Fragrance vs. Friendship

I hate my neighbors. The bad dog owners who's dogs bark all day while they are at work or on vacation, the backstabbing betrayals, the gossips, the adults acting like teenage deliquents, the fruit thieves, the entitled. I do everyting in my power to avoid them, nevermind most them are scented with stink. I live as if I'm on a deserted island visiting far away places when I need a friendship fix.

My new neighbor moved in last year. I was so thrilled when the old neighbor moved away and took her barking dogs and sky rats with her I would have embraced anyone who replaced her. I watched my new neighbor. She has a dog. I waited to see what kind of dog owner she was. The dog never barked. That says a lot! She hung art OUTSIDE her house. OMG! She must be my people!

On Valentine's Day I sent her and her husband a Valentine's Day card and welcomed them to the neighborhood. We began communicating via email using the pandemic as a reason not to meet in person. Her first comment was I am the nicest person in the neighborhood. I told her the whole rest of the neighborhood would probably disagree. I started running into her at the park while she walked her dog. I couldn't help myself and with the instructions we wear masks and social distance, I invited her over for tea. I did explain I was chemically sensitive so no fragrances are allowed. She said she would comply.

Tea was lovely. I showed her around my house, my art, and gave her a watercolor that she loved. Yes, we failed miserably at social distancing, but I had covid and she was vaccinated so I threw all caution to the wind. We took our masks off to drink tea, but then replaced them immediately. I am still worried if I can get the latest covid variant so I'm being very cautious.

As we shared our life stories, our discussion turned to chemical sensitivity. She confessed she wears perfume. She LOVES perfume. She couldn't live without perfume, but she was taught not to wear it in public and she definitely would never wear it around me. I had a bit of a panic. In my experience, perfume wearers are dangerous. Life threatening. They always fuck up and forget. But I wanted her as a friend. I adored her. I needed someone in my immediate vicinity for support. Could she be a friend?

After she left, I removed my maks and went back into the house. It reeked strongly of laundry detergent. I got out all my fans and air purifiers and cussed at my stupidity. Severe migraines lasted for three days. Mental note: she's not allowed in my house again. I talked myself into thinking wearing masks outside might shield me from future misery, but I had a bad feeling this friendship might be short-lived. We'll take one day at a time and I will enjoy her company until the end.

We emailed constantly sharing our art and our daily existence. I volunteered to feed her cat one weekend when she went out of town. While in the house my mask slipped down and I realized after one inhale her house reeked of toxic perfume. I made a note never to go into her house. 

She got a new, hyperactive, adorable puppy and I began to help her walk her dogs. After our walks we would visit six feet apart in her backyard soaking in the sun and talking about everything. She kept saying she was replacing her scented products with unscented, and she wasn't wearing perfume very often. It was SO FUN to have a friend and I had hoped with time and enough education she would eventually be totally fragrance-free. Her husband has a debilitating autoimmune disease. I carefully mention her perfume and scented products could be making him worse.

The back pain started in March, but I didn't associate it with chemicals. My lungs would feel painful. Breathing was sometimes difficult. These symptoms I associated with covid long-hauler side effects, but they went away for a while returning in...the summer? Really? It still didn't register. What about the constant, but minor coughing? Then my throat started feeling inflammed. For a month. It got so bad my doctor thought it was strep throat. WHAT? Strep throat doesn't last a month...does it? I start going down the rabbit hole testing my thyroid and my lungs.

My chest x-ray showed scarring and my doctor says, "Have you had any lung diseases in your past?" Oh, for god's sake! We are in the middle of a pandemic! She actually has never asked me if I had covid and I don't see the point in sharing since the medical community is incapable of knowing what to do with covid. But what about the "borderline hyperinflation"? Normally that would be caused by asthma or COPD. Hmmmm...

So my new neighbor-friend and I are on a dog walk, I share my test results and tell her lung hyperinflation is probably caused by chemical sensitivity since chemicals impact my lungs.  I mention she's really the only person I've been seeing lately because of the pandemic. She off-hand says that she's still using perfume, but I'm wearing a mask so how could I be exposed? I tell her about the migraines I had after she left my house one day. She said, "No way!" (I hate being discounted.) I also tell her humans inhale through their eyes and skin. She laughed and replied, "I guess I'll have to stop using Dove soap." I stared at her dumbfounded. OMG.

