I'm a Groupie

In my quest for connection, I have started joining groups in hopes of meeting new people and getting involved with various communities of like-minded individuals. Besides chemical exposures, another risk is I'd be exposed to is stupidity which could raise my irritability to new heights.

My first foray was the local resistance group, a politically-motivated community who's goals are to change the world. A friend of mine suggested this group because they are so liberal, and liberals are often more aware of the world in which they live so they might be fragrance-free.  About thirty people convened. Many I had met in various situations around the area. Most seemed really nice. Some were intolerable.

My first encounter was a woman demanding my phone number. When I told her I didn't have one she exclaimed loudly and rudely, "Well then how do you expect anyone to be able to contact you in an emergency?" Whoa. She sounded exasperated at my non-compliance. An emergency? A little demanding for not knowing me at all. I volunteered my email and later discovered without my permission she added it to an email list. My email started getting flooded with political discussions. I was NOT happy.

In another conversation a social-butterflying name-dropping busy-body asked why I was there and I said I'm hoping to meet like-minded people and get involved. She asked where I lived. She started naming off names in hopes we had mutual friends. I didn't have the heart to tell her I am a reclusive people-hater who has no friends, but after the fifth name, she became indignant looking at me like I was a psychopath. Maybe she's right, but I still hadn't become irritable so I think her judgment was a little premature.

The sitting arrangement was around tables and as I sat facing the speakers, those on the opposite sides of the tables were facing me. I watched people roll their eyes during talks. It was very rude. Some talked incessantly to their friends across the table rather than graciously and respectfully listen. It was all I could do not to scream. One of the meeting facilitators is a retired teacher and he eventually got in front of everyone and told them to shut the fuck up while others are speaking. Ex-teachers hate talkers.

The final straw for me was the anti-gun protest school walkout. There were some rumors students in our area were thinking about walking out, but no one knew for sure. I suggested we need to be at the schools to support any student who walks out. Several people said, no, instead we should wear orange that day for support and if you want to walkout, then walk off your own job. Well, that's it for me. I realized this wasn't a resistance group but a senior citizen social.

The next group I joined was the new art association. The organizers spent the whole meeting demanding membership payment while emphasizing all the money they were spending that they didn't have. Hmmm...I gently tried to suggest NOT spending money and finding alternative ways to finance activities or finding freebies. They weren't having it. In between their money demands the women in charge kept excusing their lack of organization on how "absent-minded" "scatter-brained" "ditzy" and "confused" they were. It just seemed like a bad investment. Several of the women stunk to high heaven. Unfortunately, I came to the conclusion they were not my people.

I took a break from in-person group attempts and in my quest for health care information I started joining online support groups. I haven't had much luck in the past with support groups. My irritability gets the best of me and I have to un-join to survive the anger. I just don't do well with rude people. Unfortunately, these are groups centered around health conditions that cause irritability so other people aren't always in control. I have survived a month now without any online altercations. That's a record for me.

One new member the other day sent a post demanding to know if the group is "pushy" claiming other groups she has joined she has encountered pushy people. Well, OK. After a month I have not at all encountered pushy people on any of the groups. In fact quite the opposite. Most members are very helpful and supportive with loads of experiential information. On occasion someone will complain someone else is judging her lifestyle or diet ("her" is the operative word here), but for the most part everyone is well behaved. However, it's only been a month....

I'm still a member.

UPDATE: A week later I un-joined all the groups. No need to temp fate.

Sapient House

Rebecca E. Webber is starting a fragrance-free community in Seattle for MCSers called Sapient House. You can read about it on her website HERE and apply to become a resident. We need more housing options such as this. I'm not sure how well it'll work in the city as I think finding areas with less pollution might be more promising, but it's definitely a start! Kudos to Rebecca!

Have It All

This song is so sweet.

May you have auspiciousness and causes of success
May you have the confidence to always do your best
May you take no effort in your being generous
Sharing what you can, nothing more nothing less
May you know the meaning of the word happiness
May you always lead from the beating in your chest
May you be treated like an esteemed guest
May you get to rest, may you catch your breath

And may the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows
And may the road less paved be the road that you follow

Well here's to the hearts that you're gonna break
Here's to the lives that you're gonna change
Here's to the infinite possible ways to love you
I want you to have it
Here's to the good times we're gonna have
You don’t need money, you got a free pass
Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you
I want you to have it all

Oh! I want you to have it all
I want you to have it
I want you to have it all

May you be as fascinating as a slap bracelet
May you keep the chaos and the clutter off your desk
May you have unquestionable health and less stress
Having no possessions though immeasurable wealth
May you get a gold star on your next test
May your educated guesses always be correct
And may you win prizes shining like diamonds
May you really own it each moment to the next

And may the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows
And may the road less paved be the road that you follow

Well here's to the hearts that you're gonna break
Here's to the lives that you're gonna change
Here's to the infinite possible ways to love you
I want you to have it
Here's to the good times we're gonna have
You don’t need money, you got a free pass
Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you
I want you to have it all

Oh, I want you to have it all
I want you to have it
I want you to have it all

Oh, I want you to have it all
All you can imagine
All, no matter what your path is
If you believe it then anything can happen
Go, go, go raise your glasses
Go, go, go you can have it all
I toast you

Here's to the hearts that you're gonna break
Here's to the lives that you're gonna change
Here's to the infinite possible ways to love you
I want you to have it
Here's to the good times we're gonna have
You don’t need money, you got a free pass
Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you
I want you to have it all

Oh, I want you to have it all
I want you to have it
I want you to have it all

Here's to the good times we're gonna have
Here's to you always making me laugh
Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you
I want you to have it all

Songwriters: Becky Gebhardt / Mai Bloomfield / Mona Tavakoli / Chaska Potter / Jacob Kasher / David Hodges / Jason Mraz

I'm a SIBO Killing Machine!

My latest diet sucks. My colon still isn't working and my new doctor thinks it's SIBO. I'm resistant. Don't get me wrong, I actually think I like this new doctor. First, she speaks my language and uses words like "leaky gut", "genetic mutations", "organic foods" and "coconut oil". Second, she sees patients on Saturday! Third, she's a real doctor who's gone holistic. And fourth, she actually emailed me out of the blue to find out how my colonoscopy went. That's above and beyond what anyone expects of a doctor these days. She seems very knowledgeable, but I'm not convinced about the SIBO idea.

SIBO stands for Small Intestine Bacteria Overgrowth which means bad bugs are in my small intestine supposedly causing all kinds of havoc. Symptoms are: bloating, gas, diarrhea, irritable bowel syndrome, inflammatory bowel disease, food intolerances, chronic diseases, vitamin B-12 deficiency, heartburn, leaky gut, nausea, fat malabsorption, abdominal pain and cramping, and, wait for it...constipation although not as common as diarrhea.

So...what I don't have are the classic symptoms of bloating, gas and diarrhea. I also don't have irritable bowel syndrome, inflammatory bowel disease, heartburn, nutrient malabsorption, or nausea. My vitamin B-12 levels are excellent and I've been on the leaky gut diet several times in the last few years with the most recent in December. I don't have the food intolerances the websites list (gluten, casein, lactose, and fructose), but my latest food allergy test showed some sensitivities to...vegetables. My new doctor didn't seem to care about this because she said those tests are just a reflection of the moment and next week the list would be different. I agree. I think the list is a reflection of the current state of my colon. It doesn't like fiber.

