OBESITY

I just watched the television series My 600 lb. Life which is about the four most obese people in the United States. They are all located in Texas which doesn't surprise me as every thing I've read states the southern United States has the heaviest people on the planet. I think Texas and West Virginia are the top contenders for this honor, however, honor is not what I'd call it.

The stories are about four people who are all over 600 lbs., and in one case over 700 lbs. They opt to have gastric by-pass surgery to save their lives and the narrative follows the procedure, recuperation, and weight loss progress. Each case starts with the people complaining how all this extra weight impedes their ability to function. Walking or standing is painful. Moving is painful. Employment is impossible. Recreational activities are non-existent or challenging. Some of them spend their day sleeping or sitting in front of a television. And, of course, eating non stop in great quantities. They are told if they continue being overweight there is a good chance they will die.

This program had to be the most horrifying I've ever seen and has haunted me now for two weeks. I've had appetite control issues all my life and have struggled with weight control for just as long so seeing the worst of what can happen is my ultimate nightmare. I feel really sorry for these people, but I am horrified anyone would allow this to happen to themselves. I know we aren't supposed to victim blame or "fat shame." It's not politically correct. We are supposed to accept people as they are and celebrate diversity. I guess we are supposed to celebrate drug addicts and alcoholics, too. It's a confusing world. But really who is to blame if not themselves? If you've read my previous posts I also blame drug addicts and alcoholics for their choices. There is a difference between diversity and indulgence. How can anyone let themselves go to such extreme and accept such an unhealthy, miserable life?

There were only two vague theories for their obesity. One woman said it was all because she was molested as a child. She believes she purposefully gained weight in order to be unattractive to men. I've heard this before. I don't buy it. First, this woman is married so clearly she wasn't opposed to attracting all men. Second, if sexual abuse is the cause of her obesity, what's the excuse for the rest of her family? They are all obese. The excuse doesn't fly.

The other so-called "cause" for this extreme obesity is a "food addiction". That's what the doctor kept calling it as he instructed them to learn to control it as a life-long affliction. Maybe. But no one ever asks what is the mechanism for the addiction? WHY are they addicted. WHY will they be addicted all their lives? WHY are others not addicted? It's shocking to me obesity is such a common problem in our society, but doctors don't know why or what to do about it other than to cut them open.

So here are my theories:

I used to buy into the excuse that I overeat because of emotional issues. When a doctor informs you as-a-matter-of-fact this is it, the whole reason, you take a pause and consider it. Yeah, OK, maybe I have some childhood trauma I'm holding onto. Maybe self-esteem issues? The problem with this easy theory is everyone in the world has emotional issues so it never made sense because not everyone is fat. I think this is the easy explanation for doctors because it's so universal. Doctors know we can't contest it so it makes the perfect diagnosis for health care providers who are so incompetent they have no other idea. However, a lot of people I know have far more emotional baggage than I could ever imagine and they still manage to stay skinny. Maybe it's gene mutations that affect some and not others?

I had an epiphany when I attempted to poison myself with thyroid medications. I switched from an overeating tendency to ravenous, non-stop, out of control starvation eating. I would make large pots of stews or casseroles and inhale the whole pot in one sitting. I didn't feel good after and I thought I would vomit from the fullness, BUT I was STILL hungry! If there were two pots I probably would have continued eating. I read the medications might have caused "hypopituitarism" which caused my pituitary gland which controls appetite satiety to go wonky. Not one doctor knew what the hell I was talking about. In fact one of them decided I needed dieting advice. She obviously wasn't listening and didn't have the medical experience or cognitive function to understand something called hypopituitarism. As soon as I stopped the medication, it all went away. This was an eye-opener. Doctors are bullshit.

This makes me wonder about the chemicals in our foods, water, and personal health products not to mention the polluted air we breathe. Are they causing our appetite control organs to go haywire? Are they making us addicted to foods that are grown and manufactured with these chemicals. It's a researched fact that gluten makes people hungry. This is why the food industry has added it to nearly every product on the market. It makes us eat more and they make more money. Are people allergic to these chemicals and/or food additives and it makes them ravenous unable to control their appetites creating a "food addiction"?

