Why?

Question of the Week: Who shoots a classroom of six year old children?

In the media we are seeing all kinds of assumed psychological profiles from mental health professionals trying to make sense of the senseless acts of the twenty year old who murdered a classroom of first graders as well as teachers and staff. They are saying he had a "personality disorder" or he was "mentally ill". And what about the shooter in the theater in Aurora, Colorado? Or the teenage killers at Columbine? Or the numerous other random acts of violence since the 1970s? Mental illness is the all-encompassing, easy answer. As soon as it is said, everyone nods and accepts. It's the "not-like-me" excuse that offers little explanation but gives us some rationality knowing no one in their right mind would do such a thing.

The latest article questioning why addresses all kinds of blame theories: lack of gun control, not enough guns, better options for parents with mentally ill children, media's role glorifying murderers, violence in video games, violence on television and movies, lack of religion in schools. Everyone has a theory:

http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/newtown-connecticut-mass-shootings-blame-192700959.html

All these theories seem to add a different piece to the puzzle pointing to modern society as the culprit. There is only one theory missing and it can only come from someone with first hand experiences with chemical sensitivity.

A few years ago my fourteen year old neighbor committed suicide. I hardly knew him but for months with tears in my eyes I thought about him each day. Everyone in our little community wondered why? Did we miss the signs? Could this have been prevented?

In addition to asking why? I also asked why didn't he shoot anyone else? Why would I even ask such a question? Maybe because I'm an ex-teacher. I've seen rage in the classroom in the faces of the young and I have experiences with students who threaten to bring a gun to school to kill everyone. More importantly, I recognize the epidemic.

You might vaguely remember me mentioning this neighbor boy in my post titled "Chocolate is Evil". He was the one suffering from migraines at ten years old. The day I met him he was home from school and there was a large chocolate cake with bright red and blue frosting on the kitchen counter half eaten. His mother laughed when I suggest she keep chocolate and food colorings out of his diet. What I didn't tell you is I went home after our visit and told a health care professional friend of mine he was showing signs of chemical sensitivity at a very early age. I worried what will happen when he reaches puberty and his hormones, stress levels, and chemical exposures collide creating a volatile mix. I told my friend his mother won't take it seriously until he attempts suicide. This was not said in jest as I know how chemical-laced food and other toxic exposures can mess up a brain, but at the same time, I didn't take my own comment as seriously as I should have. For several years I would see this boy walking down the street looking sullen and angry. I never saw him smiling, looking calm or happy. I wondered.


After he died, everyone wondered WHY? Not me. I wondered why when he got home after his mother forced him to walk two miles to get there as punishment, he walked straight upstairs came back downstairs with his shotgun and shot himself in the head in front of his house for the whole neighborhood to see. I wondered what provokes that kind of self-destructive, public rage? He didn't shoot himself in the seclusion of the garage, the backyard, or in a private room. It wasn't some secret, hidden torment. It screamed RAGE. I wondered if his mother was wearing copious amounts of perfume as she often did. I wondered if he had sugary, chemically-colored cereal for breakfast, drank caffeinated beverages or ate chocolate earlier that day as teenagers so often do without any thought. I wondered why he didn't shoot his mother first and THEN kill himself.


Most MCSers tell me they have brain issues. Exposure to chemicals and their brain reacts badly. Uncontrollable irritability and unfounded anger. Those of us aware of the effects of chemicals know exactly what's causing it even if we can't control it other than exposure avoidance. What about those who have no clue what causes it and have been told they must have a mental illness?  A personality disorder? Depression? Bipolar illness? So many of our diagnosable mental illnesses are misunderstood and lack any reasoning or known cause. No one can say for sure what causes them and those who attempt to point the finger at chemicals are labeled as unconventional quacks.

Many of the chemically sensitive also suffer from respiratory dysfunction, anaphylaxis, and/or other debilitating symptoms. If we weren't stopped in our tracks with a debilitating symptom, how many of us would effortlessly escalate to rage? Is this epidemic of violence due to chemical sensitivity? Are these shooters experiencing uncontrollable, irrational rage due to chemical exposures? I find it interesting the lists of historical random acts of violence start in the 1970s, the beginning of the drug culture and fast food nation. Did shootings at schools, malls and theaters happen before the 1970s?

