I Lost My Bra...

I searched high and low. The last time I remember seeing it I was walking through the kitchen thinking I needed to take it to the laundry. It wasn't in the laundry. It wasn't in the drawer. It wasn't in the bathroom. I started searching in places like the my office, my car, the garage, the refrigerator. Did I throw it in the garbage mentally associating needs to be washed with dirty and garbage? Unfortunately, garbage day was the day before so I was out of luck. This could get very expensive.

You probably don't think losing an undergarment is a big deal. Bras are a dime a dozen. Well, not really. The last one I priced was $30. When did they get so expensive? I only wear very comfortable, 100% cotton sport bras as a rule. This was my one and only "official" bra. White, kind of ugly, straps, hooks. The typical modern torture device for women, but far more supportive (and more uncomfortable) than a sport bra. It's my fancy dress-up bra for when I wear nice clothes. Needless to say, I don't wear it often.

I'm convinced my brain is in a process of serious degeneration. Am I in some kind of downward spiral and too mentally unaware to know? Am I just now noticing?  Is it all the painting I've been doing? Is it just old age? Do others notice?

I don't feel foggy, I just don't have a memory. I can't remember what I've read. I can't remember the definitions of words and have to constantly look up their meaning so I know I'm using them correctly. I turn on the washing machine and not more than five minutes later I don't know why I can hear running water. And I'm losing things.

I bought a roll of painter's tape for artwork. After unpacking the car, the tape disappeared. Last time I remember seeing it I took it out of the bag in the car so I could use the bag for groceries and I placed it in my art tote with my art supplies. I check my art supply tote four times. I looked in the car five times. I checked the refrigerator twice. I checked the garbage. Bathroom, office, bedroom, kitchen shelves. Nope. Did it meet the same fate as my bra?

Hmmm...my bra...garbage. I checked the garbage again only this time I dug down to the before I got home and threw the mail away level. There sits my brand new roll of tape, covered in old food, thankfully still wrapped in its plastic packaging.

Today I opened a drawer I thought was unused, empty. There sat my bra. Keeping company with two old sport bras I thought I had thrown away. I had convinced myself my bra collection was getting sparse because I was throwing the old, ratty ones away. Nope, just forgetfully reorganizing.  I seem to be perpetually confused. Confusion is a brain issue, too. Hmmmm.

This sucks...but I AM finding things! I guess I'll know it's really bad when things disappear forever...unless I don't even notice it! Is this the start of Alzheimer's? God, I hope not.

BTW, do let me know if I start writing incoherently. I might not notice it.

Drug Purge

I tried. I really did.

The first thing I noticed is eight hours after taking the 30 mg. thyroid pill, I'd get incredibly tired, crash, and feel the need to nap. I stopped crashing when I changed my diet so although low-level fatigue is what I was trying to address with these drugs, crashing was a newly returned symptom. My new health care provider agreed I should take a second 30 mg. pill in the afternoon. We assumed the drugs were wearing off. This seemed to work...for a short time. Then I started getting more tired in the afternoon, earlier in the afternoon each day, then waking early in the morning and beginning the day tired.  This was not an improvement.

I was also hungry all the time which wasn't new, but I started overeating.  Constant, compulsive overeating nearly to the point of vomiting. I had to pay close attention during a meal to know when to stop. I never felt real hunger and even after overeating, I'd still feel famished.

My legs and hips started hurting all the time. I read that hip pain is a hypothyroid symptom.

Then last week I started feeling borderline depressed. Just off. Like everything was not quite right. At first I thought this mild depression might have been residue from the heater chemicals offgassing. That would make sense, but it should have gone away once the heaters ceased to be a problem.

Prior to starting this Paleo with Hashimoto's Twist diet, I had severe inflammation, mostly at night. My skin would burn uncomfortably and my face was often burning red. It went away with the diet and since taking thyroid meds, it has returned. Inflammation is never good.

Unfortunately, all the muscle pain, muscle weakness and lack of muscle recovery never went away. The adrenaline rushes and hot flashes got worse. I had hoped a thyroid prescription would help with some of it. For a short time I did feel slightly more energetic and not as stress intolerant.

I worried about these new or returned symptoms and questioned whether things might get worse with a dosage increase.  I made an appointment with the formerly fired Nurse Lady.