My first observation was their diets. Everyone of them ate nothing but processed, junk food loaded with chemicals. The worst kind of garbage. Their methods of cooking were anything but healthy with lots of deep-fried saturated fats and sugar-laced sweeteners. I don't think I saw one vegetable or fresh fruit in the entire program. When the doctor stresses they need to eat "healthy", he's not giving healthy dietary advice. They need to eat protein. Protein for these people is going to the refrigerator and snacking on processed cheese or luncheon meats. From the moment they get out of gastric-bypass surgery they are fed JELLO. Eeewww! I wanted to vomit. There was one story where the patient lost a lot of weight and his mother says, "Well, he only eats junk food now but he's lost weight so I don't think it matters. He loves sour cream!" No one in the whole program including the doctors had any concept of nutrition. There was never not a moment I wasn't disgusted knowing how junk food affects one's health. Unless they change to a more nutritious diet, I don't see how they can be successful and this made a quick-fix surgery the only option.

My second observation is the amount of food they eat. Food piled high and so densely the plate surface is not to be seen. Even after they go through the surgery and become used to their small stomachs their portions are still larger than normal. What was really sad is watching them suffer with smaller portions while be forced to watch their inconsiderate family members shovel in bucket loads of junk food right in front of them. That was just cruel. How could these people control their appetites and take charge of their lives when the people they live with are bad influences and lacking in support? One of the mothers kept babbling about how disgusted and angry she was at her daughter's weight gain. First, the mother was incredibly fat, at least 400 pounds, and second, watching her make jokes and humiliate her daughter's effort showed exactly how difficult it would be to successfully overcome a weight problem with that horrible woman for a parent.

My third observation. One of the patients showed the TV audience her purse, or rather large suitcase of emergency supplies for when she leaves the house. She pulls out a bottle of perfume and says she must have it handy at all times because as large as she is, she smells all the time. If you've spent any time on this blog site, you know how perfumes are made with toxic, addictive chemicals that are hazardous to everyone's health. Are they contributing to the obesity epidemic? It wouldn't surprise me.

My final observation was on the incompetence of health care. One of the patients loses a large amount of weight and decides to celebrate with some crystal meth. He begins to lose all muscular movement in his body, then becomes paralyzed, then ends up in a coma. No one knows what's wrong with him until later when someone finally reveals he was using recreational drugs. So on top of all the chemicals in his food, he poisons himself with meth, and pays the price with his health. He ends up in the hospital for a year and they diagnose him with Guillain-Barre syndrome which is an autoimmune disease that attacks the nerves. I just nodded my head not surprised. He's in a wheelchair for the remainder of his story (seven years). What raised my hackles was the statement printed across the television screen that said something to the effect that the autoimmune disease has no connection to his past drug use. WHAT???? I screamed at the television, YOU IGNORANT, INCOMPETENT BUFFOONS!

If these doctors knew anything about autoimmune disease, which they don't, they would know the cause is thought to be 77% environmental, or toxic chemicals. The drugs certainly could have triggered the autoimmune disease and paralysis. The ignorance of medicine never ceases to shock me.

In conclusion, their families are often loving and caring, but rarely supportive for weight control as they are struggling with bad diets and overeating as well. The obese people don't seem to have the cognitive ability to understand nutrition or the capability to read and research to gain knowledge in order to help themselves understand how to eat for health. Do chemicals affect brain function? They sure do! They are addicted to chemicals and junk food and kicking the habit is not easy. They've been stuck in a vicious cycle of failure. Taking steps to rectify the problem is limited to quick fix methods such as surgery which is dangerously life-threatening, but at the time of their decision with death looming due to the obesity, it seems to be a better choice.

It was very sad and disturbing. I kept wanting to scream, NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS FEELING GOOD FEELS!! but they couldn't hear me. I know how hard it is to eat healthy and stick to a diet, but it can't be more difficult than being unable to walk, stand, work, function or being told you could die at any moment.

The Toxic Suck

Negativity is a constant battle for the chemically sensitive. We regret what we've lost which makes us sad. We feel frustrated at our daily limitations and constant sacrifices we are forced to make to stay safe and healthy. We fight toxic exposures which try our patience and make us angry. 

I try to avoid negativity on this blog because I know how constant pessimism can effect one's attitude.  I avoid complaining about how I feel because I think it affects my general attitude and physiological health and would rather chant positive affirmations tricking my brain into thinking I feel great. This has actually helped me over the years. I do believe the neurological research that states the brain is very plastic and easily manipulated. I also try to surround myself with positive energy and happiness while I search for everyday joy in nature (gardening), creativity (art projects) and recreational activities. Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn't. If I haven't written a blog post for a while it's usually because I am writing them but I then delete them one by one before posting because I think what I'm writing is too negative. Some slip through but only if they are about people I've encountered.

