2022: Review and Resolution

 

GREAT THINGS:

MONEY: Work was steady and outstanding, but more importantly, better clients and better projects. Free money was even better. A friend of mine recently said, "Money DOES buy happiness!" I agree. With money, a lot of stress goes away. Security is priceless.

TECHNOLOGY: At the end of last year, I had the worst computer purchase possible with a HP desktop with AMD graphics. It was incompatible with everything. What a nightmare! I received no help from the store, returned it, bought another thinking it was that computer, bought new accessories and nothing would work. By January 1st returned the whole set up and desperately hoped a different computer with Intel graphics would be better. Such a difference! New computers (that work) are always wonderful and once I found a brand that wasn't substandard, it was spectacular. New, high tech printer is sensational. I love upgrading when everything works so quickly and efficiently.

FREEBIES: I love freebies and I'm so thankful for the exceptional free junk I have gathered from the Free Store which allowed me to save money. This also provides an enormous amount of entertainment especially now when entertainment during a pandemic is so limited.

SURVIVAL: I have managed so far to survive the pandemic and avoided getting any toxic vaccines or boosters.

PEN PALLING: I rediscovered pen palling! I'm writing letters to women all over the United States, Canada, and Europe. It's much different than it was when I was young with sticker swaps and decorated envelopes and stationery. It's great entertainment for someone who is socially-impaired and secluded. It's not without its dangers. The other day a very generous pen pal sent me a whole envelope of scented stuff. I'm sure she didn't even realize it! It's a risk. Here are some of my wacky envelopes:

 

BAD THINGS:

HEALTH CARE: As usual I wasted a whole lot of money, encountered too many incompetent doctors, and got nothing in return for my torture and frustration. No answers, no remedies, no solutions.

HEALTH INSURANCE: I've never paid so much money for insurance in my life, but in my rural area, our options are limited. The insurance company fails miserably at customer service and can never tell you what is covered and not.  It's a ridiculous system that victimizes the vulnerable, but without options there is really nothing anyone can do.

AGING: I hate getting old with my body and brain not functioning like it used to. Unfortunately, there is no way of getting around it.

PEOPLE: Stinky people, horrible neighbors, the liars, the stupid, the lazy, the irritating, the obnoxious, and the disappointing especially during a pandemic that is clearly not over but these assholes are pretending it is which puts my life in danger.

PANDEMIC: I've actually really loved the pandemic with the forced isolation, masking so I don't have to smell toxins, and free money. I have refused to be vaccinated due to immune issues and chemical poisoning. Several of my friends claim the vaccines have created health concerns. However, with the self-centered pretending it's over when it's not, it puts the vulnerable at risk so I'm constantly taking precautions. And the discrimination as if those of us who aren't vaccinated are going to compromise the health of others. Assholes. Then there is the crazy inflation with prices astronomically increasing. The other day my store had lettuce for $6.00 a head and cauliflower at $7.00 a pound! At this rate, we are all going to have to give up eating!

SUMMARY: It's been a pretty good year. Money rights a whole lot of wrongs!

2023 NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS: AVOID DOCTORS, KEEP SURVIVING, PLAN ESCAPE, WALK DAILY, BE PATIENT, BE KIND

Halloween Stink

 

Don't you love your memories of childhood Halloween adventures? Dressing up in a costume, maybe some toxic make-up for effect, and at the end of the evening a bag of very unhealthy edibles to show for your effort? If you were really lucky (or in my case, unlucky), you'd get a visit to the local haunted house filled with shriek-able horrors. And the horrors never stop...

A friend sent me a newspaper article from her area of the country that featured Egan Escape Productions, a company that produces haunted houses around the USA. They have partnered with another company called AromaPrime. Yep, you guessed it! They are now scenting haunted houses. Not only can you have a heart attack from the adrenaline rushes of pure fright, but you can be poisoned! The article went on to say they had problems with the scents of vomit, rotting corpses, dentist offices, volcanoes, boiled or burning flesh, gunpowder, mold/mildew, etc., claiming they were too strong...haunted house victims were getting sick and vomiting all over the stage settings. 

I wondered are they vomiting because the smells are bad or because they are being poisoned by the toxic chemicals used to make the scents?

