The Cyborg

Follow-up appointment day! Oh, thank god for small miracles! The Tylenol I took last night made me sick all night and toxic garbage in my system made me pee all night. Another van pulled in beside me right at dusk at the Penobscot Narrows Bridge Overlook. I love not being parked alone! Woke early right at daybreak and drove through the fog to Bangor thirty minutes away.

Got to the hospital early. Park & Ride guys seemed happy to see me and asked if I was run off. I said "Yes!" and one of them said, "Bastards." LOL! My appointment wasn't until 10am so I ate breakfast in the cafeteria, read my book, then headed up there just as they opened at 8am just in case they could get me in early. They did! The physicians assistant, Ethan, was adorable. I wish I could find a doctor in Arizona like him. Maddie cut off the bandages, ripped off the gauze and tape exposing the horror! I didn't realize I was "glued" rather than stitched. All this time I thought I was getting stitches out.

Damn! It looks like I might have stepped into a meat grinder! Black and blue all over, blood and blood coagulation under the skin, the "seams" where he glued the skin together looks rough and uneven. The surgeon isn't very artistic!

X-ray photos of the hardware:

Look at the hardware on the left -all those screws!!??
Seems a little overkill.

Side view of the cyborg...I hope it gives me superpowers.

They said it looks perfect, no infection, healing lovely. They still are unclear if I'm supposed to be putting weight on it so they suggested to avoid and weight only if needed or if tolerated. Ethan gave me a prescription for incredibly toxic nerve pain killing drugs for the burning sensation, knife jab pains, and bee sting pains as he said that is nerve pain. Had I known this drug had a whole list of nasty side effects including "suicide ideation" I might not have bothered. He suggested I get Dramamine for nausea - the generic that doesn't have microcrystalline cellulose. Both drugs cause fatigue so that doesn't seem like a good idea if I'll be driving. Since they removed the packed gauze and layers of bandages, it actually feels much better, but walking on it does feel a lot more sensitive. Julie came in and taught me how to pump up my cast! I had no idea it could do that! She also showed me how it should fit.

Good to go!!! I am free! I am outta Maine!!

Step by Step (or The Longest Two Weeks of My Life)

Two weeks then to six weeks...I can do this! I do wish I had some books to read or something to do besides write a blog. Few people are emailing me. Maybe I'll get some work? I need some distraction or this will go very slowly!! The countdown begins...

Day 1, Monday: I spent my time hanging out in the van writing this blog, answering emails and messages when they come, listening to music on Spotify, and just sitting with my foot elevated. One friend reminded me my library has eaudiobooks to download and she plans to send me some ebooks in her collection. A client came through and is sending a project my way later in the week. The "Park and Ride" people drive by me all day long. One stopped and asked if I need a ride to the hospital. I said, "Not today. Thanks!"  

Here is my new home for who knows how long:

I'm in the back of the parking lot where it gets shade in the afternoon. That will help me deal with this 90+ degree weather from noon to about 5pm. I feel like I'm melting! Today the high was 92 degrees, but it feels like 120 degrees in the van. I keep sucking down water and running a cold handkerchief over my face, neck and arms. It cools down at night so I tend to watch the time closely. It should get cooler by the weekend so I'm hopeful. See in the photo below, there is actually a porta-potty nearby (little brown hut in the background). There isn't much privacy in a parking lot so going to the bathroom is difficult, more so now that I have to balance on one foot and pray I don't fall over! I drove over to the porta potty later in the day and dumped my pee bucket and poop pail. I wish I knew where to dump my garbage. It amazes me how much garbage one person in a small van can accumulate. I'll take it to Walmart when I go. Baby steps to survival. And I see the light at the end of the tunnel! This sure did put a kink in my Great Adventure plan, but it never stopped being an adventure!

My thought is this hospital is going to charge me a lot of money for surgery, follow-up appointments and all the ins and outs. I intent to save money by camping in their parking lot. I already informed security so hopefully they will spread the awareness and the nurses checked to see if it was OK and they gave me permission. Nurses also said if I run out of food, do Door Dash. Patients staying in the hospital long term always have supplies delivered. I like being close in case I need help. Why not? Van life is just about living rent/mortgage free. The parking lot isn't pretty, but it can be home for now. I checked with a couple more hotels today, but they all use air fresheners. The hotel receptionist I spoke to said it's an industry standard. There is really no other place to go as Maine isn't friendly to van living.

I started reading Kasher in the Rye by Moshe Kasher. It was highly recommended. I couldn't get into it.

Day 2, Tuesday: My hair is so stringy from all the humidity and sweat I decided to try to wash it. The surgeon and nurses told me to get up and move every now and then for circulation so that's what I did. I had to walker my way out to the back of the van, get buckets, water jugs, clothes hanger thing, folding chair, and soap. Not only did I wash my hair, but did some handwashing laundry before the sun starts beating down. I wanted to take advantage of the heat so hopefully everything will dry fast...unless the humidy prevents it! I felt weak, dizzy and slightly nauseated which always worries me because I don't want to fall. I kept humming that song, "I am Woman." Nothing is going to keep me down! HA!

Although it's only the second day in the parking lot, today is the third day since the surgery and hospital stay so the pain should decrease. After my next dose of ibuprofen, I'll start some gentle range of motion stretches to keep the foot and ankle working.

Around noon, the temperature reached 93 degrees. I opened windows, closed the side door since the sun was shining on it, then closed up everything and put the key in the ignition and put the air on full blast. I didn't want to turn it off but I thought if the heat in this van doesn't kill me, I'm pretty sure the carbon monoxide will! I looked at my map of Maine and wondered if I should just drive somewhere, but then I'd have to beg people to pump my gas or I'd be pulled over by police and get a ticket. Instead I called the Park & Ride and asked for a ride to the medical center. The driver was very kind and friendly. I asked if there was a place to sit and he suggested the cafeteria. My clothes are wet with sweat. I probably smell homeless, but it's so cool in here!!!

I want very badly to eat pie! I bet they have a lot of evil foods here. Good thing I can't walk! I am trying not to eat sugar as I want to heal fast. I've been very good so far! I did check the cafeteria...NOTHING gluten-free and everything junk! BLAH! At least it can't tempt me, but this is a hospital! Why fill the cafeteria with substandard junk food when they should be promoting health?

