Strategies for Despair

It's not easy when it feels like the world is attacking us. We feel lousy, we wonder how we will ever survive, and we question whether we really want to live a life when we feel so physically miserable, depressed, alone, and hopeless. Most of us have felt this way at some point in our chemical sensitivity journey. If we share some of the strategies that have gotten us through tough times, it may help those who are currently struggling. What do you do to keep your spirits up, your attitudes positive, and your hope alive?

Here are some things I have done:

Reduce the Load Depression is a symptom of chemical poisoning. The chemicals imbalance our brains making us feel irrational and hopeless. I did everything possible to reduce the chemical load in my system by avoiding chemicals and detoxing poisons. In reducing the load, I began to feel better.

Check Food Allergies Food allergies can do a number on your brain. When I gave up wheat and tomatoes, within a week I had this very bizarre feeling of contentment wash over me. It was astounding. The most common food allergies are: wheat, dairy, rice, soy, shellfish, peanuts, strawberries, and nightshades. Some of these allergens have delayed reactions so if you do an elimination test to determine your response, be sure to give each food at least a two-day reaction time. As I've mentioned before, caffeine is a mood killer for me: chocolate, coffee, tea.

Live in the Moment I tend to be a global thinker. This means I can take a moment in time expand it to include the world and visualize this moment extending far into future. I could see the horror of the rest of my life, never to improve, misery compounded, and getting worse for the next fifty years. Doom. Gloom. It helped to step back from all the negativity and ask every now and then, "How do I feel right now at this very moment?" Ninety-nine percent of the time, I felt fine and that made me feel better. I would relax. Even if I wasn't feeling physically great there were good things happening: food in the fridge, roof over my head, car still running, able to walk. Life changes. How many of us knew even ten years ago our lives would be like this? Who is to say they will be like this in the next twenty years? Ten years? Five years? What is that saying? The only thing constant is change. So the only thing that counts is right this second. Heck, a plane could hit my house in the next minute. Why worry too much about the future?

Find Perspective Global thinking has its advantages. Life is bigger than my meager existence.

The transition from living a normal life to accepting chemical sensitivity is the most difficult phase. We watch our neighbors doing things we wish we could do; we listen to our friends talk about their lives and we feel cheated. Envy is debilitating and creates a cycle of self-pity and despair. As our isolation grows, we become self-absorbed, seeing only our situation and forgetting there is a whole world full of suffering. Chemically sensitive people always compare themselves to their former lives, when in fact, they really should be comparing their situation within the bigger picture.  There are far more situations way worse than being chemically sensitive.

I read Holocaust survivor books. Compared to their stories, my life is exceptionally wonderful. I've never been tortured, starved, used for medical experiments, or watched my children slaughtered. I've never been forced to remove all my clothes and lay on top of a mountain of dead people waiting for my turn to be executed. So many of these Jewish people survived against all odds. When I read these stories I think what am I whining about? I've got it easy! Warning: Holocaust survivor stories will give you nightmares and imprint on your brain images you wish you could unread.

I just read a book on the Hatfield-McCoy Feud. I can't imagine living in constant fear that my neighbors are going to kill me or my children. I don't live in a country at war either, and I am not living with domestic violence.

Another option is to read about all the other health conditions far worse than ours and there are many.  I don't know how many times I've said I am thankful I don't have that.

OK, maybe I read too much, but it gives me perspective. I don't live alone in this world and all my experiences are relative to everyone else's. Even those who are experiencing situations you might consider way worse than yours, they are still coping and many of them continue to live with hope.  Be grateful for what you have. Count your blessings.

Practice The Secret If you don't know what this is, find a copy of the video in your local library. The book is by Rhonda Byrne and she narrates the video. I preferred the video for inspiration. It's all about being grateful for what you have, asking for what you want, and maintaining a positive attitude. It is said as soon as you know about it, suddenly you start meeting people or hearing about others who are doing it. It's true. All that gratitude is a bit overwhelming at first. It feels like you are lying. But the more you do it, the better it feels. (This is a rare case when more is better!)

Live in a Fantasy World  This is very much related to the Secret, a mix of meditation and visualization. Lie, lie, lie to your brain. Be positive. Imagine another life. Visualize wonderful things. This isn't "I wish I could..., I wish I was..." or you'll just start feeling sorry for yourself.  Immerse yourself in another life and dream.