Will this stupidity never end??

Pandemic Visitations

That first year of the pandemic I allowed visitors into my house. I figured right after having the coronavirus myself, I might be safe for a time. No one knew anything, but most research said since it was a SARS virus, more than likely there would be some limited immunity if not permanent immunity.

As the variants began to develop, I cloistered myself a little more rigorously and those who visited were required to wear a mask and stay outside. Some friends argued and assured me they didn't have symptoms so they must not have COVID even though by this time it was clear not everyone has symptoms.

Then the vaccinations started. I considered getting vaccinated, but then came to my senses. This sounded like a really stupid idea for someone who is chemically sensitive with an autoimmune disease. Those of us unable or uncomfortable with vaccinations were then told we couldn't go into some public places or events without proof of vaccination. Some chemically sensitive people were told not to come to family functions or friendship gatherings because they weren't vaccinated. This felt like discrimination. Why were the vaccinated worried? It's the unvaccinated that should be worried, but now the vaccinated feel free to not wear masks.

Well, I can play that game, too! First, I stopped inviting people over even if they were masked and outside. Those who wanted to come for a visit and made that suggestion, I would ask, "Are you vaccinated?" 

They would cheerfully say, "YES! I AM VACCINATED!" 

I would reply, "Then you can't come over. I have no desire for you to breathe germs on me without any consideration for my safety."

My friends argue they don't have COVID, but without a test to confirm how would they know? Am I being passive aggressive and vindictive. Yes. Oh well. Some people are being reinfected three and four times. I don't want it a second time. One time is more than enough!

I have limited my out-of-the house excursions to the food co-op, the library, the free store and other locations where people are taking adequate precautions. This has worked for me. So far. I've been told by friends they believe their new health problems are directly related to the vaccines. Too bad.

Now that all the masks mandates are over the pandemic is feeling over. It's not. The discrimination toward the unvaccinated is still happening. This disrespect is definitely not over. Free COVID tests are being given through the post office and handed out at libraries now. It's absolutely not over. A new study claims 42% of COVID deaths are people who ARE vaccinated. That's got to be a shocker to those dying. It's fucking not over.

I invited a friend of mine to go to an art tour with me then finally came to my senses and cancelled, but I suggested my friend come for a visit. To my house. In my air space. My friend is a nurse so I figured she might be more aware and therefore considerate, but also more exposed. I deliberated and ruminated about this. 

My friend has given me free COVID tests and I know she has access to them. Maybe she will test herself before her arrival? That would be the logical thing to do. She didn't. By the time she thought of it, she was already on route. She did come planning to wear a mask the whole time. Thank you for your consideration, dear friend of mine.

So I suggested, why not use one of my tests, get tested, that way she wouldn't have to wear a mask the whole time and I wouldn't worry the whole time what she's breathing on me? She was all in and since we used one of the tests she gave me, she knew how to do it. Wow. The tests sure are much simpler than when I had that long Q-tip painfully shoved up my nose and into my brain! Fifteen minutes. She was negative and took off her mask. Hooray for my first visitor in a long time!

I didn't realize these tests expire. My new plan for anyone who wants to visit is to use the tests...before they expire!

Like everyone else, I'm looking forward to this pandemic being over!

My Favorite Holiday!

Happy Walpurgis Night to everyone! 

Be sure to put a pile of cut grass on your doorstep so witches won't steal your loved ones!

Yeah, this isn't an illustration of witches, but I haven't used my demons for anything for a while and they were demanding some attention....

Hiking

I walk all the time at least once if not twice a day. Sometimes I go to other towns and locations and walk with friends, but mostly I walk in my neighborhood or in my town alone. Walking is a low-intensity exercise good for Hashimoto's and chemical sensitivity. It doesn't incite an autoimmune attack and gets me out in the fresh air. The only time I don't walk is if it could be dangerous: ice, monsoon winds or air pollution caused by any number of sources. Where I live the streets and neighborhoods are fairly flat. I've gotten quite bored with it so I expanded my horizons and headed for the hills!

I live in logging country so my little town is surrounded by forest. For miles and miles one can see rolling hills of greenery. It's quite lovely and the air is amazingly clean.