I read We Solve Murders by Richard Osman.

Day 3, Wednesday: It's 8am and already 77 degrees of mugginess! UGH! I got up early, dumped my pee bucket in the porta potty and garbage at the Walmart. At 6am I hobbled into Walmart to stock up on food, but they were out of my yogurt. Damn. I need yogurt in order to take these pain killers or I get so queasy the head spinning makes it difficult to move around. I headed to Grosvenor's Bakery and Restaurant for breakfast. They have one of those dream bakeries - the most beautiful desserts! Their cakes are about a foot tall! Nothing gluten-free, but I bought six huge cookies for the Park & Ride guys. Although they don't take tips, I figured I'd better get in their good graces in some way because I'll be using them to get to the hospital so I can hang out in air conditioning. I'm sitting at the deserted far end of the air-conditioned cafeteria now, using the hospital's free wi-fi. I hope to be here all day until the temperatures start decreasing.

I really hate this. I fear someone will eventually tell me I need to leave. I feel like an interloper. I see the end, but it's all happening in slow motion. I need a real adventure. I have been scanning the Zillow ads to buy a house, but maybe I want a house in Greece or Spain or France? Or maybe that sounds like too much hassle? I'm getting to old for all this shenanigans.

I read The Life Impossible by Matt Haig.

Day 4, Thursday: It was supposed to rain today. It didn't, but the weather keeps postponing it so until then we get "suspended rain." Yep, I made that up. The horrid mugginess and air quality is so thick it's hard to breathe and it feels like rain hanging in the air. EEEEWWW! Get me outta here! I can sense the mold growing in my van.

The pain killers are taking a toll, too. After nearly two weeks of daily drugs, I feel dizzy and sick to my stomach constantly. Walmart seems to be out of my yogurt which I think might help. I spoke to the pharmacist in the hospital and he said it's a trade off: which is worse: pain or nausea. This is not a choice. He is an idiot.

Worked all day in the air conditioned cafeteria. I took breaks and carefully stretched my foot. I peaked under the bandage and my whole shin looks black and blue! WTH?? Lots of warnings about blood clots, but nothing about being black and blue. I'm in a constant state of ignorance. Should I be worried? Then I think, Oh, what do I care if I die? This is miserable. Living in a van is miserable. I don't have a home. I'm fucking hungry for real food. It might be a relief for it to all be over. Yeah, I'm not having a good day. I want to leave, but even that seems scary. So I get to spend my days watching health care personnel inhale junk food in the cafeteria.

Instead of the hassle of a wheelchair, the hospital also trusts patients with electric carts. I love the basket. I can stuff all my office stuff, computer, notebooks, lunch, purse and walker in it and prowl the hospital halls. HA! What I don't like it is when one goes backwards the warning bell is LOUD! Try it in a bathroom and it feels like it's some kind of weapon of destruction.

I have friends who are not really friends. I think sometimes I pretend people are more than they really are. They are currently in New Brunswick right next door to Nova Scotia. I had planned to cross paths with them and possibly meet up, but then this happened so I told them just so they know our meeting might not happen. Their response, "Good luck with that." Then silence. Two weeks later she is asking how I am. Really? Sorry, it seems so disingenuine. Granted, these are the same people who invited me to visit in San Diego and she went to a conference that was fifteen minutes away. She never once dropped in to say hi. So weird. At least she doesn't feel obligated to share how wonderful her Thai dinner was, but she did share she saw a moose. Does she think I'm in a place where I care? It makes me question what I expect from people: friends, aquaintenances, strangers. The strangers seem far more concerned about me than my own friends and they keep checking in to see how I am. I don't even know what to do with that.

I'm tired....of everything. Including my Arizona doctor. She's useless. I had another (second) telehealth appointment. The video never works and they have no idea why not can't give me instructions so we end up talking on a phone. She has an accent that is really hard to understand and she's just not helpful. I don't need the stress. What was I thinking? But if I didn't have her as a doctor, how would I have ever gotten a surgery referral. It's such a game.

Day 5, Friday: I have this urge to shave my head. The muggy heat makes my hair stringy, sweaty, and gross. I always have this fear with no hair, no make up, old wrinkly face I'll look like an old man, but do I really care? Who sees me? It's not like I do selfies five times a day. Besides I AM old and feeling it. So what if people get the gender wrong. Heck, maybe if people think I'm an old man I'll get more respect? I wish I still had my shaver. I sold it in the purge.

I have been sick all day. Called the surgeon's office and they want me to get some meprazole, Pepsid or Prilosec. I checked with the pharmacy and the name brands are loaded with cellulose. I went looking for yogurt and found some. It didn't help. I think I just have to quit the ibuprofen. This worries me. I don't want my leg to swell, get infected or be in pain, but I don't know what to do.

I spent the day in the cafeteria working. I went to a health store but their electric cart didn't work and it was so exhausting using the walker. There were about five employees, 4 men and a young woman. The woman offered help. The men were assholes. I've been having too many asshole encounters lately.

Temperature this morning at 8am was 63 degrees! Unlike the other day when it was 77 degrees! Hooray! It still hasn't rained. I wish it would.

The hospital security approached me. Wanted to know who I was and why I was parked in the parking lot. Really? After a WEEK? I gave them my name, phone number, license plate and then a lecture on how I am patiently waiting for my post-surgical follow-up appointment to make sure nothing is infected, everything is healing properly and to get stitches out. I assured him I do not want to be here. I'm not "camping". This is not recreation. I have no where else to go until the appointment which is next week. I also told him nurses told me I could stay the night and the security I encountered the morning of the surgery didn't seem to care when I told them. Even the superviser who gave me a ride back to the van that afternoon didn't seem to care. I think this guy was taking his job too seriously, BUT now I'm paranoid at any moment someone will tell me to leave. Just six more days...

Day 6, Saturday: I had weird dreams last night probably from Walmart chicken. Clearly it's toxic. I dreamt my brother died just as I was emptying the van into a new place to live. I don't remember if I was renting or if I bought the house. So strange.

