The Pregnant Pause

Pregnant women stink. They smell like rancid milk. So I certainly understand their ignorant desire to bathe in perfume without any consideration for the health of their unborn child. People are stupid and pregnancy doesn't make them smarter.

Pregnancy can make some women very sensitive to fragrances and smells of any kind and they become temporarily chemically sensitive. Their bodies are working properly attempting to protect their unborn child from danger. Unfortunately, my latest encounter with a pregnant stinker was of the stupid variety, not the protective variety.

I was at the food co-op. A safe place filled with wholesome foods and health-conscientious employees. I've been shopping there for over ten years with very few exposure problems. I could smell her twenty feet away. It took me about one second to realize I was about to be poisoned, another second to turn and identify from where it was attacking, and another second to get the hell out of the air space. Three seconds too long and one too many whiffs of her toxicity. I headed to the other side of the store, watched the aisles closely all the while adjusting my proximity waiting impatiently for her to leave.

One of the volunteer-workers was watching me, came up behind me, and asked sweetly if I needed any help. I'm sure with the panic all over my face I LOOKED like I needed help.

"No, I'm just waiting for one of your customers who is bathed in perfume to leave the store." Clearly I was pissed off.

"Oh, I can't stand the smell of perfume. It makes me sick." she replied.

"It's toxic and deadly. And she's pregnant. Why would anyone subject their unborn child to such poisons?"

WHY indeed? Why does she bother buying and eating healthy, organic food if she is dousing herself on the outside with poison? It defies logic. If I could have gotten close to her, I might have asked her. I asked this question when actress Halle Berry was pregnant and promoting her perfume on talk shows. Are these women really that stupid?

The pregnant stinker wandered the aisles pausing too often to fill her shopping basket totally unaware of the effect she has on everyone's air quality and totally oblivious to the shopper glaring at her from a distance. The one whiff of her poison made my head spin uncomfortably and stomach lurch with nausea. It took her about fifteen minutes to leave the store and another fifteen minutes for the ventilation to clear the stink. It took me three days to heal from the subsequent migraines, nausea, and fatigue.

There should be laws against the stupidity.