New Mexico Detour

As soon as I crossed the New Mexico border, the roads improved from potholes and cracks to smooth as silk. Justifying my detour, I kept thinking, It's too soon for Arizona. Why not see more of New Mexico? It was high on my list of homesteading options.

 

"...Gallup, New Mexico..." Everytime I say that I start singing the song "Route 66". The city limits is spread out like a overgrown strip mall and very low income, but the downtown with part of the original Route 66 is very cool populated with vintage-looking tourist shops. I'm disappointed Route 66 has been cut up into sections due to the added Interstate 40. I hate Interstate 40. The scenery is horrible, the semi-trucks clogging the lanes are awful, and I'd rather be on a country highway without people forcing me to speed to save my life.

What brought me downtown was La Monzanita Co-op which is a health food store chain in New Mexico with stores in Albuquerque and Santa Fe. I'd been to the one in Albuquerque so I had high hopes for this one. This store is tiny, but packed to the roof with more than you could imagine. Still, it was lacking in a lot specifically fresh produce. Then I went to Hobby Lobby to buy a sketch pad and some cheap paint brushes. We'll see if I can creatively motivate myself.

I drove to the Three Mesa Trailhead parking area off Interstate 40 and Mentmore Road for the night. It's sunny, low 70s, and windy. Lots of hikers in the afternoon in and out, but as soon as the sun set, it was a quiet and peaceful night. (The write-up on iOverlander said it was prone to rowdy locals and noisy trucks going in and out the mine located on the same road...I experienced none of this.)

The next morning I headed east on Interstate 40 driving behind a semi-truck that was swerving all over the road! I then exited south on Highway 117 through the El Malpais National Monument which was spectacular featuring sandstone cliffs, arches and caves on one side of the highway:

And a bunch of black on the other side of the highway. What is that? At first I thought it was fire damage, but then I realized that is the Zumi-Bandera Volcanic Field (or the Grants Lava Flow):

There were lots of hiking trails I would have liked to explore. The highway was quiet and peaceful, but half way down the landscape turned a bit barren and ugly. I've often said New Mexico is the ugliest of all the states and provinces I've seen. Granted, every state has bits of beauty and bits of ugly, but I think New Mexico has more than its share of ugly.

I arrived in Pie Town, a miniscule town with a trailer for a post office that has a history of pie making and selling. I stopped at the little cafe that advertised PIES in big, bold, colorful letters and hobbled to the front. I noticed big signs stating "GET YOUR PIE HERE" with an arrow located at the far end of the building so I hobbled further only to find the door locked. On the way back a waitress passed me, "We are out of pie." PIE TOWN IS OUT OF PIE!?? Now, I had hoped they might have gluten-free pie although I was realistically doubtful, but NO pie at all to gaze upon! I was aghast! I stomped with my walker back to the van. Stomping with a walker or four extra aluminum feet is very satisfying and therapeutic. I can make a lot of noise when pie-less.

Population: 192...LOL!

I found the BLM land just behind the tiny town. Many of the dirt roads were pitted with water damage and large deep ruts. I avoided those, but I found a place and parked for the night among the juniper trees and ants...fucking ants.

I recently discovered a van-living danger! Someone asked on one of the FB groups about invection cooktops. Since I have one I gave my opinion. I like mine. Another woman said, "It's a fire hazard. Be very careful. I learned the hard way." WHAT? I asked her for details. It seems invection cooktops heat up and if you place it on a metal table as most people do, it will heat the metal and anything flammable touching the metal will ignite!!! OMG! She set everything on fire and nearly burnt the county down! For a long time I was cooking on top my metal table outside my van...sometimes there is dried grass or leaves on the ground. If I cook in my van, the table is on the rugs. I've been doing this for nine months without an issue. Why not? Why have I not burnt down my van? Then I remembered I've been using my glass plates underneath the cooktop to protect the table and the rugs!!! Glas is not heat conducive! Wow! The things I don't know....I'm a walking danger zone!

Zero sleep last night. My sinuses are still killing me and I'm taking way too much Afrin which can cause "rebound congestion" so I woke with a sore throat and lung congestion. If I don't take it every night, I can't breathe! I wish I knew why my sinuses hate the southern states. AND, I confess. I started buying Olipop Root Beer. On a hot day it just tastes good, but like any soft drink, healthy or not, it has sugar. Why do I torture myself? I know better and I buy and eat/drink junk anyway. Awake most of the night, I ruminated about the ants on the ground, too, worried they would get in my van. Ants all over everywhere!

Got up early and left (the ants) driving north toward Colorado. Every route I had planned toward Arizona is heating up to the high 70s and low 80s. Nope. Let's go back to the coolness of Colorado! I took a new route through New Mexico and it was only a four hour drive. The drive was boring. Again, New Mexico is still the ugliest state I've seen so far. Not much there to write home about (if I had a home).

BUT! I saw a herd of what I thought were antelope! Are there antelope in New Mexico? I have no idea, but they weren't deer. I got online and they were PRONGHORN!! That was cool.

As I approached the north, I started seeing the rock "cathedrals" floating in the desert. I kept asking, Is that Shiprock? It doesn't look like a ship. Is THAT Shiprock? Nope, that doesn't look like a ship either. There were about six of them. None of them really looked like a ship, but I took a photo of the one closest to the town Shiprock. According to the map, this should be Shiprock:

Doesn't look like a ship...

Worse, the poverty is astounding in New Mexico! Lot of manufactured homes and trailers as residences scattered all over the desert. Too many junky vehicles and garbage surrounding the homes. I'm guessing the only upper class areas are probably in Taos or Santa Fe? I've heard they are out of my budget.

Shiprock was shocking. Approaching from the south one is faced with a neighborhood of dirty, white, little, square rectangle buildings with a door and a window on each side, two dwellings per rectangle, flat roofs. They almost look like shipping containers only smaller and cheaply built. Clothes hanging outside, junk and garbage all over. These "homes" go as far as the eye can see, scattered in no discerning order, left where they were delivered, kaddywompasly situated. The stores and other businesses are run-down or closed-down. People milling all over the place, some offering to wash your windows for money when you get gas. One scruffy guy approached my parked van and asked for money. Lots of vendors selling out of their vehicles on the highway. During all my adventure, I've never seen any area this bad. It was pretty shocking. I kept praying, Please don't let my van breakdown here!" Crossing the Colorado border was like night and day...scenery became beautiful and the houses large, beautiful, and well-maintained.

Back to Colorado...

Down the Back Stretch! Arizona!

The colors of northwest Arizona are spectacular. Look at those clouds!
It's like a painting....

I feel torn about Arizona. On one hand, with all the stress and trauma, I feel relieved this adventure is over and I'm my way "home" or to where I started because I'm not sure if Arizona can be considered "home". On the other hand I feel dread. Tucson creeps me out. Tucson is the land of psychopaths and very bad experiences that slosh around in my brain too often usually in the middle of the night or when I'm driving. Driving affords one a lot of thinking time. Outside Tucson, Arizona is dry, dusty, and still too hot. I'm STILL just not sure that's where I want to land.

