Bad Construction Karma = Me

Saint Barbara

I've come to accept my bad construction karma. It's just the way it is. Any project will cost me twice the amount of money as any other customer and there is something about me that makes men want to rip me off.  I have addressed most of my construction issues in my former post from July 2012 entitled, "I'd Rather Smell Like a Man."


I just need to process my latest bad experience now.


Why I have to hire construction workers:

1.)  I own a house. I'm seriously wondering why this is a good idea. I know with owning my own home I don't have to deal with stinky, stupid landlords and I have control over what happens, but at the same time, I never had to deal with construction before so I am now questioning if owning my own house is safer than renting? It's nonstop. Relentless. Get one thing done and another problem rears its ugly head demanding to be fixed. So is home ownership worth it? Wouldn't it be safer, less expensive, less stressful, and less toxic to rent and not be responsible for maintenance?

2.) If I just let the repairs go, my house will fall apart creating twice the problems which may also contribute to air space contamination and health issues.

3.) For a woman, I think I'm pretty strong, but I'm not as strong as a construction worker so it takes me twice as long to complete a project. If at all! Some things I cannot do because I can't lift it or move it. I watch men handle drills with one hand and drill a screw in seconds. It takes me holding the tool with two hands and using all my weight to push and often I STILL can't get the damn screw in the wood!

4.) I'm usually not as skilled or knowledgeable as a construction worker so I screw up more often so it takes me twice as long and twice as much money to complete a project.

5.) The chemicals they use for whatever they are doing are toxic and make me ill. Since they can usually complete a job in half the time, I'd rather they breathe the fumes instead of me.

6.) I don't have most of the tools and they are too expensive to buy or rent. Even the ones I could rent, many of them are too heavy to lift or move, let alone handle them!

7.) I want things fixed or improved to make my life easier and more enjoyable.

8.) I don't always have the energy or stamina to do physical labor, especially big projects.



The problem with hiring construction workers:

1.) Most of them stink of chemicals. Even if they say they don't, they do.

2.) Most of them are unprofessional, untrustworthy, and incompetent sleazeballs.

3.) Their sleaziness often costs me twice the money.

4.) Their incompetence costs me twice the time.

5.) The whole experience is more often than not very stressful.

5.) I can't concentrate when they are here working so this is a huge imposition on my time affecting my income.


Obviously my very good construction experience was followed by a very bad one and I am processing. Processing helps me not to seek revenge, and therefore, put myself in the line of fire. I've been shopping for a gun. Well, to clarify, this latest construction worker was a master manipulator and come to find out, a convicted felon. I was warned by the police not to mess with him. Great. I'm trying very hard to fly low and avoid being a target, but I'd really rather rip this smug, condescending, arrogant, ignorant slimeball a new asshole and report him to the powers than be. The Labor and Industries representative said if I report him for ruining my roof eaves with a lousy paint job they will fine him $1,000 for every address I can provide because he isn't a licensed contractor. I know of four addresses he's worked at. I can find more in this little town. Every time I see his truck out in front of a neighbor's house I wonder if he's pretended to know what he's doing with them, too. Yeah, I know. Out of all the people I hired or got quotes from this summer, he's the only one whose license I thought I checked but didn't. Damn. I've been bad mouthing his name all over town. If he shows up at my house unhappy with my anti-recommendations, I want to be armed. Besides, I'm American. Guns R Us.

But a gun isn't going to help me if he chooses to seek the ultimate revenge. What would the ultimate revenge be? What am I most afraid of? Perfume. Cologne. My greatest fear is if he completely understood the ramifications of perfume exposure and throws perfume on me or on my property. I find that so strange that is my greatest fear. Let him beat the crap out of me or shoot me with a gun, but perfume exposure scares the bejeebies out of me. I'm sure this is totally incomprehensible to the average, non-chemically sensitive. I'm hoping as sleazy as he is, he's also not real smart and he didn't register or understand the seriousness of my fragrance-free requests. One of his workers smelled like a toxic waste dump and I told him to get off my property.


So what to do? Continue to lay low or demand my money back and deal with whatever repercussions come flying my way?


I decided I needed some kind of divine intervention so I checked online to find out who is the patron saint of construction. Saint Barbara.

BARBARA?

BARBARA?

Wow.  I should have known. Barbara was the name of my evil babysitter. Barbara was the name of that ugly doll I hated and gave to my little brother in hopes he would tear her head off. (I named her after my evil babysitter.)  Barbara was the name of my wicked stepmother. I have bad Barbara karma, too.

I am so DOOMED...