Heating

Portrait of Misery

My heating system is making me sick. In preparation for the arrival of winter, I turned it on and within two hours I felt like I had a horrible case of flu, bronchitis, and pneumonia all rolled into one. Breathing became difficult, my sinuses hurt, my throat felt like it was on fire, my neck swelled, my ears congested, my face rash returned, and my head began to pound. Maybe I'm just sick? It's like I'm in constant denial although I've been dealing with this same "sickness" every winter since I moved into this house. Every October when I turn on the heat it's the same nightmare and I spend months waiting desperately for May to arrive so I can turn the heat off again. This year the illness came much faster and was twice as bad as any previous year. I turned the heat off and it nearly all went away.

I've been calling around interviewing heating repair people and getting ideas. Is it ozone caused by a haywire filtering system? Or do the air ducts need to be inspected, cleaned and sealed because they are sucking in the dust, mold, and rat shit from under the house? The public utilities department gives rebates to have the duct sealing done and this seems like the most likely scenario. Sounds like a good plan until I started asking the right questions.

First and foremost, the duct repair guy doesn't wear perfume or scented products. I'm not sure he knows what scented products means, but at least he acted like he understood the question.

I tell the him when I had the heat off all summer if there was a wind outside I could feel it coming through the vents. He says the ducts must be compromised, in other words, there is a hole somewhere. I confessed Santy Claws was living under my house last Christmas and he started moaning. It's not a good sign when the heating guy starts moaning. Yeah, I already knew opossums are known for trashing heating systems. Yeah, I know they poop all over creating a bacterial health hazard. Yeah, I know this could mean lots of money. I didn't mention rats or mold to him. I was afraid he'd start crying. Moaning was bad enough. I did warn him about the cayenne pepper all over. (Someone told me cinnamon also works to deter rodents and spiders! I can't believe it would be as good as cayenne. I would think rats would like something that smells like bakery goods.)

What is use to seal the ducts? Mastic sealant. Oh, you know the stuff that offgases methanol, ethylene glycol, and ammonia from two weeks to six months.

What about duct replacement materials saturated in formaldehyde. Oh great. I am doomed.

Here it is. If I repair this heating system there might be a chance it would render me homeless. An option would be to have the whole heating system re-done and go to radiant heat, but do I really want to spend that kind of money on a house I want to sell? Do I have a choice since moving right away is not an option. The new owners will have the ducts cleaned, sealed, and have no problem. Can I live without central heat for the next couple years until I sell it? It's gonna get cold!

Pondering the options.

What a hassle.

Home Invasions

If you are anything like me, my home is my sanctuary and safe place. I've worked hard to make it a scent-free environment and I'm comforted by its own homey, familiar smells. 

Any foreign stink invader is usually readily identified as an intruder and cause for high alert.  Other than online shopping deliveries with perfume samples, here are other common home invasions I've experienced:

Visitors  Naturally, anyone wearing scented products is a problem. Friends, relatives, neighbors, salespeople, politicians, fair princesses, religious fanatics and trick-or-treaters. I have a sign on my porch that reads, "Fragrance-Free Zone. Poisons Not Allowed." Does anyone read it? NO. So I added another sign on my door window that went into great detail what fragrance-free means if they manage to by-pass the porch sign. Still, I'd get people knocking on the door.  I'd answer the door and they would move to the bottom of the porch steps, apologizing profusely but still managing to try to sell me whatever they felt I needed to buy.

Enemy Combatants

Finally, I put a sign on my gate that read, "NO TRESPASSING. KEEP OUT." Does that stop anyone? NO. Mormon boys march right through as if on a mission. Finally, I just locked the gate. Does that stop them? NO. I watched my neighbor slither her skinny little fingers through the fence posts trying to trigger the latch. In frustration I ran out there and yelled, "CAN'T ANYONE IN THIS TOWN READ?" Now when visitors can't figure out how to trigger the latch they knock on my kitchen window. There is no stopping them.  It's like a war zone.

Defensive Measures

Construction Workers, Repair People, Utility Workers, etc.  It's difficult when you need someone to come to your home to fix something. I always warn the person with whom I make the appointment that whoever shows up better not be wearing any kind of scented products or they won't be allowed on the property. This usually works. Sometimes it doesn't and they are asked to leave. Fragrance-free is a requirement if they want my money!

Construction Supplies  Paints, caulking, sealers, paint thinners, plywood, etc.  . If you can determine in advance what might stink and if there are green alternatives, this may help. If not, seal off the area, open a window, put the air purifier on high.

Call the bomb squad!

Gifts Friends used to mail me gifts saturated with their own perfume. I had one friend with whom I exchanged Christmas and birthday gifts for twenty-five years. As hard as I try, I could not get it through her head the reason her smelly gifts would end up out in the garage or in the garbage. She ended up refusing to talk to me, whining, "You don't like my perfume."



Magazine Subscriptions  Sorry! No more Vogue, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, O Magazine. Fashion magazines and most women's journals are OUT. I can't stand the perfume samples in them. Sometimes there are air freshener samples, too.  I miss them. Curling up with a fashion magazine was great entertainment. Even those in the library never offgas enough to be usable.



Library Materials This is a sneaky one. Perfumed people wipe their stinky, sweaty hands all over the books they read and then you check them out. Or the librarians putting lotion all over their hands and wiping it all over the books and videos. I might not notice the stink until it's in my car or at the very latest until I sit down on my couch with the book. It's then sealed it in a plastic bag and returned.



New Clothes If you shop department stores, new clothes will almost always have perfume on them from other shoppers or salespeople touching them and/or the fabric treatments used in manufacturing for fire retardation and mold inhibition. Straight from the shopping bag and into the washer!



Photocopies  Someone once sent me photocopies of documents bathed in perfume. Their temporary office girl did the copying. Didn't see that coming.

Neighbor Stink  If you are lucky enough to own property, there might be enough space between you and your neighbor to avoid toxic exposures. Unfortunately, my neighbors are too close and too stupid to be safe. During the spring and summer I watch all of them strap on those sprayer packs and spray down their lawns, walkways, and driveways with herbicides. We live right next to a river. I even wrote a brochure called "Save the Bees" on the ramifications of using toxic lawn chemicals and mailed it to everyone on my block. No one cared. Their lack of insight is jaw-dropping. Then there is laundry detergent, fabric sheets or dryer exhaust polluting the fresh air. Car exhaust is another issue. One morning both my neighbors warmed up their  gas-guzzling trucks at the same time for about an hour. It was like living on a freeway meridian. I lock myself in the house and pray for a good strong wind blowing in the opposite direction.

Of course, if you've ever been on the website www.neighborsfromhell.com you'll realize smell could be the least of your worries. Gun fire, homemade bombs, barking dogs, barking attack dogs, loud music, insane parties, drugs, theft and personal threats are cause for all kinds of worry. The world is full of ignorant sociopaths with entitlement issues.

Home, Sweet, Home....