The parking lot is fairly empty on the weekends, unlike the weekdays where it is nearly full. I spent the day working, eating, lounging, reading, and not going anywhere. I am tired of trying to drive to the store and I am tired of taking another drug because the nurses can't seem to manage the pain effectively. It was hard to sleep all night from the discomfort.

I want to shave my head.

Finished The Life Impossible. I loved it. About a woman in her seventies who has lost all enthusiasm for life. Both her young son and husband are dead leaving her alone. I always worried about not getting married and not having kids and whether I'd regret ending up alone in my senior years, but this woman still ended up alone. There are no guarantees. I like she went to a Spanish island and found a life. I like she acquired superpowers. I need some superpowers! I want that kind of adventure! Maybe I need to expand my house search and go international? I don't even know how. It all seems so difficult.

Five more days...

I awoke to cool temperatures in the 50s and the high today was 82 degrees. Not bad. I look forward when it is 70 degrees.

Day 7, Sunday: It's SO MUGGY. 91% humidity and 83 degrees. It's supposed to rain this afternoon, but it's been threatening rain all week and nothing.

I ran errands all day. Got some Zegerid which is a fancy brand for Omeprazole with Sodium Bicarbonate in hopes of controlling the nausea from the ibuprofen. Went to Walmart for a garbage dump and to buy more yogurt. I then tackled the health food store in hopes of finding salmon and other meats. I'm thinking meat and good protein will help heal bones (along with a lot of yogurt!). 

There was a charming man who hobbled up beside me and suggested we start a club. He had a cast on his foot, but he said he had surgery long ago and has had nothing but problems. His wife shared with me stories of people she knows who broke an ankle simply slipping. She also asked where I had the surgery done. When I told her she just "hmmmm" but said nothing. I think if it was the same place they've had problems with she might have added a warning. I'm really happy I picked such a good facility. I hope. Four days until the follow-up appointment.

Then I came back to the parking lot and vegetated for most of the afternoon.

I saw a young man the other day up by the street, and again he was up there today. He walked down the steep embankment to ask if I was OK. He said he saw my van yesterday and then sees I am back so he wanted to check on me. I told him I had been there all week waiting for an appointment that is scheduled for next week (showed him my cast). He said he wanted to check to be kind. Later when the storm was about to hit he came back down to let me know it was about to thunderstorm. Very nice. We need more nice people in the world. If this experience has taught me anything, people are assholes and most of them don't care about anyone but themselves. Even as I sit in a HOSPITAL parking lot in a cast, this young man was the one rare person who stopped to ask if I needed help. If I saw someone in a van in a cast sitting in a parking lot, I would ask if they needed anything. Even in most of the stores I enter, as I'm struggling to get in the door, no one offers help.

Ten minutes before 3pm the dark clouds start rolling in...

Of course, I had been staring at the weather reports all morning waiting for the storm, praying it would actually happen this time. Right on schedule...big, black clouds rolled in and it started to pour. OMG! It smelled so good!

Shazam! Right on schedule!

Day 8, Monday: I didn't take any ibuprofen last night because I felt pretty good. In fact just before falling asleep I forgot I had a broken ankle! I didn't think I needed more drugs. Woke up in the middle of the night in horrible pain and a lot of it in my back. With no solar power in the morning (fans on all night), I got a ride to the hospital for cafeteria breakfast in order to eat pills of all kinds in hopes of no nausea reprocussions. Still slightly nauseated.

Sat in the cafeteria and researched comment sections for hotels in Flagstaff. Most negative comments mentioning mold, cleaning products, or pet stink. I doubt if I'll be able to find a clean hotel anywhere! Researched orthopedic surgeons in Flagstaff.

This is the longest two weeks of my life....

Beautiful day today!! The high was 70 degrees with a cool breeze and sunshine. I made an appointment with an orthopedic ankle specialist in Flagstaff in September for the six weeks follow up and maybe physical therapy. Flagstaff right now has 32% humidity. It's in the 80s but by the time I get there it might be in the 70s. It's Arizona so BLM land is all over, good food, free grocery bags and most importantly, out of Maine!

Day 9, Tuesday: Damn, this countdown makes me feel good! Getting closer! Two more days and I'm outta here! I want Maine in my rear view!!

I admit I've lost my nerve. Traveling alone feels dangerous now. Camping alone in the woods feels risky. I don't feel safe anymore. You wouldn't think shattering an ankle, having to be carried off a beach, into an ambulance, faced with substandard Canadian public health, driving to another country for much needed surgery, then living in a hospital parking lot for two weeks would be that traumatic, but is was and it is. I'm sure I'll get over it, but I'm now afraid of the unknown. Driving several days across country alone with really no plan frightens me. I think being handicapped in some way, even in a minor way, adds to the vulnerablity. Interesting how our outlook can change at the drop of a hat, or in this case, a slip of the foot. If anything this experience reminded me I have no one in my life to rely on for help.

But do I have a choice? One of my friends commented on how "adventurous" I am with this injury and how admirable this is. It has nothing to do with being adventurous. It has everything to do with being alone in the world. I don't have a choice. If I don't get it done, it won't get done. If I wasn't willing to drive with my left foot, I'd still be in Nova Scotia listening to everyone lecture me on how I can't drive with my left foot, forfeiting surgery, and never walking again. If I don't drive across the country, I'd be in Maine the rest of my life. <shiver>

At eleven days since surgery, my ankle feels better. I don't have to elevated it to keep the pain and swelling at bay. I'm still using the walker, but I can walk with the weight-bearing cast although I try not to put full weight on it yet although I did slide out of the driver's seat at a gas station and walk freely pumping my own gas! Felt fine. I'm not so dizzy or nauseated since I'm taking less pain meds, but in the morning when it's cold, my ankle aches and the incisions burn at night if rubbing on the cast. It's getting better. I have every confidence it'll continue to heal as so many others have assured. I haven't had sugar for nineteen days in hopes that will assist the healing process. Well, other than the sugar that is in the yogurt. I'll make sacrifices to get this done and over as fast as possible, but damn, I want something bad to eat!!