I headed west on Highway 160 and planned to go south to Shiprock. The horizon was black with rain clouds, but the view west was bright blue skies and fluffy white clouds! ? Make a choice! GO TOWARD THE LIGHT...then south on Highway 191. 

I read some posts on the lack of free camping in the Navajo Nation Indian Reservation, but found perhaps the only one that wasn't a gas station: Wheatfields Lake on the border of Arizona and New Mexico. The warning was if it rains, it's deep in mud. Well, it's been raining here and the huge arroyo ditches and water-filled potholes made me hesitate. Big Blue trudged through the muck and we found a semi-dry spot. Hopefully it'll stay dry all night. The weather forecast for the next few days is sunny 66/68/69/70 high and 48/47/50/53 low, but it's raining right now. We'll see! I'm the only one here. It's nice with picnic tables, garbage receptables, and a bathroom...blocked by huge puddles of brown water. It's very quiet. Thunder and lightning all night with showers now and then. Then I woke up to a view of the lake and this:

COW CAMPING!

At first I thought there was only one until I threw some water out my side door and there is a small herd surrounding my van giving me the stare down.

On the Navajo reservation there are warning signs all over about cows and horses running free. I saw a few horse herds on the way. One beautiful colt that was white with black ears, mane, tail and feet. Gorgeous. Just wandering on the side of the highway. There was no place to pull over or I would have taken a photo of him.

The sun appeared and I drove to New Mexico via Highway 12 in hopes of finding sunshine and some food. The Navajo reservation does not have a lot of options. Beautiful drive with lots of mesas, rock formations, rock needles and rock walls. Towns are built around them.

Around the corner from this rock knob, I encountered a pothole as wide as the road and filled with brown water. Do I drive over? In Arizona we are taught DO NOT drive over an unknown depth especially if the ditches and arroyos are raging with water and they were. You might get stuck, or worse, you might float away or drown. Did I listen? No. The highway was about 50 feet on the other side! It was risk it or turn around and suffer the bad road coming in. It was damn deep, but I made it. 

Even though my ability to walk has been compromised, I'm still on an adventure. New Mexico is off the beat and path, providing a detour, but I have two weeks until my doctor's appointment. Why not?

Colorado: Land of Many Uses

August 26, 2025 "Land of Many Uses" must be the Colorado state motto. I see this sign everywhere. Such a strange motto when most states mottos have to do with beauty, community, or patriotism. I'm using Colorado to drive toward Arizona and stay cool so I guess the motto is accurate! LOL!

I headed to Denver early in the morning thinking I would visit a Whole Foods on the outskirts. Traffic was frightening. Then I realized Siri was taking me right into downtown. NO WAY! I reset the directions heading west on highway 70, but then Siri said a lane or a highway or the whole fucking interstate was closed and headed me off northwest. There was a sign for Boulder...

Do you ever wonder how one life decision could have changed your whole world? Boulder is that for me. When I was young and feeling adventurous after spending a year hitchhiking through Europe, I decided I wanted to move to Boulder. I can't remember who put that in my brain, but my dream was to live someplace health-oriented where people hiked, backpacked, cycled and camped. My little brother talked me out of it telling me I couldn't leave him. I was a sentimental fool back then grasping at any bit of family who showed me a crumb of attention. I wonder how my life would have turned out if I had left the Pacific Northwest and moved to Boulder? Probably the same. Or not. Maybe I'd be living in one of those giant cabins up on a mountain? Or maybe I'd still be living in a van with a Colorado license plate?

View from campground at Beaver Reservoir Road

So I headed to Boulder. Lots of cyclists all over. They definitely have a Whole Foods and I stocked up on groceries. I forgot to get water refills (which Colorado has, but they do charge for grocery bags!). I headed to the hills for some R&R because I'm tired of this constant driving, constant pain, and constant illness from the drugs. I plan to spend a few days up in the mountains as I'm feeling less afraid of being alone. Another deciding factor is every route I want to take has rain forecasted and flood warnings. So I figured I'd wait it out. Hopefully it won't flood up on this mountain. Gorgeous drive and on the way up I saw a public water well so I can get some refills. The communities up in the mountains seemed a little subversive with electic architecture and creativity. I get the impression they do what they want in the highlands!

I had a rough night. I think it might have something to do with being horizontal. Every night I have about five hours of excruciating nerve pain like I'm being hit with a cattle prod, stabbed with a knife, and my leg being put on a hot burner. Adrenaline rushes throughout my body. Yes, out of frustration I cry for the full five hours. Then it simmers down and just as I start to fall asleep I get another knife stab. Damn!

I also bought some charcoal and I thought I'd start back with the mold cleansing as all my joints are hurting again and the adrenaline rushes started back. It might be a mold symptom, but more than likely this is my mast cells activating out of control. It's a full-blown allergic-histamine reaction to the trauma which incites mass cell activity and mold just adds to the misery. I'm hoping this protocol would help with some of my ankle symptoms and recovery? I took one capsule after five hours of pain, went to bed, woke up thirty minutes later with my heart pounding out of my chest. It felt like an allergic reation, but I think it's just doing what it's supposed to as charcoal can make you sick if it's moving around the toxins in your body. I was nauseated for most of the next day.

The morning brought new insight. Rained last night. Raining again this morning. Once again, I forgot I can't just sit around on cloudy or rainy days without losing all power so I headed south. I opted to avoid Denver and Google Maps took me down the center of the state. OMG! Beautiful mountains, canyons, valleys and old historic towns like Central City, Black Hawk and Leadville. I really wish I could walk so I could get out of the van and walk the streets, look at architecture and windowshop...or hike!!! Unfortunately, the dark clouds covered most of the scenery, but every now and then I'd get a glimmer of hope and teased with the bluest of skies:

 

By afternoon the clouds disappeared and the solars were fully charged! Sometimes it just pays to keep driving. I had read at some point that if you want to be somewhere cool for the summer, go to Buena Vista...so I did. I stopped just north of Buena Vista at the Riverside (Miner's Camp) BLM right next to the Arkansas River. The dirt road in looked previously washed out in places, but it was easy to drive. I saw the river while driving, but once parked I could hear it, but I couldn't go near it due to the uneven ground and fear of falling with the walker. I stayed for two nights with clouds moving in and out, but sun most of the time. It was OK, but a little busy since it was a river access so constant in and out of kayakers and fishermen.

Ran out of food and water so I headed to Salina for supplies. The road beyond the campground was fascinating, with large bolders, tunnels, and rocks all over! 

If it wasn't for the winter snow, I could live here and use those rocks for landscaping!!

Hard to see, but tunnel after tunnel through the rocks.

Also, the door to my gas tank flew off! I stopped at the Ford dealership to ask what I should do. She was very nice and said it's protected from rain, but I'd have to go to a body shop to get it replaced. She thought most thieves aren't going to steal from a Ford van because one never knows if the owner on the inside is carrying a gun! I'll leave it for now even though it's ugly.

Next I headed to Natural Grocers. The parking lot was impossible for the size of my van let alone needing space to get out with the walker on the side so I parked right up front in the handicapped spot. I get in the store, sit in the electronic cart, and it doesn't work! They failed to keep it charged. This is one reason I seek out Whole Foods or other big grocery stores. These little stores rarely have working electronic carts if any at all! One shopper offered to shop for me and an employee offered help also. I told the employee, if cart had worked, I'd be buying a lot more!