Humans have left their mark on this primaeval wilderness so the wilds are etched with logging roads that go for miles. They start at the highway, usually blocked by a large metal security gate, and head straight up the hill.

There are two kinds of roads. The first is graveled, well-used by logging trucks, maintenance trucks, property owners, and radio tower operators and marked with numbers at intersections. The second road style is grassy with tire ruts with off-shoots of overgrown ex-roads covered with grass, shrubs and sometimes blocked with sapling trees. I think it would be easy to get lost as these roads spider-web for miles. I've made many trips over the years to walk, pick berries, gather boulders (for my garden), or just escape.

My first (recent) foray into the wilderness I hiked only a half a mile, stopping about ten times to catch my breath and rest my tired leg muscles. It's a steady incline so it takes some stamina. I am now  capable of walking straight up the hill for a mile or more without stopping. I still breathe hard and wonder if the exercise is too intense, but I know it's good for my COVID-scarred lungs, builds bones and strengthens muscles. I also read walking in woods is a dose of really good natural probiotics from all the decomposing material causing healthy microbacteria floating in the air.

I've always been a little hesitant to walk the logging roads. There are wild animals in the woods! Cougars, coyotes, and bears, especially during the spring when the bears have little bears and can get very protective of their cubs. However, I'm more afraid of logging trucks than wildlife. And men....I'm more afraid of men than any animal or truck!

One of the logging company maintenance men was at one of the gates one day as I arrived and we began talking about the roads. He warned me of a homeless man who was a bit hostile and perhaps mentally ill. The logging company holds a lottery every year so that 300 people can get passes that cost $325 for the year. This gives them keys for gate access and they are able to hunt, fish, train search and rescue dogs, forage for food, camp, or live in vans up in the wilderness. 

The week before I spoke with the maintenance guy I did hike past a man with a backpack coming down the hill on one of the little used grassy logging roads. I said, "Good morning." He replied, "Good morning, how are you?" I said, "I am wonderful. How are you? He said enthusiastically, "I am blessed by the Lord!" as he kept walking. Now I do think Christianity is a mental illness, but he seemed harmless enough. The maintenance man did admit he gave the homeless man a trespassing ticket for not having a pass...yeah, that might have made him hostile.

Still, as a precaution against mentally ill or bad behaving men, unmanaged dogs, angry mama bears, or hungry cougars, I take a stun gun with me. On occasion I hit the button by accident or even lean on it and it scares the beejeebies out of me. I've only used it once and that was on a loudly buzzing insect that circled me for about 100 feet and it worked just by pointing it. From what I understand it might pause a bear rather than scare it away so I have to aim for the snout or if the bear is gnawing on my arm or leg, hit her in the mouth. I am hoping it would annihilate a bad man or biting dog. I kind of look forward to trying it out!

Most of the roads are lined with thick forest so they offer little in the way of scenery, but if I climb high enough there are views of the valley and of the town where I live. I love all the green! It amazes me and although I've lived in this area of the country for most of my life, I don't take it for granted.

Nature is so amazingly beautiful.

Pen Pals

 I had pen pals when I was in high school. My best friend moved away in ninth grade and we had letter writing contests until we were off to college. My French teacher had us sign up for international pen pals so we could practice our language skills so I had pen pals in France and England. I loved writing letters. This was before computers so they were handwritten and snail-mailed. Then we all grew up, got busy with life and writing letters went by the wayside.

A blog I followed wrote a post on friendship and letter writing. The post suggested, if brave enough, to submit our addresses if we want to exchange letters, postcards, happy thoughts or support with the other blog followers. I thought this would be a wonderful way to meet people and converse safely without chemical exposures so I gave it a try.

I started by sending birthday cards in Christmas envelopes to anyone who sounded compatible or people who were going through a tough time. I sent some postcards with uplifting quotes. It felt good to send happiness and cheer through the mail. I love to write about nothing. I love to decorate. This was fun!

People wrote back with their own cards. Some sent art, stickers, decorations. Others discussed their interests, hobbies, travels, health, family, and books they are reading. One woman who was experiencing grief wrote telling me she thought my printing style was "very comforting, creative, uniform and decisive". It made her feel calm amidst the surrounding turmoil she was experiencing. Wow. Who would have thought printing would have that kind of effect on anyone?

