The Pause: Sequel to The Curse

Menopause. Another one of God's cruel jokes. This word should strike terror in the hearts of young women, but youth tends to shield us from the horrors of life as we skip along believing we are immortal and will never suffer the torment of hot flashes, homicidal rages, suicidal depression, panic attacks, and dried-up vaginas. And from what I've read, those are just of the few highlights.

Try to anticipate what one might experience in the later years and you are met with vague theories and little support from the medical community.  Surprising since menopause has been around since the beginning of human existence. Medicine has been dominated by men for most of history so this really shouldn't be a surprise at all. What I have heard is women normally go through menopause in their 50s and it normally lasts for about two years. OK, that's nice. And what about those of us who would be considered abnormal? One doctor told me he had a patient who didn't go through menopause until she was in her 80s and another told me the hell can last up to ten years. Oh, great.

I have also been told the best indication of your impending experience is your mother. Whatever her experience was, yours will be similar. This is much like the so-called hereditary factors in diseases. Is it really hereditary or is it a common diet and environment? Unfortunately, my mother died when she was 34 years old so if my longevity has anything to do with heredity, I am doomed! I think it should be part of the licensing requirements for parents that mothers must impart this knowledge onto their daughters before they die, if at all possible. If the mother doesn't survive to menopause, then that responsibility should fall on the maternal grandmother. My grandmother didn't impart any knowledge on me, but when she was alive I was young and immortal. I probably wouldn't have listened. I now wish she would have FORCED me to listen!

What are the physiological reasons for these often debilitating symptoms? Besides hormonal imbalances caused by your body disintegrating, no one seems to know. No one knows what causes hot flashes, although between 75 and 85 percent of women have them. Ten percent are incapacitated by them and that leaves about 25 percent of all menopausal women who don't experience them at all. Yet no one knows what causes hot flashes? Hormone replacement therapy is a huge, money-making business for the medical community so why would anyone care about something that might affect their bottom line?

Anytime someone tells me no one knows, my brain screams CHEMICALS! No one knows? Really? No one has figured this out in, oh, 2,000 years?

I've heard of women who go through menopause much earlier than normal due to chemical exposures. One was chemically sensitive due to a pesticide exposure. The other worked for a photocopying company and became incredibly ill due to the photocopying chemicals. Both went through menopause when they were in their thirties. I wonder about my thyroid and adrenal fatigue issues? Are these hormones imbalanced because of my chemical exposure history? That's my guess, especially since I'm already convinced autoimmune diseases are caused by chemicals and my thyroid issues are autoimmune-related.

So as I crept closer and closer to The Pause, I wondered: Would my experience be much worse because I am chemically sensitive to even small amounts of chemicals in everyday, household products, or would my symptoms be less since I avoid chemicals as much as possible. Will I be part of the lucky twenty-five percent of women who never have hot flashes or will my hot flashes be so crippling I'll need to take hormone replacement drugs? My diet is much cleaner than the average, normal American woman, too, devoid of soda pop, caffeine, and processed foods. When I first gave up caffeine all my PMS symptoms went away so maybe I won't have menopause symptoms? I also don't smoke, drink alcohol, do recreational drugs, or put chemicals on my body. I've pondered this for years, eagerly anticipating the conclusion of this life's experiment to find out if all my lifestyle restrictions will finally pay off.

Today I have not had a period for exactly one year, so by definition I am officially in the throes of menopause. My fall from grace, or rather, youth, started about a year and a half ago. First, on and off periods. One every two weeks to two months lasting anywhere from two days to two weeks. Then about six months later for three weeks I had hot flashes. Maybe one or two during the day and every time I would awake during the night. Not to bad either. Hot, but tolerable. OK! I thought,  I can do this! During the winter months I kind of liked them keeping me toasty. I prefer the hot flashes to the cold flashes. Cold flashes are really nasty, but I have only had a few.