People contact is always a negative risk. Not only do we have to worry about their poisonous habits, but so many have their own health issues and life challenges that hang a dark cloud over everything. I avoid MCS support groups and other chemically sensitive people for this very reason.  I'd like to avoid all doctors, too, since they tend to be the main cause of any frustration. Every now and then my life gets infiltrated with negativity and I suck it up like a sponge. Then it just boils out of me. I hate that. (Oops! That's negative....)

Recently I had an old ex-friend email me. I hadn't heard from her since I moved to the edge of civilization. I purposely purged her from my life not wanting to deal with her selfish, backstabbing, self-centered behaviors. She's been depressed most of her life, struggling to keep her head above water, and inflicting negativity on everyone around her. Fifteen years ago I told her she needed to give up caffeine for her health as her anti-depressants clearly weren't working. She laughed and told me I was ridiculous. I was really excited to hear from her. I thought we could reconnect, share, converse, have fun, maybe rekindle our friendship. Then I asked, "It's been so long! How have you been?" 

My mistake. She's now more depressed than ever contemplating suicide. Still drinking caffeine, but she has added cigarette smoking, alcohol, and pot to her arsenal of self-medication. Her selfishness is embarrassing. She began emailing me long monologues wallowing in self-pity with little interest in anything to do with my life or what I've been doing since our last encounter so long ago. She wasn't interested in a reconnection or a reattempt at friendship. She just needed someone's attention. I'm guessing she ran out of patient friends and started searching her archives of ex-friends. At one point just when I thought she would finally acknowledge something personal I said about myself, she responded with one sentence and, "Well, enough about that, let's get back to me." If I hadn't already suffered for days reading her lengthy, one-sided rants I would have thought she was joking. She wasn't.

For some reason I always think if I give these people a chance to expunge their bad news eventually we can evolve into a mutually shared conversation. Silly me. After two weeks of her rants and me brainstorming ideas for solutions, I came to my senses. I was free therapy for her. I was a depository for all her negativity as she sucked all the positive energy out of my soul. I became irritable then angry then hostile.

I tend to be a magnet for these people. At least a few times a year I get toxic people who work their way into my life demanding attention. The chemically-sensitive man-baby wanted me to devote all my energy to caring for him because, "That's what good friends (women) do." Another old friend reappeared and exclaimed, "I think you'd be a good support!" and then proceeded to take over my life with his non-existent health problems. The failed friendship who refused to give up her fragrances but wanted to discuss her and her brother's mental health issues five minutes into our first meeting.

Two of our local librarians are depressed. Both go on and on about their depression drama as if they are staring in their own soap opera series. If you stand there long enough they will repeat their history of it in full detail. I keep wanting to say, I'm just here to check out books! When I ask about movie suggestions, one of them pulls all the movies off the shelf about people who are depressed. Her whole life is wrapped up in depression. She looks at me dumbfounded not understanding why I'm not equally enchanted by the subject. When I suggested one of them give up caffeine and smoking she responded with, "Oh no. My therapist said I need these things for comfort." I wanted to scream, Cha-ching! I'm sure your therapist doesn't want to lose her cash cow!" Can you imagine a health care professional prescribing addictions for self-medication? No, I'm not surprised, but I am shocked this woman thinks it's appropriate to regale library patrons with her health problems. 

Is my  super-empathy so obvious and glaring these people target me? Do I ask too many questions signaling I can care unconditionally? Maybe. I like asking after people and I'm honestly interested in hearing how they are. It's common human decency to be empathetic to others, but it's just kindness and etiquette not a request for a lengthy sermon on their misery nor have it continued day after day. I believe it's bad manners to attack people with your problems every time you encounter them as if everything about being alive is wrong. So selfish. I can tolerate toxic suck for a short time then their negativity starts to affect my own disposition. I like to help people, but once they show they aren't interested in my help or advice and just want to use me for a negativity depository, I'm finished. 

