KABOOM! KAPOW!

Van life can be dangerous especially if one (like me) has no idea what one (like me) is doing! Someone was telling me they saw the shell of a van on a highway totally incinerated. I wonder what happened? Did she drop the Bluetti which would explode? Was the wiring faulty or the wires used too small unable to handle the electrical currents? My solar guy told me I should not be using any kind of extension cord or power strips unless I want a fire. Who would have known? I've been using both for cooking for months!

My Ford Transit passenger van used to be...wait for it...a passenger van! I think it originally came with twelve seats. All but four seats I removed - two in the front and two in the back serving as a lounge or couch. Safety regulations requires air bags along the sides of the van to protect passengers. When I attempted to fast talk my insurance agent into believing it was no longer a passenger van, but a cargo van with no capacity for carrying passengers, she required I send photos. I assured her as someone who is chemically sensitive, no one would be along for the ride in my van and I wouldn't be picking up smelly hitchhikers.

When I gutted the van removing the horrid fiberglass interior shell that was shedding creepy fiber particles in the air making it hard to breathe, never mind the accumulated dirt and dust they harbored, it exposed the side curtain air bags. Fascinating, but ugly. A friend did ask, "Are those curtains?" Really? Do you think I'd hang curtains so ugly?

But check out the TORPEDOES! That doesn't even look safe!

I debated for a long time if I should remove the air bags. Lots of discussion online with people stating keep them for safety. It seems most vans in an accident are hit on the side and an air bag might save my life. I thought, Well, if I ever go over a cliff, I'd be happy for the air bags. Note to self: don't drive over a cliff.

Some people clearly had no confidence I would be able to do it correctly. Why? Because I'm a woman? Or just because they know I don't know what I'm doing most of the time. I admit the learning curve remains very steep.

Others said they are not needed in a cargo or camper van. Most who buy passenger vans to convert them as campers, remove them. Solar guy said he'd worry they'd deploy while I was sleeping. But WHY would they deploy when I'm sleeping and how would that be dangerous? The van would fill with air bags. Would it suffocate me? Knock me out? When they were covered by the fiberglass shell, I would think getting hit by that hard wall would be more hazardous! Solar guy said they just look dangerous, like bombs. Yep.

There was some discussion if they are removed, insurance wouldn't cover anything if in an accident. So I called my insurance agent with a "hypothetical" question. She said the insurance adjusters would see I removed them and deduct the cost of air bags from my loss. I looked online. Brand new they are about $500 and used people are trying to sell them for about $200. I read they don't sell that easily.

Personally, regardless of various reasons for safety, I thought they were ugly. The torpedoes look dangerous. The bags look like bad decorating. Wires, tape, screws all over. They aren't meant to be seen. I would like more metal exposed so I can use hanging magnets or cover the sides with fabric or real curtains.

So I searched for air bag removal instructions and viewed as many videos as I could find. Oddly enough, only one actually showed details on how to dismantle them. The rest were just like this post, "I did it, oops, I forgot to take a video!" I totally understand as when it comes time to put one's life on the line and dismantle what might explode, videoing was my last thought. I know this isn't the case for everyone as some live for the video!

Here's what I did: 

1) Order air bag simulators. You'll need four. You can find them online priced from $25 to $5 for four. I opted for the $5 price because I am cheap and at the time I was still waffling on whether to remove air bags or not. I figured I could lose $5 if I changed my mind.

2) You'll need a flat screwdriver and some kind of wrench. Don't ask me what size. It would have been easier with the proper tools, but I just used a plain old wrench. You'll also want some electrical tape to cover the exposed negative battery terminal and to tape the simulator to the component just to be sure it doesn't work it's way out.

3) Disconnect the negative terminal of the battery and let the van sit disconnected with no power from ten minutes to one hour depending on which article you read. What this does is clear the electricity throughout the system so the air bags don't accidentally deploy. It also clears the dashboard air bag warning light. 

In my Ford Transit, the battery is under the driver's seat. Move the seat as far forward as possible. There is a fabric cover, lift it and tie it out of the way. Some videos show removing all the metal and plastic covers, but the right side of my battery was covered with a little plastic door easily removed. There is one bolt. Loosen and remove the bolt - it all stays together and just lift. Put electrical tape on the components so it doesn't connect from just sitting close by. Try turning ignition key. If it's dead, the van won't start and all the lights are off. I then let it sit for one hour just to be safe because I am neurotic or just conscientious. I don't want to die....