Some wrote only once and others kept writing. Handwriting letters is odd. First, it's totally not like typing. You can't just free write thoughtlessly and correct mistakes as you go or you end up with one messy letter. It took me a while to get used to the idea that once I sent the letter, there won't be an immediate response like email. I also found I couldn't remember what I wrote in the last letter so I had to start copying the letters. How did I used to write a letter and not copy it? The anticipation of waiting for a response is both fun and frustrating. I wonder what is taking them so long? I wonder if they decided to stop writing. I wonder if I said something stupid or off-putting!

Then one woman sent me paper and an envelope that she watercolor washed in bright colors! It was so joyful, creative and inspiring to find something in my dark and dreary mailbox besides dark and dreary bills! I was absolutely dazzled and delighted by the brilliance. I was determined to share this experience with not only my pen pal who sent me the watercolored paper, but with all my other pen pals. Everyone deserves to be dazzled. I also got some free envelopes with cellophane address windows.

Here are a few of my watercolor envelope designs and interior cards to cover the windows: 

Male-Practicing

My new functional medicine doctor made his agenda very clear during the second appointment.

Wait, let's start at the beginning. The first appointment he spent one hour READING my new patient intake form. He asked very few questions and rarely even looked up at me. I found myself spending most of that hour staring at the floor. I drove two hours to be at that appointment. Why not just read in the privacy of his office and let me stay at home? Then he charged my insurance $600 for the hour. Is it any wonder I think doctors are overpaid? 

Our health care system accepts and promotes "practicing" as viable health care. If doctors don't find a solution, a remedy, the patient just keeps returning putting more money in their pockets. There should be a money-back guarantee. At the very least there should be standards of efficacy. 

This doctor also doesn't listen. What is new? It doesn't matter what I'm trying to tell him. Heck, I don't even think he read the intake form or he glossed over the parts that didn't fit his methods of practicing. His agenda isn't health care or at least MY health care.

More importantly, I think these functional medicine doctors have specific, single-minded protocols, and have no intention of veering off the established path. It would be too much work to actually recognize the patient is an individual with individual health care concerns. So much easier to see them as just another cow in the herd. After all, we are all the same. "Let's practice on that cow. We can do anything we want with a compliant cow as long as they are fed. It's not like they have the brains to question or complain."

I actually went back for a second appointment. Why? Because I'm a good cow. OK. My insurance actually covers him. That makes him cheap. I guess you get what you pay for. Most other doctors have a two-month wait for an appointment now. I justified if I can get a workable prescription so I can continue my thyroid experiments, it would be worth his insolence. Maybe he'll eventually accept me as a human being? Not likely. So far after every appointment I'm disgusted and vow never to return, but....I'm just as bad as he is supporting this health care system of incompetence.

He ordered $3,000 worth of tests during the second appointment, half of them I had done in the past year with lab copies in hand. Several of those tests I had done up to three times in the past year! He explains he prefers another lab. I wonder if he has stock in this lab? The other half of the tests are for nutrient levels and possible deficiencies...but I clearly explained on the intake form and again, verbally I am incredibly drug intolerant. I went into great detail writing every side effect up and down the margins. Does he think I'll invest in a cupboard full of pills and willingly take them? I can see he's not listening and I can foresee his agenda...excessive testing...then prescribing a closet full of supplements. He is no different than any other functional medicine doctor. 

About half of the tests are not covered by my insurance. One of the tests costs $450. A friend of mine is a practitioner and has access to tests. She said the lab charges about $200. The rest is the doctor's add-on charge. He's getting paid more than the test costs just to order it! There should be a law against this.

My labs showed nearly all nutrients fine so at least I know the diet is working. My iodine levels are low but he can't answer why. He tells me, "Every [cow] is low in iodine." He knows so little about Hashimoto's he doesn't understand the disease was relatively unknown until the government started fortifying foods with iodine...now Hashimoto's is an epidemic. Iodine supplementation will cause autoimmune attacks in people with Hashimoto's. He doesn't seem to understand that. Or maybe he just doesn't care. He doesn't get paid to diagnose correctly so why would he? I asked him why my autoimmune antibodies have increased. His answer, "Because you have an autoimmune disease." OH. MY. GOD. The incompetence makes me barf.

