The Chemicals of Sex

For this post on sex I decided to find the best possible source for information: an adult sex store. There is one located near the food co-op where I do my organic shopping. It's just off the freeway in this sleazy-looking, window-less building in the middle of a beat-up parking lot overgrown with weeds. I notice it everytime I shop, but I was never sure if it was an abandoned building or in business. There is a big warehouse attached to it. Hmmm...Curious. My imagination tends to run wild. Needless to say, I was a little apprehensive about the visit.

When I pulled into the parking lot I counted the number of vehicles ...three... and thought, I hope those cars don't belong to perverts lurking in dark corners hoping for an easy victim. Never mind what the place might smell like with all those scented lubricants. Or air fresheners used to try to purify the place of human body odor. But I was on a mission...

Don't get me wrong, I'm really not prudish. In the past I have shopped at such stores, but it was years ago and I was accompanied by a very strapping, young gentleman-friend who had a fetish for sex toys. He believe everyone woman should have her own supply. At the time, it was fun, safe, educational, and a whole other world of entertainment.


Shortly after our shopping extravaganza, we broke up. Feeling guilty like I had illegal contraband and convinced the FBI, CIA, EPA and FDA knew it, I sealed all my sex toys in multiple bags, drove to a public garbage can located fifty miles away, looked around to make sure no one was watching, and tossed them in. I was so afraid I'd die before I got the deed done and someone would find my stash of sex toys. Heck, even after I got the deed done I thought for sure someone would find the bag of goodies covered in my fingerprints and trace them back to me!

So here I am many years later standing outside a sex shop feeling virginal and vulnerable. The thought of walking in alone was intimidating. I prepared myself like an actress about to go on stage and marched right in with a practiced demeanor of confidence and experience. I discreetly cased the joint: a big room of videos on the right, the counter on the left, and in the back was a small room where I was sure they kept the nasty stuff. That's where I wanted to be. No one in the shop except the guy at the counter. I smelled the place. No stink at all. The Counter Boy looked barely old enough to work there, kind of wholesome and sweet, so I approached, "Can I do some research?

"You mean in the back room?"

I must have looked bewildered as he pointed to a small, dark hall off the video room. What?! Back room? Hell, no. I was certain that's where the perverts were lurking.

"No, I'm just wanting to look at some of your products, read labels, do research, write a blog post."

"Yeah, sure."

"Thanks"

Sex Toys I felt like a detective on an investigation. I interrogated the sex toys first. The labels stated they were hygienically superior with nothing to substantiate the claim. I wanted verification so I questioned Counter Boy. He said sex toys used to be made with rubber or latex. Rubber breaks down too easily. Ah ha! The hygienically inferior. And too many people are allergic to latex. He said some accessories are made with the same material as fishing bait, a soft, wiggly plastic, but they are harder to find now. I pictured pink florescent wiggly worms hanging off a hook. I didn't see how this would be conducive to romantic inclinations, but in an attempt to conceal my ignorance and maintain my disguise, I didn't ask.  I concluded plastic, besides being toxic, is hygienically inferior.  I was really impressed with Counter Boy's knowledge. 

Silicone is now the lesser of evils and the safest and strongest material. If you were to implant these toys in your breasts you may end up with Silicone Immune Toxicity Syndrome. The symptoms read like any chemical poisoning: multiple chemical sensitivity, muscle inflammation, joint pain, fatigue, weakness, anxiety, depression, memory loss, etc. Breast implants, however, were made with liquid silicone. This made them susceptible to leakage causing silicone poisoning rather than solid, more stable forms of silicone. I don't know if this makes a difference, but if you want a stash of sex toys, silicone would be the lesser of evils. The Diva Cup could be considered a sex toy!

Nothing Says Love Like Motor Oil.