Let me clarify. Yes, I had planned to fire Nurse Lady for failing at follow-through, but then I spoke to the pharmacist who said this was unusual behavior for her. So I thought I'd give her another chance. Maybe she was having a bad week? I know she wasn't having a bad week. She went to Hawaii. Can I blame her? Would I love to drop my life and go to Hawaii? Of course! But health care providers have a certain responsibility to their patients especially ones who's prescription needs refilling before it runs out. She should have done the research and settled her accounts before leaving. Instead she left me in a panic not knowing what to do. She never did get back to me about anything. Her failure makes that first appointment a waste of time and money.

Yeah, I should fire her, but then where do I find another fragrance-free health care provider? One who has Hashimoto's, acknowledges chemical sensitivity, recognizes my sensitivity to drugs, understands compounded pharmacies, and seems to have researched ideas relevant to my issues? Other than lack of follow-through, I really liked her. I wouldn't even know where to start looking for a new doctor. So she's not fired. I just won't rely on her to do what she says she will in the future. I really hate it we have to accept substandard health care for lack of any other choice.

My second appointment with her she said, "So, it's been over a year since you've been in?" Hmmm... I was in your office two months ago. She has no clue who I am nor what year it is. That did not inspire confidence. Did she leave her brain in Hawaii? I told her about my many new symptoms. The fatigue I have now is slightly worse, inflammation has returned, hips hurt, body hurts, and I am starving. During the course of the appointment I told her three times about the feelings of starvation and each time she stared at me with an occasional grimace. She had no clue. Her response was to give me dietary counseling. She knows I'm on the Kharrazian diet-that-saved-my-life and I know my diet is better than the diets of most Americans. It was frustrating to waste my time having someone tell me how to eat. I know my diet is what has improved my health, but she's not listening to me. I resent people who treat me like I'm a moron.

I did, however, lose two pounds which was odd since I'm eating like a horse, and my temperature is lower than the last visit (96.6). I asked her about how these meds work as I'm assuming they are killing my own thyroid's function causing more hypothyroidism which then demands a higher drug dosage to compensate. She disagreed but only on my choice of vocabulary. They suppress the thyroid. She told me people who take thyroid and want to quit can be weaned slowly off it and the thyroid will bounce back. I am skeptical. The thyroid gland doesn't just bounce back or no one would need any medication. I asked about a dosage increase since I read most people need to take three times more drug than I am, and she suggested the dose should be raised to 60mg. in the morning. The goal eventually was to take one pill strong enough to carry me through the day. I smell a drug addiction coming on. I just want to see an improvement. She ordered labs.

Breakfast...Yum.

So, the next day I took a double thyroid dose (60 mg.) and within an hour I was so incredibly hungry AFTER eating a multiple-course, multiple-helping breakfast, I wanted to eat my furniture. All day I was climbing the walls feeling like I was starving. I laid in bed that night and decided this isn't right. I checked online. There are others who have reacted to thyroid in the same way. Feelings of excruciating starvation not due to hunger. Their health care providers also had no answers for them.

The following day, I stopped the drugs. It was the first time in four months I was not hungry after eating a meal, did not overeat, and did not feel like I was starving.  Later that day, I felt no fatigue and it was the first time in four months I actually felt real hunger just before a meal. The next day I awoke to absolutely no depression and feeling really content and happy with everything.

Those damn drugs are poisoning me and messing with my brain.

Dessicated thyroid is real thyroid glandular from a pig, therefore, it has all the natural ratios of thyroid including T3 and T4. This natural balance is the reasoning behind taking it. Problem is it also comes with natural iodine, or iodide. Hmmm...I know people with Hashimoto's are supposed to stay away from iodine as it triggers immune attacks. Is this causing my reaction? Is this why I felt better at first and then slowly declined?

Kharrazian's book says taking thyroid medications unnecessarily will cause cells to develop a resistance to it creating pituitary hypofunction. The patient will feel fine at first, but then symptoms return. Hmmm....so the drug is killing off organs one by one? Kharrazian says your body's natural function will be permanently lost and dependency on medication will become lifelong. Great. That doesn't sound like anything will bounce back in fact quite the opposite. The whole thing is really frustrating and I get the impression most health-care providers fail to see the holistic side effects of any drug. Thyroid drugs are considered the easy answer, but everyone I know who takes them still suffers from fatigue which does not inspire confidence.

