The Dating Game

If you thought dating was difficult before, try mixing dating with chemical sensitivity! In addition to the challenges associated with disclosure and friendship, with a romantic relationship close proximity is inevitable so serious fragrance-freeness is really important. I knew a woman who classified dates into four categories. I'll borrow her categories and tweak them for chemical sensitivity:

Anti-Dates This is a date that had all the signs of hope and ends up a nightmare experience.

There are two types of chemically sensitive anti-dates. The first are men who bathed in cologne, aftershave, smelly deodorant, etc., and cannot or will not give up their habits. Take BRENT*, for instance.  He seemed like a nice guy so when he asked me out, I thought sure and gave him the rules for fragrance-freeness. He sounded eager to comply. Whew, relief! Well, maybe not. He couldn't live without his mouthwash, deodorant or smelly laundry detergent with fabric softener, but did he tell me that before the date? Nope, he showed up smelling like a French whore. His attitude was, "Oh well! What are you going to do about it?" Did he totally ignore my request on purpose? Was he just so arrogant what I was saying was not important to him? Was he testing me? Or was he just a defiant, disrespectful jerk? Disrespectful, odoriferous arrogance is a total turn off.

The second type are fragrance-free men who are clearly wrong for any number of reasons even though they don't stink. Take STEVE*, for instance.  No stink whatsoever.  I thought he was too perfect to be true. He was a doctor, with a real job, drove a working vehicle, owned his house, very worldly, seemed very smart, and gorgeous. Did I say gorgeous? I can overlook a whole lot of horrible for gorgeous. Too good to be true? Even gorgeous can turn ugly in a relatively short period of time. He was a drug addict and abusive. Even though fragrance-free men are difficult to find and fragrance-free gorgeous men are rather non-existent, I won't lowered my standards.

Un-Dates  The opposite of a date, usually a time planned to annoy someone or annoying men you don't have any interest in but you wonder if maybe you just don't know them well enough.

Stinky men who claim they are fragrance-free, but clearly aren't. Take MARTIN*, for instance. He bathed in Dial soap, used Herbal Essence shampoo, washed his clothes in Tide, but he claimed he was just fine and follows the fragrance-freeness rules because he rinses twice. WTF? How many times do I need to tell him multiple rinses with water do not work? He doesn't accept his skin will offgas poison for days. (Especially after he eats when his body starts sweating. Yuck.) He doesn't listen. He doesn't care. He expects we'll do it his way because he is the man. End of story. Besides the stink, arrogance with stupidity is total turn off.

Non-Dates  A date without romance with at least one party not interested.

Fragrance-free men who are not relationship material but you do things together. Take EDDY*, for instance. He was fragrance-free and gay. We used to go to restaurants and movies together in the city. He was awesome.

Fragrance-free lesbians who are not relationship material because we aren't on the same team, but we don't know this when we first meet. Take LES*, for instance. She was fragrance-free, interesting, and nice. I thought "Oh, new friend!" She wanted me to see a really cool coffee/tea shop nearby that I never knew existed. Fun. When she started talking about her ex-partner I finally figured out this might have been considered a date for her.

Fragrance-free men with whom I might have an interest, but they don't. Take DAVE*, for instance. He was fragrance-free and we did all kinds of fun things together. On every date he would say, "This is not a date." It was incredibly annoying. I started calling him "Not-a-Date-Dave."  After a while I lost interest in him and thought he was an adequate acquaintance. Maybe this is an un-date? Can't decide.

Perfect Dates Fragrance-free men who are perfect. Since being chemically sensitive, these are very rare gifts.

Just when I'm about to give up, along comes hope. Take DEXTER*, for instance. Of course, I just met him so right now he's a figment of my imagination. What I know so far is he is fragrance-free, gorgeous, kind, thoughtful, respectful, employed. Too good to be true? I bet he's married or a serial killer. Too soon to tell. Crossing my fingers.

What I find interesting is I've spoken or corresponded with dates-of-the-past since becoming chemically sensitive and I've had a few say, "I wear cologne! I always have! Even when we were dating!" I have no recollection of cologne and it definitely didn't bother me at the time. Dating was so much easier then!

*Names are changed to protect the not-so-innocent.