I pondered all the facts overnight and became angrier with each minute as I realized how much in denial I have been in just to keep my new friend. She's been poisoning me little at a time over the past few months and I blamed it on anything but her stink. Soap, laundry detergent, lotions, and perfume. She also said she wears the same clothes over and over again before washing them. She's killing me.

I resisted the next step. I hate losing friend over chemical sensitivity. I eventually told her I can no longer be around her if she isn't fragrance-free. As I assumed, she didn't understand "fragrance-free" means FRAGRANCE-FREE. And as usual, she's not willing to give up her scented products. Fragrances are more important than friendship.

I'm trying not to be utterly disappointed and depressed. I knew it would come to this. People who use fragrances don't have a clue. There is no hope. It's useless to donate a box of unscented products in hopes of converting them. I know. I've wasted money before doing just this. They are addicted. I think she'd actually have to go through rehab in order to be my friend and then of course, wait six months to get it all washed out of her clothes and her house de-perfumed.

Stinkers

Have you ever noticed people who wear perfume are often the most needy? Demanding? Flamboyant? Attention-getting? Friendly?

I love my drawing group. It's a rare opportunity for a social life, but there are members who seem desperate for attention, always women. It's easy to identify who they are as they always dress flamboyantly. Bright, attention-getting clothing is always the first clue.

There is one who constantly talks too much and too loudly. She dyes her hair bright red, wears lace-up boots, frilly dresses, and lots of make-up. She arrives early, canvases the location, greeting everyone, and bullies her way into conversations making herself the center of attention. LOUDLY. It's very important for her to whip out her sketchbook to show everyone all the art she's been working on since we saw her last. She is the show, the reason we have convened. I sense she needs confirmation and encouragement to be told she's valuable and loved. She often stinks so I avoid getting close to her. She doesn't come to all the meetings. The last time we saw her she went on and on about how toxic paint is BUT, oh well, I guess I'll just get cancer!! She kept repeating this and laughing as if cancer is the worst that can happen after a chemical exposure. Clearly she's never watched anyone die from cancer and clearly she has never heard of Multiple Chemical Sensitivity which I'm sure would be her ultimate nightmare. But how do I explain this to someone who has no clue and looks at me like a deer caught in headlights when I try? There is another woman who loves wearing bright purple clothing with hats. I do love her creative expression. She also smells but not excessively. She's not as noisy. I have found the amount of flamboyance and noise is often directly related to the amount of perfume they are wearing. She doesn't come to all the meetings either. Thankfully.

During our last meeting another flamboyantly-dressed noise maker showed. I hadn't seen her for a long, long time so I said, "Hey! I haven't seen you for a long, long time!" Perhaps she was moved by the fact I noticed she had been missing or just excited that someone was paying attention to her so without warning she moved in for a hug. Arms up, reaching, grabbing. I hardly know this woman. She seems very nice, but this is unacceptable. I immediately put my hand out and said, "I don't hug." I wanted to say, Don't you dare wipe that shit all over me! There was a tree behind me and people on each side of me so I couldn't move to escape.

She looked at me with such horror. I've written blog posts on hugging so I know this reaction to my hug ban is not unusual after all I am the anomaly, the odd one out, the strange one who doesn't welcome affection even from a stranger. The group had gathered in the sharing circle so I sensed everyone around me was watching because, after all, she did this to give herself center stage as if to scream LOOK! I AM LOVED!! In the past I have tried to keep "Perfume is My Poison" from becoming my identity and mantra, but this was too much. The woman was demanding an explanation with her grief-stricken facial expression.

"I am deathly allergy to perfume."

She stared. I repeated, "DEATHLY. ALLERGIC."

She responded with, "Oh, and I do have perfume on today."

