My Corona

November 16, 2001 was the last time I was sick. It was a nasty cold or flu or virus or whatever. I remember the date exactly because it was the opening of the first Harry Potter film and friends came in from out of state to see it with me.

In addition to being miserable, I was working at the school that poisoned me and not understanding why the building's toxic air fresheners and the staff's overuse of perfumes used to cover up the stench of mold were making me sick. Six months later I was diagnosed with MCS.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, MCS made my immune system go crazy. It's constantly protecting me from outside influences. I haven't caught a cold, flu, virus, sore throat, cough or anything that involves the spread of germs for the last nineteen years. With all the negative experiences associated with MCS, this is the one true benefit.

Over time I have waited, almost hoped, to get sick as I thought that might be a sign my body is relaxing and healing. If I got sick maybe that would mean I'm less reactive to toxic chemicals and my life would resume? A few years ago a rather nasty flu spread through the community. Everyone was sick. The grocery checkers were sneezing and coughing all over customers. My throat got a little scratchy and then it all went away. I was grateful not to be sick but a little disappointed MCS was still controlling my body.

Here comes the coronavirus! First, it's a respiratory virus. That's not good. My lungs are the first thing to be compromised when faced with a chemical or allergen. They just shut down. I wondered, Would this virus kill me or will my hyper immune system annihilate it before it attacks my lungs? What about my other risk factors?

It started with unexplained nausea and a raging headache followed by a dry cough and some congestion. By the third day my lungs felt heavy and ripping painfully to shreds. This worried me as it's the lung infection that kills people. I don't want to die! I don't know if I had a fever since I didn't have a thermometer and I did read to keep warm so I increased the temperature of my house and found myself sweating profusely with wet, cold clammy skin especially at night. I kept double checking my breathing. OK, I can still breathe. I worried any moment that would stop.

The testing protocols for my area are a joke. One must be approved for a doctor's appointment based on a symptoms check interview, make an appointment with the doctor, get tested for everything under the sun EXCEPT the coronavirus, and then if all those tests are negative, the patient is given permission to get the coronavirus test. Although the government is patting themselves on the back for providing the test free, it's not free here. We pay. We pay for the appointment, the tests, and the coronavirus test. The state department of health care's hotline is a recorded message, "Currently coronavirus testing is limited." My nurse friend was tested in her community. It's been a week and a half and she still doesn't have results. I don't understand how the entitled who don't even have symptoms are being tested so easily and frequently. This virus will annihilate low-income people who can't afford proper care let alone testing.

It would be nice to know whether or not what I had was the coronavirus, but then what? We are told to go home and hope for the best. Suppose you don't have a home and are living on the streets in cold weather? What is the point of the test other than to contribute to statistics and the doctor's income? I think eventually statistics might give people answers and guidance because right now we have nothing. We don't even have tests that are accurate.

 The problem with assuming you have the coronavirus makes people complacent and negligent in their self-isolation. My friend announced now that she has it, once she recovers she can visit others who are sick and help them because she's immuned. Well, at the time she didn't know her test would prove negative. I've also heard some people are testing negative only to test again positive once they are dying in the hospital OR false positives where the test are showing you have it but you don't. You can't trust the information. They are doing the best they can but it's too early.

Needless to say, I stayed locked in my house. I didn't have the energy to leave for anywhere let alone a doctor's office. I stayed in bed most of the time unless I got up to eat soup, drink tea or hot water, and take Tylenol. I kept a clove of fresh garlic in my mouth. Garlic is a natural anti-biotic. This worked great to alleviate respiratory tract discomfort in lieu of sugar-free cough drops (which I did not have), but the juice does burn the insides of your mouth. My plan was if breathing became difficult, I'd head to the hospital in the neighboring county. Maybe. I'm not fond of hospitals, let alone health care. Other than that I'd just hunker down and hope for the best. I chanted a lot of gratitudes. I figured universal assistance or just positive thinking couldn't hurt.

I wish I had these on day one instead of making do with garlic!
They do, however, have aspartame, but they feel so good
I really don't care!

Day four my lungs were still heavy and in pain, but I could still breathe. The pain in my back right behind my lungs started. It felt like I pulled a muscle. Every now and then I'd feel sharp pains in my TEETH. (Yes, this goes down as the weirdest symptom!) Cough, sweating, weakness and I still didn't have the energy to get out of bed.

