VAN LIFE!!!

As soon as the psychopathic landlady started poisoning me with scents through the heating system, I panicked. Where can I go to be safe? I slept in my car a few nights, but tiny cars are not comfortable. I needed to survive. How? What can I do?

The stink started on a Monday, stopped on Tuesday, started again on Wednesday and Wednesday night I thought I should check Marketplace for safe space options. OMG! My dream van was staring right at me! Ford Transit Passenger Van with most of the seats removed and a BED in the back!! It was BLUE, not white as too often they are! I have been looking for a van since selling my old van in January unable to find anything in Washington. Here we are in Tucson where vehicles are not so often moldy, but I did not get too excited knowing how problematic used vans are for me. I wondered Would it work? Does it have air fresheners? Is it still available? Does it stink? Is it moldy? I contacted the seller who was very nice. He said someone had offered him lower than his asking price and plans to see and possibly buy it Saturday. He said if I want to pay the full price and can come soon...I made an appointment to see it the next day.

He was not home, but his adorable wife was with her two small children. She kept saying, "My kids are so taken with you and they are NEVER friendly with strangers!" I felt like I had known her for a lifetime. So comfortable. I asked about air fresheners in the van and she looked confused. Absolutely not! The van belonged to her mother-in-law who was a chiropractor and adamantly opposed to perfumes or scents of any kind! I sighed with relief then cheered enthusiastically. OMG! Perfect!

Meet Big Blue! Brand New!

I test drove it. Then asked if I could have it inspected, but it would involve driving the van back to the city. She said, "Sure! Take it all day! We were going to have that done next week." I took it to the Ford Dealership who did it for free which saved the owners money. Ford said it's in great shape. I bought it that Friday!! Easiest purchase I've ever made. How long did it take to find a van? If it's meant to be...!

I slowly started moving into it, not quite sure what I would need or what I was doing. I did an overnight test at a BLM campground outside of Tucson to see how it would work, if it would work, if I'd have any reaction. It was glorious. I started sleeping in it every night in different free or cheap camping sites in the greater Tucson area: Mt. Lemmon, Colossal Cave Mountain Park, Redington Pass, Tucson BLM, Patagonia BLM.

Mt. Lemmon

By the time I moved completely out of the apartment, I was ready for full time van living.

Well, not really! It was a steep, steep learning curve and although I have researched van living for at least two years, I felt so unprepared! The van didn't come with a manual and they are hard to find, so I don't even know how to work everything on the dash! It's disorganized, dirty, and dusty. It's a lot of driving. Parking this massive blue whale in the city is nearly impossible. OMG! How do I cook? How do I store food? How do I work? How do I shower? How do I pee?

I started slowly buying supplies I might need, careful not to go crazy buying the wrong things so it's been a slow process. I was warned wasting a lot of money is a weakness of all new van lifers. My priority was power so I could cook and work. I bought a Bluetti and took weeks to figure it out. (Bluetti sucks when it comes to instruction or support!) It can be charged with solar power, an AC outlet, or through the car cigarette lighter which is slower. Then I bought a rice cooker. Did you know you can cook a ham in a rice cooker? That was a tip I received from a truck-driving woman at a truck stop laundry.

BLM Tucson

Internet was a little more difficult. I started working at the local library and at various Starbucks. This also afforded me the luxury of charging up the laptop and my phone. Learning to type on a laptop was a learning curve all by itself, but I did it. Soon I plan to buy satellite internet with a roaming feature, but they are expensive so I'm researching it.

Lowell, AZ

I have yet to take a shower...it's been three weeks! But I do sponge baths every now and then, wash my feet all the time, and wash my hair in a cold bucket of water every couple of days. It's still a challenge, but I'm learning.

There are plenty of negatives which I dwelt on at first as I swam aimlessly in all this unimaginable stress. I'm finally starting to see the positives: NO CRAZY LANDLORDS!!!, no rent, no utilities, freedom to travel, when I moved out of the apartment what couldn't fit in my little car I moved with the van, I can transport my bike in it, and I'm meeting other van lifers in campgrounds all over!

Full Moon in the Morning

I stayed in Tucson for a few weeks to finish some work, then I headed out on the road. I was so happy to get away from Tucson and charging up the power supply through the van is much more user-friendly.

Can you believe this? I can't! I am living in a van! I look forward to spring and warmer weather when I can venture out and north. For now I'll stay where it's warmer and drier! Currently I'm in New Mexico!

And I'm safe. No matter what the future brings, I have a new safe space.

At the Continental Divide

The Psychopath

I arrived in Tucson on November 1st ready to take possession of the little apartment owned by the pathological lying bully of a landlady, now referred to as "The Psychopath" or abbreviated, "Psycho". My plan was to lay low, be quiet, avoid contact, and not incur her wrath for any reason. During the lease negotiations, everything I said or questioned she perceived as a personal attack so my plan was to be invisible. I kept her abreast of my progress: arrival in Tucson, unloading of storage, then approximate arrival at the apartment. She wasn't there. My greatest fear is she just wouldn't hand over the keys and I would be homeless. I texted and waited.

Twenty minutes later as we sat in 100-degree weather, she arrived, no apology, but clearly unmoored by seeing my friend with me. She talked incessantly and at length repeating the same stories I had already heard, giving me detailed instructions on what I could and couldn't do in the apartment, how to clean things, what cleaning products to use. I just kept thinking, give her time to adjust to a new person and she will be fine. This compulsive control over every detail was odd to say the least, but my friend assured me elderly people are just like that.