It was all I could do not to scream, YOU DON'T THINK I KNOW THAT? I CAN SMELL YOU TWENTY FEET AWAY!! But I couldn't. People were watching and it doesn't pay to be rude to someone who is trying to be ultra-friendly unless you want to be thought of as a bitch. People just don't get how it makes me feel to be attacked, poisoned, threatened. She backed away while slowly comprehending what I said and moved to the other side of our circle. I should have walked away, left the vicinity, but I felt compelled not to make a scene and to stay. I went home ill and spent the next few days with exhaustion, nausea and headaches. I need to be more vigilant with these women. After all, I can see (and smell) them coming. There is plenty of warning. Attempting a social life comes with risks.

I think it's so strange that it's always the flamboyantly-dressed perfume wearers who are the huggers as if they need to infiltrate your personal space and make it known they exist. By touching you they mark and claim you. Like an animal. They are also the most needy, most demanding, most attention-getting, of course, the stinkiest, and the most creatively dressed.

So now that I've written this post on stinkers out of frustration and mostly out of anger and I had a lot of fun with the illustrations, I'm having second thoughts. As much as I resent these unenlightened people poisoning me, trying to kill me, and making me sick, they are really nice people otherwise. I remember when I first moved into my house, it was the stinkers who showed up on my doorstep presenting welcome gifts of scented candles. Anyway, I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings even if they care little for my feelings and well-being. Bottom line, if you try to kill me, I get to make fun of you. However, I'm torn between satisfaction and guilt. I might delete this....

The Pregnant Pause

Pregnant women stink. They smell like rancid milk. So I certainly understand their ignorant desire to bathe in perfume without any consideration for the health of their unborn child. People are stupid and pregnancy doesn't make them smarter.

Pregnancy can make some women very sensitive to fragrances and smells of any kind and they become temporarily chemically sensitive. Their bodies are working properly attempting to protect their unborn child from danger. Unfortunately, my latest encounter with a pregnant stinker was of the stupid variety, not the protective variety.

I was at the food co-op. A safe place filled with wholesome foods and health-conscientious employees. I've been shopping there for over ten years with very few exposure problems. I could smell her twenty feet away. It took me about one second to realize I was about to be poisoned, another second to turn and identify from where it was attacking, and another second to get the hell out of the air space. Three seconds too long and one too many whiffs of her toxicity. I headed to the other side of the store, watched the aisles closely all the while adjusting my proximity waiting impatiently for her to leave.

One of the volunteer-workers was watching me, came up behind me, and asked sweetly if I needed any help. I'm sure with the panic all over my face I LOOKED like I needed help.

"No, I'm just waiting for one of your customers who is bathed in perfume to leave the store." Clearly I was pissed off.

"Oh, I can't stand the smell of perfume. It makes me sick." she replied.

"It's toxic and deadly. And she's pregnant. Why would anyone subject their unborn child to such poisons?"

WHY indeed? Why does she bother buying and eating healthy, organic food if she is dousing herself on the outside with poison? It defies logic. If I could have gotten close to her, I might have asked her. I asked this question when actress Halle Berry was pregnant and promoting her perfume on talk shows. Are these women really that stupid?

The pregnant stinker wandered the aisles pausing too often to fill her shopping basket totally unaware of the effect she has on everyone's air quality and totally oblivious to the shopper glaring at her from a distance. The one whiff of her poison made my head spin uncomfortably and stomach lurch with nausea. It took her about fifteen minutes to leave the store and another fifteen minutes for the ventilation to clear the stink. It took me three days to heal from the subsequent migraines, nausea, and fatigue.

There should be laws against the stupidity.

"The Smell of Money"

Movies use that line to describe someone who is ambitious. I hate the smell of money. I think it's the inks that are used to print it and I'm pretty sure they offgas for decades. Get paper money really close to your nose (not advisable) and one can detect the lingering smell of stale cigarette smoke or the stench of sweaty palms. Just imagine where that money might have been? In the hands of people who don't wash their hands after they use the restroom, in the pants pocket of a dirty homeless person who urinates on himself, dropped on the floor of a gas station bathroom, between the breasts of a stripper or down the pants of a male stripper. Good Lord! Money is nice to spend, but to handle it? It grosses me out. I prefer the line "Money is Evil."