The worst thing about the hot flashes is they made me feel damaged. Less than optimum. Hey, my body is decaying! I don't feel obligated to be happy about it just because this is a normal, natural process and a part of aging. It's still embarrassing. (I was also embarrassed about The Curse, too. Bleeding uncontrollably for a week was not my idea of a good time.) I've watched as friends and perfect strangers, grocery checkers and store clerks stop mid-sentence to erratically fan themselves and scream, "OH! GOD! OH! GOD! ANOTHER HOT FLASH". They start stripping off their clothes right there in public. If they didn't make such a huge production out of it, I don't think I nor anyone else in the vicinity would have noticed.  I don't care if I feel like I'm about to explode, I am determined no one is going to know if I have a hot flash. I'm going to ignore it and hope no one notices if I'm burning red hot and dripping sweat.

After three weeks the hot flashes went away only to return, again, four months later. Still relatively mild and most often at night. I say they are mild because I've read about women who wake up so drenched in sweat they must change their nightclothes and sheets in the middle of the night. Or they pass out. I have felt so hot it gets my attention, but at night I don't even have to strip naked or use a fan.

These new hot flashes, however, were preceded by adrenaline rushes. Have you ever had an adrenaline rush when startled? These are more intense, like a prickly, almost painful nerve sensation that starts in the middle of my body (where the adrenal glands are located) and spreads outward all the way to my fingers and toes.  If I'm not fully awake when it starts, I am definitely wide awake by the time it reaches my extremities. Thankfully, it only takes a minute to run its course. I have found little documentation and fewer theories on what causes this, but my assumption is my cortisol is low at night and my body needs to jump start itself in order the have a hot flash. The adrenaline rushes are worse than the hot flashes. They are, however, only at night and only when I wake up in the night. If I am stressed out and waking up often, I'd have them as often. On occasion I'd have a hot flash in the late afternoon, but rarely and without an adrenaline rush. According to tests, my cortisol levels are fine in the afternoon.

Eating any kind of high glycemic food tends to bring on rush-and-flash episodes more often and more intensely. I don't eat sugar, but even a handful of dates will do the trick. Does this coincide with blood sugar levels blamed for middle of the night wakings? Maybe. It makes me wonder if a high carbohydrate diet is responsible for those really intense menopause symptoms I read about. If I gave up dried fruits and rice completely, would ALL my symptoms go away?

I'm thankful I haven't experienced mood swings, panic attacks, skin sensitivities, brain fog, urinary incontinence, or palpitations. I haven't passed out either. Irritability and bitchiness...we'll that's a normal part of being chemically sensitive. It hasn't changed or intensified so I think I'm OK. Knock on wood. I think I'm getting off really easy. Is it the sweetener-free, dairy-free, gluten-free, almost-grain-free, junk food-free, caffeine-free, alcohol-free, and drug-free diet with a chemical-free life? Maybe.

Online websites and articles on menopause-symptom-relief diets suggest avoiding or reducing your intake of caffeine, alcohol, sugar, high-fat foods, high-sodium, hot foods and carbohydrates. Few advise to eliminate them all together. I think they must be afraid to state absolutes for fear the brains of junk food addicts will shut down just thinking about it. If three dried dates can intensify my experience, how can eating the above foods even in small amounts help anyone? I guess these articles are targeting those eating a typical American diet of processed, carbonated, caffeinated, salted, deep-fried, sweetened dishes and any reduction would help. No mention of chemically-induced menopausal symptoms and no suggestion to eliminate everyday poisons like perfumes or scented products.


Foods on the approved list are fruits, vegetables, good fats, calcium-rich foods, iron-rich foods, protein at breakfast, and lots of water. Sounds like the diet I'm on. Some websites also suggest eating tofu which is high in phytoestrogens which mimic estrogen, but I've always heard soy is the number one food everyone should avoid since it is genetically modified and potentially toxic. Anyone with breast cancer in their family history should avoid soy as well as those little genetically modified cells do strange things to breast cells. So creepy. Another site said to eat chocolate. As soon as I read that I lost all confidence and respect for the knowledge they pretended to have. The Internet is full of quacks.

Of course, my menopausal experience is not over. The normal two years isn't up and since I consider myself abnormal, this might be off and on for the next twenty years! Will it get worse before it's all over? I don't have a clue. Still, I'm feeling fortunate. I'm hoping to by-pass the mandatory ten pound weight gain, too. And maybe my boobs won't ever hang down to my knees? Wishful thinking.

I hate getting old.

It sucks.