It's been a week and I actually feel much better without drugs than with them. I'm waiting for the thyroid lab results to see what has happened to my body while taking the drugs. I no longer think my low-level fatigue is related to just the thyroid, although I've been saying this for years. I was hoping this one piece of the puzzle would help a little. Not many people seem to know what to do with adrenal health problems. If I'm waking up every hour throughout the night with adrenaline rushes and hot flashes, it stands to reason I'd feel tired a lot. I read low cortisol incites the adrenaline rushes and this excessive cortisol will lower your blood sugar causing sugar cravings and digestive problems as well as muscle pain and weakness. I've known all along I should address the adrenal problems to support the thyroid and I've read if the adrenals aren't working properly, neither will any thyroid medication. Back to square one.

I'm currently trying to decide if I should go back to Nurse Lady or go to Gyno Doctor. The gynecologist has drug posters on the walls of her office and in the exam rooms. This indicates she will have little acceptance of chemical sensitivity, but she might know more about weird menopause symptoms than Nurse Lady. Also, her husband who shares the office with her is the only endocrinologist for miles. Still any treatments she will have will focus on chemical prescriptions and I already know I'm not very tolerant of drugs. What a game.

Health care sucks. It always feels like such a waste of money like I'm running in circles and getting nowhere. Just poorer.

New Doctor...New Disappointment

Once a year I become brave enough to try another doctor. I found one who has a fragrance-free office! So rare. This gave me so much hope. Finding a fragrance-free office is 80% of my battle with doctors. The office is nearly three hours away from my home, but if it's really fragrance-free, it's worth it.

With this visit I would focus on the fatigue and pain I was experiencing since I decided a few blog posts ago I might have another forty years of life in me and I really don't want to spend it tired and miserable. Somewhere, someone must have answers. My continual optimism never ceases to amaze me.

The office was very efficient and the doctor very kind and articulate. After looking over my forms and asking a few questions, she immediately told me to see a naturopath. I thought that was odd. Really odd. I didn't have the heart to tell her I'd seen eight in the last eight years.  So strange. How many AMA doctors give that advice? I wondered what I did to make her think I was crazy or beyond help. (I did not tell her I was chemically sensitive and I was being really careful with the crazy....)

 

She ordered a whole bunch of tests and off-hand mentioned the fatigue and pain just may be from hormones, or lack thereof. I love it when doctors slip ideas or "off-hand" mention something as if they are thinking aloud. Most are incredibly tight-lipped unless you pay for another appointment and then they will slowly disclose information, one appointment at a time. Ugh!

Her suggestion would be to try hormone replacement just to see if it makes a difference. The suggestion to see a naturopath threw me for a moment, but there it was: the easy slide into drugs.  With this advice I knew for sure she was an AMA doctor! She suggested drugs for only for a short time and if I had some bad side effects, she'll try to wean me off the hormone addiction.  Hmmm...no...not going to happen. I'll pass. I don't need my menopause symptoms getting worse. That sounds way too risky an experiment. I thought it was strange she made absolutely no comment about Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, a condition I clearly marked on my medical history form and known for fatigue as a main symptom. I always get the impression conventional doctors don't quite understand Hashimoto's as it defies their drug culture.

The labs were, gulp, really expensive. Shockingly expensive. More than double what any other labs I've had although they are the same lab tests I've had once a year for the last five years, but through a different doctor and a different laboratory.

But they came back the next day, which was shocking as well. Usually labs take a week to two weeks. And this office was so efficient, I could email the doctor, make appointments, and get lab results sent to me via the Internet. The convenience was almost worth the price. 

The lab results! OMG! They were ALL normal. Thyroid, vitamin levels, mineral levels, blood work, everything. Totally normal. All within normal range. According to conventional medicine standards, I am incredibly healthy aside from the pain and fatigue, of course.

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with you!" said my new doctor.

Really? Should I just ignore the pain and fatigue that affects my lifestyle on a daily basis?

 

The doctor included a Vitamin D test. I had one of these done last year for $65. This one cost almost $300. Last year's test came back as 25. This year it is 44, within range but at the lower end of the spectrum. After I hoorayed and cheered with joy, I pondered this change. That's a huge improvement, but I've done very little if anything to improve my Vitamin D levels.