Depression is a common symptom of chemical sensitivity and Hashimoto's, but it's only a symptom. Calling it a disease as if it just mysteriously appears with no cure and requires no personal culpability is idiotic. The usual cause is substance abuse, some kind of chemical impacting the brain balance whether that chemical be alcohol, drugs, nicotine, perfume, or foods acting like chemicals, for instance, caffeine. Caffeine is the most obvious suspect because it is so widely accepted in our society as a mandatory fifth food group. Most people plan their daily life around their caffeine addiction. It's a drug that is not only socially acceptable but socially required. Few would admit caffeine is poison and I believe caffeine poisoning is the main contributor to our epidemic of mental illness because its negative effects are so misunderstood.

However, depression has its own side effects. It makes people incredibly selfish and single-mindedly self-centered as they demand undivided attention and unconditional support from everyone around them. They complain incessantly and blame everyone else but themselves for their problems...it's their mother's fault, it's their husband's fault, it's their employer's fault, it's their kids' fault. Wasting time organizing all the people at fault doesn't contribute to healing. It's not a solution. It's only justification for more self-pity and continued inaction. Then depressed people self-medicate with more chemicals and become even more intolerably self-centered and selfish and the cycle continues. It's so typical of them to wallow in self-pity as if their suffering is a badge of honor. It's self-soothing, like thumb sucking or back patting.

One of the questions my ex-friend posed was, "Did I choose depression?" My answer is YES. Substance abuse is a choice. Is it easy to overcome? No, but it's still a choice. I know addictions are difficult. Years ago I gave up caffeine and all my depression went away. I think it would be harder if I ignorantly hadn't given up the caffeine and instead added alcohol, cigarettes, and recreational drugs to the mix, but was still my choice. Fifteen years ago my ex-friend rejected my help. Fast forward, I suggested again she give up caffeine. She had all kinds of excuses why this wasn't possible. She'd rather be dead than decaffeinated.

I recently read an article on a woman who died from a heroin addiction. The article kept calling her addiction a disease and the comments went crazy with most stating addiction isn't a disease, it's a choice. I think once the choice is made and the addicted person refuses to seek solutions it becomes more like a disease, but using the word "disease" is to avoid culpability as if this woman's death was not her fault. Addicts haven't been infected by a germ or virus. They aren't even being poisoned by the perfumes or bad habits of others. Their choices are their own.

I don't have much sympathy or tolerance for depression. If I can eradicate it from my life, anyone can. I'm not interested in the negativity that comes from the toxic sucking behavior of others who want to drag another person down into the gutter for company. Still, I think it's human nature. Misery loves company. We share misery so when someone brings me down, my next step in healing is to share it in order to get it out of me so it doesn't fester. But I'll only do it once and promise I won't let it go on and on for weeks!

Open Letter to the Snowflakers, or How to Avoid Looking Crazy

Last week there was a website article called "Allergic to Life" posted for The Guardian about the MCS/EMF community in Snowflake, Arizona. As you may recall, I visited this community a few years ago and although I enjoyed the company of the people, the area was a little barren, too depressing  and filled with too many car-eating rats for me to want to uproot my pet bunny and subject him to the horrors of giant snakes and roaming packs of dogs. The bunny is gone. Lately I have been revisiting this idea. How nice it would be to live in a community of like-minded people. Too bad they live in hell.

The more I thought about the article, watched the video, and perused the comments, the angrier I became. Unfortunately due to the overwhelming response, the comment section closed only a week after publication. Half the comments were from individuals with first hand MCS/EMF experience either because they are sufferers themselves or have direct contact with family or friends who are chemically sensitive. The other half were who I like to call "The Unenlightened" - people who have no experience nor have any knowledge on the subject yet due to their ignorance and inability to empathize feel the need to berate and blame the victim. For lack of cognitive understanding because of their incredibly low functioning brains, they blame it all on mental illness. They just can't wrap their heads around the fact someone might be different. I think even if I had left a comment it would have been deleted for being inappropriate for all the hollering, name calling and swearing I would have done.

This post is my response to the article.

The article and short video present a very interesting glimpse into the lives of these societal exiles including health history, illness remediation, architectural design requirements and various lifestyle allowances and restrictions. I found the suicide rate to be the most enlightening if not disturbing. The video has some very nice photographic elements, although the interview techniques and editing are substandard.