It's cloudy this morning, but it should get up to 72 degrees this afternoon. Lovely weather finally! Friday is back up to 85 degrees, but I hope to be driving away Thursday afternoon!

OOPS! A different security guy drove up in his car and again, asked me why I was parked. I told him I'm waiting for an appointment on Thursday and there is no where else to be. I explained as soon as this appointment is over, I am gone. He very nicely said I couldn't park in the hospital parking lot and to take my time, but MOVE. He seems to think I can park at the local park (no) or a Walmart (no). I checked with the Walmarts and they are tired of RVers moving in for a week or two. How rude to take advantage of the generosity of these businesses and ruin it for the rest of us. I thanked the security guard for the time I was able to park and I drove 50 miles north to find a friendly Walmart. Here I am! TWO MORE DAYS!! I cannot wait to leave this fucking state!

I am reading How to Stop Time by Matt Haig. Love it.

Day 10, Wednesday: I drove to Portland. Three hours. I've never been to the "other" Portland! I didn't have anything else to do today! They have the only Whole Foods in Maine and I am so tired of not finding good food. Of course, Whole Foods is what it is. Rude employees, substandard health food pretending to be more than it is, BUT it's still better than anything out there. And it's comfortable. I know Whole Foods even with all it's faults. Five hours of driving. I can do it! I also bought stuff to freeze since I will be driving through the mid-west where I doubt there is any organic or gluten-free food at all.

Maine charges for grocery bags. Not only do they charge for grocery bags, but every kind of container imaginable. Every item you scan it asks what kind of container you selected...and charges you for it.

The east coast has toll booths. What a pain in the ass! Of course, I had no idea what I was doing since the west doesn't. In the middle of the freeway we are all expected to get in line so I headed for the lane with a green light that I thought said "cash". It was only ONE DOLLAR. I must have gone to the wrong lane because there was no one at the booth! So I sit there holding my ONE DOLLAR bill up not knowing what I'm supposed to do. The light changed to red and I don't move. Then the guy behind me started honking like a maniac! WTF? So I drive off, looking around, and wondering if the toll police will chase me down and fine me $100 for not paying a $1. I've always seen on movies and television shows about toll booth runners. I'm all of a sudden a criminal. FOR ONE DOLLAR! There is a sign on the freeway that says, "If you didn't pay your toll, call..." What am I supposed to do? Stop in the middle of the freeway to write the number down? Way to much goddamn stress for $1! Later I found the number online and yeah, they want their dollar. My license isn't in the system for another 24 hours so call back which I did and they took my credit card for ONE DOLLAR!! Just think of all the people they have to employ, all the time it takes just to get my ONE DOLLAR. You'd think they would have figured out a more efficient way to get money for roads...like taxes?? How behind the times are they?

Then to find a place to park for the night. I checked iOverlander. Every listing no longer accepts overnight parking! I drove to two rest stops and the fishing access. They have "no overnight parking signs" now along with all the Walmarts in or near Bangor refusing any kind of nomad hospitality. There is a truck stop, but I hate truck stops. The trucks idle all night creating noise and stink and it's just a creepy place filled with creepy men. I hate Maine. Seriously. I finally found the Penobscot Narrows Bridge Overlook. A little parking lot that overlooks the bridge. Many have said they parked overnight and there are no "no overnight parking" signs. I hate these "iffy" places, but I was so tired and my leg hurt so bad after five hours of driving, I couldn't go any further. If a police officers tells me to leave, I can always head to the truck stop.

This is it! Tomorrow is the follow-up! I hope everything is healing as expected.

Surgery!

The night before my surgery I was searching the internet for my doctor as I laid around the health care parking lot in the middle of the night. It was then I realized there are about five different facilities for this health care center! OMG! I don't know which one I'm supposed to be at tomorrow morning at the crack of dawn! They never gave me the address! Jeez!!

I called the number I had for them praying someone would answer a phone. They did and I am not at the right facility. Good god! It's only 12 minutes away but I'd hate to show up late and they say, "Too bad for you!" Then I'm in a panic because I don't even know if my new doctor takes my insurance! It was a stressful night!

At 4am I get up. prepare and head out to find this hospital in the dark of dawn. Beautiful complex! I get registered (I wasn't even registered...I was an add on). The nurses are all wonderful, friendly and kind. I was really stressing over the stink they might be wearing, but I think most health facilities have scent-free policies. It's a new world. Thank god! Other than a few mildly scented hand sterilizers, everything smelled clean and not fragranced!

The surgeon also didn't stink...on a scale of 1-10 for bedside manner he was a negative 5. When he left I asked the nurses and they said, "Yeah, that's normal." He seemed put out by my questions, but I kept asking them anyway because fuck if I care if I'm inconveniencing this young, arrogant, piece of shit. Do I care if he has a bad attitude? Maybe that makes him a better doctor...I just want someone who knows what he's doing.

New Weight-Bearing Cast!

I'm out like a light after breathing brain-numbing anesthesia and wake up hours later in EXCRUCIATING pain! They give me a block. Great sleep though. Doctor informs me everything went very well. I finally come out the other end and I'm sick, dizzy, and miserable. They keep feeding me drug after drug for pain and nausea but nothing seems to work on the nausea. Even oxycodone didn't work on the pain. I've never vomitted so much in my life. Finally I say, "Maybe it's the drugs causing the nausea?" So I argue with them at two in the morning.

How many times was I asked, "On a scale of 1 to 10?"

Of course, I have not admitted to anyone I'm chemically sensitive. Conventional medicine just doesn't understand what that might mean. She finally gives me one last drug for nausea and sleep and I finally get some relief.

The next morning, I see a physical therapist so he can assess if I can be released into a VAN! By the time he left he said, "That will be the easiest thing I do all day!" I pulled off being ready and confident!

The nurse told me it's illegal to drive with a cast on your foot!! Shit. She said, "Don't get pulled over or you'll be fined!" I wonder what they'd do? Impound my van? Throw me to the street? Hmmm...I looked it up online and it said it's not recommended, but it's not illegal. Maybe in the lovely state of Maine? I don't know. I don't have a choice. I'm just not sure where or when I'll be leaving.