As I pondered I remembered my naturopathic medical assistant training. Blood lab results in conventional medicine are based on lab result comparisons OR sick people statistics so their normal isn't really normal at all.  The premise is most blood tests are done because someone is sick. Throw those all in one big statistical pot and one has to question the validity of the ranges for healthy results. A naturopathic-oriented lab tweaks blood lab results to offer a more realistic view of what is going on. I know the doctors I worked for had lab result manuals they used as references to adjust and interpret the false positives. Hmmm...do they do that to sell more supplements? It made me wonder if we ever get correct information and how much physician agendas affect those results.


In conclusion, the new doctor offered no solution to my fatigue and pain other than a drug experiment. That only cost $600.

Call Me Yatna

Welcome to my very own Happy-To-Be-A-Woman Celebration Ritual! 

 

 

 

 

It's also called The Croning Rite and can be found in The Women's Wheel of Life by Elizabeth Davis and Carol Leonard.

 

"This rite of passage is observed when a woman has completed menopause, with no menstruation for a full year. The post menopausal stage heralds the start of a new life phase, when she is to be venerated for her life experience."

 

In other words, this is my very own "Self-Veneration Ceremony" that is to encompass all previous celebrations I missed. I didn't get a Menstrual Celebration Rite which would have kicked off my gender pride initiation and I've never been pregnant so I didn't get a "So-Glad-You-Are-Reproducing Ritual" also known as a baby shower. I say self-veneration because it's really supposed to be done amongst a gathering of women friends and family of all ages so together we can share and learn from each other while at the same time honoring the initiate and her passage into old age. Unfortunately, I have neither family or friends nearby, fragrance-free or available, but that won't stop me!

 

 

The purpose of this ritual is two-fold. First, it is to explore feelings of loss, uncertainty, confusion and even anger that often accompany aging:

 

What the hell is wrong with my body?

 

Will I never be "normal" again?

 

Damn, why did I take my youth for granted?

 

Will I never be allowed to wear t-shirts with cartoons again?

 

Is life over?

 

 

The second purpose is to explore the potential of transition:

 

I can't wait to be wise and powerful.

 

Will I really become psychic?

 

If life expectancy for women is anywhere between 80 and 100, I still have half my life to live!

 

What do I plan to do with all that time?

 

 

The actual ceremony, whether in a group or in solitude, can include many decorative elements such as lighting candles (not going to happen), burning incense (nope), or sprinkling of essential oils (no way). I like the part where each woman takes a turn and shares her life learnings after introducing herself with a "Mother Line."

"I am Catherine, daughter of Charlene, granddaughter of Clara, great-granddaughter of Marie."

 

Then she tells us what she has learned in life, what wisdom she still seeks, or what she must do to complete her life's mission. I think going to a celebration like this when I was young would have been an incredibly validating experience. If every girl did, just think how few of us would approach menopause with such trepidation.

 

I've been pondering my deepest life lessons of wisdom in the last few days. What were my most important learnings? What would I share with others? What would I pass to my daughter [if I had one]?

 

1.) Don't ever have sex with any man who would not make a good father. Just think if we taught girls to be more selective. We might even eliminate unwanted children, child abuse, teenage mothers.

 

2.) Marry only for love.

 

3.) Be proud of who you are and celebrate all those unique qualities that make you different.

 

4.) Be verbally, emotionally, and physically strong enough to defend yourself against anyone who disrespects you.

 

5.) Do what you love and the money will follow.

 

6.) Don't procrastinate. Do it now in case you don't have tomorrow.

 

7.) Be healthy in thought and practice.

 

8.) Think for yourself.

 

9.) Learn as much as possible until the day you die.

 

I reserve the right to modify this list at a later date.

 

What wisdom do I still seek or how do I complete my life's mission?  Or how do I plan to live the second half of my life? I have to admit, this is like a really serious New Year's Resolution. The responsibility is overwhelming. It's a LIFE resolution and much more difficult to ponder. How can I live the second half of my life by improving on the first half? Where do I start? How do I start? This is stressful.

 

 Be brave.

 

 

That says it all. I've had life-long issues with being excessively responsible, paralyzingly cautious and afraid to take chances. It has kept me out of trouble for sure, but I think it would be more fun to get into more trouble.

