Self-Containment

So here we are in the middle of a pandemic as the coronavirus spreads to every corner of the world. Schools and libraries are closed. Grocery stores are out of supplies. The Olympics postponed. The last primaries cancelled. The streets and roads are empty of traffic and people. Some will get sick and survive; some will get sick, get worse, and die. It's survival of the fittest. Or the smartest. Or the most informed.

I usually use this illustration to represent perfumed pollution.
Today it's the coronavirus!

As someone who is chemically sensitive, self-containment is my existence. I'm constantly isolated in my home, avoiding public recreation as much as possible, shopping during low volume times, and running for my life in the opposite direction from any toxic person, place or thing. This isolation can be soul-sucking and unbearable, but most of the time it's normal and natural. I often resent the extra effort and energy all this paranoia demands in order to keep myself from being exposed and suffering from mild to debilitating symptoms.

My friends keep telling me how safe I am from virus contamination since I'm already a practitioner of self-containment. I appreciate their encouragement, but truthfully after years of personal isolation and no one else giving a shit, I really like it that everyone else is now, finally, in a similar situation. Instead of being alone, I feel a sense of solidarity now that others are experiencing the discomfort of my everyday life experience. I love it. Welcome to my world!

Friends say, "I have gloves for you if you need them!" I say, No! I have boxes of gloves. I use them for every day protection! I've had friends ask me if I need a mask. I say, No! I use masks all the time for every day tasks! This is my normal life. Come on in! Join the fun! Now if a virus wasn't rampaging across the globe causing suffering and death, I wouldn't have a problem with this new/old lifestyle.

We can't seem to get good information on the coronavirus. One day they tell us we have to wear masks and the stores are sold out. The next day they tell us don't bother - they don't work. Then they tell us if we are sick we should wear them if we are out in public. But, sick or not, we shouldn't be out in public. Besides masks don't work. Right?

Oh no! Dogs are dying from coronavirus. Oh look! Dogs can't get coronavirus after all. Well, maybe, the CDC says stay away from your pets if you get sick because they really have no idea. At least they are honest about it. Dogs should be getting it. Like humans, they have overpopulated the earth and nature needs to balance.

If you drink bleach, it will keep you from getting coronavirus. Thanks Presidunce Dump for being so knowledgeable! Actually this is partially correct because you'll be too dead to get infected. The really bad information coming from the White House is appalling and irresponsible.

If you sneeze once, it's the coronavirus, but if you sneeze multiple times it's not. Now they are saying sneezing isn't a symptom. Presidunce Dump just sent me a postcard on guidelines and he says if I cough or sneeze to do it in my elbow so someone thinks it's a symptom!

One day all the hand sanitizers are sold out, but the following day they say proper hand washing is better. Yesterday vinegar worked as a hand sanitizer; today it doesn't. I see everyone attempting home-made hand sanitizers with alcohol....but the strength should be at least 60%, ah no, 70%...hmmm...90%. And if they put a dab of another ingredient it will absolutely still sanitize ...maybe ...possibly ...because that dab will reduce it to 70%... Or 60%. Exactly. They know this for sure. Yeah, right. Even now, the CDC says 70% and my state's website says 60%.

Some believe this isn't any worse than the flu; others say it is worse than a flu. Some say it is a flu; others say don't make the mistake of thinking it's the flu. Some say we have it under control; others say this is only the beginning. Some say this is biological warfare; others think this is just natural selection and evolution to balance the overpopulation of humans. I haven't yet heard any religious theories. Yet. Maybe this is like Noah's Arc and we are all screwed? UPDATE: The religious are linking this to Jesus's second coming. Does that mean those who die get to go to heaven, or is it the ones who live? No one is clear on that point.

Bottom line, not one fucking person knows what the hell is going on. Am I worried? Only about all the people pretending to know what is going on and giving everyone either, 1) false hope or 2) a panic attack. The best advice I've received so far is from Girl Alive over in Malaysia who told me weeks ago, "GO STOCK UP ON FOOD AND SUPPLIES NOW!" She was convinced our grocery shelves would be sold out like they are in Malaysia. She was right. Our county is totally out of toilet paper right now!

Am I worried? I'm so confused I can't decide. I fall in a middle ground. Maybe? I think.... Some days I feel confident I might actually live to see summer. Then I read the psychic Sylvia Browne predicted this years ago and it's supposed to wipe out most of the population. It's hard to know what to feel when no one has any idea who is susceptible and who isn't. Why are so many recovering and why are too many dying? There must be some link.