Day five a little better. I had hope.

Day six the lung pain went away with a few twinges now and again, but lungs still felt heavy. Hooray! But the coughing got worse and my back started itching. I thought this was a good sign as itching is a sign it might be healing and better coughing means the lungs are loosening up. Pneumonia happens when infection lingers and has no way to expel itself.

Day seven I awoke to a slight cough and able to move around with just a little weakness. Feeling too confident and hopeful, I thought it best to decrease the heat in my house so it wouldn't feel like a tropical sauna. Not a good idea. This beast loves cold. My cough returned worse than ever and by the afternoon my lungs were screaming in pain. Fearful this was the end, I thought I'd relapsed until I crawled back into bed, jacked the heat up to 79 degrees...and it nearly all went away. I spent the night clearing my throat of phlegm due to something draining.

The eighth day the cough was minor, lungs just slightly congested, some weakness, and the heat in my house raged like a sauna. I wasn't going to make the mistake of cooling the house again.

Day nine sleeping was hell. If the room was too hot I wanted to rip my skin off, but too cold and the symptoms would come back. Lung congestion lingered with random pricks of pain and I'm clearing my throat constantly with some coughing. Body ache returned intermittently.

Ten and eleven days and all symptoms still present but very minor just enough to let me know it's not over. Every couple hours weakness would hit and I'd crawl back to my dark, overheated bedroom and nap. My appetite returned with a vengeance.

Day twelve and thirteen: some coughing with cold air making me cough more, hungry, and craving sugar. I feel pretty good. Did I say hungry? Damn I'm hungry!

Day fourteen...I'm feeling really good, energetic, and nearly all symptoms have disappeared so I decide to get stuff done. I'm out of water so I drive to the artesian well which is about 20 minutes away and load up. It's out in the woods. No one is ever there. I'm still feeling great so I decide to garden, then clean my house, do my laundry - all the things I've been neglecting for two weeks. And I drank some milk. By afternoon I was miserable. The headache returned with a vengeance, coughing, congestion, body ache, and then the lung pain. I spent the next 24 hours in bed praying this relapse wouldn't kill me.

Days fifteen through seventeen I was absolutely miserable with lung and back pain, coughing, headache, body ache, and general weakness and misery. The beast won't let go. I started doing deep breathing exercises based on an article I read.

Day eighteen lung pain is gone, but still feels congested, and my back is itching like crazy. This is healing and it gives me hope. Was it the Tylenol I started taking regularly? The breathing exercises? Dried apricots? (They are supposed to be good for lungs.) Gratitudes. With hand motions? Aspartame-laced cough drops? Who knows...

Days nineteen and twenty I was miserable. My lungs hurt so bad I once again wondered if I would die and asked friends to do things for me if that happens. (Yeah, I'm very organized that way.)

This on-again off-again cycle is actually called "post-viral inflammation". It's how one's immune system fights it. I read it can last for days or weeks. I think a lower room temperature (or my body temperature) might acerbate this fluctuation. Many people have complained about the second week when they seem to be on the mend and then it all goes down hill fast then cycles between good and bad. Yep.

Right about this time at night I start waking with anxiety, worried and in need of writing something down. I find myself up and in the middle of my office unable to remember what I desperately needed to record. Journalist Chris Cuomo gave daily updates on his viral experience and discussed his psychological symptoms like depression and anxiety. A doctor told him it was from being isolated inside. Maybe for Cuomo who is not as isolated on a daily basis as I am. I know I went through a near-death PTSD of sorts hollering at friends to stay inside. Cuomo was also talking about hating his job and plans to quit it. Whatever this psychological side effect I'm experiencing it clearly isn't as strong as his, yet, but I'm glad he's reported on it or I might not have even connected it OR remembered it. By the next morning I've forgotten the anxiety, so I started keeping pen and paper next to my bed. What I write is funny, mostly about symptoms, pain, and discomfort I'm feeling in the night. I'm also dreaming bizarre dreams. I keep telling my friends it's like a chemical exposure symptom. I wondered if it was the aspartame-laced cough drops, but I stopped those and the anxiety didn't stop. Could it be some chemical reaction in my body caused by the virus? They are saying it now can have long-term effects on organs - heart, lungs, brain. Too much we don't know.