 

 

After all this brainstorming, sharing, and venerating, the next part of the ceremony is the name change. This is a common Native American tradition in a culture that honors the wisdom of the elderly by giving postmenopausal members new names signifying their new, more authoritative position in the tribe. Very cool. I searched online for names at http://babynames.merschat.com/ which is a website that gives not only the meaning of a name, but it's desire and potential. My real name's desire is solitude...really?? Solitude is very much the opposite of what I want. So I searched for a new name that would fit my mission and real desire. I found Yatna which means perseverance with friendship as the desire, and specialist as the potential. Searching for wisdom is a component of the specialist potential.

 

Call me Yatna...

 

 

Next, "She-Who-Is-Venerated" goes into seclusion and returns later reborn into a new life phase. Hmmm...I don't know if I need anymore seclusion. Every time I do something people-oriented I do feel reborn as if my old life is back so I'll do something dangerous and go shopping or to a movie and call it good.

 

 

To conclude my Happy-To-Be-A-Woman Ceremonial Rite,  my imaginary friends and I would eat massive amounts of chocolate (not going to happen), get drunk on alcoholic beverages (nope), and dance naked in the moon light (maybe).

 

 

 

I've Been Cheated...

Since writing my last post on menopause I've been questioning my attitude on womanhood.


WHY have I been embarrassed to be a woman all my life?

WHY has the monthly curse been a source of shame?

WHY am I not greeting menopause with unbridled enthusiasm and naked dancing eager to celebrate how wise I will be in my elder years?


So I started reading. It seems women have been oppressed for centuries most often due to male-dominant religions and the idea that the "weaker sex" needed to be managed and their knowledge and power harnessed. If a woman refused to keep her mouth shut or refused to be an obedient, passive wife and subservient subordinate, a good burning at the stake was the remedy. Nothing like the fear of God to justify violence against someone needing to be controlled. The sexuality of women has been condemned and repressed at every opportune moment in history, but older women have really paid the price.

Hags, witches, and crones are the undesirables of past mythologies who still infiltrated our basic beliefs with their stereotypical cackling, cursing, poisonous gifts, and lack of sanctifying beauty. They were not only thought of as fearful, but disgusting. Although this is our historical legacy, not much has changed. Fast forward to modern civilization. It's not good to LOOK old let alone BE old. I was raised with shame and repressed sexuality, hiding my femaleness and dishonoring my womanhood in a culture still contaminated by past male-dominated views.

 

I knew this. I've been reading about feminism and women's spirituality traditions for years. Girls rule; boys drool. Girl Power. Long live Gloria Steinem. I get it and I know I should be proud of who I am. So why have I personally perpetuated sexism with my archaic attitudes toward my own body? Why has it taken me so long to recognize this self-inflicted injustice? And what I want to know...why in the hell did I not get a Menstrual Ceremonial Rite?

Ceremonial rites celebrating a young girl's transformation into womanhood are a tradition of indigenous cultures. It's a multi-generational gathering of women honoring the beginning menstrual cycles of younger initiates. It's a girls-only party to share and pass on learned wisdom which encourages strength and gender pride. Why was I denied my right to be proud of my sexuality?

Oh, I remember now. My mother died before I reached puberty and to say my step-mother was incompetent at parenting is an understatement. Lack of a female role model is a convenient excuse, but not good enough. Why don't I remember any of my friends getting Menstrual Ceremonial Rites? I'm sure their mothers had the "birds and the bees" talks with them, but I certainly don't remember any coming of age parties and definitely nothing remotely resembling a ceremony or grandmother-mother-daughter bonding ritual with women of all ages holding hands, lighting candles, and honoring the transformation of a young girl. I was discreetly handed a book and warned, "You might find this interesting." Actually, it was incredibly boring. I had already found my grandfather's stash of pornography literature so I had a basic idea of how things worked and believe me, his books were much more interesting than some scientific manual on conception. I so regret not having a positive woman role model in my life to make me feel strong and proud to be female. Perhaps this is why I am greeting old age with such disdain?

Although menstruation is over, my life isn't. I won't be cheated out of a Proud-To-Be-A-Woman Ceremonial Ritual.

Hey, I see it clearly now. My eyes have been opened. Maybe this is that wisdom everyone claims with old age?