What I do have is what appears to be a non-working colon rather than typical constipation. A year ago I had fat malabsorption, I have had some intermittent abdominal pain, and I do have a chronic disease known for constipation - Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. SIBO bugs are known to cause constipation through the methane they produce. The other bugs commonly associated with SIBO are hydrogen-dominant and those are the bugs that create the diarrhea.

My cynicism is also grounded in the fact five years ago it was as if everyone I knew was all of a sudden diagnosed with SIBO. I found this unrealistic. Is this the latest holistic fad? Now, years later, none of them are "cured". They suffered through all the expensive treatment options and many now have a standing prescription for antibiotics every six months with repeat testing. So if there is no working treatment, what is the point of all this medical expense?

Instead of jumping into spending $180 for the test, I asked my doctor for the SIBO diet and she gave me a copy of Dr. Allison Siebecker's protocol which you can view HERE. Everything I've read states the diet should help make the patient feel better within days. Of course, most are suffering from bloating which I am not. My thought process is if SIBO is what I have and the diet the treatment, I should have some improvement. Doesn't that make sense? Even a tiny indication I'm on the right track would give me hope.

This diet restricts sugars and starches since that is what the SIBO bugs eat. If you can starve them out, they will die and go away. OK! I can live off meat for two weeks! I am allowed a few choice fruits, vegetables, some oils, some nuts. Just to be safe I'll stop eating all my food allergens as well. Who needs vegetables! And on top of that continue with the Paleo Diet with a Hashimoto's Twist. This doesn't leave me with many food options, but after five months of a non-working colon, I really don't care. I just want a sign that SIBO is at fault for all my misery.

The diet was horrid. My intestines screamed in burning discomfort, my stomach cramped, and I started crashing with bouts of exhaustion and fatigue. My thyroid hates the diet. And on top of that, the constipation got worse. No laxatives of any kind would work. At first I thought this was what everyone calls "die-off" or the bugs starving and dying which releases their toxins as they exit your system, but I didn't have the typical die-off symptoms and stayed on the diet for two weeks. I just felt worse and then more worse. And then my hair started falling. Call me vain, but that was the last straw. At two and a half weeks, I ate some rice and everything felt wonderful.

So now what? I'm paralyzed with indecision. Do I listen to my instincts and refuse the test or do I cave, pay for the test, and then get really irate when it comes back negative as I expect? Even if it came back positive, how can I possible treat SIBO? Antibiotics or herbs might cause me far too much misery. Then what? Ponder...ponder.

So I ordered the test. My doctor said two weeks on the diet wouldn't do anything. I'm still not convinced, but I got tired of doing nothing paralyzed with indecision. At least this moves me forward. The test has a preparation plan and diet. I have to be OFF laxatives for four days!? HOW? My colon stops working without laxatives!

Does that deter me? Nope. On to a liquid diet of fruit and vegetable juices and meat broths. I confirmed this plan with the lab as I was afraid too restrictive a diet might produce a false negative. They said as long as one adheres to the 24 hour preparation diet, no problem.

The first, second, and third days of the liquid diet my colon screamed in burning pain and cramps.  Then it gurgled for hours alternating with moments of feeling really good if it wasn't for the excruciating hunger, then the hunger would go away. The sweet fruit juices helped alleviate weakness, but then the pain and cramps would return and the cycle would continue. This feels more like an infection and I was surprised to get the same pain with an empty gut as I did with a fully packed intestinal tract.

The fourth day, however, was a diet of only chicken broth. I thought the feelings of hunger would kill me. Weakness and brain fog took over and by 1pm I was done thinking for the day. By four o'clock I was sick of chicken broth and this is good because one needs to start fasting twelve hours before the start of the test. I tend to get up early and knowing I'd be famished by the next morning, I planned this in advance.

I drug myself out of my weakened state out of bed at 3am, one hour before the test. I could hardly function. Sitting in a chair took a great amount of effort. My joints burned and I was sweating profusely. I began the test. The lactulose solution was fine. It tasted like weak orange-flavored Kool-aid. I was hoping it would give me some energy to survive the next three hours. It ever so slightly took away the some of the weakness without bad side effects. The test involves breathing into a little funnel with a test tube inserted every twenty minutes ten times. I turned up the online jazz station and began. Three hours later done...over. You can get instruction details and watch informative videos for this test from www.sibocenter.com

Waiting, waiting, waiting for the results....still waiting. Waiting longer...

Waiting some more.

NEGATIVE. Duh. What a waste of money! But I am absolutely relieved and overjoyed the results are negative. Maybe the new doctor will start taking me seriously now?

April Movie Reviews

*****  Exceptional

****    Great

***      OK

**        So So

*          Blah

Ballet 422 is about the production of the 422nd ballet of the New York City Ballet choreographed by one of the dancers who is only 25 years old. I don't know how they remember all the steps and the tiny details that go into a dance let alone how complex it must be to choreograph one. Then to add the music, lighting, costumes. They even showed how they dyed the fabric and designed the costumes which I found fascinating. one never sees that kind of thing in these dance documentaries. I kept thinking about all the energy those dancers need to have to do what they do. Amazing. ***

Being Charlie is about a kid who's a drug addict. He's in and out of rehab, and doesn't care much about anything until he falls in love with another addict who proves to be his undoing. It was an interesting story about drug addiction.  A little depressing. Good performances. The lead kid, Nick Robinson, was good. **

Ben & Ara is about two PhD philosophy students finishing their dissertations who embark on a relationship. She is a Muslim from Cameroon and he is a white atheist who grew up with lesbian mothers after his abusive father left. She's very traditional and religious, and he drinks, goes to parties, is a procrastinator, and believes in open relationships because he doesn't believe in love. It's a messy, yet interesting story.  The performances were good but the script was a little stiff. ***

Call Me By Your Name is about first love and this incredibly sensuous dance that takes place between a virginal, sexually frustrated American-Italian teenage boy and a young (gorgeous) male American scholar. The scholar is yet another summer visitor staying at the family summer home in Italy studying with the boy's father who is a college professor in archeology digging up sexy Greek statues of young, naked bronze men. The whole movie was a sexual tease. Even the sex scenes weren't shown - the camera would pan off to a view of the trees or show only half of their bodies. So odd. It was like coitus interruptus ...It just felt unfinished in a very frustrating, unfulfilling kind of way although I think that was the point. But I don't know how it was nominated for Best Picture at the Academy Awards. Some of the photography was poorly done and it had the style of long-drawn out, time-wasting panning one normally sees in a foreign film, the kind I hate. It gets an A for Italian countryside, sexuality and the performances were great. ***

The Circle was a sci-fi type movie about a young woman (Emma Watson) who gets a job at "The Circle" a high tech company that promotes transparency and community. Tom Hanks is the CEO. The plot was fairly predictable, but took way too long getting to the point which was cessation of privacy as technology takes over our lives. In this company's world, privacy is forbidden. Unfortunately, I found it boring.  I've never known Watson to be more than boring in her post-Harry Potter performances. It's as if she doesn't quite understand the character. Once the "crisis" presented itself, it was so uninteresting I didn't see the point in continuing. *