My main critique is the author is mentally ill and off her medication. Now, you probably think I'm being sarcastic, but she says as much in the article. Why? This is an article about MCS/EMF lifestyles so why is she front and center? She has even included two photos of herself. I surmise they appear only for posterity. She loves her mentally-ill self and she needs a self-esteem boost. Her mental illness has influenced her outlook greatly and perhaps she has sought out this community to validate her own illness.  Clearly she arrived in Snowflake with an agenda. Who farts in front of their interviewees and celebrates it in their own article? Bodily functions have been perceived as subversive entertainment since the beginning of time. It's too tempting. Only the crazy lack social skills. But she's on a mission.

The article and video fail miserably at qualified research. There is little medical research history cited and even it points to mental illness. There is nothing on the government agencies that recognize MCS as a disease and disability. There are no interviews from medical professionals, whether supportive or not. The author was invited into the community on the condition she would not contact psychiatrists who would debunk MCS/EMF diagnoses. I know these verbal agreements were an attempt by the interviewees to focus the article as a vehicle for public education rather than spreading narrow-minded untruths about the condition. Unfortunately, what is left is an expose on mental illness.

The message is clear: MCS/EMF is a psychological condition rather than a physiological health problem.  The author complied with their requests as she didn't call in the so-called medical naysayers, but worse, she states in the article that the interviewees tried to make her promise to not to even write about it implying they are paranoid and unnaturally fearful. She highlights behaviors that are strange which calls into question the rationality of her hostesses. She talks at length about her mental illness and makes comparisons while allowing the kind and empathetic MCS/EMF community members to offer advice and assistance. After all, they know the signs. The author also writes with the flare of insanity: disorganized, off-point, babbling without cognitive control. The whole article, including the writing style, screams mental illness. This strikes me as a back-stabbing. A betrayal twisted just so to appear as if they complied with requests and respected their subjects. Kathleen Hale...you should be ashamed of yourself for taking advantage of these people.

So who's at fault here? A mentally ill journalist with an agenda? I think not. Reckless, thoughtless, self-serving journalists always have agendas. That's the point of their job. It doesn't make it right. It just is what it is. The Snowflake community members are experienced with journalists and filmmakers as they seem to get their fair share of them visiting. So why aren't they better prepared? Perhaps they need some constructive criticism...

Dear Snowflake Community Members:

I have met many of you and I didn't get an impression of mental illness. I also know chemical and radiation poisoning does affect cognitive function, energy levels, and overall well-being making us less likely able to defend ourselves. Forced exile and isolation beg for company. This puts you at a disadvantage when dealing with celebrity-seeking journalists with agendas. Still, your current method of presentation is less than helpful to the MCS community at large. Here are some tips for handling journalists:

First, journalists are not your friends. You shouldn't be inviting them into your house for personal experience. Some are honestly searching for truth and knowledge, but most have an agenda that inspires them to desperately seek subversion and/or entertainment. Twenty-four/seven access invites too much scrutiny. Keep them at a distance. They are usually not trustworthy. Besides, if you can't offer basic hospitality, don't offer them bare bed springs and no blankets. Don't add dirty mats as if that rectifies the situation and provides comfort. Forcing people to walk naked from your car to your house over gravel is anything but typical. (If they were so toxic, why were they allowed in the car?) Expecting them to wear your underwear and feeding them cabbage soup is not socially acceptable. This style of hospitality screams MENTAL INSTITUTION complete with a violation of human dignity. If the author has ever been committed, I'm sure she was feeling right at home. Regardless, such an adventure will make for a really, really good story.

You can't impose censorship on a journalist. It defies the notion of our American patriotic freedom of speech. This freedom is the blood which runs through a journalist's veins. By attempting to control what they write and how they think, you challenge them do exactly the opposite. The more sleazy and underhanded they can play, the more satisfaction they will feel. They are constantly looking for a publishing edge. That's how they make their living. If you can't be honest with information and accept whatever they may write, don't extend invitations. Trying to control them with conditions and promises only makes you look paranoid [mentally ill].

Interview the journalist before he/she/they arrive. Have them send sample writings or online links to their publications. Research their positions on health care, politics, etc. Do they know anything about MCS/EMF and what are their current opinions? Ask for references. Find out if they have stabbed anyone in the back before. Can they actually write well without babbling incoherently? Find out if they have health issues. Find out if they are mentally ill. Any indication or instinct that feels wrong, decline their request. Be on the alert for sociopathic liars.