How did your mother teach you about sexuality? Did you get "the talk", a book to read, or a ceremony? Did she make you feel proud to be a woman? Or was it quiet, secretive and shameful?

The Pause: Sequel to The Curse

Menopause. Another one of God's cruel jokes. This word should strike terror in the hearts of young women, but youth tends to shield us from the horrors of life as we skip along believing we are immortal and will never suffer the torment of hot flashes, homicidal rages, suicidal depression, panic attacks, and dried-up vaginas. And from what I've read, those are just of the few highlights.

Try to anticipate what one might experience in the later years and you are met with vague theories and little support from the medical community.  Surprising since menopause has been around since the beginning of human existence. Medicine has been dominated by men for most of history so this really shouldn't be a surprise at all. What I have heard is women normally go through menopause in their 50s and it normally lasts for about two years. OK, that's nice. And what about those of us who would be considered abnormal? One doctor told me he had a patient who didn't go through menopause until she was in her 80s and another told me the hell can last up to ten years. Oh, great.

I have also been told the best indication of your impending experience is your mother. Whatever her experience was, yours will be similar. This is much like the so-called hereditary factors in diseases. Is it really hereditary or is it a common diet and environment? Unfortunately, my mother died when she was 34 years old so if my longevity has anything to do with heredity, I am doomed! I think it should be part of the licensing requirements for parents that mothers must impart this knowledge onto their daughters before they die, if at all possible. If the mother doesn't survive to menopause, then that responsibility should fall on the maternal grandmother. My grandmother didn't impart any knowledge on me, but when she was alive I was young and immortal. I probably wouldn't have listened. I now wish she would have FORCED me to listen!

What are the physiological reasons for these often debilitating symptoms? Besides hormonal imbalances caused by your body disintegrating, no one seems to know. No one knows what causes hot flashes, although between 75 and 85 percent of women have them. Ten percent are incapacitated by them and that leaves about 25 percent of all menopausal women who don't experience them at all. Yet no one knows what causes hot flashes? Hormone replacement therapy is a huge, money-making business for the medical community so why would anyone care about something that might affect their bottom line?

Anytime someone tells me no one knows, my brain screams CHEMICALS! No one knows? Really? No one has figured this out in, oh, 2,000 years?

I've heard of women who go through menopause much earlier than normal due to chemical exposures. One was chemically sensitive due to a pesticide exposure. The other worked for a photocopying company and became incredibly ill due to the photocopying chemicals. Both went through menopause when they were in their thirties. I wonder about my thyroid and adrenal fatigue issues? Are these hormones imbalanced because of my chemical exposure history? That's my guess, especially since I'm already convinced autoimmune diseases are caused by chemicals and my thyroid issues are autoimmune-related.

So as I crept closer and closer to The Pause, I wondered: Would my experience be much worse because I am chemically sensitive to even small amounts of chemicals in everyday, household products, or would my symptoms be less since I avoid chemicals as much as possible. Will I be part of the lucky twenty-five percent of women who never have hot flashes or will my hot flashes be so crippling I'll need to take hormone replacement drugs? My diet is much cleaner than the average, normal American woman, too, devoid of soda pop, caffeine, and processed foods. When I first gave up caffeine all my PMS symptoms went away so maybe I won't have menopause symptoms? I also don't smoke, drink alcohol, do recreational drugs, or put chemicals on my body. I've pondered this for years, eagerly anticipating the conclusion of this life's experiment to find out if all my lifestyle restrictions will finally pay off.

Today I have not had a period for exactly one year, so by definition I am officially in the throes of menopause. My fall from grace, or rather, youth, started about a year and a half ago. First, on and off periods. One every two weeks to two months lasting anywhere from two days to two weeks. Then about six months later for three weeks I had hot flashes. Maybe one or two during the day and every time I would awake during the night. Not to bad either. Hot, but tolerable. OK! I thought,  I can do this! During the winter months I kind of liked them keeping me toasty. I prefer the hot flashes to the cold flashes. Cold flashes are really nasty, but I have only had a few.

