2025: REVIEW & RESOLUTION

 2025 was weird and wild!

GOOD...MAYBE EVEN GREAT

The Great Adventure: What an adventure! I saw places I always wanted to see! Alaska! The West! East Coast! New England! Midwest! Canada! 50,000 miles, twenty-five states and five Canadian provinces in a year! I look back on this experience and think, WHAT THE HELL??? Did I really do that? It demanded self-sufficiency, resilience, resourcefulness and a whole lot of patience. I survived the good, the mediocre, the boring, the frightening, the terrifying, the amazing, the best of times and the worst of times. The most memorable, positive experiences: 1) Walking past Brad Pitt on the streets of Bozeman 2) The Bright Blue Ferrari covered in mud on the AlCan Highway driven by the most gorgeous man I'd ever seen in my life, 3) Three bears trying to break into my van in Idaho, 4) The Lost River Gorge and Boulder Caves, 5) Campfires and River Dipping in Montana. Wow!

Big Blue : I finally found a van! She never broke down once. Kept going on the worst of roads. Rescued me from sand, mud, monsoons, thunderstorms, lightning, bad drivers...and she just kept going. Many times I slapped my palm on the dash and screamed, "Excellent job, Big Blue! You did it again!" What would I have done if I never found her? In what toxic apartment would I have been forced to live? How much in rent, utilities and general expenses would I have been forced to pay? Maybe I would have ended up in a tent on a sidewalk? She affords me freedom and adventure, most importantly, a safe place to live.

Friends: I really appreciate the good people in my life and the fact they continue to keep in touch even as I gallavant all over North America. They don't realize how much their constant communication helped when I fractured my ankle. I struggled with overwhelming fear, depression, and anxiety and I felt so utterly alone in the world when it seemed like everything was crashing down around me. They kept emailing, asking how I was or where I was which kept my spirits from sinking.

Strangers: I am still so grateful for the strangers who helped me when I fractured my ankle. They could have walked away and left me at anytime. Instead, one offered to take my van to a safe place, another picked me up from the hospital, found free crutches online, and cared for me for a week. As I painstakingly made my way back to the states driving with my left foot and unable to walk, a few strangers volunteered to pump my gas for me since I couldn't get out of the van. One woman in Colorado volunteered to shop for me (the electric cart wasn't charged)! The Park and Ride guys at the hospital were kind and helpful as I convalesced in a hospital parking lot. I don't know what I would have done without the kindness of strangers.

NOT QUITE SURE WHERE IT GOES

Tucson: I've had some bad experiences in Tucson that haunt me. The city is filled with psychopaths who still give me nightmares. However, when I rolled back into the city after my travels, I felt like I was coming home. The desert smelled glorious, the sun was shining, and the mountains glistened gold. Still, too much traffic and too many assholes in one place. Time will tell.

Pen Pals: Hmmm...I started out with eighteen pen pals. Some naturally fell by the wayside; others switched to email long before it was necessary. However, when I hit the road and became unable to get mail, many of my pen pals opted not to email. In many ways I don't blame them. There is a difference between getting a real letter and getting an email. I did discover pen pals are not friends. What I thought was friendship through months if not years of written confessions was too easy to throw away. I enjoyed decorating envelopes and stationery, but now that I have zero motivation toward creativity and NO art supplies, I've lost interest in pen palling. I now have one pen pal and she keeps sending me scented letters so that's going to end!

BAD AND UGLY

The Great Adventure: Good god, the stress and worry nearly killed me. The expense! I was paying at least $1,000 in gas a month! One month I paid $6,000 in van repairs and maintenance. Contrary to popular opinion, living in a van is not cheap and for me, rarely relaxing. The worst experiences: 1) slipping in beach mud and fracturing my ankle, 2) stuck in deep mud in Flagstaff for five hours trying to dig my way out while wearing a cast that I wasn't supposed to get dirty or wet (mud is a constant theme and will be the death of me!), 3) scary, beer-guzzling, asshole mansplainer in Idaho, 4) thunderstorms like waterfalls and ceiling leaks, 5) driving on an almost flat tire through Canadian mountains with a drop-off cliff praying the tire would not blow out before I got to the dealership, 6) driving straight up then down a very narrow, icy mountain pass in a blizzard 6) not being able to find healthy food and driving for hours and hours in search of food, 7) scary overnights, 8) freezing overnights, 9) hot and humid overnights.