Assume journalists will seek and find the opposition. That is their job. Instead of attempting to control what they will write which only tempts them with the forbidden, guide them in their endeavors. Offer it to them on a platter. Give them information you want them to have including facts on how and why incompetent medical professionals view MCS/EMF negatively including prepared rebuttals. Give them names of doctors to interview. Heck, set up the appointment for them and point them in the right direction. Make their jobs easier. If you wear them out with information, the lazy journalists might stop there. I find being open and honest about the opposition is more helpful than trying to subvert it.

Be prepared. Instead of trying to control the journalist, control yourselves. You are the expert on your condition. You've heard all the questions and know all the answers. Present your facts with precision and clarity. When the journalist asks, "What would you say to the people who say you are mentally ill?" have a response ready that is clear and concise rather than, "Get your head out of your ass." Now I totally understand this response and the video editing that made it a sound bite, but to the general public aggression can be perceived as a symptom of mental illness. Don't talk about wrapping shit in tin foil, or putting a gun to your head, or implied child abuse. Do not let your guard down or babble thoughtlessly.

Practice good thespian skills. In addition to being prepared, be aware of how you present yourself. Be an actor. Control and plan your responses. Maintain a professional stance in order to relay quality information and purposeful education. For instance, if someone asks you what you do in your free time, don't say "...including things I don't want to go into." What does that mean? Are you a masturbation addict? It is not advantageous to sound like a psycho, a pedophile or a unabomber. Instead, respond with, "Oh, I do all kinds of things. I read, write, listen to music, go for walks." Don't give them sound bites that prove to the public you are strangely subversive. Assume anything you say and do will be held against you, or presented for public consumption permanently online...forever. Prepare your lines and present them like a sane person starring in your own movie.

Avoid contradictions. Anytime one challenges the status quo and tries to educate the public by telling them their everyday habits are toxic and health threatening, the Unenlightened will search for contradictions to discredit your information in order to legitimize their own lifestyle. Don't give them ammunition that supports their notion it's all in your head. If you tell them you are sensitive to plastics, don't pull out the plastic containers for photographic opportunities. If you tell them car exhaust makes you deathly ill, don't discuss driving or living in cars. If the journalist persists in her use of the word "allergy" and even plans to use it in the article's title, don't feature your barking dog in photos. Being "ALLERGIC to life" would imply pets are a problem as well. It's bad enough you have a barking dog around people who have hearing sensitivities. Contradictions discredit your information. You become unbelievable adding to the myth we are all just confused [psychologically impaired] or lying in order to get disability. Granted, a journalist with discrediting agendas will be looking for the contradictions. Again, don't invite them into your home.

Create your own articles and videos for public education. If you truly want to control what is written and seen, then produce your own public relations materials. Yes, I realize this takes energy and capital, but it's the only true method of control. Even so, what you write will be met with criticism and scrutiny.

Again, inviting journalists into your homes is risky as well as exhausting to anyone who is chronically ill. If you don't have the energy to maintain a controlled, professional demeanor, I highly suggest to avoid extending invitations. Think of them as vampires - once invited, the terror begins. I hope this list of suggestions is helpful the next time someone wants to invade your space and share their experiences with the world. It's advantageous to not promote the notion it's all in our heads.

Thank you,
Multiple Chemical Survivor

Why?

Question of the Week: Who shoots a classroom of six year old children?

In the media we are seeing all kinds of assumed psychological profiles from mental health professionals trying to make sense of the senseless acts of the twenty year old who murdered a classroom of first graders as well as teachers and staff. They are saying he had a "personality disorder" or he was "mentally ill". And what about the shooter in the theater in Aurora, Colorado? Or the teenage killers at Columbine? Or the numerous other random acts of violence since the 1970s? Mental illness is the all-encompassing, easy answer. As soon as it is said, everyone nods and accepts. It's the "not-like-me" excuse that offers little explanation but gives us some rationality knowing no one in their right mind would do such a thing.

The latest article questioning why addresses all kinds of blame theories: lack of gun control, not enough guns, better options for parents with mentally ill children, media's role glorifying murderers, violence in video games, violence on television and movies, lack of religion in schools. Everyone has a theory:

http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/newtown-connecticut-mass-shootings-blame-192700959.html

All these theories seem to add a different piece to the puzzle pointing to modern society as the culprit. There is only one theory missing and it can only come from someone with first hand experiences with chemical sensitivity.