The Diary of a Whimpy Kid is about surviving seventh grade and figuring out where you fit in. Great kids' movie. Well done. Excellent writing. Loved the art. ***

The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby  When I first saw this title I thought it would be some clever story on the Beatles' song. Not sure the point of the name other than maybe it's trying to force a connection between the plot of the movie and the song. It's about a happy couple until the next scene then she rides her bike over a bridge, stops in the middle, and jumps off. She lives, but leaves her husband and he's distraught not sure what to do or why she's behaving the way she is. It goes on for too long leaving the viewers in the dark before finally revealing the purpose of her melancholy. ***

Don't Breathe  I avoided ordering this movie from the library when I saw previews because it just looked too scary. It sounded like a horror movie. It was sitting on the shelf and with nothing else to watch, I checked it out. It's not horror, it's psychological thriller. It's about three burglars, one sleazy guy, one misguided, desperate, abused girl trying to get enough money to escape her life, and the cute kid (Dylan Minnette from Thirteen Reasons Why - so adorable and sweet) whose father is a security officer with house keys for all his clients. Sleazy guy hears about this man who lives in a trashy, deserted Detroit neighborhood who won a legal settlement when his daughter was killed in a car accident caused by a rich girl with a very rich family. They assume since he's reclusive and blind, he has his money hidden in his big old house.  The guy has a humongous Rottweiler, too. I would have declined...too much dog for me but more importantly the guy is an Army veteran so you know that's risky. Cute kid says it sounds too risky, but he's in love with the girl and caves in to her dreams of escape. It all goes wrong and hell breaks loose. It was incredibly tense and emotionally exhausting, but exceptional. I love the sensuousness of the movie focusing on sight, sound, and smell, but I am surprised the blind guy couldn't smell them before he could hear them. ****

Elle was a bizarre French movie about a video game producer who is violently raped in the first scene by a masked man dressed all in black. She takes it in stride, not wanting the police involved due to her childhood traumatic experience of being the daughter of a mass murderer who has been in prison for the last 39 (?) years. She keeps getting text messages from the rapist, and he breaks into her house and masturbates on her bed...and then she starts getting game videos of the protagonist getting raped so she's on a quest to identify the rapist thinking he's one of her employees. Still all this doesn't faze her which I thought odd.  I would have been walking around well armed and paranoid. At one point we find out she left her husband because he hit her. Then the rapist breaks into her house again, assaults her, but she fights back, stabbing his hand with some scissors and ripping off his mask. I shouldn't tell you who the rapist is...don't want to spoil it. I was kind of confused - why leave her husband for one hit and then agree to be beat up by a rapist? Hmmm... The story was very complex with all kinds of subplots, but it was an interesting movie with lots of interesting turns and characters. Excellent performances. Just strange.***

The Family Fang is about performance artists who used their kids (Jason Bateman and Nicole Kidman) as part of their act damaging them psychologically in the process. When the parents' car is found with blood all over it, their daughter is convinced it's just another performance and begins her own investigation to expose the ruse. ***

The Glass Castle is the story of Jeannette Walls, New York journalist, who grew up with an erratic, tormented, alcoholic but imaginative father who moved his family from homeless dump to hillbilly hovel, drinking away the family money while constantly promising to build them a house made out of glass. The kids took care of each other while planning their escape. Good story. Woody Harrelson was outstanding. ***

Into the Wild is the adventure of an entitled college graduate who is haunted by his family dysfunction. Although destined for Harvard law school, he takes off after graduation in search of truth, hitchhiking across the United States with goal of reaching Alaska and living off the land. He meets a variety of good people along the way. Once in Alaska he finds an abandoned bus and lives there for nine weeks. Uplifting and life affirming until the end. Hated the ending...but it's a true story so there's not much to be done with a biographical story. All-star cast and great performances. "Happiness is only real when shared." Very true, but it only depresses me. I thought about this movie for days. ****

Iris is a documentary about Iris Apfel, a 90 year old woman (now 96) who has been a New York interior designer, fabric designer, and stylist for the last 75 years.  She has a personal collection of couture jewelry and clothing that fills multiple rooms in her multiple apartments which are piled high with toys, memorabilia and curiosities as well as a warehouse full of junk she's collected from all over the world. She's a collector pack rat. She now loans these items out for museum exhibitions or department store displays. What a life and personality! Amazing. She's my new post-menopausal idol and inspiration. ****

Just Let Go is the true story of Chris Williams (played by Henry Ian Cusick) who lost two of his four children, his wife and unborn child in a car crash caused by a drunk-driving teenager. It's about the power of forgiveness. It had less God-talk than I thought it would. It was interesting how everyone around him constantly volunteered their opinions on how he should act and how he should think. I like the twist near the end which lent a little more credibility to the story. ****

Land of Mine This movie was outstanding, but very nerve wracking and tense. Based on real life history, it takes place in Denmark at the end of WWII after five years of Nazi occupation. The Danish are incredibly hostile toward the German POWs and use them to defuse and clear the millions of mines the Germans placed all over the west coast of their country. This is the story of one group of German soldiers and their Danish commander. None of these boys are over 18 years old. They are just children. It was disturbing. I've read at the end of the war when the Nazis were running out of soldiers they began recruiting from the Hitler Youth Group. Excellent performances. The information at the end of the movie stated half of the POWs died while trying to clear mines. So sad. War is ugly. It brings out the worst in humans. Great title - my land, land OF mines. ****

Life itself is about the life of Roger Ebert, film critic. Exceptionally fascinating, but what was really amazing was his strength of character and constant cheerfulness with all those health issues. Jeez. I know I'd never be that strong. Even the smallest of health issues and I'm whining. Pretty amazing life he had. ****

The Light Between Oceans was about a man living in isolation in a lighthouse in the nineteenth century. That's all I read on the DVD cover since I didn't have my glasses with me so I didn't know what this was about. Anyway...he meets this woman who lives on the mainland, the fall in love, get married and she goes to live on the island with him. At this point I thought it was really boring and waited for something exciting to happen...he was a WWI veteran so I figured something is bound to go wrong. BUT she gets pregnant, has a miscarriage, gets pregnant again, has another miscarriage, is very depressed, starts hearing crying babies in the wind...but she's not imagining it. A small row boat is adrift offshore and in it is a dead man and a little baby. Her husband says he needs to report it, she says no, we are keeping this kid so it doesn't end up in an orphanage. During the christening the man sees a woman crying at a gravestone, goes to look and she's crying for her husband and baby who were lost at sea...he feels guilty...and of course, it's all wrong from there as they rip the child away from the only parents the little girl has ever known. Good story. Somewhat unrealistic plot - doesn't make sense why the man and little baby were out on the ocean in a row boat. ***

Our Little Sister was a Japanese film with English subtitles about three sisters who live together in a big, old, very cool Japanese house with sliding doors. Their father had an affair fifteen years prior, left the family, married his mistress and they had a child. Then I think the mistress died and he remarried again. The sisters' mother left them fourteen years ago. It wasn't clear who raised them (maybe the great aunt?), but now it's been fifteen years since they have seen  their father and he's dead. They go to his funeral and meet their fifteen year old half sister who is now an orphan. The three sisters invite her to live with them. The oldest sister hates her father but the other two don't have much memory of him. The new little sister has many memories. Sweet story about family ties. The little sister is so adorable. I wish I had a whole bunch of sisters I liked. ***