Van Life: Living in a van is fun if everything is perfect, but it rarely is. When the temperatures are reaching in the 90s to 100s, it's not fun. When the humidity is high , it's not fun. When temperatures are below 50s, it's not fun. Almost running out of gas because there are no gas stations, not fun. If the thunderstorms are so violent one has to pull off the freeway, it's not fun. Being stuck in the mud for five hours, definitely not fun. When there is a dead rat in my walls and the stink is unbearable, it's not fun. If the van isn't running well, it's so damn stressful it's not fun. Mosquitoes buzzing in my ear at night makes me insane and is not fun. Peeing in a bucket is not fun. Missing the bucket, not fun. No showers or bathing for over two months, not fun. 

Ankle Fracture: I'd never broken anything in my life. This was traumatic. More importantly, being alone in a foreign country, living in a van, unable to walk or fend for myself, and finding out insurance doesn't cover the emergency room was a nightmare. The vulnerability was frightening. The impending medical bills were stressful (but ended up not being that bad, it was worrying about the unknown that was the worst). Health care is bad even on a good day.

People: I hate people. I hate liars. I hate rude, disrespectful people. I hate manipulative, controlling men. I hate sociopathic women. I hate thoughtless people who stink. I hate bullies. I hate people who disappointment me and they always do...I've encountered all these types and more in the last year.

The PURGE: Swedish Death Cleaning is traumatic! Getting rid of childhood memorabilia, sentimental objects I've had all my life, art work I loved, clothes I've loved, antiques that were in my family for generations, the cutest car in the universe, an incredibly expensive organic wool comforter that I have exclaimed was the best purchase of my life.... The last two years I emptied a four-bedroom  two-story house full of STUFF and then this year I downsized a10x10 then a 5x5 storage unit. Some items I was able to sell, but much of it at the end was either donated or thrown away. I often see things in stores that are objects I either used to have or similiar and it makes me very depressed. I think of things I could have kept and I'm wondering where was my brain? Why didn't I keep it? Damn. Now that I'm considering finding a new home, the thought of all the money I'll have to spend to replace needed objects is daunting. But I did it. I feel cleaner not having all that STUFF cluttering my life and van.

Real Estate Shopping: This relates to the above "People". Real estate agents and sellers are so dishonest, unethical and sleazy. They lie their asses off so desperate to get a sale. It's hard to trust anyone and I don't want to buy something toxic that I'm stuck with for years and not able to sell if need be. I hate it. I've been ready to give up a few times.

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION: FIND A BASE, a new home, property, something so van life can be a luxury not a requirement. PLEASE!!! 

New Year's Eve I BURNED away 2025 and then watched it smolder. I felt incredibly relaxed. Well, I did fall into the fire once...symbolic of 2025, I guess! I love campfires!!!

The Escape Plan

 

Another year come and gone! As I review my 2022 New Year's Resolution in preparation to write my review of 2023, I pondered the goal of "plan escape". Did I succeed? Did I plan my escape?

I have planned my escape for eighteen years. Between bad neighbors with barking dogs, smelly laundry, inconsiderate rudeness, and houses that are just too close, the lack of basic community amenities like competent health care, organic food, decent phone service or postal service, and an overabundance of wet, damp and mold that I'm sure has contributed to some of my health issues, I have longed to escape, Rathole, my hell hole. I have dreamed of a place that is chemically sensitive aware, dry, warm, inexpensive with real health care and organic food. My state is one of the more expensive places to live although I didn't realize this until I started looking around.

I stayed where I am for so long for many reasons. First, was to gain equity in the house and property so it would end up a good investment and not a waste of money. Second, wait until I was retired. Third, save money. Fourth, find courage. Fifth, it's just difficult and usually unsafe to move. The past attempts have taught me that. In addition, over the years the world has intervened: economic recessions and depressions and then the pandemic. But is there a perfect place for me? Is it even possible to find a safe home?

I've decided to take a risk and venture forth! 2024 will be my year to move! How to proceed and take steps forward?

So 2023, I started planning and taking action. First, by trying to sell things. I went through all my closets and brought storage into the light. Good god, I have a lot art projects hidden away from view! Art has been my entertainment in seclusion. It keeps me sane and cognitively occupied. For years I was unable to attend festivals or markets since in-person selling was deemed too toxic. What do I do with all this boxed art and other unnecessary possessions I've hoarded over a lifetime?

