Hug-Free Zone

Years ago I read an article on the benefits of hugging. They claimed all kinds of health issues if a person wasn't hugged enough in their lifetime and cited studies on belligerent babies growing up to be mass murders who were purposely not hugged in these experiments. I'm not sure who would impose this sort of abuse on an infant, but I bought into it. I decided I had too many boundaries and was determined to be hugged non-stop regardless of the ramifications of over-hugging. (Over-hugging seems equally as dangerous, but it's very American to believe if a little bit of something is good for you, then a lot of it has to be better.) I hugged everyone, all the time. Friends, co-workers, relatives, boyfriends, religious people, plumbers, milkmen, grocery cashiers, postal people, employers and landlords.  A stranger once told me I was a great hugger. I was a very friendly, affectionate person.

Then I became chemically sensitive...and people kept hugging me! Smelly people! My self-training was so automatic not only would I let them, but my arms would go up in welcome. Even people I knew who were stinky and those who knew I couldn't be around it. They'd hug me anyway and I'd hug them back. As soon as I could smell the poison, I would wonder what ever possessed me? I knew better, but I was addicted. Many times it was necessary to remove my contaminated clothes in my car, throw them in the back seat, and drive home half naked.

I had to re-train myself not to hug. Sad, I know, but necessary. It took me a long time, too. I studied the warning signs. Timing was a clear indicator. If we were at the end of a visit or saying good-bye, beware. I'd see the it's-time-to-hug look in their eyes. Everyone has this look and often they are assessing whether hugging is appropriate or not. I'd discreetly step back and cross my arms. This sort of behavior usually screams BOUNDARIES! NO WAY! DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! Those who don't read body language well will begin to slightly lean toward me.  Step back again ever so slightly or turn sideways. Their hands start moving upward. If I had stepped back properly they would need to step toward me before making contact. One more attempt at getting closer and I'd have to raise my hands to block their advance or a real quick, "It was nice to see you. Bye!" wave with palms out and walk away. All these steps can happen very quickly. Don't underestimate their speed. We are hug-addicted people.

Sometimes when I see the it's-time-to-hug look, I verbalize my anti-social behavior. "I don't hug. It's dangerous."  The looks of shock and disbelief I'd get made me feel like I just confessed to torturing baby animals. Not hugging was unthinkable. With more explanation, they'd look at me like I told them I had cancer. Oh, I'm soooo sorry! It must be so difficult. I'd tilt my head, do the grief nod and reply, "Oh, it is so hard, but unavoidable."

There are events that are conducive to hugging. Family reunions, for example. Just try telling your smelly great Aunt Martha who hasn't seen you for a year you don't hug. After being reprimanded with That's ridiculous, come here! she'll grab you. At any religious meeting, hugging is mandatory. It's a spiritual-fellowship-bonding thing. Dating sometimes inspires hugging, but normally hugging starts after the dating phase while in the relationship phase. At this point, intimacy is kind of expected and hopefully they've already passed their fragrance-free training.

I've often thought about having a t-shirt or a button made which might save me some repetitive disclosure. Do Not Hug Me! But I fear this would inspire bad jokes which would annoy me greatly. Maybe someday.