The Shape of Water is about the military in possession of an aquatic creature from South America. One of the maids at the research lab is dumb (can't speak) falls in love with the creature, teaches it sign language, feeds it eggs, and plays music. She finds out they plan to kill the creature and dissect it. She sets out to save him. It was a fairytale that wasn't quite sure if it was a fairytale. I think they should have made it more obvious. Sally Hawkins was outstanding. Great sets and 1950s aesthetics. ***

Suburbicon is a very bizarre commentary on the American Dream. It's about a family in the 1950s who lives in a state-of-the-arts modern residential neighborhood called "Suburbicon" where life is perfect and white. The new neighbors move in, and OH MY GOD! they are black. All those white people are beside themselves with horror and set about harassing them in hopes of driving them out. Meanwhile, back in the perfect white house next door, the husband (Matt Damon), hired some men to kill his wife (Julianne Moore), because he wants to run away with her sister (Julianne Moore). It all starts to unravel when the insurance claim guy shows up and tries to blackmail him and, of course, he's behind on his Mafia loan payback so they come for him. His young son is watching all this unfold. So weird, very dark, disturbing humor.  Matt Damon is really good at playing quirky characters. **

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri You know those seven stages of grief? This movie is about the third stage: anger.  It wasn't anything like I expected which was a typical Hollywood plot about a murdered girl and her grieving mother. I expected to cry all the way through it. No crying at all! Unfortunately, all that expectation was distracting. Initially I was a little disappointed and wondered what I just saw. I thought about it for days. Then I (finally) figured it out: all the main characters were dealing with death in some way and not necessarily the obvious in-your-face-death of the murdered girl.  This lingering infestation of death bubbled up through their personalities as irritability, anger, rage, and violence. Ahhhh ha!  I wondered how I missed it especially being such a fan of death. So I watched it again. Anger that makes one blind and brain dead, not caring about anyone around them. One line summed it up: "Anger begets more anger."  It reminded me of that movie Crash with people crashing into each other only this one was how our anger is contagious. Also, notice the red accents in the movie. Interesting. Even one of the characters is named "Red."  Great performances and it deserved all those Academy Award nominations and awards. Sam Rockwell was hilarious and Frances McDormand brilliant. Beautifully filmed with outstanding photography. Although I don't know if it warrants five stars, anytime I feel that compelled to watch a second time, five stars is what it gets! *****

The Wrecking Crew is about the sessions musicians who played on all the great hits through the 1960s and into the 1970s. It features interviews of famous singers, producers, songwriters and musicians discussing how some of the early rock 'n' roll hits came to be and how so few of the bands played their own music because this group of musicians were so great. I can't get that bass from Sonny and Cher's "The Beat Goes On" out of my head now! ****

Spring!

I love Spring when everything comes alive, the sun shines, the birds sing, and the blossoms explode. Last year my fruit trees were contaminated with some kind of fungus that destroyed what little fruit they produced. All winter I sprayed the trees with sulfur. I read this sulfur is organic approved, but I don't know. It stunk so I had to wear my HAZMAT costume for fear of a poisoning. I think (hope) it paid off. My trees look fantastic!

APPLE TREE!

CHERRY TREE!

ITALIAN PRUNE TREE!

Fig leaves sprouting with two baby figs!

A sea of bluebells.
I love bluebells!

Does anyone know what this plant is? I planted some seeds in a bed and this plant came up. Not sure what it is. I guess I'll wait until it blooms to find out!

Spring is so lovely!

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Laxatives But Were Afraid to Ask!

Spending way too much
time on the throne these days!

Constipation is a very common symptom of hypothyroidism and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. Lack of proper thyroid function slows down bodily functions particularly affecting the intestines. I've been fortunate. There are some Hashimoto's symptoms I've managed to avoid all of my life and constipation was one of them. Unfortunately, five months ago, my colon stopped working after a weekend of eating chili.

Yes, I'm blaming it on the chili. A naturopathic doctor I saw last year criticized my diet. He said I wasn't eating enough fiber...beans in particular. He refused to listen to me and as he was sounding like a typical, conventional, ignorant, narrow-minded doctor, I lost all faith in him, however, it stuck in my mind maybe I need to eat more beans?

Beans, and all legumes, are forbidden on the Paleo Diet with a Hashimoto's Twist due to their lectins which cause inflammation which creates gastro-intestinal stress (leaky gut) and they act as insulin binders. Did the naturopathic doctor care? I could tell he wasn't listening to anything I said. His eyes glossed over.

So on that faithless day last November as the freezing temperatures of winter were upon us, I needed a new food. A warm food. That adorable man who works in the meat department at the co-op suggested ground turkey. I asked, "What's a good recipe for ground turkey?" His eyes lit up, "Oh! You have to make chili!!!

Hmmm...I just needed a new meal to combat the boredom I was feeling with the constant same-ness of my diet. I justified my cheating by remembering my naturopath's lectures. I can do one pot of chili. How can that hurt anything?

Oh my god it was delicious! Homemade chili with ground turkey, kidney beans, onions and only one tomato, another forbidden food. For dessert I had carob...a food known for constipation, however, I figured with all the fiber in the beans this wouldn't be an issue. I tend to drink copious amounts of water when I eat carob.

Monday afternoon I was in the hospital with killer right side pain. It has been suggested this might have been a gall bladder attack, however, all tests showed...nothing. I was "just" constipated. I tried telling the emergency room doctor I had never been constipated in my life so that wasn't possible. He ignored me and said I should eat more fiber. I ATE CHILI FOR BREAKFAST AND SALAD FOR LUNCH! He walked away leaving me confused and angry.

Anyway as the nightmare continued, my colon stopped working. Totally stopped. Did the chili incite some kind of intestinal attack? Did the carob add to the problem? I don't know for sure. And over the next five months I did everything I could possibly do to get it working again. For someone who is chemically sensitive the idea of laxatives is frightening. Everyone knows they can be addictive which will render your intestinal function obsolete. The chemicals used in some of the over-the-counter remedies do not inspire health. The physical discomfort became unbearable and my stress level hit an all-time high. I became frantic and began experimenting. Five months later, I'm a laxative expert!!

Here are the various laxative-inducing remedies I tried, in order, starting with foods, then herbal remedies, then over-the-counter poisons, then holistic treatments. I'm convinced my constipation experience is not "normal" and my issues are somehow systemic, although after five months and eight doctors, I still have no clue what has caused this and if it can be fixed. In addition, these remedies although many did not work on me, may work too well on you! Go slowly. Be careful.

Dr. Schulz's Intestinal Formula #1  When I arrived home from the hospital that night my first thought is I needed to clean my intestines out. I was still in pain and convinced the pain was being caused by the intestines. I was also convinced the carob was creating some kind of blockage since this was so unusual. I had a bottle of Dr. Schulz's Intestinal Formula from when I did a colon cleanse years ago. I admit, these herbs were outdated, but it was late at night with all stores closed and the pain was returning fast. I wanted fast relief. I know how well these work. The directions state take one capsule at a time wait, take two the next day, wait, increasing until something happens. I took all FIVE capsules at once. Yeah, probably not smart, but at that point I didn't care. Unfortunately, it did NOTHING!