4) The scary part: On the end of each torpedo there is the wiring and a component. 

Pull the orange tab on the end out using a screwdriver. Then pull the whole part and wire out of the torpedo. Place a simulator into the component (on the opposite side of the orange tab where the component plugged into the torpedo) and replace the orange tab. I pushed them all together using the metal wall for leverage and it snaps loudly when connected. I used electrical tape and sealed the simulators onto the wired components and tucked them into a hole.

5) The hard part: Start removing the screws holding the whole air bag system to the wall of the van. The screws are tight! It took me about two hours. I very carefully moved the torpedoes. They are also being held in place with metal hinges (I don't know if I'm describing that correctly) so you can leave them in place until the very end, then lift up and out. I did not remove the headliner to get behind it and just cut off the air bag. (Maybe another day. Videos on removing the headliner with the electrical components looked way too complicated.) When totally detached, fold up the air bag with the torpedoes carefully and remove from van. I still wasn't sure they wouldn't explode.

Hooray! I didn't blow up anything and my van is not a post-fire shell of black burn.

A much cleaner look. The ugly is gone.

Big Blue Gets a Makeover

 

Glow of paradise shining down on The Blue! (Or it's just sunshine...)

When I bought Big Blue, I jumped all the hoops of rational purchasing...I asked the right questions, I took her in for an inspection at the local Ford Dealership, I studied the details and looked for signs of badness, I test drove (for over an hour) and she past every test. The previous owners did tell me there is a "scratch" on the roof to which I replied, "Does she leak?" I have a rational fear of mold since my last van started leaking, unbeknowst to me, and after a year it created a mold nightmare forcing me to sell.

When I took Big Blue into the Ford Dealership for the inspection, I asked if they could inspect the roof specifically because of this information. They told me they didn't have that kind of equipment. I found it odd no one in a company filled with men had a ladder? But I was desperate for an alternate living arrangement due to my horrifying rental experience with the psychopath. Desperation makes one stupid. How bad could a "scratch" be? I know how easy it is to underestimate the height of vans, especially a gigantic van such as Big Blue. How many branches have I already hit, how many bushes have I smacked? I have yet to drive into a too-low roof or tunnel. Thankfully. Big Blue is 8 feet tall. There is a reason I named her BIG Blue!

So when my new solar guy came to look with his handy ladder I said, "I heard there is a scratch up there, but I've never had an opportunity to see it." He climbed the ladder, hesitated, looked and said, "Scratch? You think this is a scratch? What the hell happened? There is a large dent from the front of the van all the way to the back!" OMG! I felt bamboozled. I climbed the ladder and saw it for myself. The sweet family who sold me the van were so lovely and seemingly trustworthy! You can't trust anyone these days especially when they are trying to sell a vehicle!

It looks like someone half-assed repaired it. I doubt if they claimed it on insurance or the title wouldn't have been clean. My insurance agency definitely has no inkling of the damage. And it doesn't look like it is rusted, nor does it leak. Solar guy suggested before he installs solar panels, I should Rustoleum the top just to protect it so it doesn't start rusting. It's not like anyone can see the top anyway (see top photo - I never had a clue) and with the solar panels over, it'll be totally camouflaged. 

Like a fool I said, "Sure! I love to paint!" LOL! The top is a bit sunbleached anyway so I figured it couldn't hurt. 

I've never even been able to wash up there because I didn't have a ladder. Anticipating my project and future cleanings of roof-inhabiting solar panels, I immediately purchased one of those awesome telescopic ladders that collapses very small so it would fit in the van without taking up too much room. I took Big Blue to the car wash. The ladder is scary especially with all the pink, smelly, slippery suds of the car washing scrub brush. I was convinced I'd slip right off and break my neck, but I fearlessly, or rather scared shitlessly, persisted.

Because Big Blue is a few years old and has spent her life in Arizona, the bright blue paint job is a bit faded, I couldn't really find a blue that matched. I also didn't trust I could do a decent job having no experience with spray paint. Solar guy kept assuring me it doesn't matter. No one sees the top. Hmmm...well, if that's the case then why not have some fun and do a wild, multi-colored pattern? Flowers? I love flowers. I visited several auto supply stores and Home Depot to ask questions about paint, process and durability. I ended up buying a whole lot of colorful Rustoleum paint from a Home Depot that had really knowledgeable workers!