Around the same time I developed a rash on my right front calf. Strange. Just little red dots all over. I didn't connect it until reports started about the rashes covid patients are getting. The information that this affects blood circulation and some are requiring limb amputation is not comforting.

Day twenty one a little better. Day twenty two through thirty three I feel really good! I have minor night time symptoms, some mornings I awake with some coughing and lung congestion, and during the day my lungs might feel heavy from time to time and I sneeze on occasion. Some days better than others, but I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm fully functioning during the day.

Too pretty to be deadly... so painted coronavirus-themed rocks!

My community implemented a mobile testing site and on day 18 I was tested. The county health department was allocated 100 tests for 22,000 people so they were very particular, interrogating candidates, and selecting only the most obviously sick. It was like a won the lottery! Unfortunately, the results were...negative. What? Wait! That can't be right. "MY LUNGS ARE KILLING ME!" I yelled at the messenger. Maybe my viral load was too low? Day eighteen was a good day in the cycle. Was the test inaccurate? The test giver incompetent? The lab tech stupid? Our local hospital processed the tests and I know they are useless. I don't know, but there is no way with exact symptoms, minus the loss of taste and smell, that I didn't have it. I've heard this is actually common and people nearly dead will test negative and be sent home from the hospital. I don't have any confidence in the system. We've tested hundreds of people so far, all with symptoms that match and have found ZERO positive cases. It worries me I don't know for absolute certain but there isn't much anyone knows so I'm not alone.




Still, I'm trusting my instincts. I don't get sick and this was anything but a normal cold or flu. It was hell lasting far too long and bringing most of my life to a full, stressful stop.

Where did I get it? I have a bad habit of touching my face and my lips. This is risky, but it's a habit I wasn't even thinking about until after the fact. I did read too late that if you rub onions on your hands it will remind you to keep your hands away from your face. Good tip. Too late for me, but good.

But exactly WHERE did I get it? People have been obsessed with being able to track down exactly who gave it to them, when and where. I know I'd feel more confident if I knew where I got it. There is something unsettling with not knowing. Was it there? Was it then? Many are seeing this need to know how people got it as blaming the victim and there have been cases where people are demanding to know who was the one infected. This is just fear which can make people act stupid. I know I'm not comfortable telling people or even getting tested. Will I be the community's scapegoat, our very own Typhoid Mary?  In the next few weeks so many are going to be infected trying to find the origin or place blame will be a joke.

I hope it was the virus because I survived it.  Dr. Datis Kharazzian said in his latest podcast on the coronavirus a strong immune system is the key and good white cell blood counts or an overactive immune system will be helpful for recovery. I'm hoping there will be antibody testing like they've started in Germany. Am I still contagious even after 72 hours? Maybe not, although I recently read the virus lives long in your fecal matter and phlegm even after testing negative. Am I now immuned and resistant to a round two?  Experts think I am, but their guesswork doesn't give me confidence. No one knows a damn thing and it's best to be cautious moving forward. I plan to wear a mask every time I leave my house...forever.

Oh, so heavenly!

BE PREPARED FOR ILLNESS:

Have sugar-free COUGH DROPS on hand. These will help with the respiratory discomfort. Seriously. They are priceless!

I've read TYLENOL is great for the fever and headache. I didn't take Tylenol often because I don't like drugs, and it didn't seem to work at all for the headaches and body aches. I personally think one needs to not cover up symptoms unless it gets too bad. This is how you monitor yourself. A fever is the body's way of healing. HOWEVER, it's been suggested this is how to fight the infection. By not doing anything, it's allowed to stew and fester. Ibuprofen is NOT recommended due to its increase in ACE2 receptors. I also read people should NOT be taking Vitamin A and D, Echinacea, Elderberry, Lara Arabinogalactan and high doses of Vitamin C for the same reason. And of course, there are people saying these holistic supplements help with coronavirus...I say better safe than sorry. Dr. Datis Kharazzian, my idol, also briefly cautioned about supplements with the coronavirus. If you've read any of my posts on supplementation, it's all experimentation anyway. There are too many unknowns right now to be mixing it up, the supplement industry is dying to make money off this, and people are in a panic response.

