February Movie Reviews

*****  Outstanding, will watch again
****    Good
***      OK
**        Eh
*          Vomit

Amy was about Amy Winehouse. What an amazing talent. Seems like all the celebrity pushed her over the edge, but she grew up with all kinds of mental issues. Too bad she wasn't able to tell people no and walk away before it was too late. The movie was a little long and the dialogue often difficult to understand. I liked it her lyrics were displayed on the screen when they showed performance or recording footage. Awesome song writer and singer. She sure had some BIG HAIR! ***

The Boy Next Door  I don't like Jennifer Lopez at all. For any reason. She travels on a public airplane with an attack dog and then blames the flight attendant for getting bit. I think the perfume she wears and promotes need to be renamed ENTITLED. The previews of this movie looked good. It wasn't boring, just frustrating. It's about a woman who sleeps with the neighbor kid. Once. Once is more than enough, and she can't help it because she's weak and brainless. I know he's one hunk of a kid, but adults should have some self-control. Once, twice, a hundred times - HOW can any teacher be that stupid? It's not totally far fetched since there are so many high school teachers who sleep with their students. Unfortunately, this student is a psychopath in every sense of the word. And Jennifer is stupid in every sense of the word. One thing I never understand...and I know this is just a Hollywood gimmick designed to add more suspense, but why is it when the woman attacks the bad guy and hits him over the head, why does she leave him there to regain consciousness a few seconds later so he can try to kill her again? If you are going to defend yourself, ladies, hit him repeatedly until his skull is crushed completely and he is absolutely, undeniably DEAD so there is no way he can get back up.  Jennifer was just too wimpy and whiny in this movie. **

Brothers has an all-star cast with Tobey MaGuire, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Natalie Portman, among others, about a solider who's helicopter goes down in Afghanistan, is captured by renegade terrorists, tortured for months, has to do some very bad stuff to survive, and is presumed dead. First, if there is no body, no one should assume anyone is dead. He returns to his family with some serious PTSD and his reentry into civilized society doesn't go well. It was OK, sometimes a little slow, and a little depressing, but the performances were very good. ***

Deliverance with Burt Reynolds, Jon Voight, Ned Beatty and Ronny Cox about city slickers canoeing down a river before it's destroyed by a dam. I recently read Burt Reynold's autobiography and he spends a chapter talking about the making of this movie, the stunts, the dangers, and his memories. It was his breakout movie, his first critically acclaimed role. I saw the movie years ago and the only part I remember is the "squeal like a pig" scene. Hardly a forgettable moment. Interesting story. Definitely a man's movie: macho mountaineers conquering nature, surviving the wilderness against all odds. Made in the 1970s, there were times the dialogue and performances were a little melodramatic, but I forgot how stunningly gorgeous Burt Reynolds was in his heyday! ***

Far From the Madding Crowd is a Thomas Hardy romance set in 1800s about an independent, single woman who has dashing men throwing themselves at her. Of course she falls for the roguish young officer who treats her like garbage. The romantic novel plot was irritating, but the English countryside scenery was gorgeous. Predictable, as well. I've never liked romances. ***

Fifty Shades of Grey I tried reading the book. It was ghastly. I think I lasted through two chapters before I threw it across the room. The movie wasn't any better. It had promise at the start when they filmed it in black and white (grays) - all of Grey's employees were wearing shades of gray, the Seattle rain was pouring gray, Grey selects a tie from a checkerboard display of gray ties. It was a really nice visual and they should have stuck with that. Filming parts of the movie or the whole thing in tones of gray would have made it visually interesting. The main character was brain dead just like in the book. How can anyone be that socially inept? And sorry to say, Ian Sommerhalder would have been the perfect Christian Grey. He has the arrogance, smart-ass attitude, and stunning good looks that would have made me not even notice the horrible dialogue. Ian's eyes are tantalizing unlike the beady, insane looking eyes of the actor who got the part. I did, however, watch it through to the end although with moments of fast forward. It was difficult, but I wanted to find out if she comes to any sense whatsoever, gives up on him because he's a mess, or if they do the romantic cliche and fall into each other's arms and ride off in the sunset for some serious counseling. It was a weird movie that did nothing but irritate me. **

Flashdance    Maybe I should call it Flashback? 1980s classic with Jennifer Beals in her ripped sweatshirts, army jackets, and work boots. I saw the DVD in the library and couldn't resist. I used to LOVE this movie. I must have seen it about ten times in the theaters.  I played the soundtrack so much I warped the record (remember vinyl records...HA!). It was an addiction. It would always motivate me to exercise so it was a good addiction. I wanted to dress like Jennifer Beals, dance like Cynthia Rhodes, live in a loft, and ride my bike in the city to work. My adult dreams with girl power because girls CAN be welders. So...the movie still has great dancing and outstanding photography, but not-so-good acting. Beals wasn't hired for her acting experience. Oh well. I probably shouldn't give it a five but I have seen it way too many times in my life to not be honored in some way. *****

