I've Been Cheated...

Since writing my last post on menopause I've been questioning my attitude on womanhood.


WHY have I been embarrassed to be a woman all my life?

WHY has the monthly curse been a source of shame?

WHY am I not greeting menopause with unbridled enthusiasm and naked dancing eager to celebrate how wise I will be in my elder years?


So I started reading. It seems women have been oppressed for centuries most often due to male-dominant religions and the idea that the "weaker sex" needed to be managed and their knowledge and power harnessed. If a woman refused to keep her mouth shut or refused to be an obedient, passive wife and subservient subordinate, a good burning at the stake was the remedy. Nothing like the fear of God to justify violence against someone needing to be controlled. The sexuality of women has been condemned and repressed at every opportune moment in history, but older women have really paid the price.

Hags, witches, and crones are the undesirables of past mythologies who still infiltrated our basic beliefs with their stereotypical cackling, cursing, poisonous gifts, and lack of sanctifying beauty. They were not only thought of as fearful, but disgusting. Although this is our historical legacy, not much has changed. Fast forward to modern civilization. It's not good to LOOK old let alone BE old. I was raised with shame and repressed sexuality, hiding my femaleness and dishonoring my womanhood in a culture still contaminated by past male-dominated views.

 

I knew this. I've been reading about feminism and women's spirituality traditions for years. Girls rule; boys drool. Girl Power. Long live Gloria Steinem. I get it and I know I should be proud of who I am. So why have I personally perpetuated sexism with my archaic attitudes toward my own body? Why has it taken me so long to recognize this self-inflicted injustice? And what I want to know...why in the hell did I not get a Menstrual Ceremonial Rite?

Ceremonial rites celebrating a young girl's transformation into womanhood are a tradition of indigenous cultures. It's a multi-generational gathering of women honoring the beginning menstrual cycles of younger initiates. It's a girls-only party to share and pass on learned wisdom which encourages strength and gender pride. Why was I denied my right to be proud of my sexuality?

Oh, I remember now. My mother died before I reached puberty and to say my step-mother was incompetent at parenting is an understatement. Lack of a female role model is a convenient excuse, but not good enough. Why don't I remember any of my friends getting Menstrual Ceremonial Rites? I'm sure their mothers had the "birds and the bees" talks with them, but I certainly don't remember any coming of age parties and definitely nothing remotely resembling a ceremony or grandmother-mother-daughter bonding ritual with women of all ages holding hands, lighting candles, and honoring the transformation of a young girl. I was discreetly handed a book and warned, "You might find this interesting." Actually, it was incredibly boring. I had already found my grandfather's stash of pornography literature so I had a basic idea of how things worked and believe me, his books were much more interesting than some scientific manual on conception. I so regret not having a positive woman role model in my life to make me feel strong and proud to be female. Perhaps this is why I am greeting old age with such disdain?

Although menstruation is over, my life isn't. I won't be cheated out of a Proud-To-Be-A-Woman Ceremonial Ritual.

Hey, I see it clearly now. My eyes have been opened. Maybe this is that wisdom everyone claims with old age?


How did your mother teach you about sexuality? Did you get "the talk", a book to read, or a ceremony? Did she make you feel proud to be a woman? Or was it quiet, secretive and shameful?