SOUP! TEA! HOT WATER. ANYTHING HOT and HYDRATING will help keep you nutritionally sustained and be a comfort on your respiratory tract. I could not tolerate eating or drinking anything cold or even room temperature.

My giant soup cup filled with homemade Chicken Vegetable Soup

Lots of REST and SLEEP to boost your immune system.

BREATHING EXERCISES. First, sleep on your side or stomach for better breathing. Do these breathing exercises to avoid getting pneumonia:

When you can get out of bed, do! MOVE AROUND. When you start cycling from bad to good to bad, get outside. Be as active without overdoing it. Fight this thing with health.

NO SUGAR of any kind which compromises your immune system.

NO DAIRY. Lungs don't like dairy. I think one of my relapses was caused from partaking in dairy.

And when the beast shows itself, don't hesitate to raise the temperature in your home and burn it out. I found HEAT between 75 and 79 degrees worked to alleviate symptoms by raising one's body temperature. Pretend you are staycationing in the tropics...in your bed.

SPECIAL THANKS TO FRIENDS: So many of my friends have offered help and support as they emailed me everyday to check on my progress knowing I was home alone. One drove three hours to deliver my groceries to me when I couldn't leave the house. One mailed me tasty, tasty treats.  One offered to mail me anything I needed...from CANADA! One gave me her private Amazon account with all the passwords and said, "Order whatever you want!" (Good gracious!) Another wrote a letter to me every day even with shoulder pain that made that difficult. I asked her not to, but she did anyway in hopes of taking my mind of things and giving me something to look forward to. Unfortunately after receiving two letters with one smelling like perfume we decided she should just attach it to email. Not quite the same, but since MCS precautions are so much like viral safety, we concluded getting mail touched by stinky or contaminated strangers is probably not a good idea anyway! I so appreciate their love, support and kindness.

Be safe. Stay healthy. Good luck.

P.S. They are anticipating it may return in the fall when temperatures decrease as it did during the 1918 flu epidemic. Be prepared.

Self-Containment

So here we are in the middle of a pandemic as the coronavirus spreads to every corner of the world. Schools and libraries are closed. Grocery stores are out of supplies. The Olympics postponed. The last primaries cancelled. The streets and roads are empty of traffic and people. Some will get sick and survive; some will get sick, get worse, and die. It's survival of the fittest. Or the smartest. Or the most informed.

I usually use this illustration to represent perfumed pollution.
Today it's the coronavirus!

As someone who is chemically sensitive, self-containment is my existence. I'm constantly isolated in my home, avoiding public recreation as much as possible, shopping during low volume times, and running for my life in the opposite direction from any toxic person, place or thing. This isolation can be soul-sucking and unbearable, but most of the time it's normal and natural. I often resent the extra effort and energy all this paranoia demands in order to keep myself from being exposed and suffering from mild to debilitating symptoms.

My friends keep telling me how safe I am from virus contamination since I'm already a practitioner of self-containment. I appreciate their encouragement, but truthfully after years of personal isolation and no one else giving a shit, I really like it that everyone else is now, finally, in a similar situation. Instead of being alone, I feel a sense of solidarity now that others are experiencing the discomfort of my everyday life experience. I love it. Welcome to my world!

Friends say, "I have gloves for you if you need them!" I say, No! I have boxes of gloves. I use them for every day protection! I've had friends ask me if I need a mask. I say, No! I use masks all the time for every day tasks! This is my normal life. Come on in! Join the fun! Now if a virus wasn't rampaging across the globe causing suffering and death, I wouldn't have a problem with this new/old lifestyle.

We can't seem to get good information on the coronavirus. One day they tell us we have to wear masks and the stores are sold out. The next day they tell us don't bother - they don't work. Then they tell us if we are sick we should wear them if we are out in public. But, sick or not, we shouldn't be out in public. Besides masks don't work. Right?

Oh no! Dogs are dying from coronavirus. Oh look! Dogs can't get coronavirus after all. Well, maybe, the CDC says stay away from your pets if you get sick because they really have no idea. At least they are honest about it. Dogs should be getting it. Like humans, they have overpopulated the earth and nature needs to balance.