Be an Activist When I first became chemically sensitive, I wanted to understand, then I wanted to share my understanding because I was convinced if people were educated, the world would change and the newly enlightened would stop poisoning me. Being busy made me feel like I was doing something positive for myself. A way to move forward. I researched, followed blogs, wrote articles, wrote letters to politicians, wrote letters to Oprah (HA! I did!), joined support groups, talked with anyone who would listen, and searched for people who shared my experiences. I became a home-bound activist. Some people start their own MCS blogs or websites so they can share all the information they've been gathering. Having a blog or website is very time consuming, but it does just that - it consumes you. Being busy made me feel productive. If you aren't part of the solution, you are part of the problem. I was determined to be part of the solution. Being bored gave me too much time to think about how miserable I felt.

Exercise in Fresh Air  This is really hard if you feel lousy, but if you have just a little energy exercise raises your endorphins and makes you feel good. I used to go to a deserted beach and walk barefoot in sand while breathing in the fresh air. I collected shells and looked at sea life. Other times I'd take myself to a large, deserted park during the week. Too tired to walk, I'd just sit in nature admiring the beauty of it all. I always made sure to find some place with the cleanest air possible so I could breathe deeply. This year I plan to have an ocean adventure at least once a month. Acknowledging the beauty in nature makes you appreciative of life.

Find Laughter  Make a point to watch television sitcoms, romantic comedy movies, and comedy routines. Read hilarious fiction, joke books, poetry, and short stories. Anything that will make you laugh out loud and feel good.  For instance, here is a comedian and her troupe of women I just discovered: Katie Goodman and Broad Comedy. I laughed so hard! Check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sdn3O6aaMNc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CQg9f7z9eg

Sing  Find yourself a theme song and sing it all the time. Singing is incredibly therapeutic. I don't mean you need to be able to carry a tune or perform in front of people. Just sing. If you aren't ready to sing, hum or whistle and move up to singing when you're ready. Pick a song with a good, positive message that will lift your spirits and sing it whenever you need a lift. Or in the shower, in the garage, while laying in bed or while walking. My favorite theme song: Sunny Side to Every Situation, from the musical 42nd Street. (Stay tuned for lyrics.)

Plan an Adventure  Planning a trip is always a mental consumption and computers make planning easy. Information at our fingertips. I don't mean a safe little vacation that takes no preparation. I'm talking about an adventure! Hitchhike across the USA, safari in Africa, backpacking through jungles, cycle around the world, sail across an ocean. The planning alone would take your mind off everyday life. Pre-MCS, I traveled a lot. I know I can no longer get on a plane and if I think about it too much I feel pathetically sorry for myself.  But I think I figured out a way to get to Europe by driving! This gives me hope and makes me very excited!

Help Others This isn't always easy when we can't be around other people who might poison us.  Do things within your limits. Volunteer from home, contribute to support groups and blogs, make gifts for people, cook for people who can't cook for themselves, sew clothes for foster children or children in third world countries. Whatever your strengths or hobbies are, volunteer them. I used to do all kinds of things for my full-time working, fragrance-free friends. Once I cut a friend's squares for quilting; another I wrapped all her Christmas gifts for her, and another I packed her whole house for moving. I've always thought about volunteering for a help line. Many help lines you can do from your own phone. Helping others gives life a feeling of satisfaction and purpose.

Find Support Do you have family and/or friends who are understanding? Not everyone has support at home or at their jobs. Find people who will support you. Surround yourself with positive spirits. At least 15-17% of the population have multiple chemical sensitivity. That's a whole lot of us with a whole lot of understanding. Can't find support? Start your own support group online or in your own area.  Or become your own pen pal. Write letters to an imaginary friend and imagine how they would counsel you. Write back to yourself and send it in the mail. Send yourself some cards and flowers while you're at it! I always thought it would be fun to start a letter writing support group. Letter writing is a lost art. Wouldn't it be fun to get cards and letters in the mail telling us to keep up the fight?

These ideas won't work for everyone, but hopefully they will inspire you to find what motivates and makes you happy. 

Make a list of all the things that make you happy.

Brainstorm a list of all the activities you can do to stay positive.

Do you have strategies for despair you'd like to share?