Coloradoans (is that what they are called?) are very nice. Even the drivers are considerate. Very friendly people looking a little alternative, sporty, and/or hippie-ish. Lots of cyclists and kayakers all over. My kind of people. I think I'd like it here...

I was going to camp further south, but as soon as I left Buena Vista the temperatures climbed ten degrees or into the high 70s. EEEWW! I drove back to the road where I stayed the last two nights, but this time stayed at Cactus Fields BLM. Not on the river, but gorgeous views of the mountains and landscape. Very quiet, although it was full Friday night most left in the morning.

Love these white rocks all over the countryside!

It's Labor Day weekend! I didn't even realize it. (OMG! September is next week!) Holiday weekends are always a risk because these BLM campgrounds fill fast as even the locals are escaping for the weekend. The plan is always get a spot early on Friday and stay put. 

I notice Colorado has a lot of van nomads, more than any other state. I saw very few coming from the east. I spoke with a seasoned van-living woman from Texas and she opted to stay in Colorado for the whole summer. Later I met someone who said Colorado is the summer destination for a lot of Texans. I notice experienced nomads travel very slowly choosing one or two states to spend the summer. BUT in the beginning they do what I have done - the bucket list or a whirlwind tour of every place they can possibly go! LOL! Staying in one place saves on gas costs. Colorado is great for summer. The mountains and high elevations make it cool and comfortable. Good to know. I'll stay in Colorado until the weather down south starts to cool down.

Weird weather. Forecast says sun but it rained most of the morning. Then it's forecast as thundershowers and it's sunny. Then tornado winds started!! WTH? It's odd how the weather can say "it will rain in 4 minutes" and be spot-on, but then get it so wrong any other time. But the sun remained and my solars are fully charged so I am happy. Interesting fact: solars charge faster and better when the weather is cold, but sunny.

One aspect that is really hard about staying in place for more than a day or two is the garbage that is accumulated. How can one person in a small van produce so much garbage? I do LOVE throwing things away and I make a point to keep everything very clean to avoid ants and rats. But my need for organization feels cleansing and I know it gives me more room in this tiny space. More room feels like it's easier to breathe.  It amazes me how little I currently own even compared to the beginning of this adventure. I actually have a lot of extra room which will be good when I rescue my strorage stuff. It's all going in the van although I plan to sell a few more things!!

I nearly sliced off my middle finger with my butcher knife while preparing dinner. Gushed blood. Like I need another emergency visit! I just wrapped it in PANTY LINERS! They make the perfect bandage because they are thick and have adhesive on the back! I hope it heals fast. I can already type fairly well so that's a relief.

I made a thank you card and envelope for my Nova Scotia angel, Minou. I don't have a lot of art supplies and very few collage bits with me so I had to make due. It felt good to do something creative as it's been too long. This could be why I often feel depressed.

I made it a horror story with an illustration of the current condition of my leg. It looks dead with all the yellowy black and blue. Hey, Halloween is almost here! Then I worked on some Halloween cards.This was fun. I miss doing art. The last time was painting the top of my van in March. I need more creativity in my life. 

Woke up from third night of sleepless discomfort...it's cool, the sun is shining, it's beautiful, and I feel really good. I need to go to the store, but I don't want to....I'd rather relax and bask in the sunshine. Which is exactly what I did.

I deleted most of my women's van life FB groups. I am so tired of nasty, catty, judgmental, critical woman. I hate people on a good day, but these bitches drive me nuts. There is no benefit to membership.

Fourth night at Cactus Field BLM near Buena Vista. In the lower 70s during the day and down to 45 degrees at night with wind gusts. I woke up at 12:30am...awake all night, uncomfortable, restless, irritable. My sinuses are killing me which makes it hard to breathe. It must be dry, desert weather or some plant here in the south? OR it's the anti-mold supplements I'm taking! Never had a problem in the north or on the east coast, but I had been taking the supplements for months and I have now just started up again. It does usually get worse before it gets better.

At daybreak I did some grocery shopping, mailed mail, and dumped garbage. I don't know what to do about all the garbage. Gas stations and Walmart are fine with small "car garbage", but I had eight little grocery bags of garbage in just four days. That's a lot and I think it would be considered household garbage which would be illegal. But what do I do? I washed my throw rugs at Missing Sock Laundromat. They had top loaders and a very nice owner who helped me get in the doors with my walker.

Next day...sunny and breezy. God, it's beautiful here! I'll plan to stay for about four more days as I have a work project coming in so I'll get that done before I hit the road. Visited Lettucehead Food Co-op for some more vegetables I failed to buy yesterday. This one is right in Buena Vista. Nice little store with a little of everything (except an electronic cart!). Came back to campground and although my spot wasn't taken, the place is nearly filled with single men in RVs. My spot seems to have a lot of ants. I might move, but I'd rather not. Nights are getting easier. Still some discomfort, but much less. Freezing in the mornings, but sunny all day.

Rained all night and next morning. There is light tan mud dripping from my van like diarrhea in liquid mountains of goo. So gross. Especially since I can't wash the van! I left for cement ground and found it at the Poncha Springs Information Center. It has a dump station for RVs, bathrooms, garbage and large lot with large parking spaces for all sizes of vehicles. Quiet night. Unfortunately they only let you stay for 24 hours. I worked that afternoon and the next morning, washed my hair, then headed to Walmart in Salida for more cement although the weather cleared.

I was craving yogurt so I bought too many. My stomach has been hurting, probably from mast cells. I ate FOUR!! God, they were good. But they are high-histamine and I spent the night peeing nearly every hour. Other than that, it was a great night. Quiet, safe, and cement.

My incisions are peeling! It's weird. My skin is flaking off which is gross. My fat is dehydrating (?) leaving flabs of skin. The sock stinks so I switched it out. They only gave me three so I assume they should be changed every two weeks. I can't wait to be able to soak this foot in hot water. The bottom of my foot is still black and blue (or rather more green and yellow).

The next morning I went to Natural Grocers and their electronic cart died in the aisle. They still aren't charging them! Drove to park and made chicken with vegetables stir fry that tastes more like teryaki. Yum. Drove to the Missing Sock Laundromat to do another load of laundry because who knows when I'll find another suitable laundromat. I love clean clothes!

This photo was taken just before I realized after 20 minutes of sitting
there, I finally realized the "start" button didn't start. UGH!

As I'm waiting for clothes to dry I checked the weather. Everywhere except Buena Vista is in the 80s...I don't want that heat. I decided at the last minute to stay. I don't need to be in Flagstaff for two more weeks so there is no rush. Teaching myself to relax and take my time. Went to a different BLM: Arizona River Headwater Recreation. This is the traditional type BLM that I used to know with sites 100 feet apart rather than huddled close together like an RV park. Love it.

I hated the ants at the last BLM location and wondered if it was just that site or if they were all over. They are all over! I pray they don't want IN my van!

