Work

Work and being productive is a basic human need and intrinsic to human dignity. It makes us feel valuable, exercises both mind and body, and if we are really lucky, provides security in the form of income. Don't confuse work with job as the former is productivity of any kind and a job is "work for hire" or a responsibility that provides money. Not really the same, but for many it is.

Jobs are great. They pay the bills, keep food on the table, and a roof over your head. Careers are better as the stability guarantees the food and the roof for a longer time. We, as humans, can put up with a lot of drudgery and soul-sucking hell for that stability, dragging ourselves out of bed each morning, suffering any number of indignities as we trudge through each day desperately counting down each hour until the weekend. People who cheer THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY have jobs. This can be work at its worst.

I've worked at jobs most of my life. I often had two jobs at the same time: one for money and one for fun. At one point I had four part-time jobs at the same time. I liked the variety and they were all fun, but part-time usually means no benefits or no insurance. Subsequently I was drawn back to the rat race. I sacrificed authenticity and satisfaction for misery. A high price to pay for income and benefits. All of my jobs were customer service or people-oriented.

When I became chemically sensitive I lost all ability to work with people. I found myself directionless. What do I do now? All past experience and familiar options were forbidden. At one point I was in a store talking to friends telling them how difficult the adjustment was going from four jobs to nothing. One of them said, "Maybe that was the point. The universe is telling you to take a rest." Hmmm...I did. I had no choice.

I was unemployed for about two years and considered disabled so I didn't qualify for unemployment benefits. Time constantly felt like it was running out. Homelessness loomed over my head like a big, black cloud as I watched my bank account dwindle to nothing. During that time I worked. I kept busy. To not be productive was unimaginable as I would have gone crazy with stress and worry. Work kept my mind off my problems and made me feel like I was doing something to move forward. When I wasn't cleaning, reorganizing, or redecorating my home, I wrote letters to various organizations about MCS and researched information on anything of interest. I even volunteered for friends. For one, I wrapped all her Christmas presents and decorated her house with holiday cheer. Another I did her gardening, and another I cut little squares of fabric for her quilting projects. I also helped several people move. I worked full-time all the while brainstorming ways I could turn my unemployment activities to income.

During this unemployment phase, I met with job counselors. Most of them were useless. One wanted me to be a professional babysitter. HA! The ultimate nightmare! Their ignorance of my situation was incredibly frustrating. Job search is challenging all by itself, but job search with lots of restrictions is worse. Not knowing what to do for work is frightening.

I've always heard the perfect job involves doing something you love. I used to take this literally yet wondered how I could turn my hobbies into income. It's not as easy as it sounds. How many people who love to sing or act become famous? How many people who paint make money? How many people can create a mega-business with home projects like Martha Stewart? Dreams don't always translate to money. Now that I'm older and wiser I'm finally figuring out it's not necessarily things you love, but to question how you work best. What kind of work do you love to do that excites your very soul and makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning. This soul-searching isn't easy but it could be the difference between a job you hate and work you love. Making something happen takes a whole lot of work, time, and commitment. When the going gets tough or the money in the bank starts to disappear, many want to give up. Giving up on a new career is easy if you aren't chemically sensitive or disabled as falling back on previous experience is an option.

I spent most of my youth ignoring my dreams and focusing on what would make me money. I choose my college major based on prospective income and security while ignoring my true needs. I interviewed for jobs that were prestigious rather than doing what I would have enjoyed. I ignored who I was and instead focused on who I thought I should be. I wonder how my life would have turned out if I chased dreams instead of money? A lot of those dreams involved chemicals. Would the satisfaction of doing something I loved negated future chemical sensitivity, or would I have been doomed just as easily?

Who knows? All I can do is live my life the best of my ability and keep working today toward a better tomorrow.