Yesterday I ran errands most of the day going in and out of stores. I rarely have a problem, but I know where to shop, which cashiers to avoid, and I pretty much avoid all shoppers as I skirt the edges of the store and move quickly. I have the system memorized and well-rehearsed. 

When I arrived home I looked in my coin purse to see what was left. Damage assessment. Whew! Someone gave me a handful of money drenched in perfume. It was in a tight little wad so it came from one place and it must have happened so quickly I didn't notice it at the time. Grab my change, thank the cashier, stuff it in the coin purse, shove it in my purse, leave. Transaction is done. It's automatic. I rarely take the time to smell the money at the check stand.

STINK! I almost shoved it back into the purse to get it away from my air space, but that would continue to contaminate everything. I grabbed a plastic baggie from my drawer and sealed it in. I needed to get rid of it. I drove to the gas station and gave it to the attendant.

"I don't know how much is in there, but I'd like to get some gas." I smiled. "It stinks," I said as I stepped back as if I thought it would explode. He opened it and counted $17.00. Hmmm...that must have been the grocery store where I bought the batteries. "Tena" was the checker's name. I'll need to remember that.

It never ceases to amaze me how a chemically sensitive person can be poisoned. It can come out of left field just when you let your guard down.

I've never liked the smell of money anyway.

HAZMAT

Today I mailed a package.

The postal woman asked, "Is the item you are mailing perishable, flammable, or dangerous?

No. I mail enough packages to know the drill. I was half asleep.

"Does it contain biological substances, alcohol, aerosols, lithium batteries or perfume?"

No..uh, WHAT? Did you say PERFUME?

Did you know perfume is dangerous? It is believe to be the cause of airplane fires that have gone unexplained for years.

Whoa!

Finally, someone in authority, a government entity, [The United States Postal Service] has recognized perfume is dangerous! Because it's flammable, it can only be shipped domestically and transported via surface mail. The postal woman is required to label it with a HAZMAT warning and contain it in a special crate so everyone is aware of the impending danger.

 

 

She went on to tell me perfumes are 10% alcohol which is flammable. Of course I chimed in with, "All perfumes have toluene which is an ingredient used to make explosives!"

She said airline personnel make the final decision and sometimes they put all the hazardous flammables into one crate and transport them all together. Eeewww. I don't ever want to be on that airplane!

 

Of course, I didn't stop there, "Perfume is dangerous and it's about time someone finally admitted it. It's made from toxic chemicals yet stupid people want to put it all over their bodies. No one should wear it and I have yet to figured out why it hasn't been banned."

With eyes wide and full of fear, the postal lady nodded in agreement.

It's just a matter of time. I mean, how many people out in the general public have ever told you perfume is dangerous? Maybe next, people who wear perfume will be classified as spontaneously combustible terrorists!?  I say throw them all in prison!

This gives me so much hope.

My SFF

I used to shop all the time. Pre-chemical sensitivity I spent so much money at Nordstrom I'm surprised I don't own a stock majority. In an attempt to maintain my shopping habit, I even wrote Nordstrom letters about their stinky salespeople and smelly store. I once suggested moving the perfume counters to the top floor with state-of-the-art ventilation going out the ceiling. If 15% of the population are seriously fragrance-free, then that's 15% of the population who cannot shop at their store. You'd think they'd care. You would also think with a hundred or so employees working at one store they would at least restrict the amount of perfumes and colognes worn by the staff so the store doesn't smell like such a toxic waste dump. But they don't, so I don't...shop there.

Until today! This was the first time walking into a Nordstrom in ten years. I normally shop at cleaner smelling stores that have a variety of merchandise besides clothing and perfume. These stores can still be problematic, but for the most part there isn't a salesperson standing at every corner wanting to spray you with poison. Still, I can't find clothes that fit at these other stores and even if I do, everything is made in China. I'm also looking for a raincoat. Mine is fifteen years old and looks it, but try finding a raincoat not made in China. Grrrrrr.... So as a holiday reward after working for two months without a day off, I thought I'd go on a risk-taking adventure to Nordstrom.