It was another horrible night trying to sleep. I worried all night if I could make it out of this gulch. The road in is a single lane, dirt, with deep, deep potholes all over and a drop-off cliff on one side. I can't imagine what I would do if I were in the middle of it carefully making my way up and an RV met me coming down!! Backing up this van is difficult on flat cement! Would I be expected to back up to the bottom and somehow not drive myself off the cliff? I left at daybreak and encountered no one! Excellent planning!

Dumped garbage back at the Poncha Springs Information Center, ate breakfast then headed to Montrose. Beautiful drive in the mountains until approaching Montrose then it's rather barren and brown. I pulled into the overnight parking-friendly Walmart but the loud traffic made me move to the local park so I could make some calls to medical facilities to get information they didn't seem to have. Then there is the 85 degree weather, I made some last minute plans and headed to the Million Dollar Highway (550) toward Silverton. 

Gorgeous drive! Looks like Switzerland only the mountain tops don't have snow (yet!). 

Ouray was beautiful, although a little touristy. The frightening twisty turn mountain pass was gorgeous although I was afraid to take my eyes off the road so a bit hard to see. Drop off on one side.

Continued just past Ouray to one spot, but the downhill, rocky, potholed single lane in the dark woods made me turn around at the first opportunity. I backtracked to the Million Dollar Highway Wild Camping that is this nice gravel road between the highway and the river. Lots of spots! And 68 degrees with a beautiful breeze! But the river is ORANGE??? Eeewww! Maybe it's the iron content in the hills?

View from my van...

This spot is a small-ish pullout with fire pits at each end. Good size for two vans or small campers. As dusk approaches and wouldn't you know it a MONSTER RV with a motorcycle and a trailer with a ATV squeezes into the spot next to me which is NOT a good size for an RV! What an asshole. Initially he backed that trailer right to the front of my van not even leaving me enough room to get out. Then I had the displeasure of listening to his generator for the next two hours. In the morning daylight I notice his license...fucking psychopath from Arizona! I left. It got pretty cold around 35 degrees in the night.

I drove to Silverton. OMG! The Million Dollar Highway is so beautiful especially in the morning with the sunlight streaming on the surrounding mountains. Twisty, curvy 10mph up and down the mountains and through the valleys that look so much like Switzerland.

It was difficult to get good pictures since I usually couldn't stop on the side of the highway. The one below was taken while I was at a construction stop.

Got to Silverton around 8am. It reminded me of Philipsburg in Montana only bigger. It had a paved main street but all side streets are dirt.  Lots of little shops and restaurants.

Look at those black clouds rolling in from the south

I tried in vain to find a restroom that didn't involve a mile hobble on the walker. Then all of a sudden a thunderstorm seem to come out of no where. I started off for Durango then decided I didn't want to drive wet twisty mountain roads in pouring rain. They are hard enough dry! I pulled off the highway and worked for about two hours until the sun appeared again. I started driving again around 10:30am. I remember this drive coming the opposite way hoping to visit Silverton about fifteen years ago. It was October and it started snowing! I recognized the exact spot where I turned around!

September 9, 2025 Got to Durango around noon. It's a lot bigger than I remember it fifteen years ago. People aren't nice. Did a little grocery shopping at the food co-op. No electronic cart at the food co-op. Nearly every shopper in the store walked in right front of me as I was slowly trying to get around. The food co-op was one big disappointment so I found Nature's Oasis which was like a Whole Foods only maybe better with much nicer people. It was 85 degrees. ICK! I drove back up Highway 550 to a turn off I saw on the way down for Lake Haviland that people profess has overnight parking. But it's so beautiful, I don't trust it. This is the view from my side door.  Maybe I'll get kicked out? I'm hoping to stay a few days. It's a little cooler here at 79 degrees. Praying the temperatures in Northern Arizona will start to cool in the next week.

Colorado doesn't disappoint with spectacular cloud formations!

Woke to gorgeous views of lake. Very quiet night with no one asking me to leave. My sinuses are so much better. Is it southern Colorado or is it still the anti-mold supplements that are kicking in? I know when one starts them, all symptoms should get worse before they get better. I don't know. Health is always a mystery. Ankle is less uncomfortable when sleeping and I'm doing gentle stretches everyday. I hope for a fast recovery with physical therapy. Temperatures are in the high 60s. Perfect. 

It rained all night the second night and plans to rain more. So I wrapped my cast in a plastic bag, put on a raincoat, and washed the van! I figured it was already wet and the rain would rinse it. I used only water anyway because I was so close to the lake so I'm not sure if it did any good. It was more like washing mud with mud. But it's pouring now! Fingers crossed!

Left for Cortez, but found a BLM in the San Juan National Forest on the way, turn right onto Road 316 and lots of campsites! Wonderful afternoon reading and relaxing. Then it started to rain. Hard. It rained all night and will continue for two days straight. If I stay I'll run out of power which means no reading, no internet, and no cooking. I wondered, Can I stay in bed for two days and do nothing? I did not want to leave. I wanted the rain to leave. I left. I have no idea where to go...

Maybe it's time to head south...to Arizona!

Back in the Butt-Numbing Seat Again! (or The Westward HO)

I left Maine at 10:30am after the pharmacy visit. The plan is to head south, get out of Maine asap then head west. At 1:30 I crossed the Maine border into New Hampshire and at 2pm I crossed the Massachusetts border. I was tempted to keep going and cross New York off my list, but my butt was properly numb. I'm taking main interstate routes (95, 495 then 90), trying to avoid major cities like Boston and New York, heading west and south. The traffic is horrible and it's not even rush hour. The east coast is clearly overpopulated. Too much humanity for my liking.

I stopped in Massachusetts for gas and they have full service! It cost 20 cents more, but heck, if I can avoid getting out of the van to pump gas, I will! Stayed at Cracker Barrel in Holyoke, MA. Exhausted, but relieved, thrilled, and free!

I took the new suicide-inducing pain drugs and within 15 minutes I thought my whole body would fall asleep in a way that felt paralyzing. This worried me as I don't want to be tired tomorrow while negotiating a busy freeway, but they supposedly only last eight hours and I took them early enough so I won't be driving for another 13 hours. The pharmacist did say I might experience "residual fatigue". I don't want that either. But OMG! Finally a night's rest other than me waking up checking the time and worrying if the drugs wouldn't wear off the next day. 

Everything was great and I started driving at 7am.  Continued on Interstate 91, then 90, then 80 crossed the Massachusetts to Connecticut border, Pennsylvania border and lastly, the Ohio border. It's so much easier to drive than walk! I stayed at the Cracker Barrel in Youngstown and they instructed me to park on the right side where there is a lot of room and RV parking spaces. 

A guy in a small bus pulls up and parks probably fifty feet away. He's right in the breezeway. He sits in the driver's seat and smokes wafting all that stink into my van. I really hate people! I moved to left side of the restaurant. I hoped they wouldn't make me move, but I think a lot of people don't even check or call and just park where they want. No one bothered me all night. In pain and weird discomfort all night, restless, HOTTER than hell here with a lot of mugginess. I'm watching the weather closely. In seems in the next week most cities will drop down into the 70s. Fall is around the corner! Thank god.