First, I am of a certain age that makes me vulnerable, but in past medical tests I have been diagnosed as biologically twenty years younger than I actually am. I blame that on a whole lot of healthy living. I have never smoked cigarettes, no recreational drugs, avoided pharmaceuticals, and rarely drank alcohol of any kind. I have exercised in some form or another all my life. My diet for the last ten years has been outstandingly healthy and for the last lifetime has been relatively, comparatively good. I know eating sugar depletes one's nutritional resources and compromises one's immune system. I don't eat sugar. Eating all kinds of junk should kill even the healthiest of person let alone someone infected by the virus. I don't eat junk food. Will my healthy lifestyle keep me safe or make me vulnerable?

I also have an autoimmune disease. One of the symptoms of Hashimoto's is pericardial effusion...my heart is water logged. Every now and then I am reminded of this with chest and lung pains. My thyroid is susceptible to attacks from my body. Will the virus attack my weakest organs making me more vulnerable?

I have allergies to pollen: trees, grass, hay. This can feel nearly as uncomfortable as virus symptoms. The coronavirus is a respiratory illness that starts and ends in the lungs. A chemical exposure can stop my lungs from working in a heartbeat. Will this make me more vulnerable?

I am also chemically sensitive. Surprise! I'm not going to be dipping my hands in cancer-causing, hormone-disrupting, immune-weakening hand sanitizers nor wipe down my grocery cart with these toxins posted at every building entrance. I'm not going to wash every surface in my house with bleach or alcohol. Will this make me more vulnerable or has my avoidance of chemicals helped strengthen my immune system? FYI: I am using vinegar to sanitize my hands. I wash my hands a lot anyway. I've been adding hydrogen peroxide to hot soapy water when I wash surfaces, but only because it makes me feel better not because I think it works. It dilutes the strength too much, I think. I can't breathe around alcohol. This may be my undoing, but there isn't anything I can do.

Last, but not least, I am chemically sensitive. I hold the hope of the one benefit I have been blessed with for being chemically sensitive: my immune system is hyperactive. I have not gotten sick with anything in the last nineteen years. No colds, flus, viruses, earaches, or sore throats. There have been times I've been surrounded by sickos suffering from the latest illness, coughing, sneezing, puffy eyes telling me to stay away. I have never gotten sick. My white blood count is good. My immune system works and works well. Will this spare me?

I have no idea...time will tell.

The Women's March was exactly two weeks ago. I didn't catch anything then or I'd be showing symptoms by now. Relatives from the local virus vortex dropped in for a visit before everyone started panicking. That was three weeks ago. Hmmm...I feel fine.

We'll see. Until then I'm just going to continue being my chemically sensitive self-containment self and laugh at the people panicking around me as I sit in my house surrounded by lots of toilet paper!*


*Note: No, I'm not a toilet paper hoarder. I bought mine last fall when I cancelled my membership to Costco. Who would have guessed it would come in handy...

The Advantages of Being Chemically Sensitive

As MCSers we tend to focus on the negative: what we have to sacrifice to live in the world, how lousy we feel, and how it has changed our lives. Believe it or not there ARE advantages to being chemically sensitive!

Appreciation for Health  Think back ten or twenty years ago when you took your health for granted.  Moments, days or weeks when we feel good, it's definitely appreciated!

Hyper-Immunity I don't get sick because my immune system is overactive constantly battling chemical exposure. No colds, viruses, sore throats, flu. When everyone around me is feeling lousy, looking miserable, lying in bed, sipping chicken soup and wheezing through congestion telling me it's something that's going around, I can silently say to myself, Hooray MCS - it won't be coming around here.

Education on Health and Healthy Living Becoming chemically sensitive makes one search for answers in hopes of finding solutions. We study information on diet, environment, chemicals, medicine, health, home improvements, gardening, etc. etc. etc. We expand our knowledge on how to live healthy and how to heal. We are highly motivated to finding answers. Would I have taken the time to care so much about health and alternative medicine before I became chemically sensitive? Maybe, but I doubt it.

There are so many out there who still don't have a clue when it comes to the consequences of chemicals, Today, for example, I visited my local hardware store. As I waited, the person at the checkout counter next to me was naively buying Roundup. I had just posted my Save the Bees blog following it with the article on Roundup research and Monsanto revenge. I wanted to point and scream, OH GOD, DON'T YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT POISON? IT'S KILLING BEES! DON'T BUY IT! Would she have cared? I'm pretty sure she would have laughed. The whole store would have laughed and chalked me up as being deranged. 

People who wear perfumes, eat junk food, smoke, do drugs, dye their hair, use high-VOC paints, and kill things with pesticides, herbicides and fungicides are self-poisoning on a daily basis. I see these people and wonder how it will affect their health long term. Will they suffer from some related disease later in life? An autoimmune disease? Cancer? They might not care now, but they will regret their bad habits when their health starts deteriorating whining about what they wish they would have known.