When I repeat once again, although very gently and sweetly to not rock the pedestal he has placed himself on, how I've done all these tests and treatments. How I am very intolerant to drugs of any kind including pharmaceuticals, but also supplements and herbs. I know this from experience. I can tell he's not listening. And he's ignored anything I've said about chemical sensitivity. Zero acknowledgement. His rant begins:

"If you can't do exactly what I want you to do, then I can't help you. You'll need to find another doctor."

I wanted to SCREAM at him, "YOU CAN'T HELP ME IF YOU DON'T LISTEN TO ME!" I didn't. It wouldn't matter. Then the truth presents itself:

He says, "Your insurance doesn't pay me enough because of the contract I have with them. I can only take insurance because I am HERE."

HERE? I pondered this for a while. What did he mean HERE? While pondering I resisted the urge to scream, "YOU ARE OVERPAID ANYWAY!"

I wondered if he treats his male patients the same way? Does he snap at them when they ask him questions? Does he dismiss what they are saying? Does he demand total compliance from another man and expect that man not to question? Hmmm....

HERE. He is bought and sold by a supplement company. He represents them and his office is located HERE in their complex. He is so compromised as a supplement salesperson there is no way he can be objective. It stands to reason he will order  as many tests as possible to justify prescribing as many supplements as possible so it will support his bottom line. That is where he makes his money. It's not about health care, it's about profit mongering. Most doctors aren't this honest with their underlying agenda as they pretend to be health care providers, but I think he just loves to hear himself talk.

Seriously, health care disgusts me. The stench of money is nearly as bad as the stink of perfume.

I went back for a third appointment. He's not happy with the fact the test results don't justify prescribing copious amounts of pills so for the third appointment he orders another $1,000 worth of tests. After arguing with him (gently), he finally gives me the prescription I want. I think he just wants me gone. LOL. I will be gone eventually. It's just a matter of time.

Adios, orange cone.

Moments of Joy, Part II (Works of Art)

Winter makes me a slug. I don't want to do much except sleep, watch TV, and pretend the world around me doesn't exist. I still have bouts of creativity, but they are few and far between.

My neighbor, the only one I kind of like, approached me about a year ago and complained about the potholes on the road down to the highway. It's used by truck drivers. He's a truck driver. Hmmm.... He drives his truck up and down that road daily, all the way to his house and parks it next to my house. I should hate him for causing my walls to crack and, of course, destroying the road that I have to attempt to drive as I negotiate potholes that are lake-size. It's life threatening. He complains. I made suggestions, but he's not real active. Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter...the guy is a slug year round. I still like him. He has a subversive streak.

So he approaches me the other day and says, "Tonight is the night. I'm painting the potholes. Are you in? Or are you out?" 

I screamed, quietly so no one would hear, "I'M ABSOLUTELY, DEFINITELY IN!"

At 10:00pm, dressed in black, and under the cover of darkness, we embarked on our secret mission:

PENIS POTHOLES!

It's a work of art!

We did about five before we ran out of spray paint. I felt very proud, exceptionally creative, and outrageously subversive. Adrenaline rushes are good for the soul. So is social consciousness...maybe the city will repair the road now. OK. I doubt it.

The whole way home we were planning our next mission since we assume the city will still do nothing and now that we have experience, we know what kinds of artistic improvements we need to make. First, we need better paint. I think fluorescent green or pink because white doesn't stand out much. We also need to stick with the bigger phallic symbols since they can be seen better. Bigger and brighter is always good when one is trying to make a point....or a penis. Lime green penises would be delicious.

I've been driving this horrible road way too often now because it just brings me so much joy to see the big, hairy-balled penises all over the road. If the city does nothing, I hope it makes driving up and down the road more pleasurable for others.

Moments of Joy....