Within ten minutes inside the door, my head started spinning, but the stench wasn't too bad.  I knew it would be the worst on the ground floor where the perfume counters were located so I headed upstairs immediately. I chose to go in the morning when it's fairly quiet with less people and less staff.


In one of the departments a incredibly perky young girl approached and asked if I need help. I immediately asked if she was wearing perfume. She stuttered a little, her perpetual smile quivered briefly, and said with squeaky cheerfulness, "Ah, no, but I do have lotion on." I assure you, I don't want her smelly lotion on the clothes I might buy so I asked her if there was anyone on the floor who was fragrance-free. I was hopeful, but realistic. I doubt it. My plan was to ask every salesperson I encountered. Eventually they would get the message they won't get a commission off me unless they are fragrance-free. My new mantra. And it rhymes!


Another young saleswoman approached me and asked if I needed help. If you understand the Nordstrom's sales process you know the key is to claim a salesperson as soon as possible to avoid being asked this question every five minutes. Thank you, someone is already helping me does the trick. Stealing another sales associate's customers will get you fired. Again with no expectation, I asked this girl if she was fragrance-free. YES! YES! SHE WAS! I almost hugged her! She told me when she was working at another Nordstrom location in a downtown area she had quite a few customers who were chemically sensitive. Hooray! I told her she was my salesperson of choice. My Salesgirl Fragrance Free. SFF.

I then explained I have a limited amount of time before all the stench would gang up on me and my tolerance would expire so we'd have to work fast. My preferences were natural fabrics, nothing made in China, preferably made in America, pants that fit and I was only going in the dressing room once. Go!

Nearly everything was made in China. I was disappointed. If I wanted Chinese manufactured clothing I'd shop at any number of cheap stores that aren't so smelly. This is Nordstrom. I expected a better class of clothing especially since the price is marked up 200% or more. You really had to search for the few items that were American-made and my time was limited.

My SFF found me jeans. Who invented stretchy jeans!? Good gracious I have been missing out all these years! And made in America!

We kept moving swiftly through the racks, my SFF and I, like a well-rehearsed team, reading tags, flipping hangers, murmuring hmmm and growling China.

Then SFF found me a raincoat! Bright red and not made in China. Not made in America either, but I don't know if it's possible to find an American-made raincoat. I've been looking for years. My SFF is wonderful.


SFF snagged me a dressing room in the lingerie department. She said that department has the least amount of salespeople and not as busy. She selected a room way at the end of the hall so smelly people wouldn't be constantly walking by. I love my SFF! As I tried clothes on, she brought me in more. Most of them were ugly, but that's how SFF was learning what I liked and didn't like.

Feeling quite satisfied, accomplished, and brave with a minimal amount of coughing, I decided drool over shoes. Unfortunately, shoes are downstairs right next to the perfumes. My SFF volunteered to go with me to help. Cha-ching. She was counting her commission. Smart SFF. Having once been a Nordstrom employee myself, I knew she couldn't help me in shoe department because it takes special training and knowledge to find merchandise in the stockroom. It's a jungle back there. And the shoe salespeople are very possessive. You don't wander out of your department and into the shoe department unless you had a death wish. SFF was a little nervous so I guessed she was new, but not totally oblivious to the rules. I spied some cool boots and asked my SFF about them. As we were discussing the pros and cons of style, a shoe salesperson approached me, glared at my SFF, and asked if I needed help. SFF looked frightened. I asked the woman, "Are you wearing perfume?" She squinted her eyes at me, defiantly placed one hand on her hip, and replied, "Yes."

I replied, "No, thank you." I turned to my SFF and said I would probably need to go to another store for shoes where people aren't wearing perfume.

Sarcastic shoe saleslady said with a smug sneer, "But it's Brad Pitt's favorite perfume!"

Is she serious? WHO CARES? Who would ever care what kind of perfume the Pitt would like? Is that really why she bought it? Does she think Brad Pitt will walk into this Nordstrom, give up his very fertile girlfriend who looks like a starving mannequin (that's "dummy" in French) and their twenty kids and run away with her because she was wearing his favorite stink?