I was psyched, but terrified. I kept reminding myself, no one can see the top of the roof and it'll be covered with solar panels so stop worrying! I couldn't help it. Even if it ended up looking OK, I still might fall off the roof or the ladder out in the middle of a desert.

Next step sand the whole thing. Eeeewww. Not fun. I did it early one morning. Then I took it back to the car wash to wash all the dust off.

Next tape off the windows. Home Depot guys said the spray paint will float to places unwanted...like the windows. If I get spray paint on the windows, there is no way to get it off! Be sure not to compromise the safety features of the van, namely the lights front and back. So I taped. This was the WORST job of all! How do people tape cars so perfectly when they are painting the whole thing? I have no idea! Then I ran out of plastic garbage bags and couldn't very well go to the store with my van half taped! I visited one of my boondocking neighbors and offered to pay. She graciously gave me a few to finish the job. I still didn't have enough and just used old towels on the windshield.

By the time I was ready to paint, it was noon. You'd think 75 degrees wouldn't feel that hot, but on a vehicle it was scorching. I tried a few flower designs, but the surface as so hot the paint just seemed to melt. The colors were beautiful though! I decided to stop and wait until late afternoon.

I painted huge flowers because I wanted to outline them in black and I didn't trust my ability to do details with a spray can. I did echinacea, camelia, tiger lily, sunflower, forget-me-knots, salvia and one really ugly tulip that doesn't really look like a tulip. I tried filling in the background with the bright blue. It was OK. Then I attempted the front slope of the roof which only made the paint drip. Oops. (I plan to paint the front-above-the windshield with blue to fix that.) Here is an aerial view taken by my camp neighbor's remote control drone before the outlines were added:

I love how they pop so I'm happy I made them so big! (The campground I am staying at is a big RC airport where people come and fly their airplanes and drones.)

Then I fell off the hood of the van and skinned both calves painfully. The only reason this happened is I stepped not on the bumper, but on the front license plate frame which came unhinged. OUCH! I never thought I'd walk away unscathed. I was just fortunate I survived day one!

By this time I was exhausted and didn't trust I could do the outlines after waiting 30 minutes. I opted to wait for 48 hours which is the instruction on doing a second layer. And I needed a rest.

The whole day I was cursing, "I'm too old for this! What was I thinking!?" I vowed when I moved out of my house no more construction, no more climbing ladders, and no more gardening. So I took a break, went out in the blazing afternoon sun, and clipped some of the evil needle trees that scratch up my van. I am masochistic.

I waited the mandatory 48 hours to add another layer, or the black outlines and white highlights that I always do with all my art. BUT how to make skinny lines? During the wait, I experimented. Spray painting does not produce skinny lines. I got online to do some research and graffiti artists use "skinny caps", little caps you can put over the spray paint can nozzle for skinny lines. I searched, found an art store in Tucson. I had no hope they would carry "skinny caps" as I've never seen them before in my life and I have patronized too many art stores in my life. 

They did! They had a whole wall of spray paint and skinny caps! Welcome to the city! So I bought a set for about $3.99.

Then I'm told they might not fit my Rustoleum spray paint cans. No, they don't. I bought one Montana brand spray paint in black. I get it all back to my camping spot and experiment on some old cardboard Home Depot guy donated to the cause. Hmmm...there are no skinny lines to be had. In fact, all six of these "skinny caps" produce spray painted lines that are much thicker than the normal Rustoleum nozzle!! What a waste of money! What do I do? I can't have flowers with thick, black, ugly lines! It would overpower the color.

I did ask the art store guy if I could paint with spray paint using a brush. He said no as it would dry too fast. Well, we'll see! That's exactly what I did. I had a little plastic container and a brush, sprayed a puddle of spray paint into the container and PAINTED! It was really hard to control. Spray paint is NOT my preferred art media...besides the stink! Not great, but it worked fine:

Wow! Can't even see the dents and scratches! Love it!

My next step is to seal it and paint the front-above-windshield area.

It feels like a secret. If I'm positioned right and far enough away, I can see some of the roof with the overhanging leaves or petals. I wonder if anyone else can see there might be something up there. I also feel like I've made my mark on Big Blue, she's mine, and this proves it. I like it she's a little beat up, too, so I can experiment without fear. Most importantly, the roof is now protected from rust and it's time to solarize!!