The worst thing about the hot flashes is they made me feel damaged. Less than optimum. Hey, my body is decaying! I don't feel obligated to be happy about it just because this is a normal, natural process and a part of aging. It's still embarrassing. (I was also embarrassed about The Curse, too. Bleeding uncontrollably for a week was not my idea of a good time.) I've watched as friends and perfect strangers, grocery checkers and store clerks stop mid-sentence to erratically fan themselves and scream, "OH! GOD! OH! GOD! ANOTHER HOT FLASH". They start stripping off their clothes right there in public. If they didn't make such a huge production out of it, I don't think I nor anyone else in the vicinity would have noticed.  I don't care if I feel like I'm about to explode, I am determined no one is going to know if I have a hot flash. I'm going to ignore it and hope no one notices if I'm burning red hot and dripping sweat.

After three weeks the hot flashes went away only to return, again, four months later. Still relatively mild and most often at night. I say they are mild because I've read about women who wake up so drenched in sweat they must change their nightclothes and sheets in the middle of the night. Or they pass out. I have felt so hot it gets my attention, but at night I don't even have to strip naked or use a fan.

These new hot flashes, however, were preceded by adrenaline rushes. Have you ever had an adrenaline rush when startled? These are more intense, like a prickly, almost painful nerve sensation that starts in the middle of my body (where the adrenal glands are located) and spreads outward all the way to my fingers and toes.  If I'm not fully awake when it starts, I am definitely wide awake by the time it reaches my extremities. Thankfully, it only takes a minute to run its course. I have found little documentation and fewer theories on what causes this, but my assumption is my cortisol is low at night and my body needs to jump start itself in order the have a hot flash. The adrenaline rushes are worse than the hot flashes. They are, however, only at night and only when I wake up in the night. If I am stressed out and waking up often, I'd have them as often. On occasion I'd have a hot flash in the late afternoon, but rarely and without an adrenaline rush. According to tests, my cortisol levels are fine in the afternoon.

Eating any kind of high glycemic food tends to bring on rush-and-flash episodes more often and more intensely. I don't eat sugar, but even a handful of dates will do the trick. Does this coincide with blood sugar levels blamed for middle of the night wakings? Maybe. It makes me wonder if a high carbohydrate diet is responsible for those really intense menopause symptoms I read about. If I gave up dried fruits and rice completely, would ALL my symptoms go away?

I'm thankful I haven't experienced mood swings, panic attacks, skin sensitivities, brain fog, urinary incontinence, or palpitations. I haven't passed out either. Irritability and bitchiness...we'll that's a normal part of being chemically sensitive. It hasn't changed or intensified so I think I'm OK. Knock on wood. I think I'm getting off really easy. Is it the sweetener-free, dairy-free, gluten-free, almost-grain-free, junk food-free, caffeine-free, alcohol-free, and drug-free diet with a chemical-free life? Maybe.

Online websites and articles on menopause-symptom-relief diets suggest avoiding or reducing your intake of caffeine, alcohol, sugar, high-fat foods, high-sodium, hot foods and carbohydrates. Few advise to eliminate them all together. I think they must be afraid to state absolutes for fear the brains of junk food addicts will shut down just thinking about it. If three dried dates can intensify my experience, how can eating the above foods even in small amounts help anyone? I guess these articles are targeting those eating a typical American diet of processed, carbonated, caffeinated, salted, deep-fried, sweetened dishes and any reduction would help. No mention of chemically-induced menopausal symptoms and no suggestion to eliminate everyday poisons like perfumes or scented products.


Foods on the approved list are fruits, vegetables, good fats, calcium-rich foods, iron-rich foods, protein at breakfast, and lots of water. Sounds like the diet I'm on. Some websites also suggest eating tofu which is high in phytoestrogens which mimic estrogen, but I've always heard soy is the number one food everyone should avoid since it is genetically modified and potentially toxic. Anyone with breast cancer in their family history should avoid soy as well as those little genetically modified cells do strange things to breast cells. So creepy. Another site said to eat chocolate. As soon as I read that I lost all confidence and respect for the knowledge they pretended to have. The Internet is full of quacks.

Of course, my menopausal experience is not over. The normal two years isn't up and since I consider myself abnormal, this might be off and on for the next twenty years! Will it get worse before it's all over? I don't have a clue. Still, I'm feeling fortunate. I'm hoping to by-pass the mandatory ten pound weight gain, too. And maybe my boobs won't ever hang down to my knees? Wishful thinking.

I hate getting old.

It sucks.