Left Youngstown around 8am for Akron to shop at Whole Foods. I parked in a handicapped space. I looked all over for a parking spot close enough to the store so I can hobble in on my walker and there weren't any. Hit the road around 9am which is late for me but it's still cool in the morning. I hope I can drive a little longer and stop when the temperatures are cooler. Ohio, Indiana, Illinois and Iowa mostly on Interstate 80. The "I" states have really shitty roads! Siri took me into south Chicago as a detour. I was not happy about that. I got to Davenport, Iowa around 6pm and stayed at the Cracker Barrel. The temperature is 75 and no mugginess!!!

Why am I staying at all these Cracker Barrels? Well, Walmarts are always hit and miss. Sometimes they are tired of nomads taking advantage of the free stays thinking it's long term free rent time so management doesn't allow it anymore. This is most common in cities. This takes a lot of effort on my part to park the van, hobble in with the walker, get an electric cart, go to the customer service, and then listen to them argue about whether they can or can't remember if management lets nomads park. If not then I have to repeat the process at another Walmart. It's too much effort unless I need to do some shopping. But I don't buy much from Walmart. Cracker Barrel always welcomes nomads to park. They even have large parking spots for the RVs.  Cracker Barrels are safe, too. Walmarts too often have sleazy people using the parking lot in the middle of the night for who knows what.  I also don't want to be camping out in the wilderness alone just in case I fall or do some damage and I'm alone. The only issue with Cracker Barrels is they are always located right next to a freeway so there is often LOUD traffic noise.

Woke up at 4am (!) left around 6am through Iowa and into Nebraska. It was high 60s and low 70s all day. No humidity. I stopped in Lincoln, NE to do a load of laundry. God I love clean clothes and it's been a while. I probably should have washed the sheets, but I didn't have that much energy. I have discovered if I can find the laundromat in a ghetto, they usually have the cheaper top loading machines. Hooray! Headed to Kearny where there is a Cabela's. On the way passed a lot of corn and everything smelled like cowshit. Nebraska will be forever known as the vortex for corn and cowshit.

And sunflowers! I think they are sunflowers or some kind of daisy. As soon as I crossed into Nebraska they were all over. All over the side of the interstate, bordering the fields of corn, probably in the cow pastures, too. I love them. I wish I knew what they were.

Nebraska and Wyoming don't charge for grocery bags...my kind of state. I need those plastic grocery bags to poop in!!

I pulled into Cabela's and only one small RV was parked in the far end of the lot. Thirty minutes later this massive monster of a RV pulls in RIGHT NEXT TO ME! 

See the black at the left side, that is my window ledge! That's how close they are!!

(I have tried to fix this font change! I give up!)

I was pissed. They had the whole parking lot to choose from since the other RV had since left. How fucking entitled! I kept muttering, "Those men must have the smallest penises in the universe to be camping in that monstrosity!" Their RV is huge, the size of a small house. Why aren't they at a RV park where RVs snuggle up next to each other with no room in between? This is a common complaint on the FB groups where people park right next to you when there is a whole parking lot to choose from. No one understands this behavior. RVs usually have really noisy generators, too. So thoughtless. I kept thinking of ways to get revenge getting angrier and angrier. Then I reminded myself to be KIND. I often have to remind myself to be kind. Don't flip people off while driving, don't cut people off because they are bad drivers, don't be rude or unfriendly. Instead, do things to be nice like let people in when they are trying to get into your lane or get into traffic, pull over if they want to pass but can't, give them the parking space if it looks like that is where they are heading.

As I'm talking myself into being kind, I had an epiphany...move the van so they have room to get out tomorrow because as close as they are they can't. They'd have to back up. More importantly, I've been waiting for someone to cozy up to me...ask if they would climb to my roof and check my solars. Of course, I did my best dying swan act hobbling over to their RV. I'm sure when I started yelling, "HELLO!? HELLO!?" they thought I was going to yell at them. His name is Sean and her name is Barbara.They are on vacation from South Carolina for just a few weeks and they are heading home now. They are traveling with his brother and sister-in-law, but I didn't meet them. He was happy to climb to the top of my roof! He also kept justifying why he parked where he did so I know he was feeling just a bit guilty for being a dickless asshole. They were actually very friendly inviting me over for a beer. After he checked my solars and dusted them off, I moved my van about fifty feet away...because there is a whole parking lot that is empty! People are so fucking thoughtless. 

I am craving diet Pepsi...soft drinks. I don't think I've had a soft drink for 20 years. I know it would make me incredibly sick, still, I want one! I see the vending machines at the rest stops. It just sounds good especially when it's hot! Stores have those "healthy" soft drinks, but they are around $2.50 each! Too much money!

The nerve pain is getting worse. It used to feel like little bee stings now it feels like someone is taking a cattle prod to the bottom of my foot or stabbing it with a knife. The burning has intensified and the cast against my foot feels like rough concrete even though there is a sock between my foot and the cast. It seems fine when I'm driving, but as soon as I go to bed, the torment starts. It makes it really difficult to sleep. So I took another nerve pain pill.  It seemed to make it worse, then better. 

I woke up with a "hangover" headache then later in the afternoon I felt really sick, angry and depressed. Ah, it's the drug. No more. I'm still pretty shocked any health care provider would prescribe this suicide-inducing drug to anyone! How irresponsible the physician's assistant didn't warn me about the side effects in advance before I bought it. Pharmacist didn't say a thing either. 

Drove west on Interstate 80. Stopped at Walmart in Sidney to get some cheap polyester pillows so I can prop my foot up at night into something soft and squishy. (They only cost $3.44!) As soon as I crossed into Wyoming the landscape became barren, flat, and rather ugly. Cheyenne was not impressive. A big strip mall, clean with a lot of different stores, but nothing memorable, but I didn't go searching for a downtown area which might have influenced my assessment. Headed south on highway 25 to Colorado but started feeling too sick and tired to go on. I checked out Walmart, but it was in the middle of a huge, noisy shopping center. Pulled in for the night at The Horse Palace Swan Ranch Casino across from the Wyoming State Infomation Center. I was going to stay at the information center as a lot of people suggested online, but they had "no camping" signs. It's very quiet here. One RV parked across the lot. 

Nothing says Wyoming like a thunderstorm!
View from my parking spot.

As I'm typing this post, I notice my van is shaking. I look out the window. Wind! I guess summer is over and fall is moving in like a tornado. The rain will wash all the bug guts off my windshield...and it did for about an hour. I keep reading about flood warnings for the next couple days on all the routes I want to take south. 

I was sick all night, raging headache, painful ankle, restless, ruminating. Damn drugs. By morning I was feeling good. On to Colorado! .

The Cyborg

Follow-up appointment day! Oh, thank god for small miracles! The Tylenol I took last night made me sick all night and toxic garbage in my system made me pee all night. Another van pulled in beside me right at dusk at the Penobscot Narrows Bridge Overlook. I love not being parked alone! Woke early right at daybreak and drove through the fog to Bangor thirty minutes away.

