February Movie Reviews

*****   Exceptional

****     Great

***       OK

**         So So

*           Blah

Ardor is billed as a South American western. Bad guys are burning down the rainforest, killing farmers in order to take their land, and kidnapping their daughters who look as if they have never bathed or did laundry in their lives. This cute young thing (Gael Garcia Bernal) mysteriously appears from nowhere. He is a man of few words, but seems to offer his help with his eyes so I thought for sure he must have superpowers. At one point he smokes something and looks like he's getting quite high and I felt quite hopeful, but his superpowers never came to light so that was very disappointing. Lots of over dramatized scenes, overacted stealth and creeping through the underbrush, and clichés that make one think this was filmed in the 1950s although the music is more like a 1930s thriller. There is even a climatic standoff between the good and the bad only instead of being at the ends of a street, they stand at the ends of a plowed field. LOL.  Even the "smoldering" sex scene (according to a review on the front of the DVD case) is too staged. Goofy. It tries too hard and fails miserably. Weird foreign film. **

 Ashby is about a high school boy, Ed, who moves across the country with his mother. His English teacher instructs the class to interview an old person and write about the past with lessons for the future. Ed selects his neighbor, Ashby (Mickey Rourke), and while snooping around his house finds out he's a former CIA assassin.  What he doesn't know is the assassin has just been given three months to live. He can't drive because he keeps passing out so he asks the neighbor boy to drive him around. He's using the time he has left to get revenge on the people who had him assassinate an innocent man. Mickey Rourke used to be so gorgeous and now he's unrecognizable. I thought I read once it's from boxing injuries and botched reconstructive surgery. Such a shame. The kid who plays Ed is really good and he delivers a great performance, excellent timing with some really memorable scenes. ***

Bessie is about Bessie Smith starring Queen Latifah. She was a force of nature for sure. It's pretty amazing she was so famous and wealthy during an incredible racist time in history. Queen Latifah was superb. ****

Billy Elliott: the Musical Live is a musical (live theater) about a boy in Northern England during the miner's strikes who wants to be a dancer. I remember the movie years ago and I wasn't impressed with it then. The play received a lot of positive reviews, but I wasn't impressed with the musical numbers or the dancing. Lots of swearing throughout the whole play which is weird. The economic storyline was very depressing. **

Bone Tomahawk is a western-horror about a bizarre cannibalistic tribe who seek revenge on a jailhouse prisoner who had decimated their sacred grounds. Or something like that. And with him they kidnap a deputy and a lady doctor. The storyline was a little farfetched. The woman's husband (Patrick Wilson) has an injured leg but refuses to stay behind. The sheriff (Kurt Russell), his deputy (Richard Jenkins) and another man (Matthew Fox) form a posse to rescue woman and the deputy.  It had some great lines, but either the acting was really bad or the direction was really bad. Lots of great actors so I can't imagine it was the acting. Even when the lines were good, the timing was really off. It just wasn't right. Really gross and bloody. There is one scene in particular that is really gruesome. I think they add horror to westerns to make up for the low-budget. **

Child 44 "Murder is a capitalistic disease" - it doesn't happen in a utopian society. Russia 1950s and little boys are being murdered. However, the government refuses to acknowledge it. I have to admit it was very confusing and the Russian accents were a little hard to follow, but it was gray and depressing with state propaganda and military control of everyone and everything.  I'm sure the USofA will be as bleak in a few more years when Dictator Dump's vision is in full swing....unless he's impeached. **

Diablo was an incredibly interesting twist on a western storyline. It starts out as expected, complete with a classic plot of bad guys (banditos) kidnapping the wife and hero takes off after her, stunningly beautiful scenery (filmed in Canada), 1960s movie music reminiscent of the The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly and a kick-ass-Clint-Eastwood-swoon-worthy-star, Scott Eastwood, who is going to make millions filling his dad's roles. It was so typical I felt like I knew exactly what was going to happen (boring), but then as I'm trying to figure out the who's, why's and how's, it all goes WRONG and it ends up being anything but typical!!! Unfortunately I can't say too much without giving it all away. I have to say I'm not sure I like the ending. I wanted some satisfaction, retribution. I mean that's the whole reason one watches westerns...it's all about the retribution. Excellent xenophobic theme. I thought about this movie for days. Includes Danny Glover and Walton Goggins (Boyd Crowder from Justified). ****

Emma's Chance is about a girl caught being bad, forced to volunteer at a rescue ranch, and a horse. The dialogue was corny, the plot was predictable (like an after-school Hallmark special), and the acting was barely tolerable, but horse girls would LOVE this movie.  I know I would have. ***