A few years ago my fourteen year old neighbor committed suicide. I hardly knew him but for months with tears in my eyes I thought about him each day. Everyone in our little community wondered why? Did we miss the signs? Could this have been prevented?

In addition to asking why? I also asked why didn't he shoot anyone else? Why would I even ask such a question? Maybe because I'm an ex-teacher. I've seen rage in the classroom in the faces of the young and I have experiences with students who threaten to bring a gun to school to kill everyone. More importantly, I recognize the epidemic.

You might vaguely remember me mentioning this neighbor boy in my post titled "Chocolate is Evil". He was the one suffering from migraines at ten years old. The day I met him he was home from school and there was a large chocolate cake with bright red and blue frosting on the kitchen counter half eaten. His mother laughed when I suggest she keep chocolate and food colorings out of his diet. What I didn't tell you is I went home after our visit and told a health care professional friend of mine he was showing signs of chemical sensitivity at a very early age. I worried what will happen when he reaches puberty and his hormones, stress levels, and chemical exposures collide creating a volatile mix. I told my friend his mother won't take it seriously until he attempts suicide. This was not said in jest as I know how chemical-laced food and other toxic exposures can mess up a brain, but at the same time, I didn't take my own comment as seriously as I should have. For several years I would see this boy walking down the street looking sullen and angry. I never saw him smiling, looking calm or happy. I wondered.


After he died, everyone wondered WHY? Not me. I wondered why when he got home after his mother forced him to walk two miles to get there as punishment, he walked straight upstairs came back downstairs with his shotgun and shot himself in the head in front of his house for the whole neighborhood to see. I wondered what provokes that kind of self-destructive, public rage? He didn't shoot himself in the seclusion of the garage, the backyard, or in a private room. It wasn't some secret, hidden torment. It screamed RAGE. I wondered if his mother was wearing copious amounts of perfume as she often did. I wondered if he had sugary, chemically-colored cereal for breakfast, drank caffeinated beverages or ate chocolate earlier that day as teenagers so often do without any thought. I wondered why he didn't shoot his mother first and THEN kill himself.


Most MCSers tell me they have brain issues. Exposure to chemicals and their brain reacts badly. Uncontrollable irritability and unfounded anger. Those of us aware of the effects of chemicals know exactly what's causing it even if we can't control it other than exposure avoidance. What about those who have no clue what causes it and have been told they must have a mental illness?  A personality disorder? Depression? Bipolar illness? So many of our diagnosable mental illnesses are misunderstood and lack any reasoning or known cause. No one can say for sure what causes them and those who attempt to point the finger at chemicals are labeled as unconventional quacks.

Many of the chemically sensitive also suffer from respiratory dysfunction, anaphylaxis, and/or other debilitating symptoms. If we weren't stopped in our tracks with a debilitating symptom, how many of us would effortlessly escalate to rage? Is this epidemic of violence due to chemical sensitivity? Are these shooters experiencing uncontrollable, irrational rage due to chemical exposures? I find it interesting the lists of historical random acts of violence start in the 1970s, the beginning of the drug culture and fast food nation. Did shootings at schools, malls and theaters happen before the 1970s?

Modern medicine ignores chemical sensitivity. Instead of finding answers, we are told it's all in our heads.  How many of us are told to seek psychiatric care or have been diagnosed with some kind of mental illness because the doctor was so narrow-minded? I've learned anytime a doctor says "I don't know" the answer is chemicals. So...if we ask why someone would shoot a classroom of children and no one has a valid reason, is the answer...chemicals?

Is mental illness the easy, all-encompassing answer to a much bigger, more deadly problem? Is society being poisoned with the chemicals and rage is the by-product? Are the reasons for random acts of violence and unexplained suicides right in front of our faces? The chemicals we breathe, toxins we touch, and the poisons we eat? If we blame mental illness can we continue as a society to not be responsible for the problem?

Why does a person shoot a classroom of small children?

All in the Family

I chose not to get married and have kids at a very early age because I expected I would live a single woman's life of adventure. I was told as a young girl I didn't NEED to get married because I had too much going for me. This was the most influential advice of my life and given to me by a woman in a very bad marriage. At the time I made the assumption this very sad wife must have needed to get married and I vowed I'd never be so needy.