HYDRATION  I guzzled copious amounts of water. I started drinking juices which are not on my diet because they are so sweet, but at this point I didn't care. Pear juice is supposed to be really good for healing the digestive tract and for constipation. Same with apple juice and it cleans your liver and colon. Beet-apple-carrot juice also cleans your liver and colon. Lemon juice cleans kidneys and liver. I added celery, cucumber, parsley juice to the mix. Peppermint tea for digestive support. It didn't seem to make a difference.

INTESTINAL MASSAGE The idea is to physically coax your bowels into action and hope they get the idea! Start on your lower right and working up in circular movements, across the abdomen, and down the left side and to the middle bottom. I did this for weeks, twice a day. It did nothing. I was doing it so vigorously in hopes of relief, I had bruises!

PRUNES People highly recommend prunes for constipation. Soak them in water or stew them. "Normal" people need very little for effect. I ate a whole bag and they did NOTHING.

FLAX SEED Next I tried flax seed. A couple tablespoons soaked in heated chicken broth. I drank this for two days. They did NOTHING.

OLIVE OIL I read olive oil will cure constipation. I drank olive oil. So gross. It did NOTHING.

Not the same as
castor oil!

CASTOR OIL I became desperate. I drank castor oil. It actually tasted better than the olive oil. It did NOTHING.

MAGNESIUM CITRATE After a week of no bowel movements, I finally go into see a health care professional, or the Formerly-Fired-Rehired-and-Fired-Again nurse practitioner. She announced it was my gall bladder and it had to be surgically removed. She suggested drinking only 1/2 bottle of liquid magnesium citrate and the constipation would be resolved. So I did and it produced two very small, hard as rock stools. That's it! A few days later I drank another bottle. Nothing. Constipation continued and the FFRaFA nurse refused to respond to my pleas for assistance. Now what?

FLEET ENEMAS I went into my local pharmacy and asked for advice. (These are the people who when I expressed concern about chemical toxicity they told me water is a chemical. I laughed at them and pointed out how ignorant it was to compare natural water to chemicals made by chemical companies. I had no confidence.) They suggested a mineral oil enema. It did NOTHING except make a mess.

EPSOM SALTS So I tried an Epsom salt enema but it did nothing except expel the water that went in. I had used Epsom salts during liver and gall bladder cleanses that usually work really well, so I drank Epsom salts mixed in water. This should have done something, but it did very little except produce a miniscule amount of diarrhea.

DOCUSATE SODIUM It had been two weeks without a bowel movement by this time. I threw all caution to the wind and started shopping the pharmaceutical shelves. Docusate is a stool softener chemical and this particular pill had small amounts of senna, an herb used for constipation. It produce a tiny bit of diarrhea and a whole lot of nausea. I have bad reactions to cellulose and it was an inactive ingredient.

JUICE FAST At this point I hadn't had a real bowel movement in three weeks and the discomfort from adding food to my bowels every day was unacceptable. I stopped eating and subsisted on juices. Every kind of juice imaginable. In addition to the juices already mentioned, I added cabbage juice which known to heal the digestive tract. It actually tastes really good so I felt I was on the right track. Red cabbage is supposedly better than green cabbage as far as healing properties. Unfortunately, cabbage is a goitrogen and too much of a raw goitrogen decreases thyroid function. I began to experience bouts of severe fatigue.

COLONIC IRRIGATION When I worked for naturopaths many years ago I was being trained in colonic irrigation so I was aware of this option. I've known people who get them every week, but I never thought this was healthy as it trains your colon to be lazy and not work. However, three weeks without a bowel movement and I was desperate. It was actually kind of fun. The technician was delightful. We babbled on about the horrible doctors in our area while she also told me what she could feel and see during the process. At one point she said, "Hmm...the water is moving around something and just broke through." This made me believe maybe the carob is still in there creating a blockage? At $100 a session, colonics are way beyond my budget, but in an emergency, they work!

SENNA LEAF TEA Unfortunately, having my colon totally cleaned out did not jump start my intestines into working order. After two days, everything had stopped, felt like I was filled with cement. Desperate again, I turned to senna leaf tea at the recommendation of a friend.  I read one never should take it for more than a week. It's addictive and could create "lazy bowels". I tried one cup and within two hours had the worst intestinal cramps imaginable. Really bad pain, however, massive amounts of diarrhea expelled from my body so the relief was worth it. I reduced the dosage and mixed it with fennel seed and peppermint. Then I read it can do so much damage to one's colon you'd have to have parts of your intestines removed and use a colostomy bag for the rest of your life. I'm not interested in doing permanent damage. However, it costs less than $1 for a bag of bulk, dried senna leaf so much more cost effective than anything else. I use this as an emergency only if necessary.

DANDELION ROOT I found another naturopathic doctor who prescribed dandelion root tea. It's supposed to be good for constipation. Unfortunately I failed to check the counterindications of this herb and unfortunately she didn't either. Counterindications:  intestinal blockage. I know it is never smart to clean the gall bladder, liver, or kidneys if you don't have a working colon. This was stupid. This woman obviously and ignorantly ignored the constipation issue and instead piggybacked on the nurse's diagnosis of gall bladder problems thinking I needed to clean out some vital organs. This created horrible back pain and my innards turned once again to cement.

MIRALAX After two months of this hell, I finally got into a Gastroenterologist who was dismissive and condescending. When I told her of my carob theory, she said, "Oh, you are so funny!" And then she tried to tell me carob is just like chocolate and should create diarrhea not constipation. Clearly ignorant, arrogant, and conventional, I didn't see the point in responding. She suggested Miralax, another stool softener, claiming it's even good for children as she gives it to her children on occasion. This was one of the few laxatives I avoided as it says right on the label if you are allergic to polyethelene glycol, don't use it. Well, how do I know if I'm allergic to this? By this time, I was really desperate. It works like a dream. It took about three days to kick in. She started me out on 4 caps for the first week and then reduced it down until I was still having bowel movements. It has no taste, mix it in water or juice. Unfortunately after two weeks, I started getting stomach pain that spread to the whole GI tract. Eventually the pain was so bad I asked myself, is this an ulcer? I got online and searched "Miralax ulcer" and sure enough Miralax is known to cause peptic ulcers! There are some people online who have taken it every day for a year without problems, and some people don't start experiencing the pain until over a year. Well, I've never been like other people. At this point I'm in a panic. If Miralax is out, now what? My GI doctor is unavailable for advice. Again, I'm on my own.

CHIA SEEDS I read chia seeds work like a dream. NOTHING.

PRUNE JUICE I read as little as 1/2 cup works like a dream. I drank a quart. NOTHING.