Got to the hospital early. Park & Ride guys seemed happy to see me and asked if I was run off. I said "Yes!" and one of them said, "Bastards." LOL! My appointment wasn't until 10am so I ate breakfast in the cafeteria, read my book, then headed up there just as they opened at 8am just in case they could get me in early. They did! The physicians assistant, Ethan, was adorable. I wish I could find a doctor in Arizona like him. Maddie cut off the bandages, ripped off the gauze and tape exposing the horror! I didn't realize I was "glued" rather than stitched. All this time I thought I was getting stitches out.

Damn! It looks like I might have stepped into a meat grinder! Black and blue all over, blood and blood coagulation under the skin, the "seams" where he glued the skin together looks rough and uneven. The surgeon isn't very artistic!

X-ray photos of the hardware:

Look at the hardware on the left -all those screws!!??
Seems a little overkill.

Side view of the cyborg...I hope it gives me superpowers.

They said it looks perfect, no infection, healing lovely. They still are unclear if I'm supposed to be putting weight on it so they suggested to avoid and weight only if needed or if tolerated. Ethan gave me a prescription for incredibly toxic nerve pain killing drugs for the burning sensation, knife jab pains, and bee sting pains as he said that is nerve pain. Had I known this drug had a whole list of nasty side effects including "suicide ideation" I might not have bothered. He suggested I get Dramamine for nausea - the generic that doesn't have microcrystalline cellulose. Both drugs cause fatigue so that doesn't seem like a good idea if I'll be driving. Since they removed the packed gauze and layers of bandages, it actually feels much better, but walking on it does feel a lot more sensitive. Julie came in and taught me how to pump up my cast! I had no idea it could do that! She also showed me how it should fit.

Good to go!!! I am free! I am outta Maine!!

Step by Step (or The Longest Two Weeks of My Life)

Two weeks then to six weeks...I can do this! I do wish I had some books to read or something to do besides write a blog. Few people are emailing me. Maybe I'll get some work? I need some distraction or this will go very slowly!! The countdown begins...

Day 1, Monday: I spent my time hanging out in the van writing this blog, answering emails and messages when they come, listening to music on Spotify, and just sitting with my foot elevated. One friend reminded me my library has eaudiobooks to download and she plans to send me some ebooks in her collection. A client came through and is sending a project my way later in the week. The "Park and Ride" people drive by me all day long. One stopped and asked if I need a ride to the hospital. I said, "Not today. Thanks!"  

Here is my new home for who knows how long:

I'm in the back of the parking lot where it gets shade in the afternoon. That will help me deal with this 90+ degree weather from noon to about 5pm. I feel like I'm melting! Today the high was 92 degrees, but it feels like 120 degrees in the van. I keep sucking down water and running a cold handkerchief over my face, neck and arms. It cools down at night so I tend to watch the time closely. It should get cooler by the weekend so I'm hopeful. See in the photo below, there is actually a porta-potty nearby (little brown hut in the background). There isn't much privacy in a parking lot so going to the bathroom is difficult, more so now that I have to balance on one foot and pray I don't fall over! I drove over to the porta potty later in the day and dumped my pee bucket and poop pail. I wish I knew where to dump my garbage. It amazes me how much garbage one person in a small van can accumulate. I'll take it to Walmart when I go. Baby steps to survival. And I see the light at the end of the tunnel! This sure did put a kink in my Great Adventure plan, but it never stopped being an adventure!

My thought is this hospital is going to charge me a lot of money for surgery, follow-up appointments and all the ins and outs. I intent to save money by camping in their parking lot. I already informed security so hopefully they will spread the awareness and the nurses checked to see if it was OK and they gave me permission. Nurses also said if I run out of food, do Door Dash. Patients staying in the hospital long term always have supplies delivered. I like being close in case I need help. Why not? Van life is just about living rent/mortgage free. The parking lot isn't pretty, but it can be home for now. I checked with a couple more hotels today, but they all use air fresheners. The hotel receptionist I spoke to said it's an industry standard. There is really no other place to go as Maine isn't friendly to van living.

I started reading Kasher in the Rye by Moshe Kasher. It was highly recommended. I couldn't get into it.

Day 2, Tuesday: My hair is so stringy from all the humidity and sweat I decided to try to wash it. The surgeon and nurses told me to get up and move every now and then for circulation so that's what I did. I had to walker my way out to the back of the van, get buckets, water jugs, clothes hanger thing, folding chair, and soap. Not only did I wash my hair, but did some handwashing laundry before the sun starts beating down. I wanted to take advantage of the heat so hopefully everything will dry fast...unless the humidy prevents it! I felt weak, dizzy and slightly nauseated which always worries me because I don't want to fall. I kept humming that song, "I am Woman." Nothing is going to keep me down! HA!

Although it's only the second day in the parking lot, today is the third day since the surgery and hospital stay so the pain should decrease. After my next dose of ibuprofen, I'll start some gentle range of motion stretches to keep the foot and ankle working.

Around noon, the temperature reached 93 degrees. I opened windows, closed the side door since the sun was shining on it, then closed up everything and put the key in the ignition and put the air on full blast. I didn't want to turn it off but I thought if the heat in this van doesn't kill me, I'm pretty sure the carbon monoxide will! I looked at my map of Maine and wondered if I should just drive somewhere, but then I'd have to beg people to pump my gas or I'd be pulled over by police and get a ticket. Instead I called the Park & Ride and asked for a ride to the medical center. The driver was very kind and friendly. I asked if there was a place to sit and he suggested the cafeteria. My clothes are wet with sweat. I probably smell homeless, but it's so cool in here!!!

I want very badly to eat pie! I bet they have a lot of evil foods here. Good thing I can't walk! I am trying not to eat sugar as I want to heal fast. I've been very good so far! I did check the cafeteria...NOTHING gluten-free and everything junk! BLAH! At least it can't tempt me, but this is a hospital! Why fill the cafeteria with substandard junk food when they should be promoting health?

I read We Solve Murders by Richard Osman.

Day 3, Wednesday: It's 8am and already 77 degrees of mugginess! UGH! I got up early, dumped my pee bucket in the porta potty and garbage at the Walmart. At 6am I hobbled into Walmart to stock up on food, but they were out of my yogurt. Damn. I need yogurt in order to take these pain killers or I get so queasy the head spinning makes it difficult to move around. I headed to Grosvenor's Bakery and Restaurant for breakfast. They have one of those dream bakeries - the most beautiful desserts! Their cakes are about a foot tall! Nothing gluten-free, but I bought six huge cookies for the Park & Ride guys. Although they don't take tips, I figured I'd better get in their good graces in some way because I'll be using them to get to the hospital so I can hang out in air conditioning. I'm sitting at the deserted far end of the air-conditioned cafeteria now, using the hospital's free wi-fi. I hope to be here all day until the temperatures start decreasing.

I really hate this. I fear someone will eventually tell me I need to leave. I feel like an interloper. I see the end, but it's all happening in slow motion. I need a real adventure. I have been scanning the Zillow ads to buy a house, but maybe I want a house in Greece or Spain or France? Or maybe that sounds like too much hassle? I'm getting to old for all this shenanigans.

I read The Life Impossible by Matt Haig.