Lubricants Next I checked out the lubricants which were locked in a glass case that served as the counter. There was a choice between plain, flavored and warming. Most of them had the same toxic ingredients: hydroyethylcellulose, sodium benzoate, propylene glycol (PEG), glycerine, and EDTA. The flavored lubricants had saccharin added, and the active ingredients of warming lubricants are niacin, menthyl paraben or CAFFEINE! Well, I already know caffeine is evil, but I didn't know it made genitalia warm and toasty. Of course, PEG will cause burning like the fires of hell but I don't think that's what they mean by warming. Counter Boy also said a lot of people use motor oil for lubricant, after all, it's just petroleum or Vaseline. Yes, people are really that stupid. Or creative.

K-Y Jelly is made with the same basic, toxic ingredients although the box advertises it as "fragrance-free".

Tantra manuals suggest olive oil as the best lubricant as it is the most natural and easily assimilated into the body so the least likely to create health problems, but what a mess it would make.

Condoms  Condoms are made with three different kinds of materials: polyurethane, latex, and lamb skin. Lamb skin is most natural, most hypoallergenic, but doesn't guard against sexually transmitted diseases. Polyurethane condoms are plastics so they are not only toxic, but they break easily. Counter boy told me he has a friend who is allergic to latex and if exposed, his boy parts painfully swell and develop a rash. With strong doses of steroids, it takes about a week to recover and he'd rather suffer the misery of latex poisoning than have the polyurethane condoms break all the time. I think that is admirably responsible. However, less than 1% of the general population are allergic to latex so it is the lesser of evils.

Spermicides  Counter Boy also told me condoms no longer come coated with spermicides because so many women are sensitive to nonoxyl-9 the most commonly used spermicide for everything. This was fascinating to me as one of my first serious chemical reactions was to contraceptive sponges. I always assumed it was the spermicide, but never knew for sure. It's interesting how we think we are the only one on the planet with these experiences and here I'm being told by a young man behind a sex shop counter that bad reactions to the same spermicide are common.

Vinegar was used as spermicide in the days before chemicals. I think vinegar is good for killing nearly anything, but I don't know if I'd depend on it as a form of birth control.

I asked Counter Boy if I could take pictures. He smiled and said, "No."

I asked him if there were any chemically-free products. He smiled and said, "No."

I thanked him for being so informative, helpful and not a pervert, and I left feeling accomplished and newly educated on the chemicals of sex. Whew!

Birth Control Besides spermicides and condoms, I cover this briefly under the post titled, "Girl Stuff." In summary, contraceptive sponges are poisonous and birth control pills are, well,  reliable. If one plans to have sex and doesn't want to be popping out babies non-stop, birth control is smart even if it might be hazardous to your health.

Sex Perfumes I recently read a book called The Cookie Book by Maritza Breitenbach. It's about female genitalia with all kinds of vagina information and awesome art. In the chapter on smell, or rather, vaginal aroma, the author also discusses the money-making perfume industry and how manufacturers use smells based on sex in their perfumes.  The perfume Miss Dior by Christian Dior smells like sweaty armpits and Black Orchid by Tom Ford smells like a man's crotch. Or Jicky and Shalimar were scented with vaginal and anal smells. Eeeeewww, gross!  Who wants to smell like armpit, man-crotch or butt?

In Germany, bottled vaginal fluid is quite the rage. So weird. Wasn't it in that book Even Cowgirls Get the Blues by Tom Robbins where one of the characters used vaginal fluid as perfume and demonstrates how to apply it in front of an audience? She claimed it is a better man-magnet than any perfume on the market. That scene has been seared on my brain for years. I bet one could make a lot of money being a provider of vaginal fluid. Great idea for self-employment. And just think, you could work from home in a fragrance-free environment!   

Although I much prefer the idea that natural substances are being used for perfume instead of deadly chemicals, it still doesn't make me want to run out to buy real human body fluids and put them on my skin. That just screams unsanitary...or insanity. You choose.

Does anyone know of other non-toxic alternatives?