Kill Me Three Times is a strange Australian movie about a lot of people who want each other dead. It stars Simon Pegg as a hitman. That alone makes it a comedy worth watching. He's been hired to kill a cheating wife although that isn't apparent right away. Someone else gets to her first, then the grieving boyfriend jumps into the mix, along with the crooked cop, then the sleazy husband, then the cheating wife drags herself up from over the cliff. The twists are delightful as is Pegg's dry sense of humor. There is a Quentin Tarantino flair for satirical violence complete with gushing waterfalls of slow motion blood splatter every time someone gets shot. The 1960s spy movie soundtrack sets the tone. It was strangely fun. **** 

The Loft was a really interesting who-done-it about a murder that takes place in a bachelor pad owned by five married men. It twists, it turns and I had no idea who done it. And then when I think I knew who done it, they didn't do it! It was good, although I wasn't sure I liked all the jumping around. I prefer linear plots that start and end. I do really like Karl Urban who is a newbie actor and Rachael Taylor, one of my favorite actresses who is great in everything she does. ****

Maps to the Stars was about strange, mentally ill entitled yet homicidal people in Hollywood all intertwined in craziness with tormented visions of dead mothers and dead children. Totally bizarre but with an all-star cast. **

Princess Ka'iulani was about an Hawaiian princess in the 1800s. It didn't take long before the excruciatingly, embarrassing performances and sappy, poorly-written dialogue made me puke with disgust. I turned it off at around 15 minutes. *

San Andreas It's been a long time since I've seen a disaster film. It had really awesome special effects with buildings disintegrating before your eyes. California was finally breaking off and dropping into the ocean as predicted. Fun, but a little unrealistic. The first scene where the car goes over the embankment, flips over a few times, slams into a couple rocks, and the driver lives? I expected her to squeal, "Just kidding!" Not only does she live but she can even climb out of the car when the Rock shows up with his helicopter to save her. Or the Rock driving a high speed boat (that he conveniently found waiting to be used) at full speed through water littered with pieces of buildings. I definitely would have slowed down but I am not a superhero. Oh well. Fun doesn't require realism. ***

The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel with an all-star cast of old people and a sequel to the first The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel made me want to go to India and wear cool, cotton clothing in bright colors. This sequel was a little too commercial compared to the last movie. I liked the first a lot with it's commentary on growing old and themes of dying/living, but this one was a little too flashy with loud music, too many relationships with old people hooking up (weird), and the dialogue was staged and unnatural. Richard Gere looked like he was uncomfortable in every scene. ***

Self/Less is a sci-fi thriller about an incredibly wealthy old man (Ben Kingsley) who is dying and buys another body. He buys Ryan Reynolds's body. Nice. If he doesn't take the anti-rejection medication, he has vivid flashbacks of the body's former life. He eventually he figures out contrary to what the scientists told him, they didn't grow Ryan Reynolds's body in a lab, but killed a military guy with a wife and a kid in order to harvest the body. It was very interesting, great acting and never a dull moment. ****

The Stoning of Soraya M. is a story about the disgusting patriarchal practices of stoning women in Muslim cultures. How fucking barbaric! I get so sick of hearing about these archaic religious beliefs that allow men to do whatever they damn well please. It's so hard to believe this still goes on today! And I don't understand why Muslim women are so compliant. In the movie they obediently walk to the execution site. Don't they put up a fight?  I would have gone berserk and the armed guards would have had to shoot me. I think that would be a much less painful way to die. I would have at least tried to poke out the conniving husband's eyes or ripped his balls off with my bare hands. The woman just waited obediently and then walked obediently. It just infuriates me. Good movie although a difficult subject. I had a difficult enough time with the male dominant sleazy, backstabbing, plotting storyline, but I couldn't stomach much of the actual stoning. I fast-forwarded through that scene. ****

The Visit was about two teenage kids visiting the grandparents they never met. The constant theme was old people are different. And because they are old, we need to be patient with their strange behaviors and forgiving of unusual idiosyncrasies. It's written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan who tends to make beautiful films although bordering on horror. The previews made it look really interesting, but when I received the DVD it looked too much like a B-rated horror movie. I almost didn't watch it. I don't do horror movies, but I figured there must have been a reason I thought it looked good. It was brilliant. The scenery and photography were beautiful. All the actors were outstanding, but the two kids were really amazing. There are some thriller moments designed to make one jump out of their skin, but also some laugh out loud scenes as well usually involving the thirteen year old boy. The tagline reads What Jaws did for sharks and Psycho did for showers, The Visit will do for grandparents. LOL. ****

The Woman in Gold is about the restitution of the famous Gustave Klimt painting stolen by the Nazis from a Jewish family in Austria. Helen Mirren plays the lead role of Maria Altmann and she is spectacular, as usual. Ryan Reynolds is the lawyer and the movie is filled with celebrities. Wonderfully filmed with flashbacks that look like real footage from the 1930s. Excellent story, exceptional cast, perfectly performed. It's so difficult finding good movies these days, let alone outstanding movies. This was a pleasure. *****