Entertainment was about the worst comedian you could possibly imagine who is touring the California desert. He was obnoxious in a behavior disorder way, socially inept, and I didn't last long enough to see where the story was going. *

Everest is about the tragic climbing expedition of 1996. I read the book Into Thin Air years ago, but I didn't know for sure if this was the same story. Excellent movie - exceptionally realistic. There is no way in hell I'd ever want to climb that mountain. I'd never make it over those ladders, let alone anywhere near the peak with all that snow, ice, and drop offs. Wow. The things people do for fun. Exceptional performances. ****

Experimenter with Peter Sarsgaard and Winona Ryder is about Stanley Milgram and his obedience to authority experiments at Yale University in the 1960s. It's so disturbing people will follow directions even when they are clearly causing someone else pain. It makes me wonder if I'd continue the experiment. I've been trained to be obedient to authority, but maybe my super empathy would get in the way. I'd hope I'd stand my ground and yell, I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT!" But who knows? ***

The Gift is a movie about a successful man (Jason Bateman) with a nice wife, beautiful house, life is good, and then he runs into an acquaintance from high school. The acquaintance is odd, shows up at their house unannounced, constantly sends them gifts, invites them for dinner. Eventually we learn the Bateman character was this guy's bully, destroyed his life by making up rumors. The theme: once a bully, always a bully or one never really knows the person they married. I think it's a bit odd that the Bateman character continues the charade of not knowing or remembering his victim. If I were a bully and my ex-victim showed up, I'd be really concerned. I definitely wouldn't be going over for dinner. Once it comes to light that he's not just a little social inept, I really wanted him to get revenge in the worst of ways.  I would love to get revenge on the people who bullied me and my experience was minor.  Great performances. ***

Jauja was bad, bad, bad, bad, and bad. Everything about it is bad. Maybe bad is an understatement. The photography was horrid. The dialogue was really atrocious. The acting was incredibly embarrassing. I didn't last long and never got into the plot. It was probably BAD too.*

Kill or Be Killed was a low-budget western with a bunch of nobodies about a gang of thugs who are heading back to find where one of their members hid the loot before he was captured. Lots of violence, but comical and silly. The sets were good - somewhere in the middle of a desert. The supporting cast looked as if they were taken right off the streets of Hollywood and put it perfectly new costumes. It wasn't a horrible movie, but I lost interest when the DVD started skipping and did have the patience to clean it. I turned it off. *

A Little Help is about a woman who has kind of lost control of her life. Her husband is having an affair, her adolescent son is angry, she's drinking a lot, and then her husband dies. Her mother and sister are bossy and controlling, and she does whatever anyone demands of her even when she doesn't want to. By the end I think she's about to take control and be an adult, but it's never really clear if she becomes assertive. I was hoping she'd haul off and start yelling at someone to back off. Her passivity made me want to slap her. ***

Outlaws and Angels is about a gang of thugs who rob a bank and murder a few bystanders and ride across the desert to Mexico with a posse chasing after them. They stop for the night at a farm. One gets the impression this very religious family is a bit odd. The girls hate each other and the mother requires them to take turns giving daddy a "rub down".  Hmmm...later in the movie you realize the creepy feeling was justified. The silent movie piano music was strange and every now and then they'd use slow motion but I didn't see the point. It's very violent and the blood is orange! The ending is interesting and atypical. I think that's the trend with modern westerns - atypical plots. ***

Remember is about an elderly man and Auschwitz survivor, Zev (Christopher Plummer), who is living in an assisted living center and is suffering from dementia. Another patient and Auschwitz survivor, Max (Martin Landau) who is confined to a wheelchair, spent his life hunting Nazi officers and bringing them to justice. Max and Zev decide once Zev's wife dies, Zev would fulfill one last mission, find and kill the Nazi officer who killed their families and who has been living under an assumed name for the last seventy years. There are four people who have that same name. Zev sneaks out of the care center, buys a gun, travels around the country and one by one tracks them down meeting a variety of people from his Holocaust past. The problem is every time he goes to sleep he wakes up with no memory and has to read Max's step by step instructions to understand where he is and what he is supposed to be doing. Great story. Christopher Plummer is amazing. ****

The Shadow Riders I have no idea what the title means. It's a 1980s made-for-television western about two brothers (Tom Selleck and Sam Elliot in their prime) after the Civil War. They arrive home to find a their parents' home ransacked by a group of disgruntled rebel renegades who kidnapped their two little sisters, a younger brother, and a lady love (Katharine Ross). It's very clean cut. People get shot but there isn't any blood. No swearing. Lots of charm. Silly and sweet with bad acting, but fun. ***