.

2024: REVIEW AND RESOLUTION

This year was wild! It was an emotional rollercoaster, stressful, wonderful, horrifying, brilliant and, well, life at its finest. I survived to tell the tale!

 

AWESOME THINGS:

TAROT READING: Early in 2024 I had a tarot reading done. It was very informative and interesting. She said all kinds of incredibly accurate things, BUT then she said 2024 is the year I will MOVE! I started crying. Really! I started crying! She had no idea I was planning to put my house up for sale. Amazing.

MOVING: And I moved! "Moving" should also go under HORRIBLE things, too, due to the stress. But when all hope was lost, I kept chanting defiantly, “NO! AILENE SAID I WAS GOING TO MOVE THIS YEAR! NOT NEXT YEAR! NOT ANOTHER YEAR! THIS YEAR! I AM MOVING THIS YEAR!” And I did. As I drove away from Rathole in a Uhaul with what was left over of my worldly belongings, I had this odd sense of calm wash over me. I kept yelling at my friend who was in the co-pilot seat, “I FEEL SO CALM!” Nineteen years of anxiety, stress, and depression just melted away as I drove away!

SELLING: I started my marathon of downsizing last year and I just kept on going through 2024! I sold a four-bedroom house packed to the rafters worth of junk. I sold childhood memories, accumulated free junk, furniture, and about one hundred and fifty art history books plus another fifty or so non-art books! I still have the ads and photos and when I look through them, I am in disbelief! Near the end, I was giving things away, donating, and just chucking it in the garbage. I still ended up with too much: eighty boxes, two tables, five chairs that go with those tables, a bike, a bunch of art, and a twin bed frame. The leftovers are still being sold little by little to empty out the storage unit. I only cried twice. Once when I sold my rabbit statue that reminded me of my bunny and when I sold Kitty, the doll I had since I was four years old....But I was happy she got a new home instead of ending up in the garbage or worse, buried in the woods (as one friend suggested).

MAJOR SELLING: I sold my house! It almost didn't happen. It was close. All spring and summer - high season for real estate sales - and nothing. When I put it up for sale in May there were few houses in my area on the market and I was very happy and hopeful with the lack of competition. When June came around, everyone had their house up for sale! It was very discouraging watching my neighbors’ houses sell and mine just sit there. Actually, it was incredibly stressful. Would I be forced to stay another winter in rainy cold Rathole? Would I be responsible for financially maintaining both a house and an apartment? If you have seen photos I have posted, my house was a little unusual with bright walls, painted walls, floors and ceilings, painted switchplates and furniture, and all manner of crazy creativity. It’s not for everyone. However, many people, including some I didn’t even know, would approach me and ask, “Is your house the creative, colorful one being sold? Oh, I wish I could buy it!” I don’t know if they were just being polite, but it gave me hope. 

But still no offers. I found out of the three agents in my area, two of them weren’t showing it because there was a request to be fragrance-free and they couldn’t be bothered to go without stink in order to show it. Prospective buyers still showed up stinking of laundry detergent or shampoo. What a nightmare! I lowered the price. Nothing. I lowered the price again drastically and I got ONE offer in the fall. These people had inspections done on three other houses and deemed them not well-cared for enough. I had no hope since my house is over 100 years old, but they bought it! I am still amazed and thankful! I feel so free! No more house maintenance. No more cleaning gutters and windows. I don't care if the fence falls apart every winter or if the trees blow over onto the roof! Most importantly, no more bad neighbors. If I wasn’t so excited, relieved and thrilled it sold, I would put it under HORRIBLE for the nervous breakdown experience.

THE VAN!!!:  I finally bought a van! After searching for a van for nearly a year, buying Big Blue was sudden, easy, and comfortably meant to be. I was not prepared to move into a van and live in one, but I did, mostly out of necessity. The very steep learning curved adventure commenced! I really should put this under the SO-SO category since the adjustment was anything but awesome, but after two years of researching and planning, I finally did it and that is awesome! No more rent costs or utility payments. Free to travel and explore. The adventure begins!

 

TRAVEL: I haven't ventured out much yet with Big Blue as I'm trying to get her outfitted for independence and waiting for winter to be over, but I have explored a lot of Arizona and New Mexico! So fun being nomadic!