My plan is to stick around Bangor and park at the hospital for the next two weeks until the follow up appointment, get the stitches out, find out progress and next step. Then we'll see!

One step at a time and this will all be over. In the meantime, I'm searching Zillow for a real place to live!

Hell in a Hand Basket or Get Me the Hell Outta Here!

 

I spent six restful, but stressful days in Noel, Nova Scotia convalescing in Minou's driveway. I definitely needed it if anything for a little healing, but without a plan or even knowing how to proceed I was a basket case. Frazzled. My foot is detached from my leg being held together by a very heavy plaster cast. I'm frantically emailing, messaging, and posting of my situation praying someone can come up with an idea. Do I high-tail it back to the states? Do I stay here? How to get back to the states? How to survive in a van in very hot Maine? What kind of doctor will fix my ankle? Where do I find him/her? HOW DO I DO THIS???!!

I had a few offers of help. One very generous woman was willing to drive the van with me in it where I wanted to go as long as I paid for her airfare. I did worry if she'd be fragrance-free or not. Another friend volunteered to let me stay with her after the surgery for physical therapy, but I had no idea where to store the van. Yet another friend contacted her church's Halifax congregation to see if they had any ideas on travel. The pastor asked if I needed food. I thought that was so thoughtful and kind! Food in Canada is abysmal. Trying to get organic or gluten-free is difficult. I doubt very much if that's what he was offering, but I know there are so many people without access to any food so his offer was very compassionate and truly Christian.

Most support from people I know sounded like this, and I quote, "Oh, too bad for you, but let me tell you about the Thai food I had last night!" Minou says I need to ask for help, but I told her I am a non-entity in most people's lives. I'm not in anyway a priority even to the people I consider good friends. Point-blank asking for help sounds like disappointment and I prioritize my requests. For instance, dumping my pee bucket and my human waste is a priority. I avoided asking her for much more! I do appreciate the people in my life sending me well wishes and constantly checking in with me as I know most can't do much else especially since I'm on the other side of the country and not in the country!! My philosophy is if people want to help and can help, they will offer. And, more importantly, too many people stink! So proximity is always a challenge.

Monday I called every podiatric and orthopedic surgeon in Bangor, Maine, and nearby. Only one office actually answered their phones or returned my pleas for help. They also gave me all kinds of wonderful advice knowing I wasn't even a patient yet! I was impressed. When I was a medical assistant I learned if the staff are happy and helpful, that is usually a sign the doctors are good.

Tuesday came and went with no communication from the Canadian surgeon. I thought I'd give him until Tuesday night. I was hoping at least to get a recommendation and a referral. Nothing. The hospital said they didn't have a surgeon on the staff and check another hospital. Wow. Zero help from them although they will be the ones sending me a bill.

Wednesday I call the orthopedic surgeon's office who was helpful on Monday. They need a referral sent from the ER doctor. I call the hospital. Hmmm...no, that is not their procedure. The surgeon needs to request a referral via fax. HOLY FUCK! This went back and forth with neither office budging on policy so I could get fixed. I was in tears.

The surgeon's office suggested I could make a run for the border and at the first American hospital I find get everything done again (and pay for it again!!) and have them send their referral. She said Canadians are notoriously slow and waiting might be a problem as this is time sensitive...if the wait is to long I can't have surgery. I'm in a panic.

Then she suggested maybe I could have my primary care do the referral? I said, "But she really isn't in the loop?" I did message her to ask her advice on how to find a doctor earlier. The surgeon's office said, "Get her in the loop. You should send her the documents, x-rays and labs for your chart anyway." I call primary care doctor and she's not in the office. So I message her with an "urgent". She responds and says she'll have her medical assistant send it! Oh, thank God!!

How can getting health care be so damn hard? If I were laying on the floor dying, they'd all either ignore me or argue about policy!

In the meantime, I practiced driving with my left foot! I did a run to the grocery store thirty minutes away. No one was on the country highways so I alternated slowing down and accelerating to get used to the left foot action. On the way back I had to emergency brake for a few bad drivers and it was automatic which gave me lots of confidence! Having my leg stretched out to the right totally messed with my sense of space. I kept thinking I was driving too close to the side of the road! LOL!

I decided to leave for the states the next day. I can't risk falling off these crutches and ending up back in a Canadian ER. Also, when the Maine surgeon's office wants me there for an appointment, I want to be available immediately. I left the next morning. Beautiful drive through the Nova Scotian countryside. I am so sad and disappointed I didn't get to stay for the whole month seeing the whole province.

On the route, the Maine surgeon's office called! They do want me there immediately and planned to make the appointment the next day, but had to check with the surgeon's schedule first. Later they called me back again...forget the appointment, surgery is scheduled for Saturday (it's Thursday). I have a feeling they just squished me into a non-existent schedule as an emergency. Thank you!! The surgeon I thought I'd be seeing who I researched isn't available, but another is...he got out of medical school last year. Does this give me confidence? Hell no. But I don't have a choice and I'm just thankful I can be seen at all. By anyone. I just hope when this is all over, I can walk again!

I also had to stop twice for gas. The first I asked a customer to go back in the store and ask if there was an employee who could pump it for me. This darling young woman with curly red hair who I had the pleasure of getting gas from on the way to Nova Scotia came out cheerfully and sympathetically took my money then she sent a customer to pump it. At the next gas station there was a woman pumping gas next to me and I asked her. She happily abliged and come to find out she was there on business from California. See, Minou! I can ask for help! LOL!

Got to Bangor. Beautiful town with gorgeous old homes. I found a health food store, but they didn't have electric carts. Thankfully they were willing to shop for me and bring it out to the parking lot. I needed to stock up on food as I'm not sure if I'll be able to get around at all after the surgery. I asked for the cheapest dozen eggs they have...$7.99!! Really? Beggars can't be chosers! They did not charge me for the private shopping so there is a trade off.