If you drink bleach, it will keep you from getting coronavirus. Thanks Presidunce Dump for being so knowledgeable! Actually this is partially correct because you'll be too dead to get infected. The really bad information coming from the White House is appalling and irresponsible.

If you sneeze once, it's the coronavirus, but if you sneeze multiple times it's not. Now they are saying sneezing isn't a symptom. Presidunce Dump just sent me a postcard on guidelines and he says if I cough or sneeze to do it in my elbow so someone thinks it's a symptom!

One day all the hand sanitizers are sold out, but the following day they say proper hand washing is better. Yesterday vinegar worked as a hand sanitizer; today it doesn't. I see everyone attempting home-made hand sanitizers with alcohol....but the strength should be at least 60%, ah no, 70%...hmmm...90%. And if they put a dab of another ingredient it will absolutely still sanitize ...maybe ...possibly ...because that dab will reduce it to 70%... Or 60%. Exactly. They know this for sure. Yeah, right. Even now, the CDC says 70% and my state's website says 60%.

Some believe this isn't any worse than the flu; others say it is worse than a flu. Some say it is a flu; others say don't make the mistake of thinking it's the flu. Some say we have it under control; others say this is only the beginning. Some say this is biological warfare; others think this is just natural selection and evolution to balance the overpopulation of humans. I haven't yet heard any religious theories. Yet. Maybe this is like Noah's Arc and we are all screwed? UPDATE: The religious are linking this to Jesus's second coming. Does that mean those who die get to go to heaven, or is it the ones who live? No one is clear on that point.

Bottom line, not one fucking person knows what the hell is going on. Am I worried? Only about all the people pretending to know what is going on and giving everyone either, 1) false hope or 2) a panic attack. The best advice I've received so far is from Girl Alive over in Malaysia who told me weeks ago, "GO STOCK UP ON FOOD AND SUPPLIES NOW!" She was convinced our grocery shelves would be sold out like they are in Malaysia. She was right. Our county is totally out of toilet paper right now!

Am I worried? I'm so confused I can't decide. I fall in a middle ground. Maybe? I think.... Some days I feel confident I might actually live to see summer. Then I read the psychic Sylvia Browne predicted this years ago and it's supposed to wipe out most of the population. It's hard to know what to feel when no one has any idea who is susceptible and who isn't. Why are so many recovering and why are too many dying? There must be some link.

First, I am of a certain age that makes me vulnerable, but in past medical tests I have been diagnosed as biologically twenty years younger than I actually am. I blame that on a whole lot of healthy living. I have never smoked cigarettes, no recreational drugs, avoided pharmaceuticals, and rarely drank alcohol of any kind. I have exercised in some form or another all my life. My diet for the last ten years has been outstandingly healthy and for the last lifetime has been relatively, comparatively good. I know eating sugar depletes one's nutritional resources and compromises one's immune system. I don't eat sugar. Eating all kinds of junk should kill even the healthiest of person let alone someone infected by the virus. I don't eat junk food. Will my healthy lifestyle keep me safe or make me vulnerable?

I also have an autoimmune disease. One of the symptoms of Hashimoto's is pericardial effusion...my heart is water logged. Every now and then I am reminded of this with chest and lung pains. My thyroid is susceptible to attacks from my body. Will the virus attack my weakest organs making me more vulnerable?

I have allergies to pollen: trees, grass, hay. This can feel nearly as uncomfortable as virus symptoms. The coronavirus is a respiratory illness that starts and ends in the lungs. A chemical exposure can stop my lungs from working in a heartbeat. Will this make me more vulnerable?

I am also chemically sensitive. Surprise! I'm not going to be dipping my hands in cancer-causing, hormone-disrupting, immune-weakening hand sanitizers nor wipe down my grocery cart with these toxins posted at every building entrance. I'm not going to wash every surface in my house with bleach or alcohol. Will this make me more vulnerable or has my avoidance of chemicals helped strengthen my immune system? FYI: I am using vinegar to sanitize my hands. I wash my hands a lot anyway. I've been adding hydrogen peroxide to hot soapy water when I wash surfaces, but only because it makes me feel better not because I think it works. It dilutes the strength too much, I think. I can't breathe around alcohol. This may be my undoing, but there isn't anything I can do.