Day 4, Thursday: It was supposed to rain today. It didn't, but the weather keeps postponing it so until then we get "suspended rain." Yep, I made that up. The horrid mugginess and air quality is so thick it's hard to breathe and it feels like rain hanging in the air. EEEEWWW! Get me outta here! I can sense the mold growing in my van.

The pain killers are taking a toll, too. After nearly two weeks of daily drugs, I feel dizzy and sick to my stomach constantly. Walmart seems to be out of my yogurt which I think might help. I spoke to the pharmacist in the hospital and he said it's a trade off: which is worse: pain or nausea. This is not a choice. He is an idiot.

Worked all day in the air conditioned cafeteria. I took breaks and carefully stretched my foot. I peaked under the bandage and my whole shin looks black and blue! WTH?? Lots of warnings about blood clots, but nothing about being black and blue. I'm in a constant state of ignorance. Should I be worried? Then I think, Oh, what do I care if I die? This is miserable. Living in a van is miserable. I don't have a home. I'm fucking hungry for real food. It might be a relief for it to all be over. Yeah, I'm not having a good day. I want to leave, but even that seems scary. So I get to spend my days watching health care personnel inhale junk food in the cafeteria.

Instead of the hassle of a wheelchair, the hospital also trusts patients with electric carts. I love the basket. I can stuff all my office stuff, computer, notebooks, lunch, purse and walker in it and prowl the hospital halls. HA! What I don't like it is when one goes backwards the warning bell is LOUD! Try it in a bathroom and it feels like it's some kind of weapon of destruction.

I have friends who are not really friends. I think sometimes I pretend people are more than they really are. They are currently in New Brunswick right next door to Nova Scotia. I had planned to cross paths with them and possibly meet up, but then this happened so I told them just so they know our meeting might not happen. Their response, "Good luck with that." Then silence. Two weeks later she is asking how I am. Really? Sorry, it seems so disingenuine. Granted, these are the same people who invited me to visit in San Diego and she went to a conference that was fifteen minutes away. She never once dropped in to say hi. So weird. At least she doesn't feel obligated to share how wonderful her Thai dinner was, but she did share she saw a moose. Does she think I'm in a place where I care? It makes me question what I expect from people: friends, aquaintenances, strangers. The strangers seem far more concerned about me than my own friends and they keep checking in to see how I am. I don't even know what to do with that.

I'm tired....of everything. Including my Arizona doctor. She's useless. I had another (second) telehealth appointment. The video never works and they have no idea why not can't give me instructions so we end up talking on a phone. She has an accent that is really hard to understand and she's just not helpful. I don't need the stress. What was I thinking? But if I didn't have her as a doctor, how would I have ever gotten a surgery referral. It's such a game.

Day 5, Friday: I have this urge to shave my head. The muggy heat makes my hair stringy, sweaty, and gross. I always have this fear with no hair, no make up, old wrinkly face I'll look like an old man, but do I really care? Who sees me? It's not like I do selfies five times a day. Besides I AM old and feeling it. So what if people get the gender wrong. Heck, maybe if people think I'm an old man I'll get more respect? I wish I still had my shaver. I sold it in the purge.

I have been sick all day. Called the surgeon's office and they want me to get some meprazole, Pepsid or Prilosec. I checked with the pharmacy and the name brands are loaded with cellulose. I went looking for yogurt and found some. It didn't help. I think I just have to quit the ibuprofen. This worries me. I don't want my leg to swell, get infected or be in pain, but I don't know what to do.

I spent the day in the cafeteria working. I went to a health store but their electric cart didn't work and it was so exhausting using the walker. There were about five employees, 4 men and a young woman. The woman offered help. The men were assholes. I've been having too many asshole encounters lately.

Temperature this morning at 8am was 63 degrees! Unlike the other day when it was 77 degrees! Hooray! It still hasn't rained. I wish it would.

The hospital security approached me. Wanted to know who I was and why I was parked in the parking lot. Really? After a WEEK? I gave them my name, phone number, license plate and then a lecture on how I am patiently waiting for my post-surgical follow-up appointment to make sure nothing is infected, everything is healing properly and to get stitches out. I assured him I do not want to be here. I'm not "camping". This is not recreation. I have no where else to go until the appointment which is next week. I also told him nurses told me I could stay the night and the security I encountered the morning of the surgery didn't seem to care when I told them. Even the superviser who gave me a ride back to the van that afternoon didn't seem to care. I think this guy was taking his job too seriously, BUT now I'm paranoid at any moment someone will tell me to leave. Just six more days...

Day 6, Saturday: I had weird dreams last night probably from Walmart chicken. Clearly it's toxic. I dreamt my brother died just as I was emptying the van into a new place to live. I don't remember if I was renting or if I bought the house. So strange.

The parking lot is fairly empty on the weekends, unlike the weekdays where it is nearly full. I spent the day working, eating, lounging, reading, and not going anywhere. I am tired of trying to drive to the store and I am tired of taking another drug because the nurses can't seem to manage the pain effectively. It was hard to sleep all night from the discomfort.

I want to shave my head.

Finished The Life Impossible. I loved it. About a woman in her seventies who has lost all enthusiasm for life. Both her young son and husband are dead leaving her alone. I always worried about not getting married and not having kids and whether I'd regret ending up alone in my senior years, but this woman still ended up alone. There are no guarantees. I like she went to a Spanish island and found a life. I like she acquired superpowers. I need some superpowers! I want that kind of adventure! Maybe I need to expand my house search and go international? I don't even know how. It all seems so difficult.

Five more days...

I awoke to cool temperatures in the 50s and the high today was 82 degrees. Not bad. I look forward when it is 70 degrees.

Day 7, Sunday: It's SO MUGGY. 91% humidity and 83 degrees. It's supposed to rain this afternoon, but it's been threatening rain all week and nothing.

I ran errands all day. Got some Zegerid which is a fancy brand for Omeprazole with Sodium Bicarbonate in hopes of controlling the nausea from the ibuprofen. Went to Walmart for a garbage dump and to buy more yogurt. I then tackled the health food store in hopes of finding salmon and other meats. I'm thinking meat and good protein will help heal bones (along with a lot of yogurt!). 

There was a charming man who hobbled up beside me and suggested we start a club. He had a cast on his foot, but he said he had surgery long ago and has had nothing but problems. His wife shared with me stories of people she knows who broke an ankle simply slipping. She also asked where I had the surgery done. When I told her she just "hmmmm" but said nothing. I think if it was the same place they've had problems with she might have added a warning. I'm really happy I picked such a good facility. I hope. Four days until the follow-up appointment.

Then I came back to the parking lot and vegetated for most of the afternoon.

I saw a young man the other day up by the street, and again he was up there today. He walked down the steep embankment to ask if I was OK. He said he saw my van yesterday and then sees I am back so he wanted to check on me. I told him I had been there all week waiting for an appointment that is scheduled for next week (showed him my cast). He said he wanted to check to be kind. Later when the storm was about to hit he came back down to let me know it was about to thunderstorm. Very nice. We need more nice people in the world. If this experience has taught me anything, people are assholes and most of them don't care about anyone but themselves. Even as I sit in a HOSPITAL parking lot in a cast, this young man was the one rare person who stopped to ask if I needed help. If I saw someone in a van in a cast sitting in a parking lot, I would ask if they needed anything. Even in most of the stores I enter, as I'm struggling to get in the door, no one offers help.