I searched for hotels. I risked bodily injury and slowly crutched my way into two of them. Both use air fresheners in the rooms and all rooms smelled of mold. I think it's just too damp here. One hotel receptionist said all of the hotels use air fresheners. Rather than waste my time visiting and smelling them myself (I was so sick after the first one!), I started calling and all cheerfully said, "Oh, yes, we spray the rooms with air fresheners!" I am so thankful I had enough cognitive ability to know I would need my van with me. If I left it in Nova Scotia, I'd be screwed right now. I'll be staying in the van while I recover. I'm not looking forward to the 85 degree weather in a metal roasting oven nor crapping in a bucket when I have only one foot for support, but desperate times...I have no choice.

So I am permanently parked at the orthopedic surgeon's health center with a view of everyone's comings and goings. I hope they don't ask where I'll be staying because they might not approve. I guess lying is in my future. LOL!

New England! Let's See Some Shit!

New England was my dream destination. I had hoped to be able to stay in Canada long enough to return through New England in the fall when the colors are on display, but if the summer weather is this bad, I can't imagine it won't be raining in the fall months. Have I said I hate rain?  I can't say it enough. 

I have discovered this part of the country has a weather pattern: it heats up slowly to the 90s with horrible humidity, gets hit with thunderstorms which reduces the humidity and temperature decreasing to a perfect low 70s, then over the next 4-5 days it gradually heats again. This cycle repeats all summer, so I've been told. I've been told Massachusetts is worse than Maine and Maine is worse than Vermont and New Hampshire. I decided to do all my sightseeing now in case I don't return. If I do return in the fall, it'll be a nice drive through and gaze upon rather than stop and go attractions.

The next morning I headed to VERMONT! So excited! Even though the distance looks to be about half an inch on the map, it took three hours to go north around Lake Champlain and down the other side.

Lots of cute towns along the way: Chazy, Rouses Point, St. Albans, and Richmond. Love the architecture! I'm trying very hard not to take too many photos of buildings, but both New York and Vermont had so many old houses and every town had their own steep-steeple church that made me drool. Some of the churches had two steeples. One church had EIGHT steeples (place on the corners)! They love their steeples! I could fill this blog with just photos of churches! 

All four of these churches are in Brattleboro, Vermont, within a couple blocks of each other. The white one is the congregational church. During a museum tour I was told back in early history (1600s-1800s) if the community wanted to become an official town, they first had to create a "congregational church". The menfolk would elect a pastor. I wonder what the criteria was for this? The most humble man? The most generous? The most holy?  The richest? The poorest?

Again, white is the preferred color for both churches and homes. The big houses are often lined up close together on a street...they don't have yards! Maybe one driveway on the side and that's it. The house fills the lot. It's a different look for sure than what I'm used to, and I'm sure a lot of this is because families were bigger back then due to social standards. I don't think a lot of single people had their own house. Again, many of these old, white houses are in various states of disrepair: dirty, discolored, peeling, or just falling apart. White on buildings is like white clothes: if you aren't rich enough to take care of them properly, you probably shouldn't choose white.

Richmond was an adorable town and it had The Round Church built in the early 1800s:

My next stop in Vermont: The Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Factory in Waterbury. 

It just seemed like something fun to do even though I don't eat Ben & Jerry's. Why you ask? They have few flavors without chocolate and most of their ice creams have "natural flavors" as an ingredient. What is "natural flavors"? During the tour I happened to ask the tour guide that very question. The tour guide was clearly uncomfortable, but after listing some odd things they label as "natural flavor" like DYES, she quickly gave her incredibly pre-rehearsed, canned explanation how everything that is dumped in "natural flavors" is totally natural. Good god. Isn't that illegal to hide ingredients? Don't we have labeling laws in this country? I wanted to say to her, "gluten is considered natural and poison. That doesn't make it safe!" In the world of gluten-free, "natural flavors" is code for gluten because gluten is in everything so we have to assume it's hidden so we stay safe. I'm assuming their marketing department doesn't know this, but they have ice cream they guarantee is gluten-free. I assume their use of "natural flavors" only includes DYES or other toxic ingredients they need to hide from public view. LOL! I don't know why they would worry - consumers are pretty stupid. Needless to say, I didn't partake in free samples. I love the graphics: very bright with dazzling patterns and it was fun to see the assembly line like I was looking at a scene from Willy Wonka only without little orange people.

I headed to Rutland, Vermont, next to see the Wilson Castle and made it just in time before they closed.

It was so DROOL-ABLE! Beautiful brick work! The interior just inside the front door was amazing with original furniture and so much architectural decoration. I love these big, old brick buildings. Unfortunately I walked into the reception area and the stench of mold hit me like a brick. The tour was also $20. Seems a little spendy, but they are renovating those bricks so I'm sure they need the money! I did NOT take the tour. I left with lung pain and coughing for the next half hour and that was only after five seconds of breathing mold. EEEEEWWWW. This is pretty typical with old buildings so I have to be careful.

I headed south to find camping and I read one of the state parks was free. Ah, no. But the woman at the park's kiosk told me where to go for free: Mt. Tabor in the Green Mountain National Forest. I drove up the mountain and discovered not only were most sites taken, but all were incredibly dark and shaded. I kept driving up and over the mountain and found a lovely clear spot on the side of the road with sunshine and a big, open sky! Unfortunately the dusty dirt road right next to me had pick-up trucks racing up and down it all night. Why are they hanging around up in the woods at 2am on a Monday night? Don't these people work?

I awoke early freezing my ass off wrapped in thin summer blankets at 45 degrees! I took one of my reflective silver window screens down and wrapped it around me that's how cold I was! I have my wool comforter with me, but I am not leaving the van in the dark to try to dig it out of the back. I got up early, packed, secured everything and headed out continuing on the dirt road in the wild because I saw a sign that said "Manchester...that way". That's one of the villages I wanted to see. I encountered a Y in the road, signs were all kinds of numbers and letters, nothing I really recognized, but I opted to take the downhill route which usually takes one to civilization. Nope! After five miles of beautiful sun-streaming woods, I found myself at a dead end. The road was blocked by a locked gate. I drove back, hesitant to take the other road at the Y, drove another five miles praying it wasn't a dead end or I wouldn't end up on the top of a cliff. When I saw the first house, saying I was relieved is an understatement. The little towns way out in Vermont have the most beautiful HUGE houses and bigger barns, but no paved roads! Interesting!