Slow West was about a Scottish noble boy who travels west chasing unrequited love. The girl fled to America after her father accidentally killed the kid's noble uncle. The boy meets up with an outlaw who agrees to escort him for a fee, but he doesn't know the guy is a bounty hunter also looking for girl and her father for the reward. In fact too many bounty hunters are using the kid to track them. It was interesting, at times very light and other times very sad and disturbing. It's like it can't decide if it's a comedy or a drama. And it's slow which might be the reason for the title, but I admit I thought about this movie for days. Very thought provoking themes.  ***

If you are wondering why I'm watching so many westerns our library dedicated February as "western month" and special ordered western movies for display....

Sworn Virgin started out with woman hugging a goat and telling it how beautiful it was. Hmmm...I'm not sure why I watch strange foreign films. My only excuse is the library's cinematic selection has been extremely limited lately. The movie ends up being about a girl from an Albanian mountain village who with her sister are raised to be subordinate, obedient, unhappy wives as they wait to be married off. They aren't allowed to eat before men, go anywhere alone, make their own choices about anything,  no thinking or personal agency allowed, and to top it off, when these girls are married, the father of the bride gifts a bullet to the new husband as part of the dowry so if his wife is disobedient, he can shoot her. That's how disgusting this all is, but to be clear, this isn't an historical expose, but a modern tale of backwardness. Hana is a bit rebellious. She hikes up in the hills alone, carries a gun, and is pretty much an embarrassment to her family until they come to terms with her hopelessness. The idea of being forced to marry some random jerk who treats her like garbage isn't her dream. Her father explains her only option is to become one of the "sworn virgins" who go through this asinine ritual of becoming a man and from that day forward they are expected to act like men, dress like men, cut their hair short, smoke, drink, and live single solitary lives. It's offensive this male-dominant culture forbids women to be authentic, independent, thinking humans. It irritated the hell out of me. Hana's sister runs away with her boyfriend, and Hana becomes a man living in the mountains alone. Eventually she grows tired of it and heads to Italy to find her sister but defying her manhood doesn't come easy. The movie is painfully slow with long drawn out photographic pauses of nothing so we can watch Hana sulk and stare man-like. I was hoping we would see her experience some kind of epiphany, embrace her girlhood, stop wearing those ugly man clothes,  and stop trudging around like she's a boy pretending to be a man. Unfortunately by the end it only hints at her impending liberation which was disappointing. Very strange even for a foreign film. **

Tiger Eyes is about a teenage girl whose father is murdered at his cafe during a robbery. Her mother takes her and her younger brother to  New Mexico to stay with their childless, overprotective aunt and domineering uncle to recuperate. She meets a Native American boy whose father is dying. It's about surviving grief and learning to live again...my kind of movie. ****

Trainwreck with Amy Schumer. After seeing Sworn Virgin I figured I could use some raunchy comedy and as desperate as I was to watch an independent woman acting independently I assumed my tolerance for stupid humor would be high. Schumer plays a gender role reversal. She's very much a woman dressing in tight skirts and high heels, but acts like a man: drinking nonstop, sleeping around, refuses to stay the night, and has a repulsion for commitment. This behavior is explained in the first ten minutes. Eventually she meets someone and develops a relationship interest, but by that time I was bored out of my mind due to lack of humor and lack of interest. For some reason I expected more animation from Schumer. Acting is not her forte, but I've never seen her comedy shows so I don't know if humor is either. *

Very Good Girls is about two girls and their summer before college. They both fall for the same guy. One fantasizes about a relationship and talks about him all the time, while the other is actually in a relationship with him and never says a word. Lots of celebrities: Dakota Fanning, Ellen Barkin, Demi Moore, Richard Dreyfuss. I didn't care for the performances of the kids or maybe it was the script. Lots of unemotional long stares and awkward timing. **

Won't Back Down is about a failed school and its horrible, burnt out teachers. This movie blames the union because the teachers are constrained by union rules that keep them from working 60 hours a week and provide job protection that protects even the bad teachers from being fired. Not sure if I agree the union is the fault for the lousy teachers and apathetic parents, but it had a point and was a good movie. Maggie Gyllenhaal, who is one of my favorite actresses was in the lead role as a disgruntled mother of a dyslexic child. Viola Davis and Rosie Perez are teachers and Holly Hunter the union representative. ***