As women, we have lived with the stigma of past social norms and traditional gender roles. Men provided and women managed the home. Women weren't expected to provide for themselves because it was thought they were incapable of independence. Although these ideas are slowly becoming outdated and archaic, so many women still marry for security rather than love.

When I became chemically sensitive, I temporarily lost my ability to support myself and I was forced to sacrifice much of my lifestyle to be healthy. It was frightening to feel so alone and vulnerable and it changed forever my perception of self-reliance and security. I now understand the feeling a woman might have to NEED to marry. How nice it would be to have a man to care for me and support me. No stress over not being able to work and pay the bills. Someone to shop for me. Someone to do home improvements and maybe a little car maintenance. I understand it now. Idealistically, I envision a house full of supportive family members lovingly adjusting their lifestyles to fit my health needs. My own built-in community! Who needs outsiders when I have a fragrance-free family? How perfect!

Well, life is rarely perfect. Some MCSers have supportive, caring relatives, but in reality most family members don't understand unless they have personal experience being chemically sensitive themselves. Relatives may (or may not!) be concerned at first and strive to assist, but after a while, the effort becomes too exhausting as they search for answers that aren't there. Eventually, they wonder if their spouse or sibling is mentally ill or making it all up. Families often express a certain entitlement to their chemically sensitive relatives. After all they have known this person all their lives so how can this be happening?  It doesn't make sense to them and the stress of constant support gets to be too much.

Many MCSers have expressed guilt. They aren't able work and they worry about not contributing. How will the family manage on a one-income household after years of double incomes? When will their husbands decide it's too much trouble? What will happen if their husbands decide to leave them? The medical bills are too expensive. The hopelessness of chronic illness is taxing. This wasn't the idea of marriage agreed upon at the wedding.

Chemically sensitive parents worry they can't be normal parents and provide a normal life for their children. They are unable to attend school events, classroom activities, parent conferences or sports events. No birthday parties. No vacations. No family reunions or holiday gatherings. No slumber parties or friends over for after school snacks. How do they shop for clothes and school supplies when they can't go near a mall? How does one keep a teenager from wearing scented products and perfumes?

Others experience their family's unsupportive, negative attitudes toward their health issues. Their grown children purposely wear scented products and accuse them of faking illness for attention. Their husbands tell them they are pretending to be sensitive only as a reason to quit a job. They assume their loved one has a secret agenda for being ill, and they are pretty sure it's to ruin their own self-centered lives.

A chemically-sensitive patient came into the medical offices where I was a medical assistant. He immediately became anaphylactic upon entering the waiting room and I escorted him out of the building back into fresh air. This was his first visit seeing this doctor who claimed to be an environmental specialist although was obviously incapable of providing a safe waiting room for his patients. In her husband's stead, the wife kept the appointment and I stood outside with him. Later I was told the wife informed the doctor she was concerned for her husband's mental health as he was afraid of leaving his house. She believed it had nothing to do with chemical sensitivity - he was making it all up so he wouldn't have to go outside. Listening only to the wife and not even meeting with the patient, the doctor diagnosed him with agoraphobia.  How betrayed the patient must have felt by his own wife's misunderstanding and lack of support.

My family members are preoccupied with self-indulgent addictions and I learned long ago expecting any kind of support is futile. Expectation breeds disappointment and that is worse than my self-imposed exile. What I don't understand is why no one else in my family is chemically sensitive? We have the same genes, same childhood, same background. I'm the only one who doesn't smoke, who doesn't drink, who doesn't do drugs, doesn't wear scented products, and who doesn't eat Hostess Twinkies for breakfast. Where did I go wrong and why are they off the hook? If I die before any of them, I guarantee I'm going to haunt them mercilessly!

Every now and then I briefly imagine what it would be like with a caring husband and loving children supporting me through tough times, but most of the time I think the dream is unrealistic. I have yet to meet a chemically sensitive person who has family support and/or doesn't feel guilt. I have enough to think about; I don't need the stress. I am thankful I live alone and I do have a lot going for me. I have control of my air space, what or who comes into the house, what I eat, how I spend my day, what I do, and most importantly, control over the detrimental attitudes I would be forced to endure from people who don't care and don't attempt to understand. And adventure is relative (pun could be intended). Being chemically sensitive is an adventure all by itself!

Who in your family is the most supportive?

Who is the least?

What is your best family story?