I finally found Manchester, had breakfast at Bob's Diner which was wonderful, and then left for a tour of "historic Vermont." I drove through gorgeous little towns called Arlington, Shaftsbury, Bennington, Wilmington and Brattleboro. Brattleboro had a wonderful downtown area that was all old brick buildings. (My phone battery was charging or I might have taken more photos...of architecture!) It also had a Spice & Nice Health Food Store that was wonderful. I stopped at the parking lot of one of the post offices to re-seal the screws and joints on the roof. For some odd reason the solar guy and his assistant failed to put sealer on the inside of the joints. No wonder why it leaks when the water is pounding and flowing off the roof! I'm surprised it didn't leak in more places. Damn. Can't trust men to do anything right! Hopefully this fixes it!

I continued to NEW HAMPSHIRE! I notice these people love their chickens. Lots of houses have giant, brightly-colored metal roosters in the front yard and many mailboxes have a chicken sculpture on the top. Gas is cheaper here as low as $2.58 a gallon which surprises me because I always thought the east was more expensive. I meandered through beautiful country lanes winding in and out of gorgeous villages with British names: Hinsdale, Winchester, Peterborough, Jaffrey, Plymouth. One confusing geographic aspect is some of the towns in different states share names. I was a bit confused after driving through Bennington in Vermont when Google Maps indicates I'm approaching Bennington...in New Hampshire! I thought I got turned around. The two towns are not that far apart! Ashulot, which is an unincorporated part of Winchester, had a covered bridge!

Outside Peterborough was the Cathedral in the Pines. It had a nice hike, some outdoor places of worship, gardens, and a monument and cemetery dedicated to military personnel. The church bell played patriotic music piped through the woods. I wasn't that impressed in fact maybe a little disappointed it wasn't more emotional or awe-inspiring.

Meredith was next on the list and I strolled through the town with a map in hand searching for the works in the Sculpture Walk. The town had a very nice park and boardwalk on Lake Winnipesaukee where many of the sculptures were located. I liked the cows.

It was fun, but the town had way too many tourists and too much traffic. New Hampshire has a grocery chain all over called Hannafords. Great selection of gluten-free products and the brand of blueberries I can get in Tucson was only HALF the PRICE here! 

I stayed at the Walmart in Plymouth that night, but New Hampshire Walmarts don't have water refill machines! This is only the second state without them. (Alaska was the other.) A Walmart employee suggested I go to Crystal Springs not far away. OK, I expected to find a company...had flashbacks of the horror of chemicals added to water like I encountered in Alaska. Instead, it's a mountain water well off the side of the highway! FREE! Very popular with the locals and tested by the city of Plymouth every month.

It tasted so good and was SO COLD! I filled all my empty gallon jugs and even dumped out the water in other jugs to refill it.  Yum

I headed for the Lost River Gorge and Boulder Caves that were 30 minutes away. OMG! I had so much fun! It was like a giant treehouse with wood walkways and a lot of stairs winding in and out of the rocks and trees. The price was $28 which initially I thought a little high. One can get a discount ticket for $24 online, but I really didn't know when I would get there. I understand the price now. The site is so beautiful and well-maintained.

The Lost River ran through it with waterfalls and crystal clear pools.

BUT THE CAVES! OMG! There are about nine or ten caves with names like "Cave of Silence", "The Devil's Kitchen", "The Dungeon", and "The Judgment Hall of Pluto". First, they were very dark with just a tiny bit of light from the small openings from above or below where the river ran. Some caves were pitch black. A few you had to crawl on your hands and knees to get in or out. Some were so skinny I had to take my pack off, throw it ahead and squeeze through the skinny slit between rocks...in the dark. There were quite a few tourists who were sitting outside caves waiting for family members or walking past refusing to do the caves due to serious claustrophobia. One cave in particular I didn't think I could do it physically or mentally, but the woman in front of me was being encouraged by her big, pot-bellied husband who was in front of her. He did it then she did it so I threw all caution to the wind! It was creepy, terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time with the sound of a raging river and the smell of dampness in the darkness. Eeeewww!

My camera had an automatic setting for flash which I used when I couldn't see where I was going:

Look at that opening! I kept chanting,
"Other people are crawling down there! Be brave and just do it!" LOL!

In the photo below is the entrance to the one cave I did not attempt. It's called The Lemon Squeezer. I just didn't think my butt would fit and I was too embarrassed to try! What would happen if I got stuck?? However, at the exit two men came out and they fit! They were at least 6 feet tall, but slender. I'm not good with small, dark, underground spaces, but I did my best to be brave and did all but this one cave. Near the end of the trail, my strength started giving out and I could barely hoist myself up over the rocks. There were over 1,000 stairs to climb.

View of the gorge from the top lookout platform: New Hampshire is so gorgeous and green!

The woodwork throughout is spectacular. I totally understand between all the construction and upkeep why they charge so much for tickets. 

I love how they built around the trees! Some of those trees were really large and one had to squeeze past. This was the most fun I've had on this trip so far!

I crossed the border into MAINE and drove to Bridgton to see the Rufus Porter Museum. Porter was an early 19th century traveling artist and inventor. It's amazing the things he invented. He was way ahead of his time, but few people have heard of him.

My first impression of Maine is the roads are not in very good shape. They are horrible. This is an early assessment so maybe later I'll rethink this. (No, my first impressions were spot on!) The drivers aren't any better either, but their bad driving is purposeful. Here is where I will confess and disclose I think Google Maps will kill me one day. I am puttering down the highway, too slow for most people as I have vehicles behind me eager to pass but no place to pass which always makes me nervous. The problem with these little country roads is there is no where to pull off especially driving a big van. Siri announces I am to turn left in a quarter mile. I start slowing and watching for it, but I don't see it. Looking left I failed to see the stop sign at the right! I ran the stop sign as I continued to drive the curve. The curve was the left turn. A pick up approaching laid on the horn. Thank god he had good reflexes. I was so embarrassed. This is not the first time I've almost been in a wreck, but it is the first time it was my fault! That shook me...

I've seen several covered bridges. They are all over. I don't stop and take photos of all of them.

This one is the most often painted covered bridge throughout history: The Sunday River Bridge.