My friends kept telling me to attempt Etsy. So I did. What a waste of money! First, they require you pay for every listing which sounds cheap until it starts adding up. Second, then if one wants things to actually sell, one must pay to market your items. After four months, I sold nothing. Now, I recognized at the time maybe my art is just ugly so I found the whole Etsy experience to be discouraging if not self-esteem damaging.

Then I decided I needed to sell my art history library, my expensive collection of coffee table and scholarly books, with the goal when it's gone I can move. Everyone said try eBay. I've always been leery of online anything. In fact I've never purchased anything from eBay or Etsy in my life, but I dove in head first. I got the feel for it with Etsy. Would eBay be more difficult or easier?

The eBay learning curve was hellishly steep! Trying to figure out how to work the shipping with all its rules and requirements was daunting. The scams and possible problems made the my probation stressful. After too many learning glitches, I figured it all out!  Once I had all the items listed which is the time consuming part, all I do now is wait for something to sell, pack it and ship it. Done! eBay does all the finances and deposits money into my bank account! How wonderful is that? Some people make up to $6,000 a month reselling things! I'm just selling my personal junk, but every dollar counts.

Things started selling immediately!! I didn't realize a lot of those art history books were limited edition collector publications going for $75, $100, and $200!! Others were just plain and old but still sold for $10, $25, $45...better than nothing! So far I've sold about 75 books. 

Along with listing 150 art history books, I listed personal possessions. Some of these possessions I've had all my life. Selling personal items that were sentimental was a little more difficult, but at the same time freeing. I kept thinking how wonderful part of my history was getting a new owner and start a new history. I sold my Girl Scout necklace, all my Partridge Family memorabilia, old records, dolls, jewelry, clothes, purses, travel mementos, collections and even free things I would find at yard sales and thrift stores. It amazes me what people buy and how much they are willing to pay for shipping! It's been really fun, cleansing, and surprisingly lucrative!

My next step was to sell the art stored in boxes in the back of closets. Etsy didn't work so well, but maybe I can do one summer art show and sell for cheap just to unload? I felt pretty intimidated due to my Etsy experience, but I ventured forth courageously and signed up for a local artist tour. I was hoping to get rid of my 200 painted rocks and 30 glass mosaics. I harassed two friends as helpers. One would be my assistant should a smelly buyer approach and the other would be in the booth next to me to serve as a partition from other vendors who might be selling smelly products. My booth was outside so plenty of fresh air and cleansing breeze. I sold way more than I ever thought I would, but I admit I priced things really low. More importantly, I survived! 

Realizing I could survive selling at art tours, markets and festivals, I started signing up for every weekend selling opportunity all summer long. My rules were it had to be outside, I had to have space around my booth. Often these booths are packed in like sardines and too close for comfort. Sometimes this required I purchase two booth fees and situate my canopy in the middle. The booth fee had to be relatively low so I would at least recoup its cost. I also requested I not be placed next to stink: scented soaps, incense, air fresheners, candles, essential oils. Most event planners ignored me, some attempted to accommodate me although since they didn't understand didn't succeed, and one was perfect, placing me on the corner outside away from others with a non-smelly vendor selling t-shirts right next to me.

I found I had a closet full of frames and another full of unused canvases. My goal was to unload anything I could. I started building inventory using anything I had. I ripped up sketchbook sketches and framed them. I starting doing watercolor paintings to use the frames, painting the frames, and painting the canvases. I even sold many of the watercolor sketches I've used to illustrate this blog! I used my collection of hoarded gift bags, tissue paper and recycled bubble wrap to wrap sold items.

Wow! It was fun, exhausting, lucrative, and productive. I watched happily as my boxes emptied and after each weekend my van became less packed. I lost about 15 lbs and got a lot of exercise hauling boxes, a canopy, tables and cement blocks. I met a lot of people. I even received a few commissions but I limited those as my goal was to rid myself of art I already had rather than create more art. Still, I used the canvases for the commissions. I encountered very few perfume wearers and when I did, stepped upwind to make sure the breeze carried the stench away. Several people asked me if I would teach classes and I had to decline. I can't be in an enclosed, inside room with stinkers.

Next I am attempting Facebook Marketplace for items I can't or don't want to ship for fear of breakage or furniture that is just too big.

2023 was a great year for escape planning and action! I also had my tarot cards read and they said I'm in the planning and thinking stage, taking steps preparing for action. Yep! Next year the cards say I am moving. I cried when I heard that!