Moments of Joy

I recently had a debate with a friend on life and our expectations of happiness. I told her I didn't believe it was realistic to expect a life of happiness. Good things happen and bad things happen. It's a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. It's the bad experiences that give balance and help us appreciate our good experiences. All we can hope for is a life of overall contentment as we negotiate the ride. However, MCS is on a whole other level and to mitigate the negativity of this ongoing experience, I search and revel in moments of joy no matter how small or mundane. Sometimes this is a challenge, but I persist. Every day.

I was thinking about this today as I did a basic household repair. One of my wall heaters started blowing cold air. This is not good on a 30 degree morning when all outdoor surfaces are thick with ice. Four years ago another wall heater refused to work. I called the local furniture store for advice. The heater was only a few years old. The woman on the phone said she'd ask her repair guy and get back with me. I waited. A week later I figured they forgot so I headed to the nearest hardware store and bought a new heater. I installed it myself rather than hiring electricians at $80 hour, because I'm just that kind of woman (cheap). But I hung on to the old heater in case the repair guy would contact me.

He did! A few days later he told me it could be dust clogging the electrical points causing it to just not turn on. Hmmm...if this is the case, it would be a horrible waste of money to throw it out so I cleaned it the best I could, put it in a box, and stored it in the back of my closet until the next heater dies.

Here it is 2022, four years later. I dug the box out of the back of the closet, cleaned the heater with an electronic duster which released a whole litter of giant dust bunnies I must have missed with the first cleaning, electrified it, crossed my fingers, and turned it on. IT WORKS! OMG! I almost threw this old heater away not understanding it was just taking a little rest. Such a joyful feeling to not only save money, but be self-reliant.

Another moment of joy this month...2022 is starting out very joyous! This is a good sign. 

I sent one of my handmade, collage Christmas cards to Girl Alive in Malaysia. This was a risk. We both knew it. With the pandemic, international mail has been problematic at best, but I felt risky. The woman at the post office did some odd things that should have given me pause, but I ventured forth and sent it anyway. This was in November over a month before Christmas. It never arrived for Christmas. I was disappointed, and reprimanded myself for being so risky, but oh well, if it would have arrived, it might have brought my friend some Christmas joy.

January 20th...IT ARRIVED! Two months later, but IT ARRIVED! I was so shocked I accused her of lying to me just to make me feel better. LOL! (Sorry, Girl Alive!) So in January, a month kind of blah for joy, my friend received some surprised joy! I felt such overwhelming happiness for something so simple and random. So wonderful.

I love moments of joy. They make life...content.

Health Care Curse

It's a new year and I always like to think of it as a new beginning. A fresh start where everything will be wonderful and will proceed as it should be, not as it has been.

Health care...hmmmm....

First, I found myself a new doctor. Maybe. He's a functional medicine doctor and I'm impressed with some of his online videos. He likes to talk and since most doctors don't talk, I think I would really like a talker. I'm always full of hope and anticipation for the first appointment and then they fail miserably...BUT I'm not going to think like that! Be positive! It's a new year!

Second, I ordered a new thyroid prescription refill. This compounding pharmacy has failed every step of the way, but I stick with them because I'm not convinced another compounding pharmacy would be any better. I've had problems with all of them.

It takes them two weeks to refill the prescription and I'm out of medication and scrapping the bottle. The new refill came today! I was relieved. I opened it up, ready to dive into fresh drug. It won't come out of the bottle. Ummmm.... I shake it, and try again. I tear the label off because it covers the bottle and I want to see through it. I see nothing, but I think maybe the drug is on the side of the bottle or solidified on the bottom. It's hard to see through these brown pharmaceutical bottles. I got a flashlight and tried to peer in. Then I got a Q-Tip , shoved it in, and swished it around.

THERE IS NOTHING IN THE FUCKING BOTTLE. SHIT. They sent me an empty bottle? I paid for an empty bottle? Nice.

What is it with health care and me? We are enemies! Am I the only one with these experiences? Every step is a constant struggle. Am I cursed? Will I be cursed with bad health care experiences for the rest of my life? How can I possibly be positive for the new year when my bad luck persists?

The pharmacist apologized profusely, snatched up a new bottle, actually infused it with drug, and sent it. And charged me AGAIN!! Really? The snafus are never ending!

The end of my rant.

UGH!!!