I stayed at the Farmington Walmart that night, totally exhausted. View as I ate dinner:

It was a wonderfully quiet night in Farmington. Loved it. Got up early, did two laps around the Walmart parking lot. This is another reason I love staying at Walmart - I can walk and not worry about being attacked by a bear.

My plan the following day was to see Acadia National Park, but I confused the reservation requirements. I thought one had to reserve for the whole park as some other national parks, but the reservation is just to drive to the top of Mount Cadillac. I made the reservation for 3pm at a cost of $6.00 which gave me plenty of time. They failed at sending me a QR code as a ticket, but I took a photo of my email confirmation.

Before leaving Farmington, I dropped into the Ford dealership, asked questions, whined about the van still not running well. The service person made an appointment for Monday so I have about five days to kill. 

Acadia National Park was beautiful...but crowded. There was a long line up for parking at the visitor center. All the pull-outs and other parking lots along the park loop were full.  Beaches, trailheads and tourist sites all full. It was very disappointing. If I had realized my reservation wasn't for the whole park which would have limited the number of people, I wouldn't have bothered. At my appointed time, I drove up to Cadillac Mountain and there was parking at the top. It was like ants on a hill with people all over the place. Blah. I just don't do well with hoards of humanity. Nice views from the top:

I drove to south to Thomaston and parked at the Walmart. Nice and quiet, very kind employees welcoming nomads to their parking lot. I like feeling safe.

The next morning I hit the coast of Maine! Cute villages: Boothbay Harbor, Cape Elizabeth, Kennebunkport, Wiscasset, and York. Unfortunately, too many tourists and bumper to bumper cars! Most of the time there was no parking to be found anywhere! UGH!

At the Cape Elizabeth Portland Head Light, I was faced with hoards of humanity with every parking lot filled...and they had a lot of parking lots!!! So I just did a drive-by. LOL!

My patience was rewarded at York with parking at the Nubble Lighthouse. Unfortunately this lighthouse is on an island off the coast so inaccessible. York has great beaches. I considered swimming, but then remembered I don't have access to a shower and saltwater drying on my sweaty body did not sound appealing!

I looked at the map and realized Massachusetts is only one hour away...I dipped south. First, Massachusetts people are horrid drivers. I do say that about nearly every state, don't I? People are just thoughtless, rude, and self-centered most of the time. I don't mean they do stupid things or make mistakes (although I'm sure they do), but they purposely do stupid things. I have never seen so many people on the freeway speeding far above the speed limit and weaving in and out of traffic during rush hour! It was too crowded for me.

I decided to see Salem, Massachusetts. The Salem Witch Trials have always fascinated me. I didn't arrive until 5pm so the visitors center was closed, but I walked around the city. First, for some reason I thought Salem would be a town. On the map it's so small it was hard to find. It has a nice pedestrian mall...FILLED WITH TOURIST SHOPS! Like Roswell and its aliens, Salem is fixated on witches. Leave it to Americans to capitalize on the trauma of others. I thought it was offensive. Lots of tourist temptations for witchcraft paraphernalia, tarot readings, nightmare tours, and witch wax museums. Unfortunately, most of them reeked of incense or scented candles so I was limited to window shopping. 

I found the Salem Cemetery which I overheard is the second oldest in the country.

Outside the cemetery is a touching memorial to the twenty victims of narrow-mindedness who were wrongfully accused of witchcraft and hanged, or in one case pressed to death! It never ceases to amaze me how cruel humans can be!

As I walked back to Big Blue (lost in the neighborhoods, of course), I discovered the murals in Salem. Wow! There were many and some were whole buildings!

Most of them were in the lower income neighborhoods perhaps to beautify these areas. Salem was uncomfortable for me. There were lots of vagrants milling about. It had a unsettling feeling having nothing to do with its history and everything to do with its present. The Walmart was ugly and I was rather thankful they didn't allow nomads to park overnight. Although I really wanted to see the museum, I didn't want to wait until the next day. The hoards of people and traffic added to my discomfort so I left.

I drove back to Vermont which is just west and north over the Massachusetts border. I attempted to stay at the Walmart in Brattleboro. The management gave approval, but I could tell when they asked me if I was in an RV they didn't want larger vehicles. I was approved for only one night. Not very welcoming. I was told to park on the perimeter, which is a typical Walmart request. Late at night people were racing in and out of the parking lot. Two cars pulled up right next to me. I have no idea what they were doing. One woman got out of her car and into the man's pick up. I waited...waited...waited for them to leave. I pondered, How long does it take her to give him a blow job? I have no idea what they were doing, but after too long, I just wanted to leave. So at midnight, I left! I hate driving at night in a strange place down unfamiliar roads! I drove to a public parking lot in the middle of downtown that only charges from 9am to 6pm. Several people on iOverlander said they parked late at night had a quiet night. That's what I did!

The next morning I got up early walked the fog-covered town, and took the above photos of the churches, then headed for the Cornish-Windsor Covered Bridge just north. It is the longest covered bridge in the country. The driving height restriction was 9.2 feet. Ah, no way! I don't go under anything under 10 feet as I don't want to decapitate Big Blue especially since she's already experienced a similar trauma in her past. She parked outside and I walked the inside.

I then made a run for the border! The heat and humidity are too much. I can't wait around for van repairs then be told I'd have to wait another week for an appointment to get them done. It's too hot to sit in one place. The online weather reports say Canada is cooler! It took about nine hours to get to Calais, Maine which is right on the border. I parked overnight at the Walmart hoping for a better experience than last night's!

Are you wondering why I'm staying in so many Walmart parking lots? First, I'm tired of dusty dirt roads way up in the middle of no where with ignorant men racing their pickups back and forth. What do I do if my van breaks down in the middle of no where? Second, Starlink loves a wide open sky. Most boondocking is tree covered in this part of the country. Third, I like waking up, going for a walk without fear of bears, using a real bathroom instead of a tupperware-like bucket, buying yogurt for breakfast, and hanging out for the morning using the internet working or emailing. Being alone up in the middle of no where is a little stressful, and I'm not prone to sleeping soundly when I am stressed.

New England is over and out! Canada is calling me back!

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