Downsizing is Proving to Be More Difficult Than Expected

Friday night my neighbors started setting up for a yard sale so I decided to join them. Two houses selling draws more people, but unfortunately, instead of putting out their signs making it look like there was more than one sale, my neighbors decided to piggy back on my signs. Lazy people. Oh well. It still motivated me to unload junk and we had lots of buyers. About four others in our little neighborhood also joined us.

Downsizing is difficult. I had a few items I desperately needed to get rid of: the rug I bought in a garage sale a few months ago that smelled like dog stink, a shelf, the spool-bed-converted-into-a-bench, lots of books, and lots of junk I'd been storing from the last garage sale.

Dog-stink rug. I lost lots of money on this...

 

I was up very late Friday night cleaning the garage and setting up the sale items. I kept wandering around the house looking for things to sell. What is sitting around useless? What is impractical and only for display? What is extra? What can I live without? What would I regret selling? Do I really need sixteen glasses? Answering these questions was difficult. There were many instances I would take something out to the garage, bring it back in a few minutes later, take it back out, bring it back in...DAMN! Between sentimentality and practicality, I was tormented over these decisions. Someday I want to live in a tiny house or at least a smaller house so getting rid of junk is a requirement. And lightening the materialistic load makes me feel free.

In and out of garage at least five times. Sold for $1.

With some things what I eventually decided was to put them in the sale with a high price. If they sold, good riddance, and if they didn't, I was meant to keep it. This is not a good downsizing practice as there is a good chance it won't sell. Ugh! My incredibly old wooden ladder didn't sell, but I think I could use it in my next garden as a trellis so that is fine.

Same with the spool-bed-converted-into-a-bench. I brought it back to life by re-purposing it so I was a little attached. It was sitting in my spare bedroom gathering dust, but my pride made me want to keep it there. To gaze upon it. To remind myself of how hard I worked to be construction-clever. Then I sat on it and was reminded of its instability and how I really don't want a dangerous bench. Still, I tried to talk myself out of it thinking other people might not want a wiggly bench, too. Or maybe a prospective buyer would sit on it, it would collapse, they'd get injured, and sue me. Jeez. I can justify anything with nonsense. Eventually I figured the person who buys it can fix it.

Bye-bye wiggly bench. I hope your next life is wonderful.

 

Early in the day a woman gushed over it and had to have it. I explained its history and how I made it to fit together and come apart. Her husband was with her and sounded knowledgeable about carpentry definitely much more than I am so I'm pretty sure he could stabilize it. Watching him THROW the pieces into the back of his pick-up truck made me feel sick. With the first loud BANG I gasped and turned away. I wondered if the posts I glued back together were holding or if the pristine white paint was being gouged and scratched. I no longer owned it so it was time to detach from it. Detaching is difficult. I brought it back to life. It's my baby. Just let it go.

Does anyone want to buy my business wardrobe?
I still can't believe I ever wore a navy blue suit.
I can't believe I kept these clothes for so long. WHY?

 

Garage sales are an opportunity to meet people one wouldn't otherwise encounter. Good people. Newbies recently moved here from out of town. Non-Rathole-ians. We all share the same views on the community and commiserate on the horror of Rathole living surrounded by trailer trash and sociopaths. This is always validating as I often wonder if I am the only one who feels this way about the area. Nope. I met several new residences with horror stories that rivaled my own bad luck tales! One woman told me after her house closed, she came for a visit only to find the ex-owner having a yard sale. He invited all his friends to take apart the house PIECE BY PIECE and sold to them whatever they could remove. When she arrived, there were about thirty-five people dismantling the fencing, the pipes, the mailbox, the doors, sheds, and hauling everything away. Can you imagine? If she would have delayed her visit the house wouldn't have been there on her return! Only in Rathole...

I got rid of lots of junk. Gave much of it away or let the buyer set the price. Just take it away! What I didn't sell I am throwing in the garbage or giving it away. No more garage sale storage boxes! Of course, the longer the garbage pile sits there, the more I want to bring the stuff back into the house!

 

Tomorrow I am giving away my medieval woodblock stamps. They have been in three garage sales. I was offered a low price for them a few years ago and declined. I can't keep them. Using them means playing with toxic dyes or paints and I'd like to avoid purposefully poisoning myself. But I can no longer let them sit in a box in a closet. They need to be used to create art. Still, it's difficult and I feel sentimental. I posted them on Freecyle and only one person wanted them. At least one person wants them!

Downsizing is challenging, but rewarding. I just wish I was better at this!