 

My annoyed alter ego took over. I replied with a look that matched if not exceeded her sneer, "Brad Pitt is an idiot." Yeah, I know that was unnecessarily mean, but it had been at least a half hour or more smelling toxic air and my brain was feeling irritable. When being poisoned, the MCSer can't possibly be responsible for rude comments.

 

Too smelly to stay, SFF and I quickly relocated to the less toxic upstairs lingerie department where she rang up my purchases. She suggested I call her anytime and she would mail me merchandise with free shipping. So nice of her, but I told her I've tried that before and Nordstrom's merchandise is scented so I'd rather not. As I departed, I yelled back at her loud enough for everyone to hear, "And again, thank you so much for not wearing perfume or scented lotion. I so appreciate it." All the other salesgirls hung their heads in shame.

Well, I learned Nordstroms hasn't changed. They still stink. But I now possess a pair of stretchy, girdle-tight jeans and a new raincoat...and a non-stop cough and headache. Prior to my self-imposed exile, I would have run gasping from the store unable to breath and sick for a week. I'm not sure if the exile, my much healthier diet, or the lack of exposure has improved my reaction time and symptoms, but I'm glad I survived. It was worth it.

Now how do I unscent these extremely stinky purchases?

Merry Christmas to me!

History of Perfume

Once upon a time, long, long ago, in a land far away, people used flower extracts, spices and herbs for perfume. Can you imagine? And they didn't even bathe back then. I swear I was born in the wrong century! Perfume used to be very expensive because it was difficult to make as it took time, skill and natural, quality ingredients.


The chemical boom started right around World War II and that's when everything went artificial, including perfume. I wouldn't be surprised if the deadly nerve gas developed during the war ended up as one of the ingredients in perfume. Perhaps the premise is if you can't attract a man with your fake stink, you can kill him as the alternative?

Toluene is in every perfume. It's also in furniture stripper, gasoline and explosives. It causes cancer along with a host of other health issues such as brain damage, memory loss, muscle control issues, numbness, tremors, headaches, and asthma. That's just one of at least 800 toxic chemicals used to make one perfume formula.

Perfume is still expensive, but chemicals are cheap. What consumers now pay for are the trade secrets (formulas) and the brand names.  What a rip. To protect these trade secrets, perfume manufacturers are totally unregulated by any government entity and are not required to list specific ingredients on labels. (Of course, that isn't to suggest any government entity regulates anything anyway!) This is excellent for sales because if people knew what they were putting on their bodies, they might decide it wasn't worth the health risk.  Someone once said wearing perfume is like covering yourself in paint...except you'd be a prettier color.

The use of the word fragrance is interesting to me. It's such a pretty word, but all it means on a label is a chemical that rearranges your brain cells so you think you are smelling a particular scent. When you see fragrance on a label, think toxic poison. Not so pretty now, is it? Also, stay away from any product with the ingredient "masking fragrance."  This is a chemical designed to shut off your brain so you can't smell it and it's used in many unscented products.


I read a study that discussed the horrors of chemical scents and how they affect our ability to make good choices when selecting a mate. We have been conditioned to believe our natural scents are repellent to others and it scares the hell out of us. Have you ever dated someone who's natural smell was so bad it made you gag? They would be classified as  "chemically incompatible" with you. The next person who comes along might think that person smells wonderful! This aspect of matchmaking is impossible to detect if one or both parties are bathed in artificial stink. Yet we are afraid someone might smell us so we cover  up our own scent with perfumes, colognes, and body washes. Unfortunately, if we can't properly smell the opposite sex, how do we select a compatible mate? Maybe this is why divorce rates are so high?  The study went on to say that perfumes don't attract the opposite sex and often disgust them. Scents that do attract are vanilla for women and cloves/cinnamon for men. Our ancestors knew what they were doing.


People are slowly starting to recognize the health ramifications of perfumes. Many businesses, schools and government offices are implementing fragrance-free policies. Even whole cities! Someday we will see fragrance bans in public places like we see smoking restrictions.  That will be a time of celebration.