MAGNESIUM CITRATE I remember from my years as a naturopathic medical assistant that magnesium is good for constipation, but it was common knowledge too much is hard on the kidneys. Using it daily, which was what I needed, didn't sound like a good idea. My previous experience with magnesium citrate was disappointing so I wondered how much I'd have to ingest to get little results. Finding no relief with anything else, what choice did I have? I started reading. There are people out there who live on magnesium citrate for their chronic constipation. Most naturopaths and holistic doctors recommend it. I read about Natural Calm which is also good for leg cramps and insomnia. Hmmm...I tried it. Tastes horrible, but the unflavored had less additives like stevia. It didn't do much for leg cramps or insomnia. After a couple days, I started feeling nauseous. I was told it could be the citric acid as many people can't tolerate it. I started taking it with food and lots of water and this helped, twice a day, morning and evening. It worked at 4200 mgs. That seemed to be way too much magnesium for anyone, but I watched for magnesium overdose side effects. At three weeks, the nausea increased until I couldn't even sit up I was so sick. Was it the citric acid accumulating in my body or overdose of magnesium? I had labs done. My kidneys were fine, but I could no longer tolerate the nausea. After a few days off it my colon turned to cement once again and restlessness at bedtime was intolerable.

MAGNESIUM I found information on Mega-Mag online. Liquid magnesium in a dropper bottle made from natural minerals, no additives, no citric acid. Tastes really horrid, but much preferred to the formulas that include so many additives for taste. I started with three droppers (about 3/4 teaspoon) three times a day or 1200 mgs which is a dosage recommended by doctors then worked my way up, and up, and up. It worked for a while then nausea set in and I stopped.

VITAMIN C According to online articles, vitamin C is the other health alternative to laxatives. Too much vitamin C can deplete your iron levels and I've had problems with taking it in the past. I searched for a form that had less additives and might be more tolerable. Most are in pill or capsule form so I know they are made with cellulose. I found one powder with no additives. Unbeknowst to me, there are two types of vitamin C: ascorbic acid and calcium ascorbate and selection is determined by a person's metabolic type. In the past I've used ascorbic acid and it made me incredibly sick. This one was calcium ascorbate. I have no idea what my metabolic type is, but I tried this one out of desperation. All literature says at the proper dose it should work immediately and to find out what your proper dose is, begin taking 1,000 milligrams every hour until it works. At 10,000 milligrams per day it worked! This seemed like too much but then I read if you are getting bowel movements around 10,000 to 15,000 milligrams per day, you are relatively healthy. Cancer patients are prescribed 200,000 milligrams per day. I found I needed to take it after eating and rinse my mouth out or I get blisters from the acid. After ten days it started making me feel sick.

Although the Miralax, magnesium and vitamin C eventually make me sick, I found I can alternate them. The transition is rough causing painful constipation at which time I drink senna leaf tea for a couple days. After five months, they aren't working so well. It's taking more and more, and even mega doses have stopped working.

I feel like a laxative expert. Unfortunately.

Does anyone have any other ideas? I'm out of ideas....

Walk In...Walk Out

"Surveying a nationally representative group of more than 1,100 Americans, the research team also found that more than 20 percent of people quickly leave a business place if they smell air fresheners or other scented products."

Yep, no thanks! When will businesses learn we don't want to be poisoned while shopping?

You can read this article HERE

Poisoned by Pollution (book review)

Poisoned by Pollution is about Anne Lipscomb's harrowing downward spiral into the world of chemical sensitivity when her company moved into a newly constructed and poorly ventilated building. Her decline into unimaginable illness sounded so much like mine at times I wanted to cry. Her descriptions of symptoms and experiences are so well-written and accurate I felt sick to my stomach.

Ms. Lipscomb explains how her corporate employer did everything possible to avoid addressing the obvious indoor air quality problem and denied her health problems were job or environmentally related. Her experiences with independent medical examiners were the same as mine - their mission was to discredit her. She was dealing with L&I and Worker's Compensation and they constantly sent her to appointments with doctors who would spray air fresheners in the exam rooms! It was so much like my story except she wasn't alone. There were dozens of fellow employees getting sick along with her. The longer they stayed in the building the sicker they became.  Most of them were afraid to report it or even talk about it for fear of losing their jobs. I thought about how wonderful it might have been if just one other person understood how I was feeling, but I was utterly alone in my nightmare.

She also had a wonderfully emotionally and financially supportive  husband so at least people weren't telling her the reason she was sick was because she wasn't married! That was my experience. At one point she was worried and wondering what would happen if her husband left her. How would she pay bills? How could she survive the day to day struggle without him? All I could think was how lucky she was not to have to go through the stress of actually not being able to pay bills and wondering how to exist homeless. Unlike myself, she actually could afford to see a counselor. By the end of the book, she confesses without much detail her marriage eventually ended which I find sad although not surprising. I've written about the toll MCS takes on relationships and the guilt one feels for being so high maintenance.

It was fascinating reading the lifestyle changes she was forced to make, the same reinvention I had to endure in order to live. We take so much for granted until it all disappears. Reading about all the changes makes me wonder how on earth I did it! Going from doctor to doctor praying for answers, constant disappointment, relentless reevaluation of strategies, and struggling onward with the next new idea in spite of the road blocks. Job loss, relocation, and changes to lifestyle such as shopping, diet, entertainment, and social recreation. It overwhelms me to think about it what I've done and what I still have to do to survive.

We must have had the same group of friends, those who were skeptical about everyday chemicals causing health problems or those who felt offended when their perfumes or scented products caused an asthma attack or illness. Unsupportive and impatient people who in the end decided a friendship wasn't worth the effort. People we thought we could rely on and only served to add to our toxic burden. The constant skepticism is depressing on top of every other challenge. One of her pearls of wisdom is, "We don't know friends and acquaintances as well as we think." That's for sure. It was a rude awakening for me. She explained even those who accept and tolerate her chronic illness can't possibly understand it and having to constantly ask them to be fragrance free adds to the struggle. Unless someone has first hand experience what it's like to live with MCS, there is no way they can comprehend the full ramifications of this condition. She's very forgiving, ignoring the self-centered arrogance of people and pretending they don't have the capability, compassion and empathy to at least try to understand.

She claims loneliness is the most difficult aspect of MCS and this is coming from a woman who vomits continually for days at a time! I disagree only because I believe loneliness is a state of mind. For me the worst aspect of MCS is isolation: lack of support, lack of recreational time; lack of communication, and just plain isolation due to the requirement to confine oneself to stay healthy. I suppose this could be interpreted as loneliness, but I don't feel lonely. I feel isolated, cut off from everything.

I found her website and blog and watched the twenty-three minute documentary on her experience. She now lives in Paris for much of the year... WHAT?? HOW??? I can't tolerate going to small cities for a day without horrible consequences, but live in a big city? She claims the French are far more aware of toxic chemicals in people's lives. Foods are commonly grown without pesticides and herbicides. Construction, although more costly, uses quality materials that are not toxic or not as toxic. The French value people over money and material possessions. One of her French friends works for a perfume company and claims even the perfume they produce is less toxic. For American markets they use ingredients that are illegal in some countries because the Americans want cheap and don't care about quality! Her symptoms were much less in Paris and she was able to eat about 80% of the foods she used to! But how can she tolerate the auto exhaust and air pollution? Or the overpopulation of perfume-saturated people, many who are wearing the cheap American perfumes? The laundry detergent stink? How does she even get on a plane? I can't imagine. I have so many questions! She does explain finding a place to live in Paris was a challenge with their housing shortage and rental policies. They don't show spaces prior to renting them so assessing a living environment for safety prior to the commitment is a risk. Still, this inspires me...I've always wanted to live in France!