My first panic was realizing the mattress was scented! The apartment was partially furnished. I requested some things to be removed: the small table too small for a desktop computer, the towels and kitchen supplies. With only 194 square feet, every object was restrictive. Psycho was not having it. I told her I didn't want to feel like a temporary guest, but rather, wanted to feel like I was home and if I would be signing a one-year lease this was important. (The ad for the apartment offered a month-to-month, but I think she took one look at my credit score and said only a one-year lease was available.) After much deliberation, she did remove more than I expected. I wanted the mattress so I wouldn't have to buy another and upon initial inspection, there was no stink. I decided to take the plastic mattress covers I used to pack items and wrap the mattress in plastic. I would feel like a toddler sleeping on crunchy plastic, but I could do this for a year.

I made the mistake of sending her the Inspection Report that was attached to the lease, listing every issue with the apartment anticipating she would blame me for every problem once my lease was up because that is exactly what a dishonest piece of garbage would do. The appliances, windows, and floors were filthy. There was long black hair all over the bathroom. Damage to the walls and the paint job was horrifying with three different types of paint, four different colors of white alone, and paint splatters all over her precious floor. (Calling out the bad paint job was important as she kept harassing me about painting, convinced I would paint behind her back, AND she left a can of paint under the sink! That felt like a set up.) I attached it to a very friendly email. She said I was exaggerating and lying. She claimed she had photos she took before I moved in. I didn't respond as I was trying to be invisible. I didn't tell her I took over 150 date-stamped photos as my proof. I tried to ignore all the dog shit she never cleans up on the courtyard. The dog's new toilet was right in front of the gate where I have to walk to get off the property. I took daily photos of date-stamped dog shit.

Psycho never did relax. For the next three weeks she watched me (security cameras all over), sometimes showing up at my door when I returned. I wondered if she had cameras in the apartment, but I never found any evidence. Complaining, demanding, warning, and texting constantly. I tiptoed around the apartment afraid to touch silverware that would clatter too loudly.

Then the harassment began. She decided I need to pay for renters' insurance. I needed to buy new rugs for the apartment since she claimed I hated her rugs. (I did NOT say I hated her rugs, but that I had a rug that matched the color of the walls.) She wouldn't let me handwash nor hang clothes in the courtyard and that I should go to a laundromat. Then she accused me of continuing to wash clothes and dump the water in the courtyard where her dog was getting muddy. She constantly threatened me if I didn't remember to close the gate and lock it. Two weeks into the month and she demanded an inspection giving me 48 hours notice. She never showed. Around this time, she decided I was using too much internet data, and I needed to start paying for internet service. I tried keeping my head down, not to incite her anger and her unhinged temper tantrums. I was honestly afraid if I defended myself or voiced my opinion, she'd accuse me of elderly abuse. I was so stressed I was constantly shaking, unable to eat, and did everything possible to not be in the apartment. I made an appointment with a lawyer.

Then Psycho did the unthinkable...Monday morning something strongly scented started wafting through the heating system. Now, Psycho likes it hot. She would jack up that heat to 85 degrees. I didn't mind. She told me early on if it gets too hot to close the vents and open the windows. I really don't mind hot. I moved to get out of cold. I wondered if this stink was scented laundry detergent, but it smelled too strong like air fresheners. Not only did I close the vents, seal them with plastic, open the windows, point fans out the windows, bought and turned on an air purifier, and wore a mask while in the apartment. The stink smelled like the bed. I carefully sent her an email letting her know I was deathly allergic to scented products and asking for her help with this. She told me she didn't know what I was talking about. I started sleeping in my car, but away from the apartment as I was afraid if she caught me, she'd have more to yell about.

After I told the lawyer of my rental situation, she said the landlady sounds mentally ill. She suggested I contact Arizona Disability Services for guidance on discrimination and try to get out of the lease as neither of us is happy about our agreement. She also advised me not to worry about elderly abuse accusations and feel free to defend myself and respond to her accusations. Psycho seemed to settle down when I used the words "disability" and "discrimination". I sent her a certified letter Request of Accommodation which she ignored. She said she would let me out of my lease if I moved out by the end of the month (one week). I told her I'd think about it. Where would I go? I was still thinking there was hope if she would cease the scented products and desist with the harassment.

Then she got really nice. I have a feeling she might have consulted a lawyer. She said we could work it out, she would have the vents cleaned, and I would have to buy a new mattress for myself. She continued to insulted me several times, telling me I don't know what I'm talking about (more gaslighting), saying I was one of the worst tenants she ever had, and complained repeatedly vent cleaning would cost $2,000 (which I think was another lie according to friend of mine who said it never costs that much). She couldn't tell me how they would clean the vents and I worried it would make the situation worse if they used chemicals. She continued to text me all the time, demanding to know when I was going to buy the new mattress, when I would need to let the vent cleaners in, and informing me if I wanted to terminate the lease I could but she didn't care either way (another lie).

I couldn't imagine spending a whole year with Psycho's harassment as clearly it was not going to stop. I opted to terminate the lease. She said we didn't need a formal document (another lie). I requested the termination through email and she approved through email. November 30th at 6:00pm would be my deadline. I had everything moved out and the apartment cleaned by November 26th (making sure she couldn't accuse me of abandonment). At that last load in my little car, I was breathing a sigh of relief (pun intended), but knowing it's not over. I requested my security deposit and last month's rent returned giving her a UPS mailbox address for my forwarding address. 

On November 30th, she texts me one last time to tell me she can't be there at 6:00pm to get the keys and I should lock the apartment and gate, and throw them over the wall. I found this to be outrageously stupid. Suppose they end up in a garden lost? Who is she going to blame? She threatened if I don't give her back keys, she will hire a locksmith, and deduct it from my security deposit. I text back and told her the keys are on the counter and the doors and gates are locked. (I didn't tell her they had been on the counter all week.)