Ten minutes before 3pm the dark clouds start rolling in...

Of course, I had been staring at the weather reports all morning waiting for the storm, praying it would actually happen this time. Right on schedule...big, black clouds rolled in and it started to pour. OMG! It smelled so good!

Shazam! Right on schedule!

Day 8, Monday: I didn't take any ibuprofen last night because I felt pretty good. In fact just before falling asleep I forgot I had a broken ankle! I didn't think I needed more drugs. Woke up in the middle of the night in horrible pain and a lot of it in my back. With no solar power in the morning (fans on all night), I got a ride to the hospital for cafeteria breakfast in order to eat pills of all kinds in hopes of no nausea reprocussions. Still slightly nauseated.

Sat in the cafeteria and researched comment sections for hotels in Flagstaff. Most negative comments mentioning mold, cleaning products, or pet stink. I doubt if I'll be able to find a clean hotel anywhere! Researched orthopedic surgeons in Flagstaff.

This is the longest two weeks of my life....

Beautiful day today!! The high was 70 degrees with a cool breeze and sunshine. I made an appointment with an orthopedic ankle specialist in Flagstaff in September for the six weeks follow up and maybe physical therapy. Flagstaff right now has 32% humidity. It's in the 80s but by the time I get there it might be in the 70s. It's Arizona so BLM land is all over, good food, free grocery bags and most importantly, out of Maine!

Day 9, Tuesday: Damn, this countdown makes me feel good! Getting closer! Two more days and I'm outta here! I want Maine in my rear view!!

I admit I've lost my nerve. Traveling alone feels dangerous now. Camping alone in the woods feels risky. I don't feel safe anymore. You wouldn't think shattering an ankle, having to be carried off a beach, into an ambulance, faced with substandard Canadian public health, driving to another country for much needed surgery, then living in a hospital parking lot for two weeks would be that traumatic, but is was and it is. I'm sure I'll get over it, but I'm now afraid of the unknown. Driving several days across country alone with really no plan frightens me. I think being handicapped in some way, even in a minor way, adds to the vulnerablity. Interesting how our outlook can change at the drop of a hat, or in this case, a slip of the foot. If anything this experience reminded me I have no one in my life to rely on for help.

But do I have a choice? One of my friends commented on how "adventurous" I am with this injury and how admirable this is. It has nothing to do with being adventurous. It has everything to do with being alone in the world. I don't have a choice. If I don't get it done, it won't get done. If I wasn't willing to drive with my left foot, I'd still be in Nova Scotia listening to everyone lecture me on how I can't drive with my left foot, forfeiting surgery, and never walking again. If I don't drive across the country, I'd be in Maine the rest of my life. <shiver>

At eleven days since surgery, my ankle feels better. I don't have to elevated it to keep the pain and swelling at bay. I'm still using the walker, but I can walk with the weight-bearing cast although I try not to put full weight on it yet although I did slide out of the driver's seat at a gas station and walk freely pumping my own gas! Felt fine. I'm not so dizzy or nauseated since I'm taking less pain meds, but in the morning when it's cold, my ankle aches and the incisions burn at night if rubbing on the cast. It's getting better. I have every confidence it'll continue to heal as so many others have assured. I haven't had sugar for nineteen days in hopes that will assist the healing process. Well, other than the sugar that is in the yogurt. I'll make sacrifices to get this done and over as fast as possible, but damn, I want something bad to eat!!

It's cloudy this morning, but it should get up to 72 degrees this afternoon. Lovely weather finally! Friday is back up to 85 degrees, but I hope to be driving away Thursday afternoon!

OOPS! A different security guy drove up in his car and again, asked me why I was parked. I told him I'm waiting for an appointment on Thursday and there is no where else to be. I explained as soon as this appointment is over, I am gone. He very nicely said I couldn't park in the hospital parking lot and to take my time, but MOVE. He seems to think I can park at the local park (no) or a Walmart (no). I checked with the Walmarts and they are tired of RVers moving in for a week or two. How rude to take advantage of the generosity of these businesses and ruin it for the rest of us. I thanked the security guard for the time I was able to park and I drove 50 miles north to find a friendly Walmart. Here I am! TWO MORE DAYS!! I cannot wait to leave this fucking state!

I am reading How to Stop Time by Matt Haig. Love it.

Day 10, Wednesday: I drove to Portland. Three hours. I've never been to the "other" Portland! I didn't have anything else to do today! They have the only Whole Foods in Maine and I am so tired of not finding good food. Of course, Whole Foods is what it is. Rude employees, substandard health food pretending to be more than it is, BUT it's still better than anything out there. And it's comfortable. I know Whole Foods even with all it's faults. Five hours of driving. I can do it! I also bought stuff to freeze since I will be driving through the mid-west where I doubt there is any organic or gluten-free food at all.

Maine charges for grocery bags. Not only do they charge for grocery bags, but every kind of container imaginable. Every item you scan it asks what kind of container you selected...and charges you for it.

The east coast has toll booths. What a pain in the ass! Of course, I had no idea what I was doing since the west doesn't. In the middle of the freeway we are all expected to get in line so I headed for the lane with a green light that I thought said "cash". It was only ONE DOLLAR. I must have gone to the wrong lane because there was no one at the booth! So I sit there holding my ONE DOLLAR bill up not knowing what I'm supposed to do. The light changed to red and I don't move. Then the guy behind me started honking like a maniac! WTF? So I drive off, looking around, and wondering if the toll police will chase me down and fine me $100 for not paying a $1. I've always seen on movies and television shows about toll booth runners. I'm all of a sudden a criminal. FOR ONE DOLLAR! There is a sign on the freeway that says, "If you didn't pay your toll, call..." What am I supposed to do? Stop in the middle of the freeway to write the number down? Way to much goddamn stress for $1! Later I found the number online and yeah, they want their dollar. My license isn't in the system for another 24 hours so call back which I did and they took my credit card for ONE DOLLAR!! Just think of all the people they have to employ, all the time it takes just to get my ONE DOLLAR. You'd think they would have figured out a more efficient way to get money for roads...like taxes?? How behind the times are they?

Then to find a place to park for the night. I checked iOverlander. Every listing no longer accepts overnight parking! I drove to two rest stops and the fishing access. They have "no overnight parking signs" now along with all the Walmarts in or near Bangor refusing any kind of nomad hospitality. There is a truck stop, but I hate truck stops. The trucks idle all night creating noise and stink and it's just a creepy place filled with creepy men. I hate Maine. Seriously. I finally found the Penobscot Narrows Bridge Overlook. A little parking lot that overlooks the bridge. Many have said they parked overnight and there are no "no overnight parking" signs. I hate these "iffy" places, but I was so tired and my leg hurt so bad after five hours of driving, I couldn't go any further. If a police officers tells me to leave, I can always head to the truck stop.

This is it! Tomorrow is the follow-up! I hope everything is healing as expected.