Modern medicine ignores chemical sensitivity. Instead of finding answers, we are told it's all in our heads.  How many of us are told to seek psychiatric care or have been diagnosed with some kind of mental illness because the doctor was so narrow-minded? I've learned anytime a doctor says "I don't know" the answer is chemicals. So...if we ask why someone would shoot a classroom of children and no one has a valid reason, is the answer...chemicals?

Is mental illness the easy, all-encompassing answer to a much bigger, more deadly problem? Is society being poisoned with the chemicals and rage is the by-product? Are the reasons for random acts of violence and unexplained suicides right in front of our faces? The chemicals we breathe, toxins we touch, and the poisons we eat? If we blame mental illness can we continue as a society to not be responsible for the problem?

Why does a person shoot a classroom of small children?

The Exit Plan

This planet has–or rather had–a problem, which was this:  most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much all of the time.  

from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

The number one cause of death for people with multiple chemical sensitivity is suicide.


There have been times when I've thought, I'm too tired to go on, I'm too miserable to care, I don't want to do this anymore.

Fortunately, I couldn't tolerate the ramifications of death. No more new movies to watch or music to discover, no great books to read or experiences to have. And as a believer in the inevitability of change, I can only hope life will get better next year or the year after. Suppose it does and I missed out? This is how one thinks when there is still a glimmer of hope. Ten years ago I never would have imagined I'd be living where I am today. Unimaginable, but here I am.

More importantly, I'd be forever the person in my family history too cowardly to live. People would feel sorry for me then ten minutes later return to their lives ...without me in it. Hey, wait, take me with you! Oops! Too late.  I would forfeit my right to life and leave a legacy of pity. And it seems incredibly self-centered and thoughtless. But I've thought about suicide. I'm pretty sure most people do, if not due to despair, just out of curiosity.

Years ago I devised an alternative suicide plan. If life got so unbearable I couldn't take it any longer, I'd hitchhike across the United States.  If I'm going to exit out, might as well have an adventure doing it, see some sites, meet weird people. Planning the routes and reorganizing my life into a storage unit would at least buy me some time. I might even change my mind in the interim. Or not. If not, then I'd pack my backpack, head to the nearest highway, and stick my thumb out.

If you have ever hitchhiked, you may remember the first time. We've all seen hitchhikers on the sides of the roads, in movies, in books, maybe feeling a bit of envy or longing for their rebelliousness or free-spirit nonconformity. But sticking your thumb out the first time is an experience in itself. You ask yourself with a little disbelief mixed with pride, "Am I really doing this?" "Am I now one of those people?" I hitchhiked through Europe a few times and I've got my stories. The adrenaline rush definitely makes one feel alive. I think everyone needs to thumb a ride at least once in their lives.

Back to the suicide mission...the United States of America is a dangerous place. Lots of lunatics free to wander and drive about. The real danger for a MCSer is a smelly driver. If the driver stunk, I'd say, Thanks, but sorry, you stink. If they all stunk, I'd walk the whole way with my thumb sticking out in the direction I wanted to go. If my instincts failed me and some crazy killed me, oh well. Then I'd be the person in my family history who was a daredevil.  She died doing what she loved.  Mission accomplished. Life is over. 

Granted, I understand the glitch in my plan would be lack of energy or debilitating illness, but I still think an adventure is more productive than suicide. The adventure would be so much fun I'd forget about the mission.


Sylvia Browne says if you commit suicide, you are reincarnated right back to live the life over again. Nope, not happening. I'm not repeating this life....

Hitchhiking across the USA is also my plan if I'm ever homeless. I'll sleep under a bridge if I have to, but I'd rather do it somewhere exotic...and warm.

Chocolate is Evil

Right around any holiday the chocolate companies start advertising the health benefits of chocolate. For anyone who is addicted this well-planned propaganda seems heaven-sent giving us just one more rational justification for caving to the craving. I've heard chocolate decreases heart disease, improves mood, raises energy, reduces blood pressure, can provide relief from asthma by relaxing bronchial muscles and, last but not least, has an ingredient (phenethylamine) that mimics the feeling of falling in love. Who wouldn't want to feel like they are falling in love? Who needs a high-maintenance man for Valentine's Day when we can have chocolate? I'm sold! As I'm pulling my hair and screaming, "GIVE ME CHOCOLATE," in the back of my rational mind I ask, "Who paid for this so-called research? Mars? Hershey? Nestlé?" $ Cha-ching $ Cha-ching $

What they don't tell you is chocolate may cause headaches, migraines, fatigue, nervous system overstimulation, depression, mood swings, irritability, hyperactivity, feelings of rage, weight gain, premenstrual insanity, autoimmune attacks, heart palpitations, insomnia, heartburn, allergic reactions, acid reflux, sex drive reduction, diabetes, and cancer. It makes you feel in love, but reduces your sex drive? It improves mood, but makes you depressed...at the same time? Am I the only one who sees the contradiction?

