for a year and they diagnose him with Guillain-Barre syndrome which is an autoimmune disease that attacks the nerves. I just nodded my head not surprised. He's in a wheelchair for the remainder of his story (seven years). What raised my hackles was the statement printed across the television screen that said something to the effect that the autoimmune disease has no connection to his past drug use. WHAT???? I screamed at the television, YOU IGNORANT, INCOMPETENT BUFFOONS!

If these doctors knew anything about autoimmune disease, which they don't, they would know the cause is thought to be 77% environmental, or toxic chemicals. The drugs certainly could have triggered the autoimmune disease and paralysis. The ignorance of medicine never ceases to shock me.

In conclusion, their families are often loving and caring, but rarely supportive for weight control as they are struggling with bad diets and overeating as well. The obese people don't seem to have the cognitive ability to understand nutrition or the capability to read and research to gain knowledge in order to help themselves understand how to eat for health. Do chemicals affect brain function? They sure do! They are addicted to chemicals and junk food and kicking the habit is not easy. They've been stuck in a vicious cycle of failure. Taking steps to rectify the problem is limited to quick fix methods such as surgery which is dangerously life-threatening, but at the time of their decision with death looming due to the obesity, it seems to be a better choice.

It was very sad and disturbing. I kept wanting to scream, NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS FEELING GOOD FEELS!! but they couldn't hear me. I know how hard it is to eat healthy and stick to a diet, but it can't be more difficult than being unable to walk, stand, work, function or being told you could die at any moment.