Well, perhaps this is her trade off? I have made sacrifices to my soul in order to be healthy and maybe she has made sacrifices to her health in order to feed her soul? I don't know if having to wear a mask and use a wheelchair, being locked in one's house for too long, or too many emergency trips to the hospital are worth it. Why not move to the French countryside and avoid the excess toxins of an overpopulated city?

Besides city pollution exposures, she seems to invite too much exposure on a daily basis. She talks about having a kid club where she invites all the neighborhood children into her home for fun activities. Prior to their arrival, she is sent their clothes to wash! Wow. That's dedication. I know it would take at least ten washings before I could go near laundry-saturated clothing, but she doesn't wash their bodies and hair before arrival and if they still use scented detergents, they must still use scented soaps and shampoos. Is this worth the risk?

With all the treatments she did that are listed in the book: acupuncture, supplements, special diets, detoxification, Chinese medicine, naturopathic medicine, environmental medicine, and NAET...she's still sick. She can't use a computer without a special ventilation system and often has to spend days in bed locked in her Parisian apartment although less often than living in Seattle where she can hardly ever leave her house. The fact she has done all these treatments for years yet still suffers doesn't give me confidence. I had hoped she'd have the secret to overcoming MCS. Clearly, as I've known for years, there isn't one.

The major differences in our lives is her positive attitude. She believes MCS was a gift. Now, I've said this myself and even wrote a post on it. There are all kinds of gains with MCS that I would have never had if I had stayed perfectly healthy. Still, I find her excessive positive attitude unrealistic. Of course, I try really hard to maintain some level of unrealistic positivity on this blog so maybe this is just wishful thinking on her part and she didn't want to end the book on a depressing note? THERE IS NO HOPE. GET USED TO IT. Not a good message.

Ms. Lipscomb writes beautifully and her book includes excellent MCS information, research and statistics. Outstanding book on what it's like to be poisoned and end up with MCS. I wish I could buy copies of this book and give them out to people who just don't get me, but I doubt if it would help.

Happy Easter!

I remember when Easter meant you could gorge on chocolates, marshmallow chicks, jelly beans, cookies, pies, cakes, and a huge dinner. Those days seem so long ago...

Today is a day of remembrance for my former companion in life.  He was such a good boy. I think of him often especially when I'm raking leaves or picking up fallen camellia blossoms. He used to eat them so I always had less work. In the days when Peter was hopping carefree around my garden, Easter was always a cause of celebration. It was his day.

HAPPY EASTER, PETER! 

I hope he is having fun in bunny heaven.

March Movie Reviews

*****  Exceptional

****    Great

***      OK

**        So So

*          Blah

Alfie with the ever-charming Jude Law, 2004 version. I've never seen the 1960s version although I'm sure it's the same story only updated. It's about Alfie, a womanizing player who flits from woman to woman never caring, avoiding commitment, and totally self-serving.  By the end he's questioning the meaning of life and purpose of his existence. "What's it all about, Alfie?"  (Love the song.) Jude Law is adorable although exasperating, devoid of life-affirming priorities. ***

Any Day Now takes place in 1979 about a female impersonator (Alan Cumming) who's drug-addict neighbor has a son with Down Syndrome who she neglects and abuses. When she is arrested and imprisoned, he petitions for custody with his new boyfriend and lawyer (Garret Dillahunt). The legal system is biased against gay couples as adoptive parents and they fight an uphill battle that focuses on their lifestyle rather on what is best for the child. Sweet movie, performances are great, sad ending that I could stop thinking about, I don't like the title...***

Code Black is a documentary film on Los Angeles County General Hospital, a little about its ground-breaking history and a lot on the sad state of modern health care as well as how ER doctors are drowning in regulations that prevent them from caring for patients. ***

Danny Collins is about a famous yet elderly former 1970s rock star (Al Pacino) who in his youth was compared to Bob Dylan. He sold his soul to the music industry when he stopped writing his own songs and began a miserable second career making millions off of idiotic pop hits for the masses. For his birthday, his agent (Christopher Plummer) finds an old letter written by John Lennon to Danny sent to a magazine editor and never received by the recipient. Inspired and tormented by how this letter might have changed his life for the better had he received it forty years ago, Collins decides to reinvent himself, give up his teenage girlfriend, stop doing drugs, and reconnect with his adult son (Bobby Cannavale) who he never met (who is married to Jennifer Gardner). He moves into the New Jersey Hilton where Annette Bening is the manager. It had some really great LOL lines and scenes, heartwarming, sweet, some romance for old people, and delightful. Pacino was wonderful. The perfect aging rock star. Loved it. ****

Dean is about a young man who's mother died and the ongoing loss he feels a year later when his life continues to be off track. Nothing seems to be going right. He broke up with his fiancé, he ends up being the second best man at his best friend's wedding, he falls for a married woman, and he can't seem to finish his second book. He's an artist and his drawings illustrate his emotions in situations throughout the movie. It was sad yet clever with quirky characters and LOL moments.  Not sure I like the title.***

Downsizing  Such a WEIRD movie. Scientists developed "downsizing" or making people five inches high to save space, save resources, and eliminate the overabundance of waste. People are opting to downsize because 1) they want to contribute to a better planet or 2) because they can't afford anything as normal size people so their money goes twice as far and they can live like the wealthy. Paul (Matt Damon), an occupational therapist, and his wife (Kristen Wiig) decide to go small, but at the last minute his wife opts out leaving him to wake up alone, small, and in a new miniature community. His life becomes empty and meaningless, he ends up getting a job as a customer service agent for Land's End while living in a dinky apartment after his wife files for divorce. It just gets weirder from there, but never really interesting. **

The Equalizer Denzel Washington has some serious superhero skills in this one! Bob/Robert is a mild-mannered, hardware store manager with a mysterious past, beloved by his employees as he tries to help them be better people by encouraging them to eat healthy and do the right thing. He lives a quiet life, alone, can't sleep and spends his nights in a diner drinking tea and reading classics. He meets Alina (Cloe Grace Moretz) who frequents the same diner in the middle of the night. She is a Russian prostitute controlled by Russian gangsters with dreams of getting out of the business. When her pimp beats her up as an example to the other prostitutes, Bob/Robert goes after them. Then the bosses come after him. In the meantime he rectifies wrongs in the community where ever he sees them. Some serious superhero-ness with a dash of vigilantism! Excellent use of power tools as weapons. Normally I don't like shoot 'em up corruption movies with emotionless characters, but this one was outstanding with more humanness than blood and guts. Loved it! The end is a little unrealistic. If he's lived incognito for so long then spends too much time killing bad guys in front of everyone, I can't imagine he'd be able to go back to his regular life and be left alone. If anything the cops would be all over him for all the mayhem he's caused even if it's killing bad people. Still good. *****

The First Monday in May is about organizing the Metropolitan Museum of Art's 2015 exhibition "China: Through the Looking Glass" and the annual Met Gala fundraiser. Lots of history on the perception of fashion as art. It's amazing the work that goes into these events. The costumes are spectacular. ****