I knew someone who was diagnosed with Lyme Disease, suffering greatly with episodes of fatigue and general misery. I kept telling him, "Give up the fancy chocolate, damn it!" AS A TEST He refused citing his entitlement to just one low-cost luxury. The addiction had him by the balls. After two years of treatments and thousands of dollars in medical bills, his liver failed due to all the antibiotics. Unable to function, he was forced to convalesce on the couch and eat very little which involved giving up his gourmet chocolate. His health improved miraculously.  Soon after recovery, he attempted to go back to eating chocolate - all his symptoms and suffering returned. It wasn't Lyme Disease, it was chocolate! Chocolate is evil.

Another friend had bouts of severe depression with thoughts of suicide. After losing her insurance benefits which paid for her very expensive anti-depressants, she desperately asked my advice. Too young to die, she thought, she was willing to give up chocolate and coffee AS A TEST. She made it clear it was only a test. The depression lifted. After a few weeks, the mocha lattes called to her - LOUDLY. She couldn't resist. Within the hour she was ranting, crying, and screaming at her boyfriend for absolute no rational reason. Chocolate is evil.

I'm fairly certain my ten-year old neighbor who suffered from migraines was reacting to chocolate. His mother said the pain was so bad he would hold his head and whimper because crying made it worse. Doctors had no idea why which always sends up red flags for me. As I stood staring at the enormous, half-eaten dark chocolate cake on the counter, I told her my theory and suggested eliminating chocolate from his diet. AS A TEST. She laughed like a maniac and said dripping with addiction, "Oh, he's not going to give up chocolate! He loves it too much!" Who is the parent here? If your child was suffering so greatly wouldn't you try anything? I had a bad feeling about this, but hey, I hardly knew the woman and I wasn't his parent. I couldn't accuse her of child abuse, although I was tempted. Chocolate is evil.

Notice in every story I'm emphasizing AS A TEST. Suggesting anyone to give up chocolate is dangerous. They become hostile.  I usually find myself repeating over and over AS A TEST, JUST A TEST, ONLY A SHORT TEST. Slowly back away.

What I was surprised to find out is chocolate is a cross-reactor to gluten, in other words, it acts like gluten in your system. If you suffer from any kind of gluten sensitivity, celiac disease or autoimmune disease, chocolate will incite an attack and contribute to any of the above mentioned miseries. It is said most people are gluten sensitive in some way.

If health issues aren't convincing enough, I remember years ago some study that came out about the percentage of rat feces and cockroach anatomy found in chocolate bars due to the vermin dancing on top of the wonderful smelling vats and, oops!, falling in. Eeeww! And of course, if it's not "fair trade" then do remember those little cocoa beans were harvested by un-fairly treated children and slaves. Oh yeah! It kills pets, too. That's got to be a clue.

Face it, chocolate is evil. Personified, it would be the devil of food stuffs. It tempts and entices. Few can resist. If you do manage to fight the craving, it calls to you like any drug addiction because IT IS a drug and has been used as such since the beginning of time. The capitalistic money-making machine saw fit to making it into a dessert. Addictions sell.

Kicking the habit is torture. Even knowing all these horrible things, the smell of chocolate can still make me swoon and forget about the rat shit. If you do see the light and are so inclined to give it up AS A TEST, it takes time.  Be patient and strong.  For me it was three weeks of pure hell. After that you will fight the urge for the rest of your life. It never stops calling to you, sweetly and seductively. Your willpower will come from feeling better without it.

I change my mind - maybe a man is less high-maintenance than a chocolate addiction?

Happy Valentine's Day!

Do you eat chocolate? Suffer from any of the above symptoms? Are you willing to give up? Why not?