Anti-Dates This is a date that had all the signs of
hope and ends up a nightmare experience.
There
are two types of chemically sensitive anti-dates. The first are men who bathed
in cologne, aftershave, smelly deodorant, etc., and cannot or will not give up their
habits. Take BRENT*, for instance. He
seemed like a nice guy so when he asked me out, I thought sure and gave him the rules for fragrance-freeness. He sounded
eager to comply. Whew, relief! Well, maybe not. He couldn't live without his
mouthwash, deodorant or smelly laundry detergent with fabric softener, but did
he tell me that before the date?
Nope, he showed up smelling like a French whore. His attitude was, "Oh
well! What are you going to do about it?" Did he totally ignore my request on purpose? Was he just so
arrogant what I was saying was not important to him? Was he testing me? Or was he just a defiant, disrespectful
jerk? Disrespectful, odoriferous arrogance is a total turn off.
The
second type are fragrance-free men who are clearly wrong for any number of
reasons even though they don't stink. Take STEVE*, for instance. No stink whatsoever. I thought he was too perfect to be true. He
was a doctor, with a real job, drove a working vehicle, owned his house, very
worldly, seemed very smart, and gorgeous. Did I say gorgeous? I can overlook a whole
lot of horrible for gorgeous. Too good to be true? Even gorgeous can turn ugly
in a relatively short period of time. He was a drug addict and abusive. Even
though fragrance-free men are difficult to find and fragrance-free gorgeous men
are rather non-existent, I won't lowered my standards.
Un-Dates The
opposite of a date, usually a time planned to annoy someone or annoying men you
don't have any interest in but you wonder if maybe you just don't know them
well enough.
Stinky
men who claim they are fragrance-free, but clearly aren't. Take MARTIN*, for
instance. He bathed in Dial soap, used Herbal Essence shampoo, washed his
clothes in Tide, but he claimed he was just fine and follows the
fragrance-freeness rules because he rinses twice. WTF? How many times do I need
to tell him multiple rinses with water do not work? He doesn't accept his skin
will offgas poison for days. (Especially after he eats when his body starts sweating. Yuck.) He doesn't listen. He doesn't care. He expects
we'll do it his way because he is the man. End of story. Besides the stink, arrogance
with stupidity is total turn off.
Non-Dates A
date without romance with at least one party not interested.
Fragrance-free
men who are not relationship material but you do things together. Take EDDY*,
for instance. He was fragrance-free and gay. We used to go to restaurants and movies
together in the city. He was awesome.
Fragrance-free
lesbians who are not relationship material because we aren't on the same team,
but we don't know this when we first meet. Take LES*, for instance. She was
fragrance-free, interesting, and nice. I thought "Oh, new friend!"
She wanted me to see a really cool coffee/tea shop nearby that I never knew
existed. Fun. When she started talking about her ex-partner I finally figured
out this might have been considered a date for her.
Fragrance-free
men with whom I might have an interest, but they don't. Take DAVE*, for instance.
He was fragrance-free and we did all kinds of fun things together. On every
date he would say, "This is not a date." It was incredibly annoying. I
started calling him "Not-a-Date-Dave." After a while I lost interest in him and
thought he was an adequate acquaintance. Maybe this is an un-date? Can't decide.
Perfect Dates Fragrance-free men who are perfect. Since
being chemically sensitive, these are very rare gifts.
Just
when I'm about to give up, along comes hope. Take DEXTER*, for instance. Of
course, I just met him so right now he's a figment of my imagination. What I
know so far is he is fragrance-free, gorgeous, kind, thoughtful, respectful,
employed. Too good to be true? I bet he's married or a serial killer. Too soon
to tell. Crossing my fingers.
What
I find interesting is I've spoken or corresponded with dates-of-the-past since
becoming chemically sensitive and I've had a few say, "I wear cologne! I
always have! Even when we were dating!" I have no recollection of cologne
and it definitely didn't bother me at the time. Dating was so much easier then!
*Names are changed to protect the not-so-innocent.