Last, but not least, I am chemically sensitive. I hold the hope of the one benefit I have been blessed with for being chemically sensitive: my immune system is hyperactive. I have not gotten sick with anything in the last nineteen years. No colds, flus, viruses, earaches, or sore throats. There have been times I've been surrounded by sickos suffering from the latest illness, coughing, sneezing, puffy eyes telling me to stay away. I have never gotten sick. My white blood count is good. My immune system works and works well. Will this spare me?

I have no idea...time will tell.

The Women's March was exactly two weeks ago. I didn't catch anything then or I'd be showing symptoms by now. Relatives from the local virus vortex dropped in for a visit before everyone started panicking. That was three weeks ago. Hmmm...I feel fine.

We'll see. Until then I'm just going to continue being my chemically sensitive self-containment self and laugh at the people panicking around me as I sit in my house surrounded by lots of toilet paper!*


*Note: No, I'm not a toilet paper hoarder. I bought mine last fall when I cancelled my membership to Costco. Who would have guessed it would come in handy...

Cadet Heater Poisoning (Update)

I was so excited for my new Cadet Heaters, unfortunately I celebrated too soon. Remember this illustration I did last year in conjunction with the nausea and respiratory inflammation I experienced after turning on the toxic furnace? Well, there is a reason I've dug it out of the archives. It will serve to illustrate my current reactions to the Cadet Heaters.

It actually feels worse than it looks...

In September I turned the cadets on maybe twice for about ten minutes each time. It didn't take long to heat the house and since it was still fairly warm outside, I didn't see any reason to keep them on.

Later when autumn temperatures dropped, I kept them on. Within thirty minutes my sinuses, ears and glands started burning, and one hour later, my whole respiratory system from my nose to my lungs burned painfully, then dizziness and nausea followed by severe neck and spinal pain. Misery. I turned all the heaters off and aired the rooms.

Something in the heaters are offgassing. I'm not happy about this and this is my fault for not holding my ground and getting the heaters I wanted. I settled for the crappy, cheap heaters with too many plastic parts. Yeah, I can holler at myself for the rest of my life, but any new appliance is going to offgas and there is no guarantee the more expensive models would not have been problematic, although their innards are metal and not cheap PLASTIC. And who knows what kinds of sealants or treatments they use on the materials.

I drug all the fans and air purifiers out of closets and turned them on, opened all the windows in my house and within fifteen minutes, my body started clearing. I went to bed with all the bedroom doors upstairs shut and sealed, every window in the house open, and I left the heat on for about two hours. Such a waste of energy with all the windows open, but I needed to do something to offgas whatever needs to be offgassed.

The next morning the air seemed clear (and cold!), but still my lungs and ears started to burn slightly with very slight bouts of nausea. Something was in the air. Not as bad as the day before so I was hopeful if I keep the heaters on eventually whatever it is that is giving me grief will heat off. Strangely enough, I couldn't smell anything odd.

I keep reminding myself living with MCS is a constant risk AND I am thankful I didn't buy the $5,000 heating model and had the same problem. I've never had a problem with cadets in the past, but I've never had to deal with new ones. The toxic stuff just needs to offgas. I am being very hopeful and positive.

 

It's now been two weeks of off and on. A few times I left them on for up to four hours and either left the house or went to bed with my bedroom sealed. Even after I air the whole house out with opened windows and fans, I was still experiencing painful neck and spine inflammation, respiratory burning, dizziness, and extreme nausea.

I contacted the company and they offer no solution but only told me I'm the only person in their sixty year history who has ever complained of this. I find that hard to believe. I just want answers so I can figure out how to remedy the problem. Instead they asked me if I've ever been chemically sensitive to anything and then proceeded to ask me every little detail about my house, because it can't possibly be their heaters causing the problems. So frustrating. Then they just disappeared and I never heard back. They get an award for lousy customer service. Still, I persevered because these heaters are new and if I can just get them to a "used" state whatever is making me sick will burn itself out. I HOPE!

I waited another four days for my body to detox and clear the poison. I attempted to wash the plastic innards down with vinegar. I turned them back on again. It's such a risk each time. This time I sealed off individual rooms and tested only one heater at a time. I'm only experiencing slight throat dryness and some shoulder tension now. It seems to be getting better. I don't know if it's the constant use or the vinegar that helped, but I have hope!