FRAGRANCE-FREE MCS FRIENDS! I finally found my tribe! It’s amazing going to social functions with these people and not have to worry about being poisoned!

FRIENDS: I made more friends here in Tucson in the first two weeks than I did in Rathole in nineteen years!

CYCLING: Tucson has cycling clubs, cycling paths, cycling shops, cycling swap meets (the biggest in the country), and cyclists. Lots of cycling! It's amazing to be able to ride my bike again after it's been stored in a closet for nearly twenty years. The first time I got teary-eyed. I have found an older women's group to ride with...more my speed! Excellent.

PEN PALS: I love my pen pals! Not only is letter writing good entertainment, but with this move it provided much needed stability and support. One of my pen friends sent me a collaged card she made in honor of my move that I received my first day in Tucson! I love it! I felt so honored.

SO-SO THINGS:

TUCSON: I moved to Tucson. I don't know. Initially I was really excited. Then I encountered the worst human on earth (see below under REALLY, REALLY HORRIBLE EXPERIENCES...) which greatly affected my feelings for Tucson It should have been great. This city has a multiple chemical sensitivity community, an art community, sunshine and dry weather most of the time, a lot of health- oriented grocery stores, lots of friendly people, and the whole city is one big bike lane! What could go wrong?  I now see the bad roads, bad drivers, constant congestion, expensive food, and Republicans. It's definitely not warm here in the winter at night dipping into the 30s, but it's not raining.  I was hoping my health would improve as so many have claimed, but it has only seemed to get worse. I wrote a summary post on Tucson.

ART: I tried joining some art groups: plein art and watercolor, but 1) the artist-members were really talented which made me feel stupid, and 2) when life got stressful, I stopped going. Maybe I’ll try again in the future.

UHAULING: I feel really proud I packed up what was left of my house into a Uhaul truck and drove all the way across four states. Driving 9 hours one day, then 15 hours, then 12 hours, then 3 hours was exhausting. My friend came with for company and that was fun. The truck was on the verge of breaking down the whole trip and we couldn't remove the key out of the ignition unless we wanted to be stranded. We slept at rest stops and truck stops. Then I unpacked the truck myself. Did I really do that? At my age?

REALLY, REALLY HORRIBLE EXPERIENCES:

THE PSYCHOPATHIC LANDLADY PIECE OF GARBAGE: I rented a tiny apartment from an elderly, possessive, self-centered, egocentric, obsessive psychopath who was in my face everyday criticizing, questioning, demanding and compulsively pathologically lying every step of the way. I was so incredibly stressed out and unable to function, tiptoeing around in my own home and afraid to touch silverware for fear she’d hear me, and paranoid as hell. When she'd hear me open my door on arrival, she's show up on my patio demanding to discuss some imaginary issue or demanded to know what I might be doing that she didn't like. She instructed me on requirements for cleaning the apartment and even what products to use, what I was allowed to do, what I can bring into the apartment, when I could use the patio at my door, threatened me if I left the gate unlocked, on and on and on. If I asked her a question or informed her of anything, she perceived it as a personal attack and would become vengefully defensive. Then she began wafting scented something through the HVAC system and that was my breaking point. I saw a lawyer and started defending myself. She eventually agreed with me this wasn’t working for either of us and let me out of my one-year lease. Thank god for small miracles! I can't believe I survived that. I will never in my life rent again.

THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION: How does that happen? What is the point of voting if my vote doesn’t count because of this idiotic electoral college? It was rigged. Men with money who have friends with money can get away with nearly anything. Money and male dominance is the American way. I've heard about some of the voting statistics and how they aren't making sense. But this is our political system. I’m sick to my stomach. But at one point I told a friend if voting for the buffoon would make this psychopathic witch disappear out of my life, I would in a heartbeat!

RENTAL SEARCH: I was so stressed out knowing if someone bought my house, and I only had thirty days to move, would I be able to find a safe place to live? I made two trips to Tucson and couldn't find much. I finally settle on a tiny apartment owned by a woman who claimed to be fragrance-free who ended up to be a raving psychopath (see above). The stress of it all was unimaginable. I don't ever want to do that again ever!

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION FOR 2025: I don't have one. I told a friend I have had so many things happen in the last year, so many goals met, so many dreams fulfilled, I've had enough resolutions come true in 2024 to last me at least five or ten years. Maybe my resolution is to be calm, stress-free, and happy?