Organic Food Movement Indoctrination  Same educational benefits. Learning about healthy eating requires understanding the difference between conventionally-poison-grown food and organically grown food. This also involves reading labels, appreciating local farmers, visiting farmers' markets, and expecting a higher level of quality, freshness and safety for all food.

Minimalism I can't buy junk made from cheap, toxic materials or chemically-saturated products. I can't shop freely. With shopping choices limited, I've been forced into the minimalist movement.  In learning to appreciate my situation, I make a conscious effort not buying material things that will end up at the dump someday, I am very picky about where I shop and support only those businesses that encourage sustainable practices, I buy quality merchandise rather than support a throw-away culture buying cheap junk, and I spend less money. I appreciate not being shackled to material objects or addicted to buying the latest gadget. I value my air space and have garage sales to get rid of stuff.

Environmental Awareness With the minimalist approach in my daily life, I have become more environmentally aware. The chemicals that are poisoning me are poisoning everyone else and the planet. I fix what is broken instead of casually throwing it away and replacing it. I think twice about what I buy and how it affects the water, air, and earth when it's used or after it's at the dump. My chemical sensitivity has made me more conscientious about ecology.

Return to Traditional Lifestyle With a new awareness on healthy living, organic food, and minimalism, this involves taking the time to make home-cooked meals from scratch instead of out of a pre-packaged box. I clean with products my great-great-grandmother probably used. I grow my own food when possible. Who would have thought I'd ever be a gardener?

Random Acts of Violence in Public Places  I'll never be sitting in a packed, midnight screening of any movie and have to worry about being shot to death by some lunatic. I'll never be on an airplane sitting shoulder to shoulder with smelly people as we fly into the side of a building. Granted, with all the crazy people in the world, being chemically sensitive doesn't immune me from other random acts of violence, but because I'm less likely to subject myself to crowds, I'm less likely to be a target for terrorist violence. What an insane world we live in.

Any other advantages I missed?

WHY ME?

Or more importantly, why not you? Why are some people more sensitive to everyday chemicals and others not? There are many theories: some valid...some not so valid.

Most American Medical Association doctors will tell you it's a psychological condition. Yes, you're just crazy and you are causing this yourself.  They don't even need to tell you - you can see it in their eyes and their attitude. You WILL feel insane if you see too many of these "professionals" who are locked within the confines of their narrow minds and corporate boys' club mentality. Reading I might be insane, I spent too many days sitting in perfumed rooms or around smelly people trying to "heal" myself and re-train my brain into thinking there was no problem. I rationalized if it's all mental then I have control. My job was at risk along with my health and I was willing to accept any theory as long as it would help me. I would have done anything to fix it. I practiced visualization and mind control techniques while breathing in the poisons. Yes, I was fine, I told myself, until my lungs would stop working and I would run gasping to the nearest exit. Needless to say, mind over matter didn't work. It's not a mental condition.

I have heard some people have been told God is punishing them. This is so ignorant I can't even comment on it.

My favorite reason for being chemically sensitive...my mother's cousin told me it was because I was not married. She was a 75 year old retired nurse so this was a variation on the American Medical Association's insanity theory. She was also not married so I'm not exactly sure of her reasoning, but she had been married so I guess she must have thought she was better than me.

Most of your friends and relatives will tell you, for lack of a better idea and no understanding, they think it's your immune system not doing its job. This would make sense as our immune systems should guard us against illness, but this is not necessarily the case.  In fact, my immune system is hypersensitive and overactive. I was asked by an environmental specialist who was assessing my condition, "Are you sick all the time, or not at all?" Not at all. In fact I remember the day my whole system went into high alert. I could smell every tiny bit of lotion, shampoo, soap, and fragrance on each person who came within five feet of me. Whoa! It was surreal and shocking. My reaction time went from fifteen minutes or so to one breath of toxic air.  My immune system is working overtime trying to warn and protect me which is what our bodies are designed to do. Although inconvenient and at times frightening, I don't see it as a faulty immune system. I believe this is why people who have other health issues become chemically sensitive. Our bodies become defensive as they try to protect and heal themselves.  I haven't had a cold, flu or sore throat for eleven years. One of few benefits of being chemically sensitive.

In addition, research indicates some chemically sensitive might have damaged or missing enzymes that would normally allow us to detox the chemicals out of our bodies. Instead of flushing out naturally, they are stored until we are overloaded. The overloading creates the poisoning. Reducing this load is the primary goal of most MCS patients.

Research programs for MCS are hindered, especially university research, because most of it is financed by chemical companies, and well, chemical companies won't be funding any studies that might affect their bottom line. Until there is more research, we won't clearly understand why some people are extremely sensitive to everyday chemicals and others not.

What reasons have you been given?