Fury is a World War II movie about an American tank unit in Germany. Brad Pitt is the commander. When one of the crew members is killed, a very young rookie takes his place. He's been in the Army eight weeks, trained as a clerk, and has never shot a gun. It's a steep learning curve. Excellent performances. Great story, very bloody, very human. ****

Ice Castles (2010) I absolutely loved Ice Castles from the 1970s with that adorable Robbie Benson. I was so young when I saw it I don't remember if the acting was bad. This remake is the same story with not-so-great acting. I wasn't even sure the skating was that good in most scenes. Great ending, and maybe my memory is idealistic, but I think the original packed more of a punch. ***

Keep the Lights On is about two gay men who meet through some sex phone line. Eric is a filmmaker and Paul is a lawyer by day, crack head by night. The decade-long roller coaster ride of this relationship was exhausting. **

The Lovers is about a dispassionate married couple (Debra Winger and Tracy Letts) who are so bored with each other they don't know what to do when they are in the same room. They are both having extra marital affairs, but their lovers are emotionally demanding and draining, constantly throwing tantrums because they aren't getting undivided attention. The stress is wearing them down and it is exhausting to watch. They lie incessantly to everyone. Eventually they find it easier to just stay at home with their spouse which rekindles their relationship. It was a fable for bad behavior. I got bored (or irritated) and turned it off. I think people who have had extramarital affairs would identify with it and like it, but I'm not that person... *

Mystic River is about three boys growing up in Boston affected by a childhood event when one of them was taken by two pedophiles. Fast forward 25 years later and the 19 year old daughter of one of the boys (Sean Penn) is viciously murdered. Another boy is now a homicide detective (Kevin Bacon) who investigates the crime and the third (Tim Robbins), comes home on the same night with blood all over him. Incredibly sad story on so many levels. All-star cast (Lawrence Fishburne, Marcia Gay Harden, and Laura Linney) with outstanding performances by all and two Academy Awards (Penn and Robbins). I read the book and have probably seen the movie at least three times. How is it that Kevin Bacon so sexy? Just his presence, the way he walks, the way he moves. Is it any wonder he had such a following? So interesting. *****

Paris Can Wait was incredibly boring. It's about a woman (Diane Lane) who is traveling with her film producer self-centered husband (Alec Baldwin) in France and gets a ride to Paris with a goof ball who is a lousy driver and who prides himself on his time-wasting tour guide abilities. I think someone must have been trying to benefit from the rom-com Lane was in about Italy. Just boring and the performances were outstandingly lacking in realism with stunted dialogue. Nice tourist scenery. I turned it off. *

Pieces of April was about a young woman (Katie Holmes) who has had a life-long, contentious relationship with her family as the belligerent, rebellious pain in the ass. She is living some slum in New York and although unable to cook, she invites her family for Thanksgiving. Her mother (Patricia Clarkson) is dying from breast cancer so the family sees this an the last opportunity for a family celebration. Expectations are low since their daughter has been a constant disappointment throughout life. As she begins to prepare dinner, she realizes her stove is not working. At one point she attempts to mash uncooked potatoes suggesting she's way over her head and we should expect this to be a disaster. She has rely on all the quirky people in her apartment building to help her and through all this human contact understands the true meaning of Thanksgiving. Excellent. Very sweet. ****

A Sense of an Ending is about a man (Jim Broadbent) who gets bequeathed a college friend's diary, but his ex-college girlfriend has it in her possession. He reminisces about time spent in college, his relationships then and his relationships now, ending with the idea that we create our own life stories by picking and choosing memories. Interesting. **

Starlet is about a young woman who buys a thermos at a yard sale from an old woman who tells her everything is non-refundable. When she gets it home and attempts to fill it with water, she finds there is $10,000 in bundled $100s in it. She's not sure what to do, but attempts to return it to the woman who starts screaming at her there are no refunds. She embarks on a relationship with her, meeting her at the grocery store, showing up at bingo games, offering to do things for her and pay her way. Once they get to know one another, the old woman confesses her husband was a gambler and left her mega amounts of money. It's a great story about human relationships. Later we find out our main character is a porn star (you get to watch porn for about 15 minutes...) and her little dog's name is Starlet. ****

Tulip Fever is about the sixteenth-century tulip craze in Holland and with the associated wins and losses of fast profit. It's also about Sophia, a young orphan woman raised in the convent, who marries an older, wealthy Dutch trader but is unable to dutifully give him what he most desires - an heir. He hires an artist to paint their portrait  believing his only legacy in life will be his beautiful wife. Unfortunately she falls torridly in love with the painter who then tries to strike it rich in the tulip business so they may run away together. Her maid's fish-monger boyfriend struck it rich in the tulip market only to be robbed and then waylaid onto a ship. After his mysterious disappearance, the maid realizes she's pregnant and to hide her maid's pregnancy and save her from disgrace and unemployment, Sophia pretends to be pregnant...and then she fakes her death in order to escape undetected. The rollercoaster ride of a plot was very entertaining. Clearly greed (vanity) is evil - a popular Dutch Baroque art theme and beautiful filmed in this art style filled with wistful maidens posing in otherworldly light. Beautiful costumes. ***

A Very Long Engagement is a French war drama with a very surreal sense of comedy about a young man who goes off to WWI. Shocked by his early traumatic experiences, he decides to have his hand purposely shot off in order to be relieved of his duties so he can return home and marry his girlfriend. Unfortunately this is grounds for execution and he and four other soldiers who also self-mutilated are used as battlefield decoys thrown out in front of the Germans for distraction. Meanwhile back home his disabled-from-polio childhood sweetheart is told he's dead, but she's not having it. She searches for truth in imaginary tests: "If I can count to five before the dog comes through the door, he is alive." "If I reach the corner before the car passes me, he will survive." It's very sentimental and sweet. She begins a rather elaborate search for him, hiring a private detective, contacting other veterans who were in the same trench, reconstructing history through flashbacks. Beautiful costumes, filming, and photography. ***

Watchers of the Sky is about the history of the United Nations' Genocide Convention and its founder and promoter Raphael Lemkin OR how utterly ineffective international law is at protecting innocent people from slaughter with the USA at the forefront of arrogant, self-centered apathy. The documentary addresses various genocides in history: Armenians, Jewish Holocaust, Rwanda, and Sudan. Many world leaders who support and organize these atrocities continue to go unpunished because so countries don't want to get involved. Humans disgust me. Their evilness knows no bounds. ****

We Were Soldiers was about the Vietnam War and a combat platoon with Mel Gibson as the commander. I had to fast forward through most of it - too much gruesome death and mayhem for me with limbs exploding off bodies and flying through the air.  I think if you like war movies, this is the movie for you. **

Winter in Wartime is a Dutch film with English subtitles about a Dutch family during the Nazi occupation. The next door neighbor's sons are involved in the underground and inadvertently involve their thirteen year old friend. When one is arrested and the other shot, the kid figures out they were protecting and caring for a British RAF pilot who's plane crashed and is hiding in the countryside until he can escape to safety. It was good. It must have been frightening to not know who to trust during the war. ***